You Are (Still) Insane
by AmyBot3000
Summary: Follows Gail and Holly's mostly unseen story throughout season five. An alternate ending to the actual Rookie Blue S5 though.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Hello, welcome back to anyone who's read You Are Insane. If you haven't read it, but you're familiar with the Gail/Holly story you'll be just fine... But like, totally read it, because I was really proud of it, kay? I started writing this back when RB was airing, but then Gail/Holly went weird and I sort of lost the feeling. Also, special thanks to Tofu9162, I went for the brackets.

* * *

If there's something Gail Peck has learnt in the past 24 hours it's that life can throw you curveball after curveball, but each time one goes rocketing past it's still unexpected. The cold metal of the hospital vending machine presses against her forehead and she lets out a sigh, because another one of lifes curveballs is throwing her off balance.

The machine ate her quarter.

She would laugh, and thinks maybe she should, because losing a quarter to a machine should not be causing what feels like the beginnings of a mental breakdown. All she wanted was one coffee and one tea. Now, thanks to the missing quarter, she needs to choose between a coffee for herself or a tea for Holly and really, when would that _ever_ have been a difficult decision before. It's the before that's throwing her off, before she would have brought the coffee, gone back to Holly and told her even the machines are against dirty hot leaf water. This is after the before though, this is the now, where Holly is aware of her feelings and she's aware of Holly's, and now she needs to stop being so much like herself whilst at the same time being herself.

Gail closes her eyes. The beginnings of a headache is pulling at her temples, because she can't even begin to try and solve the mystery of how much of herself to maintain and how much to change to be the person Holly deserves tonight.

She lets out a sigh and pushes the button at the bottom of the list marked tea.

* * *

"Hey," Holly takes the hot polystyrene cup out of her hands. "I thought you were getting a coffee?"

"Yeah, well, apparently having a killer after us wasn't enough for the universe, it had to turn the machines against us as well." She's well aware that she's pouting when she sits back into the plastic chair next to Holly.

"What?"

"Nothing, no news?"

"No, there's nothing on any of them yet. Your brother keeps looking at me funny though." The brunette nods towards where Steve's standing in the corner of the room, looking anywhere but where the two of them are sitting, and Gail feels a sudden panic in her stomach.

"Funny? Funny how? Funny as in who are you or funny as in are you sleeping with my sister?" Holly lurches forwards, coughing on the tea she had been swallowing.

"Gail!" Holly wipes her hand across her mouth and Gail finds herself relaxing when dark eyes look into hers, a few strands of hair falling loose across her face. Without thinking she raises a hand and pushes the strands back behind her ear, her thumb dragging across the brunettes cheek. The clench of her stomach when Holly closes her eyes and leans into the touch is unexpected, but she likes it and can't help stroking her thumb across the soft skin again.

A cold blast of night air from the opening hospital doors breaks her attention and she pulls her hand away from Holly's cheek. She casts her eyes feverishly around the room to see if anyone noticed the moment they had just shared. The only person she sees is Steve staring straight at her.

* * *

"So, you and the mortuary girl then." Gail almost drops the quarter on the ground. She doesn't turn to face her brother, instead she quickly pushes the money into the coin slot before some other catastrophe keeps her away from the coffee she knows is stored inside.

"Her name's Holly." She pushes the coffee button and hears the machine start whirling, she's not sure how she restrains herself from fist pumping when  
the liquid starts pouring into the cup.

"Yeah, I know, Holly, Dr Ho-lly Stew-ar-t," he over pronunciates each part of her name and leans on the machine so he can see her. "She suits you."

"I don't know what you-"

"Gail, are you really going to try this?" His eyebrow quirks up in an entirely _Steve_ kind of way, but all his expression does is rekindle her denial.

"Yes, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right, so you didn't forfeit a cup of coffee earlier to buy Holly's drink?"

"How did you-"

"Look, shiny badge, has detective on it." He waves his badge in front of her and she fights the urge to take it off him and throw it down the hallway.

"You're an ass, and that is circumstantial at best."

"Then how about," his smile falls, and his eyes suddenly have that odd deep look they get after he's had one too many whiskeys. "How about the fact she made you smile."

"What?"

"When she came in, she didn't even say anything, but she made you smile."

Gail lets out a sigh of defeat, the headache from early is starting to pull at her temples again, so really what choice does she have, but to admit it. "She makes me happy."

"I know, I can tell already." There's a brief silence between them and Gail turns to stand next to Steve, leaning her head back against the machine. "It's ok you know? With me, I'm happy that Holly makes you happy, and that you're happy being happy together."

"Oh God, are we really going to do this? Now?" She turns her head to face him.

"And I know that I'm not au fait with what you're going through exactly." He pauses and his eyes get that deep look again, "But I'll listen if you want to talk or we can just get very drunk together if you don't."

"I don't really know what's going on right now, so maybe the second option."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She looks down when she feels the tears prickling at her eyes.

"Not tonight though kiddo, there's nothing else you can do here, go get changed and head home ok? I'll call you if there's any news." She pushes away from the machine and has starts making her way back to reception when she hears him call out behind her. "Or you know, go to Holly's, braid each others hair, watch some chick flicks or whatever it is you two do when you're alone." She flips him off over her shoulder as she continues walking away.

* * *

**A/N**: The next chapter picks up straight after this one, should be up some time next week. For my previous story followers things with toast girl have gone south... She's changing jobs and moving, which means we are no more D: She has my contact details now though... So it's up to her (and it makes my heart hurt).


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: I've become slightly obsessed with Hyrule Warriors, and I've started shipping Impa and Zelda, which is new.

Thanks for the reviews, follows and PM's. You're all rather lovely.

* * *

"Hey, we're leaving." Gail doesn't wait for Holly as she strides past her in the waiting room, heading straight for the exit.

The doors open automatically and the cold night air prickles at her face, she doesn't turn to see if the brunette is following her, she just needs out of the building. She's barely made it to the car park when she hears Holly shout out behind her.

"Hey, Gail, wait." She stops to let Holly catch up, taking a sip from the coffee she'd just managed to pry from the machine, it tastes disgusting, but she needs the caffeine boost. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Yeah fine, I just need to get changed and drop the car off at the station. I'll see you at yours." Holly's hand grips onto her arm to stop her walking away.

"Wait, do you want me to come with you?"

"No." She pulls her arm free of Holly's grip and then shuts her eyes at the instant feeling of guilt pooling in her stomach. Shaking her head, she turns back to face her. "Sorry, I didn't-"

"Gail, hey, it's ok, I know." Holly's hands come up to rest on either side of her arms, thumbs rubbing across the fabric of her jacket. "I need to drop the car back off at the lab anyway, I didn't technically _tell_ anyone I was taking one."

Gail doesn't know what else to do other than lean forwards and kiss the brunette. Holly's lips move against hers slowly and she lets out a content sigh when her hands come up to the sides of her face, thumbs stroking against her gently. She's not sure she'll ever get used to how understanding Holly is, how she can just take her sudden mood swings in her stride and she doesn't think she'll ever get used to the feeling of Holly's lips against hers. It's Holly who breaks away first, her hands lowering to root through one of the inside pockets in her coat.

"Just in case I get held up." Gail's eyes widen as she stares at the object between Holly's fingers.

"Are we swapping house keys already? Is this a lesbian thing?" A smile pulls at the corner of Holly's mouth.

"Yeah, you're not keeping it, I'm getting that key back." Gail takes the key from her, smiling at the little zombie keyring hanging from it. "Tonight, so don't even think about trying to keep it."

"Oh, so you don't _trust_ me to have a key to your house? How dare you."

"No, I didn't- that's not-" Gail takes another sip from the coffee in her hand and smiles at Holly, wondering how everything can just feel so _easy_ with her. "Well give me your house key then."

"I don't have a spare on me. Why do you carry a spare key with you anyway?"

"Did I ever tell you about the time my keys fell into a discomposing corpse? Like actually inside the body?" Holly's mouth pulls up into a smile again and Gail can feel her own drop open.

"Oh God, Holly no." She looks at the key in her hand.

"That's the key Gail."

"Why are you keeping this in your coat!" Gail quickly juggles the key in her hand so she's only holding the tip of the key ring.

"If I drop them inside another dead person I need a clean spare."

"No, these can never be clean enough, you're not poor, get another set cut!" Holly just shrugs and she lets out a laugh as she tries to hand the key back to the brunette.

"You have no idea how much trouble I got into. I almost lost my job for 'tampering with evidence'." Holly's hand closes over Gail's shutting her hand around the key. A shudder goes through her and she hopes that the key hasn't really been anywhere near a dead body and that Holly's just making an excuse to cover the real lame, nerdy reason. She smiles as Holly moves closer and starts to slowly lean in again, she can't help breathing in the light smell of cinnamon that clings to brunette even under the heavy scent of the clinical cleaning chemicals from the morgue.

"Gail!" She can literally feel Holly's breath on her lips when Chris' shout causes them both to freeze.

"Great," She turns to face the hospital as he walks over to them, his mouth blowing warm air onto his hands. "Chris, what are you doing out here? Interrupting."

"I need a lift back to the station, mind if I bum a ride."

"If you must peasant, but you're driving, I need to emotionally process." She catches Holly's furrowed brow out the corner of her eye, but chooses to ignore it. "I'll see you later ok."

She places a light peck on her lips and turns to follow Chris to the squad car, not giving her the chance to reply. The bubble that Holly had created around her feels like it's just burst, and she wishes she'd just said yes and let Holly come with her to the station with her.

* * *

"So." Gail rolls her eyes at the sound of Chris' voice, she had been hoping that he wouldn't talk whilst they were driving back. She just wanted to be left alone in the silence to watch the city lights streak past the window, but really, it's Chris, so of course he wants to talk about it.

"A needle, pulling thread." She tries to sound as bored as possible and hopes that Chris will get the hint.

"What?"

"Did you even have a childhood?" Gail looks over at him briefly, but his eyes remain trained on the road.

"Who knows?" She wants to play dumb and say it's his childhood, so obviously him, because she's too tired and sober for this right now.

"Steve knows, so by now everyone." Gail brings a hand up her forehead, massaging at her temples to try and relieve her ever growing headache. "He probably gave a rousing speech to everyone in the waiting room, so yeah, definitely everyone."

"And are you, you know." She sees Chris hand out the corner of her eye scratch at the back of his head. "Gay?"

"I don't know, yes, probably. I haven't really thought about it."

"Oh, it's just you and Holly, you looked like you were-" He clears his throat. "You know, really into, into it back there."

"I am, she's," She looks over to him and tries to find the right word. "She's incredible, I just haven't really thought about the implications of that, you know?"

"I was just wondering about when we were together, did you-" He clears his throat again, and Gail thinks this could be the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation they've ever had. It makes her heart hurt a bit then, to think the last time he was this uncomfortable around her was when they were rookies and he barely knew her. "Did you know then?"

"Chris honestly it's like apples and cheese puffs, I tried the apple, that's you, and it was ok, but Holly's like the cheese puffs, turns out I like them a lot more than apples."

"That oddly makes sense." He sounds proud of himself and she rolls her eyes again.

"Yeah, I know, I dumbed it down for you."

Chris is still smiling when they reach the station and it feels like the balance has been restored between them again. There's only a couple of squad cars left outside, and she notices one of them has a black plastic sheet tapped over the drivers side window. Gail stares at it as they drive past, her heart pounding, the broken window of the car is where her day had started to completely unravel.

She's grateful that Chris doesn't try talking to her again as they walk through the building, she's not sot sure why a sick feeling has settled in her stomach or why her heart feels like it's going to escape from her chest, but she knows she doesn't want to talk about it. Gail freezes when they turn a corner. There's glass on floor.

"Hey Diaz, get over here and play Swarek." Gail doesn't see who's calling out to them, her eyes just stay fixed to the ground and it feels like her whole body has frozen.

"Sure, I'll be right there." She feels rather than sees Chris' hand coming up to touch her arm. "Are you ok?"

"Huh?" The question finally breaks her gaze and she looks up at him. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine, it was just the glass."

"Do you want me to drop you off at Holly's when you're done?" He sounds concerned, and she hates it, she just wants to be left alone.

"No, I'm fine, go pretend to be shot, I'll be fine." She's moving away from him and towards the locker rooms before he has the chance to ask her anything else.

The room is empty and she's glad, because the last thing she wanted was Andy or Chloe interfering and asking her how she was. The rapid beating of her heart suddenly stops and she has to grab onto a locker for support at the change in sensation. Chloe wouldn't be here, possibly not ever again.

Her hands start shaking when she tries to undo the buttons on her shirt, and she has to sit down on the bench to just _breathe,_ because she's seconds away from just ripping the damn thing open.

It was just glass on the floor.

* * *

**A/N**: Do you like? Do you not like? Do you ship Impa and Zelda?

Also, a life lesson for everyone, if someone gives you their number (say someone like toast girl) and they then put their phone through a washing machine resulting in them getting a new phone and a new number (who even does that!? You can like totally keep your old number), fucking get the new number before they bugger off somewhere that's not where you are...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: This was originally part of the previous chapter, but I split it into two because YOLO... And it sort of became a lot longer than planned and would have taken an extra week to get up, so there's that as well...

* * *

Gail lets out a sigh and pushes her head against the car seat, her eyes looking up to study the tiny dots perforating the fabric of the roof as she listens to the voices on the radio.

"Well you have to agree Jennifer, there's been a huge failing here, someone was allowed to walk into a police station and start shooting cops. What sort of message is that sending the public? They can't even protect their own house, how are they going to protect our homes? How are they going to protect us on the streets?"

There's a sound of agreement from the female presenter and Gail can feel the anger boiling beneath the surface, because what the hell do they know? They're just tiny overpaid radio presenters tucked up in their safe little building, they're not the ones who have to go out wondering if there's going to be a genuine emergency or a bullet waiting for them.

"I completely agree Dan, this really isn't the publicity any police department wants, so expect them to try and lock the investigation down and keep it as quiet as possible. Of course the bigger question here is, why did it happen? People are going to be asking if this is the result of cuts to the police budget, so it's not just the police department that's going to be under the lens here, it's the local government as well."

"Thanks Dan and Jen, for those of you who have just tuned in, the main story tonight is the shooting at the 15th division police building earlier today. Three officers remain in hospital, two of them still critical, lets head over to Dominic who's at the hospital for the latest-"

Gail reaches out and pushes a button on the car console causing the radio to flick the next station.

"All the things she said, all the things she said, running through my head-" She slams the off button and the car falls into silence.

"What am I even doing?" The question is lost in the quiet of the car and she looks over at Holly's house. The lights are on, so she knows she must have got back before her, but fifteen minutes later and she's still outside listening to late night radio shows and uncomfortably relevant songs. She shakes her head, because seriously what is she even _doing_ outside when she's only a few feet away from the warmth of Holly and her house.

The key Holly gave her is digging into her thigh, so she pulls it out of her pocket and dangles it from her finger. It feels like it should have felt significant when she gave it to her, instead of feeling so nonchalant and incredibly insignificant, which brings her on to whether she _wanted _it to be a significant moment or if she wants everything in their relationship (if that's what this even is) to pass by so easily and without fuss. The conflicting thoughts just add to the confused mess that's in her head, and she desperately doesn't want to process any of it until she's had at least half a bottle of whiskey.

She pushes a button on the side of the keyring and smiles when a robotic sounding "Let me eat your brainz" comes from the tiny speaker on the back of it's head. She wonders what the story behind it is, if there even is one. Or maybe Holly really was telling the truth when she said it fell in a dead person. A wave of guilt pushes up from her stomach then, her head is full of thoughts about a stupid keyring when she should be thinking about her friends in the hospital.

Gail feels like slamming her head against the steering wheel as the distracted thoughts of Holly are quickly replaced by the anger that had been building since seeing the glass at the station. But what is she even doing out here? She takes one final look at the car roof before she opens the door and steps out into the cold night.

There's fresh snow on the ground and she follows in Holly's bigger footprints to the front door, pausing before unlocking it. She tries to push down her anger again and slow down her breathing, because she _knows_ this is not the correct emotional response to seeing some broken glass. Maybe she's just too tired, maybe it's a delayed reaction to being shot at or maybe it's because she had just come out to her brother, either way she's far too sober to be dealing with any of it.

A muffled bang sounds from the other side of the door and she realises Holly must be in the kitchen, her eyes close and she thinks about the brunette. She needs to calm down and not take this out on her, because if things are going to work with Holly she needs to stop being such an ass to her all the time. Right now though she just _needs_ some alcohol to numb out the feelings that keep welling inside her, sorting out her life to become a better person would have to wait until she was sober, or possibly drunk again.

Gail unlocks the door and quickly pockets the key. She ignores Holly as she heads straight to the first kitchen cupboard she sees and starts searching through its contents.

"Hey," She doesn't greet her back, and she knows she's being rude, which really isn't a good start to the whole 'stop being an ass' schtick she was going to try. "You hungry?

"Nope." There's bottles of oil and cooking sake in the cupboard, but no bottles of proper alcohol. "I want alcohol."

"Oh it's, it's up there." She looks up at the cupboard Holly is pointing to and heads straight to it. "But why don't you eat something first?" There's a concern in Holly's voice and just like when the same tone earlier was in Chris' voice earlier, she hates it.

"Yeah ok, if it's got alcohol in it."

"You ok?" She does know where the glasses are kept, and she takes one out of the cupboard next to Holly without even looking at her. If ignoring Holly when she came in was strike one, that was definitely strike two.

"Yeah I'm fine, it's not like I'm the one who got shot." There's a bitterness in her voice, and she knows she needs to just stop and look at Holly and let her make everything better.

"Maybe we shouldn't have left the hospital."

She scoffs, because who the hell wants an emotionally wrecked Gail Peck anywhere near them. "Holly, there's 30 other cops waiting around, there's really no point me being there. No ones looking for my shoulder to cry on."

"Gail..." She necks the drink in her hand, the burn traveling down her throat and settling in her stomach.

"Mmmm," she pulls the glass away from her mouth wincing as the alcohol continues burning in her throat. "You know what though? We could go back as the big GAY distraction. Yeah lets give people something to talk about, I mean now that I've come out to my brother that juicy bit of news is just gonna spread like herpes." She practically spits the last part and she just needs to get away from Holly for a second, before she completely ruins everything, because she's pretty sure that counted as strike three.

She heads towards the stairs, the glass and bottle of Bourbon still in hand. "There's no going back now girlfriend, there is no going back."

Holly doesn't follow her, and she think she might be glad, but like all her thoughts concerning Holly she can't be sure if maybe it's the exact opposite and she _did_ want the brunette to follow her. She flicks on the light in Holly's room and pours herself another drink, throwing her coat and scarf on Holly's bed. There's a faint smell of cinnamon in the air and she breathes it in to try and calm herself down.

Her eyes are itchy from her early crying at the hospital and she downs the freshly poured glass of Bourbon before heading to the bathroom with it, shutting the door behind her. Everything feels out of control, and she misses the simple days of being a rookie, back when all she had to worry about was impressing Oliver.

There's a mirror above the sink and stares at her reflection, she watches herself pour another glass of Bourbon, and studies herself as she starts drinking it. Her hair is longer than it's been in years, possibly since high school and there's so many memories attached to it.

A pair of scissors sits on the side of the sink and she picks them up. If she wanted a blank slate to start building her relationship with Holly from, to restart her life, her hair would be a place to start.

* * *

There's a knock on the door and she hears Holly's muffled voice from the other side. "Gail, how much longer you going to be in there?" She looks down at the ponytail in her hand and then back in the mirror. Maybe she didn't think this through properly. "Hey, please confirm existence."

"I'm coming in." Holly doesn't wait for her to answer, she's already pushing the door open and tentatively moving her head around the corner. Gail looks up and sees Holly's eyes widen slightly as she looks at the hair she's holding in her hand.

"Who cares right? It's only hair"

"So... This is happening."

"Yeah, I mean I saw your scissors and I just thought 'oh, yay, there's something I can just realign', so..." She leaves the sentence unfinished, because what else is there to say, cutting her hair off was the obvious choice as far as she's concerned. The scissors clatter in the sink as she throws them from where she's standing before she sits down on the floor facing Holly.

"You see this inch?" She points at the bottom of the ponytail in her hand, which really, she thinks is quite surreal. "This inch is from the academy. This inch is from the first six months on the job. This inch is from when I was dating Chris." She pauses when she realises what the next inch is, her voice quietening "That part's when Jerry died."

Holly's brow furrows and Gail knows she must be questioning who Jerry is and what he meant to her, but this isn't about Jerry. Or maybe part of it is, with the confused mess of emotions in her head she can't be sure.

"And then, see these last few inches? That's round two with Nicholas." She looks up and sees Holly smiling down at her again, and she's starting realises just how ridiculous an analogy using her own hair is.

"Ok, but honey-" She quickly interrupts Holly, she doesn't doesn't want her to put in perspective just how insane cutting her hair off was.

"No no, look, look, look," She touches around the ends of her hair. "There's literally no bad inches, because I'm just going to go back to the beginning and I'm rewinding everything and I," She lets out a breath as she feels around the back of her head, because really, what the hell has she just done? "Oh my God, what did I do? What I do?"

"You cut off all your hair." She covers her face and lets out a sob, because even though she's been thinking it and waving around her ponytail she didn't actually _think_ about it. Oh God, she'd cut off all her hair.

"Oh my God," The thought is still blaring in her head, she cut off all her hair and she thinks she might have preferred it when all she could think about was shattered glass on the floor. "I'm freaking out a little bit aren't I?"

"Yeah." There's a brief pause and Gail looks up and Holly's smiling face. "You want me to fix it?"

"Do you think you can?" Gail's voice is quiet and she knows neither of them is really speaking about her hair any more.

"Yeah, yeah I think I can."

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you for reviewing, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I see one, especially ones that involve inviting me to LA for tea and biscuits. In answer to a couple of reviews, bad news, I will be following the series and the dreaded 'meet my friends' night will happen (UGH), but I'm planning to show what both Gail and Holly were up to in their time apart (spoiler alert: it involves a batting cage for both of them). Next chapter is this chapter _again_ from Holly's POV, I won't make a habit of writing the same chapter from different POV's, but this one felt like it should be.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: I'm not harassing for reviews and I _promise_ you won't hear me whine about this again... I spend hours writing and editing these chapters, but it takes literally minutes to review and give me some feedback on them. Did you like it, did you not like it, was there a particular bit that you read and went "that was a bit shit", did you read the whole thing and think "that was all a bit shit", I don't know unless you tell me! The silence on the last chapter leads me to believe it was the later options though, which makes me feel... Sad? I think, or disappointed in myself, I think it might be a mix of both.

I know this isn't the creme de la creme of fanfic, but I had well over a thousand views on the last chapter in the first 24 hours and only one review (thank you FaBbEr0oZ). Since then the views are still going up, but the number of reviews still stands at one, which is a pretty poor ratio. I'm not going to hold out on posting chapters when they're ready, but motivation to actually write future chapters and edit them into something other people can read has definitely taken a kick in the vagina.

Anyway thank you to everyone who's reviewed previously and I'm sorry if the last chapter was a bit shit.

* * *

Holly glances up out the window again, ten minutes after Gail's car appeared it's still sat in front of the house and the blonde was _still_ not making any signs of leaving it. If she hadn't seen the blondes ghostly white features through the windscreen when another car drove past, she would be doubting Gail was even in there.

She pulls the plug from the sink and picks up a towel to start drying the freshly washed dishes. It wasn't even close to being the first time Gail had been in her house, and the blonde had seen the sink with dishes and glasses in plenty of times, but apparently now they were kissing (a lot) her mind had translated that into a needing the house to be clean and spotless for her.

A smile creeps across her face as she starts thinking about Gail, thinking about what had happened between them in the past 24 hours. Going to the station to check on her had been a knee jerk reaction to the combination of some grossly over exaggerated rumours and the fact Gail wasn't answering her phone. The courier being sick was literally the best excuse she could come up with when her head was such a worried mess, and she just _knew_ Gail wasn't going to let her forget about it.

She closes her eyes as she thinks about the kisses that followed afterwards, and she feels a clench of excitement in her stomach at the memory of them.

The sound of another car driving past breaks her trail of thought, and she catches another brief glimpse of Gail doing something with the center console of the car. She looks up at the clock, it's been nearly fifteen minutes, and she thinks that maybe Gail is waiting for _her_ to go outside.

Her thoughts drift back to Gail again and the look on her face when she left the hospital car park, and the worry starts to pool in her stomach again. Even by the blondes standards her moods had been crashing between relaxed and tense at an alarming rate and Holly can't help wondering how long it's going to be before Gail finally burns out and just lets herself go.

The metal sound of the lock turning draws her attention and she realises Gail must have _finally_ decided to come in. She's about to say something about getting lost between the car and her front door when she catches the expression on Gail's face and stops herself. The blonde walks straight past without acknowledging her and she can feel the worry starting to pull at her again.

"Hey," She turns around to find Gail searching through the cupboards for something. "You hungry?"

"Nope," Gail still doesn't look at her, and she's not sure what could have happened to turn her mood around so much again. "I want alcohol."

"Oh it's, it's up there." She points up to the cupboard where she's been keeping a spare bottle of Bourbon and Gail heads straight for it. Whilst they were at the hospital Gail had mentioned only eating a chocolate bar since lunch, and it worries Holly in an almost motherly way that she's about to hit hard liquor, in a questionable mood, on an empty stomach. "But why don't you eat something first?"

"Yeah ok, if it's got alcohol in it." She flinches slightly at the tone in Gail's voice, and she knows she isn't angry at _her_, but it still causes a twinge of hurt inside.

Gail avoids eye contact with her again when pulls a glass out of the cupboard next to her and she can feel the worry starting to settle in her stomach again. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine, it's not like I'm the one who got shot."

"Maybe we shouldn't have left the hospital."

"Holly, there's 30 other cops waiting around, there's really no point me being there." She turns around at Gail's annoyed tone and is finally able to meet her eyes, she can still see a light puffiness around them and wonders if maybe she was crying before she came in. "No ones looking for my shoulder to cry on."

"Gail..." It makes her heart hurt that someone as beautiful and seemingly confident as Gail could think so little of themselves. The blonde interrupts her before she can disagree, humming as she drinks back her first glass of Bourbon.

"You know what though? We could go back as the big GAY distraction." Holly knows she's just venting, so this time she doesn't try to interrupt her. "Yeah lets give people something to talk about, I mean now that I've come out to my brother that juicy bit of news is just gonna spread like herpes."

She's already walking away from her towards the stairs before she can reply, or try to convince her how unlikely it would be that her brother would chose _now,_ when two of their friends were potentially dying, to start outing her to everyone.

"There's no going back now girlfriend, there is no going back." Every instinct tells her to follow Gail upstairs and not let her spiral into whatever it is she's spiraling into, but another more logical part of her knows what Gail is like and _knows_ if there's one thing Gail Peck sometimes needs, it's space.

* * *

"Gail, how much longer you going to be in there?" It had been half an hour since she heard the bathroom door close and apart from the music playing through the floorboards, she hadn't heard any movement from the blonde. She had stood at the bottom of the stairs for at least ten of those minutes picking at her nails and trying to decipher the complex equation of how long to leave her alone before checking on her.

There's still no answer and Holly could feel the worry starting to gnaw at her again. "Hey, please confirm existence."

"I'm coming in." She opens the door and pokes her head around the door slowly and it feels like the floor has just disappeared from underneath her feet when she spots Gail standing over the sink with her ponytail in her hand. Her ponytail, that half and hour ago had been very much attached to the back on her head.

"Who cares right? It's only hair." It's flippant and Holly wonders if Gail has actually processed what she's done_._

"So, this is happening."

"Yeah, I mean I saw your scissors and I just thought 'oh, yay, there's something I can just realign', so..." Gail throws the scissors in the sink and slides down to the floor against the dresser to face her.

"You see this inch? This inch is from the academy, you know?" Gail's pointing at part of the ponytail and Holly just nods her head, because really she's not sure where Gail is going with this, but she's sure it's not going to explain why she's decided to cut off her hair. "This inch is from the first six months on the job. This inch is from when I was dating Chris."

She pauses and starts stroking a part of the hair. "That parts when Jerry died." Holly feels her brow furrow and she tries to think back to all the conversations they'd had, tries to remember who Jerry was and why him dying would make him part of Gail's symbolic memory ponytail. She doesn't think Gail has ever mentioned him, and she knows tonight isn't the right time to ask.

"And then, see these last few inches? That's round two with Nicholas." She smiles again then, because even in the midst of what might be some form of breakdown, she's still just so _Gail_ about the whole thing.

"Ok, but honey." Holly squats down next to the blonde and she knows she needs to phrase 'you didn't need to cut off all your hair' carefully, but Gail interrupts her.

"No no, look, look, look, there's literally no bad inches, because I'm just going to go back to the beginning and I'm rewinding everything and I" She lets out a sharp breath and starts feeling around the ends of her hair. Holly thinks she can literally see the realisation dawning in Gail's eyes that she had just cut most her hair off. "Oh my God, what did I do? What I do?"

And really there's no way to phrase it that's not going to freak Gail out. "You cut off all your hair."

"Oh my God," Both Gail's hands cover her face as she stifles a sob. "I'm freaking out a little bit aren't I?" Holly knows she shouldn't find the situation funny, but really, who else other than Gail Peck and Britney Spears was going to take a break from sanity and cut off their hair.

"Yeah." She looks down at Gail's face and smiles, because yeah, she is defiantly freaking out. This girl in front of her is absolutely still as insane as she was when they first met, and it's one of the reasons she loves her, but there's only so far love can go, and it definitely didn't cover the blondes new haircut. "You want me to fix it?"

Holly didn't mean for the statement to hold so much meaning, but it's what she wants if the blonde will let her. She wants to help fix everything that feels like it's going wrong for Gail, she wants her to be happy.

"You think you can?" Gail's eyes are wide when they look up at her and she can see she's taken the double meaning to her words.

"Yeah, yeah I think I can."

* * *

**A/N**: The next chapter will cover the shower scene and beyond, but there won't be any smut yet (I felt like I should just pre-warn). This chapter was pretty much written, which is why I posted it, but after how hard the last chapter bombed I'm going to take a week or two break from the site before finishing the next one. See you on the other side.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Thank you. That's the main thing I have to say, thank you. The support for the last chapter was incredible, I logged on to my email for the first time since posting the chapter on Wednesday whilst on the train and almost started happy ugly crying (thank you monthly burst of excessive female hormones). It's a character flaw I have where I often assume people think the worst of me, so I thought the silence meant 'it was terrible', when it actually meant the opposite. Honestly, I'm not looking for hundreds of reviews per chapter, just some feedback on whether it was good or not so good (and don't feel like you can't say if it wasn't so good, if you're nervous about putting publicly, just drop me a PM). So thank you again :)

Also in a strange turn of real life events... I'm ill (_again_, God bless public transport and all its germs) and toast girls sister made me toast...

* * *

"Mmmm, life." The room had been silent ever since Holly had physically maneuvered her into the bath tub and helped her sit down. Apparently whilst wielding her ponytail in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other she'd still managed to drink most of the Bourbon and even standing up from here position on the floor had taken three attempts.

"I know right, who needs it?" Holly's eyes stay fixed on the hair she's cutting, and Gail's glad, because there's not much left for any mistakes.

"I mean you can plan, plan and prepare it doesn't really matter, because things just go where ever they go."

"Yep, sort of like this cowlick."

"I'm sitting in a bath tub, waiting to hear if my friends are still alive." She frowns slightly, because her phone had been silent since getting to Holly's and it worried her that maybe she was at the bottom of the list of people to call if something had gone wrong. "Drinking Bourbon with the coolest chick ever." She looks up at Holly and watches a grin spread across her face, and it hits her again just how beautiful the other woman is. "And I have no hair."

"Not exactly a fairy tale."

"No."

"Hmm still kinda beautiful though." Holly's hand comes up and gently cups her chin, her thumb brushing across her skin lightly and she knows it's only a precursor to what's about to happen.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." Holly slides into the tub and sits in front of her, and she's trying to figure out at what point in time the sight of Holly's lips became so intoxicating. She's only subconsciously aware of the brunettes thumbs stroking her cheeks as she leans in and finally feels her lips against hers.

It's light, and gentle, and just everything she needs right now and she keeps her eyes closed when Holly pulls back.

"Come on lets wash this mess down the drain." She's not entirely sure what she means, but it doesn't matter, because she's being pulled upright and they're kissing again, and she can't get over how good it feels knowing there's no one about to walk in and interrupt them. It's just her and Holly and all the time in the world.

She's desperately trying to deepen the kiss, to feel more of Holly when the brunette pulls away and bends to to reach for something behind her. "What are you doing?"

The sounds of creaking in the pipes behind her is the only warning she gets before a sudden burst of cold water is rushing over her head. "Oh!" Holly's hands are gripping onto her waist pushing her further under the stream. "Oh my God it's freezing!"

The brunettes lips are suddenly covering hers again in short kisses and she's not sure if it's the kissing or the freezing water that's causing the shivers to run up her spine. It seems to take forever for the creaking pipes to settle and the water to start warming, but just as it reaches a temperature that isn't turning her body numb Holly's pulling away and flicking her hair off her face.

Holly hesitates when Gail tries to pull her back into the kiss, "You ok?"

"Yeah, my glasses are covered in water, I can't see anything."

"Well who's idea was it to 'wash this mess down the drain'?" She pushes forwards again, kissing Holly as the water continues streaming over their heads and it's Holly who pulls back again, removing her glasses and hooking them on the shower rail.

"I was trying to be poetic!"

"Yeah well good job _Shakespeare_, you want to try doing that without effects next time?" She's smiling at Holly again and everything in her feels relaxed again.

"You live, you learn, can we get out now?" Holly's pouting at her and she wants to say 'no, I just want you to kiss me', but the weight of water in her clothes is actually becoming ridiculous and she's not sure how she's going to peel her jeans off, so she relents and nods her head.

As soon as she steps out of the bath she regrets it, because it feels like the temperature outside their shower cocoon is freezing and the warm water trapped in her clothes is quickly cooling.

"I'll grab you towel." Holly walks out the bathroom leaving the door open behind her and a breeze comes through making her shiver even more. The ponytail in the sink catches her attention and she has to waddle over to it in her wet jeans to pick it up. She'll miss it she thinks, it was nice having long hair and oh God, it hit her again, she just cut off all her hair and it's too late to go back.

The bottle of Bourbon is no where to be seen, nor the scissors, and she realises Holly must have taken them with her in case she decided to have another freak out session. She's not sure what to do with it, so she opens one of the draws of the dresser at the side of the room and stashes it in there. Maybe there's a ritual for disposing of a ponytail cut off during an emotional outburst, but she has no idea, so she'll let Holly find and deal with.

The socks need to come off first she decides, but the actual task of removing them is more complicated than she anticipates. She reaches out for the side of the bath as she stumbles towards it on one leg, and she wishes she'd known what was going to happen, because she would have stayed slightly more sober to make the task of removing the wet clothes easier.

When she almost falls back into the bath a second time she decides to just sit on the floor to try and remove them, because she's done enough damage to her head with a rogue pair of scissors and the last thing she needs is to go back to the hospital she'd just come from for stitches. It's where Holly finds her a couple of minutes later. She's managed to remove both socks, but the jeans are sticking to her half way down her thighs and she's not sure if it's the Bourbon catching up with her again or a delayed reaction to Holly's kisses, but her hands don't feel like they're working properly.

Holly had already changed into some check pyjama bottoms and a black tank top, and her breath catches in her throat when she notices there's no bra under the brunettes top. She's smiling down at her in the same way she did when she found her with her ponytail cut off and she realises how much of a mess she looks right now with her wet top still on and her jeans half way down her legs.

"Do you want some help?" She nods, and the brunette moves to where she's sitting and kneels in front of her, helping unpeel the wet material down her legs, having to stand up and tug them off when they get below her knees. "You know, this isn't half as sexy as I imagined it would be."

Gail cocks her eyebrow, "Been imagining taking off my pants a lot then?"

"Yep." Holly leans over her again and kisses her quickly.

She just sits there, dumbstruck, as the brunette stands up and walks out the bathroom. The thoughts of what Holly just implied sends a shiver straight down her spine, because they naturally lead to thoughts of what Holly might have been _doing_ whilst imagining it. She's not prepared for the sudden onslaught of mental images of Holly naked in her own bed gasping out her name.

"One top and one pair of pyjamas." She jumps when the material hits her on the head. "Are you actually going to take your top off? Because you're dripping wet and it's getting all over my floor."

Holly looks at her innocently, but she knows the brunette knew exactly what her words could have been misconstrued as. "Well you're the one who got me wet."

"It's a talent, hurry up I'll be in the bedroom." She waggles her eyebrows at her, and she thinks this might be the worst or possibly the best seduction she's ever been subject to. "Some of us still have enough hair to warrant using a hair dryer." She's out the door before the wet jeans she threw can hit her and she can hear her laughing down the hallway.

"Yeah, laugh it up, some of us are still very upset about it!"

There's a muffled shout of 'whatever' from the bedroom and Gail smiles, because at least taking so long to dry her hair won't be a problem any more.

* * *

Gail finishes changing and towel dries her hair before going to find Holly in her bedroom. She still has the hair dryer running over her hair and she's not sure if she's still actually drying her hair or just using it to get warm again. She looks around the room for something to do whilst she waits for the brunette and spots three picture frames on the dresser.

The first frame she picks up has Holly in the center with who she assumes are her parents on either side. She's not sure where they are, but it's a recent one and both Holly and her dad have the same half smile. The second frame is of a younger Holly and Gail is amazed at how _skinny_ the brunette was, judging from the people in the background she guesses it must have been taken in college and again Holly is at the center, but this time surrounded by four other girls. She knows it's unreasonable, but a sting of jealousy twinges in her when she sees how pretty they all are.

The final picture she picks up almost makes her cry, and she _hopes _that it's just the Bourbon getting to her. It's her and Holly. She recognises the photo from the night Holly took her to the batting cages, and she still has the helmet on in the picture with the bat resting across her back. Holly is slightly in front of her, and it gets her again that she can just look so _beautiful_ without even trying.

She's only slightly aware of the sound of the hair dryer ending as she reminisces over their night at the batting cage. She had been feeling overtly emotional that night too, and the brunette had just _known_ what to do to make it better. The picture was the first they had taken together and she wonders how long it had been in Holly's room.

Holly's arms wrap around her waist from behind and she leans back into her, placing the photo back on the dresser and reveling in the warmth where their bodies meet.

"You have a photo of me in your room."

"Hmmm, yeah, it's still my favourite one of us."

The kisses on her shoulder are soft at first, like they are barely even there, but Gail can feel Holly's breath spilling across her skin each time her lips lightly connect.

"I want you," she doesn't really know why she said it or honestly what it is she wants to do to Holly, but the desperation to just feel Holly against her, to just do _something_ is overwhelming.

"Then take me," and her knees almost buckle then, because that might have been one of the hottest things she's ever heard.

Holly spins her around and she moans as their lips come together again, it's hard and it's sloppy, but she doesn't remember kissing ever feeling this_ good_ before. The edge of the bed meets the back of her knees as Holly pushes her backwards and she falls onto it, bouncing slightly when her body meets the mattress. The brunette is on her in an instant, their kisses losing none of their intensity.

She's not sure when Holly managed to take her top off, but she can feel her nipples stiffening in the cool air of the bedroom. A moan rises from deep in her throat as Holly starts dropping kisses down her neck, nipping lightly at the sensitive flesh, and it's just too good.

It's when Holly's fingers start skirting the edge of her pyjama bottoms that she freezes, because oh God, they're going to have sex and it's suddenly all too much. Even though Holly's lips are back on hers and she's still kissing her the brunette must sense there's something wrong and she pulls back with worry creasing her brow as she looks down at her.

"Are you ok?" At first she nods, but then shakes her head, because no she's not ok, she's a little closer to drunk than sober and she wants to remember everything about Holly, and not regret it when they wake up in the morning.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not-" Holly interrupts her before she has the chance to possibly embarrass herself, she can already feel a flush on her face that's not from the intimacy they were just sharing.

"Hey, how many times do I have to tell you? You don't need to apologise for things like this Gail. You're ready when you're ready, it's ok to not be." She drops a light kiss to her forehead and in one fluid motion rolls off the bed into a standing position, her eyes darting about the floor of the room. "Erm, I think your top is, it's somewhere on the floor." Holly's eye scour the room until she turns to face Gail again and she freezes. She almost laughs, because the brunettes mouth drops open in an O shape and Gail can almost see the cogs ticking in her brain as Holly takes in the sight of her bare breasts properly.

Holly's eyes remain glued to her chest as she sits on the side of the next to her, and it's a strange sense of pride that wells up in her when she realises the brunette literally had to sit down because of the sight of her half naked. She knows it's wrong, and really she shouldn't be so hot and cold with Holly about something like this, but she can't help pulling the brunette into another kiss.

It's not as intense as it was, but she can still feel the burn of passion and she pulls on Holly's shoulders until her body is resting over her again. Holly keeps her hands well above the waistband of her pyjamas not once dipping below her waist, instead her fingers start tracing circles on her side and Gail's not sure if it's for her benefit or just to keep her hands busy.

Their lips move slowly against each other and every so often the brunette pulls her bottom lip between her own to nip it gently. It's _nice_, and she's sure there's a better word for it, but it just feels nice to be kissing someone just for the sake of kissing them, without it being a precursor to something more. It's also nice that even though she's topless and Holly fingers are causing pulses of pleasure to shoot straight down to her stomach, it doesn't feel like there's any expectation or pressure from the brunette to go any further.

She's not sure how long they stay like that, but the kisses start to naturally slow until Holly's just resting her forehead against hers as they both try to catch their breath. There's a tingling in her lips, and she imagines how red they must be from being pressed against Holly's for so long.

"I'm going to find your top or a top, because-" There's an audible swallow and Gail's relieved she's not the only one who's nervous. "Because I, ah, it's very distracting when you don't have one on."

"Hmmm, that's probably a good idea, then we can try kissing again, because I think we're good at that."

"Yeah, definitely more kissing." Gail watches her from the bed again as she searches the room, "Seriously, where is your top? And where are my glasses?"

"You left them in the bathroom Velma."

"Right, glasses, then top, then lots more kissing, so hold tight." Holly leaves the room without looking at her, but she still catches the blush that's settled on her cheeks and the strange feeling of pride she felt earlier whirls through her again.

There were two things she'd learnt in the past couple hours and she feels like both of them were equally as important. One was that she should never be left alone when drunk and emotional with a pair of scissors, and two was that kissing Holly Stewart left her with the most blissful feeling she had ever felt.

* * *

**A/N**: Personally I don't think Holly and Gail slept together that night, I think everything was still a bit to 'raw' for Gail and if she hadn't of stopped it Holly would have before it got too far. Give it three to four chapters though, depending on where I put the splits, and I'm sure neither of them will want to stop ;)

On the subject of future chapters, I've been thinking about how close I'm going to keep this to the original story line. I'm definitely having the 'break-up', but I _really_ didn't like the ending, so currently (even though it's a long way off yet!) I'm thinking about either playing down the adoption part or maybe cutting it altogether?

Next chapter might be a little late, it has a general outline and most the dialogue, but there's still a lot of notes to turn into actual story. Normally I try and get the current chapter finished and the next chapter half finished in a week, but I crammed the second half and the editing of this one into today and yesterday (after not writing for six days) so I could say thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: Real life continues to be strange. The other week toast girls sister made me toast. Then last week I ended up spending most of one of my lunch breaks talking to toast girls mum... I know her estranged dad lives somewhere in London, so £10 says I end up feeding ducks and geese with him this week... Ugh it's very difficult to get over someone when their relatives keep turning up!

Pssst, thank you for the follows/favs/reviews (o)(o)

* * *

The first conscious thought Holly has is that everything around her feels warm. The second is that Gail Peck has very blue and very beautiful eyes.

"Are you watching me sleep?" The blondes head almost slips off the hand propping it up at the sound of her groggy voice, her eyes locking with Holly's.

"What, no, that's not," She smiles at Gail as her eyes dart away from hers and start looking anywhere but her. "That's not what I was doing."

There's a light blush on Gail's cheeks and her lips pouting slighting. Holly thinks it could be one of the most adorable things she's ever seen. "It is! Oh God, Gail Peck likes to watch people sleep."

"Shut up!" She's laughing lightly and the blonde rolls over onto her back covering her face with the blanket. She takes up Gail's previous position, resting her elbow on the soft pillow to hold her head up and tries pulling the blanket down, but the blonde just tightens her grip on it.

"Oh come on honey don't be like that, it's ok." Gail pulls the blanket down to rest just below her eyes. "Did you think I looked adorable? How long were you watching? Did you even sleep or were you to entranced by my beauty?"

The blonde scowls at her and pulls the blanket off her face completely. "You know, we could just break up now."

Pushing her body up with her hands she rolls on top of Gail, the blondes hands coming up to rest on her sides. "Mhhhhmm, whilst you're here," she leans down and lightly kisses her. "In my bed," this time she deepens the kiss, letting Gails lips move against hers for a few moments before pulling back. "With terrible morning breath?"

"Exactly," Gail lifts her head and pulls her own back down into another kiss, and she thinks this is something she could get used to, waking up next to Gail, letting her kiss her whenever she wants. The blonde lets her head fall back onto the pillow. "But I wouldn't want to deprive you of me."

"Oh no, that would be terrible." She leans down again and lets her body settle fully on top of the blonde, she can feel Gail's fingers starting to skate down her back and she's just about to start kissing down Gail's neck when the blondes stomach lets out a rumble.

"Nerdy feed me." Gail pulls back and a sound of discontent spills from her lips.

"I'm not your maid _Officer_." She's about to lean in and kiss her again, but Gail furrows her brow at her.

"That's a lame nickname."

"So's Nerdy." Gail quirks her head to the side and makes a sound of agreement.

"Fine, Velma feed me." She's smiling up at her again, and Holly's not sure why they're wasting time talking when they could be kissing instead.

"I'm not your maid Caspar." Gail rolls her eyes, and she thinks that maybe she's been given that nickname before.

"My darling, sweet, beautiful, girlfriend, please nourish me." A smile spreads out across her face at the word 'girlfriend' and the giddy sensation in her stomach makes her think that maybe she's regressed back to being a ten year old school girl who's being called someones girlfriend for the first time. The blonde has a pout on her face again and she's sure Gail doesn't realise quite how _profound_ it feels for her to have made the move to calling her girlfriend first.

"Girlfriend huh?"

"Mmmm yeah."

"I don't get a say?" She lowers her voice and starts to lean in closer again.

"Not at all." There's barely a hair width between their lips touching when Gail's stomach rumbles again. "Hooollllllly, feed me."

"Mmmmm," She ignores the blonde and starts kissing down the blondes neck instead, moaning at the taste of her skin. "In a minute, I'm busy."

Holly feels Gail's hands come to rest on her waist, and she's about to take one of them and pull it round her back again when the blonde pushes her. She lets out a squeal of surprise as the bed disappears and she finds her self sat on the floor with Gail leaning over the edge of the bed smiling at her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I got a bit over excited, are you ok? Whilst you're up you might as well make me food."

* * *

If someone had told her when she woke up yesterday that she would be confessing her feelings to Gail, spending most her evening kissing Gail and then spending the night sleeping next her, she probably would have nervously laughed in their face. Then she probably would have then gone to find a quiet corner to sit and fantasise about that exact scenario.

Ever since meeting the blonde she had let her mind toy with the idea of them being together, harmless fantasies would play out in her head, but none of them had come close to what had actually happened. She would dream up scenarios where they would get drunk and just spill their feelings for each other, scenarios where she would save Gail's life from some ever changing threat and end up having impassioned sex on her lab table. She even re-imagined nights they had spent together, to the point that she struggled to remember what actually happened at the wedding Gail invited her to and what she had imagined happening.

Holly has to lean her hands against the counter when her thoughts drift to what actually did happen the previous day, to what happened last night on her bed. The mere fact it was a reality and not a fantasy causes her body to shiver. The feel of Gail subtly arching against her when she kissed down her neck, the sight of her topless and breathless on her bed and the taste of her lips against hers all rush through her mind. A warmth spreads through her and she can feel it pooling together in the pit of her stomach. None of the fantasies she'd had felt as _good_ as just kissing Gail felt, even the ones that ended with her pushing her hand inside her own underwear. She starts replaying the events again, trying to remember each minute detail and a blush of embarrassment covers her cheeks when she remembers turning into a 14 year old boy at the sight of Gail topless when all she could hear in head on repeat was '_Gail's breasts, Gail's breasts, Gail's breasts_'.

"Mmmm this is good coffee." Gail's voice causes her to jump and her eyes widen as she tries to figure out if a moan slipped out whilst she was reliving the previous evening in her head. She quickly picks up the spatula next to the pan of scrambled eggs she was meant to be watching and moves them around, relieved they hadn't burnt whilst she was daydreaming.

"There's some aspirin on the side." The blonde makes a grunt of acknowledgement, but she doesn't turn to see if she's found them, she can still feel the flush on her cheeks and she knows Gail isn't so bleary eyes that she won't notice it.

The room falls into silence and she continues making breakfast, buttering the toast ready for the eggs that continue to slowly cook. There's a faint sound of clicking behind her and she realises Gail must be reading through the messages on her phone.

"There's a voice mail from Steve." She's just finished sliding the eggs onto the plate when Gail speaks and she instantly feels the anxiety whirling in her stomach at the blondes words. One look into Gail's eyes tells her she's feeling the same thing. The blonde makes no move to start listening to the mail, so Holly walks to stand opposite her, placing the plates on the counter next to them.

"Do you want me to listen to it?" She can see the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes and she knows it's selfish, but part of her wishes Gail hadn't checked her phone. The dark cloud of what happened yesterday, that they had been ignoring since waking up, feels like they're rolling in again and she can't help raising her hand to brush through the now short locks of Gail's hair.

"No," She lowers her head so she's looking down at her lap and takes a shaky breath. "I think it's something I need to hear."

Holly takes a seat on the stool next to her and takes Gail's empty hand in hers, the other holding the phone against her ear.

"Oliver's being discharged today, erm, both Chloe and Sam are awake." There's a smile starting to tug at the corners of her mouth and Holly feels the tension leaving her body. "Apparently Chloe had a rough night, but she's stabilised again, Traci makes nice waffles and I need to be at work tomorrow." The last part of the sentence is followed by a groan and Holly smiles at her. Part of her wants to keep Gail all to herself for the day, but she knows, despite how much Gail would probably protest it to her if she asked, they weren't just colleagues to the blonde they were family.

"Do you want to grab a shower and I'll find some clothes out for you? I can drop you at the hospital to see Oliver before he leaves."

"No, Celery is going to be there with him," She looks down at her lap again. "Could I stay here with you today?" Gail looks up and there's a vulnerability swimming in her eyes, it's the same look Holly had seen at the hospital and she realises just how heavy the shadow hanging over the blonde still is. She hasn't responded and she thinks Gail must have taken it the wrong way as she rushes out another sentence. "If you're not busy."

Her hand moves to Gail's hair playing with the short strands, brushing it with her fingers and the blonde closes her eyes. "I need to go shopping, then we can come back here and watch a movie if you want? There's a Thai delivery place round the corner if you want to stay for dinner as well?"

Gail doesn't answer her verbally, instead it's a watery smile and a nod, and Holly realises this is one thing that was never in any of her daydreams. In all the different circumstances she imagined them being together, she never once dreamt that the blonde would let her guard down so much, that she would ever be allowed to see her so vulnerable.

* * *

"So, this is remarkably domestic of us."

"Hmmm?" Holly picks up a pack of seeded rolls and throws them in the trolley, only paying partial attention to the blonde.

"I don't like seeded bread."

"Good thing it's for me and not you then." Holly lightly bumps her shoulder into her and smiles as she walks on ahead, hearing Gail call out from behind her about domestic violence and assault. She looks down the list and then back to where Gail was still standing. "Babe can you grab some baking soda."

"I'm sorry, _babe_?"

"Yeah I'm trying out new pet names." Gail drops the small tub in the trolley, walking along side her again.

"Well on the subject of pets and how domestic we've apparently become, can we get a puppy _babe_?"

"Why do I need a puppy when I've got you?" She bumps her shoulder into the blonde again and she careers off into the next aisle, holding her arm in mock pain.

Holly finds her again at the end of shelves, and the blonde dumps a pack of muffins in the trolley.

"So, I was thinking..." Gail trails off and she stops walking, worry starting to twist in her gut.

"This doesn't sound good."

"What? No it's not, it's not bad, I'm just," Gail starts making hand gestures like she's trying to physically show her what she means. "I think we should go on a date, like a date date, not just us hanging out together."

"Oh." It surprises her that it's Gail who asked first, just like it was Gail who labelled her as her girlfriend first. She's also sure as the more experienced 'lesbian' of the pair it should probably be her making these first moves.

"Yeah, it was a stupid idea, forget it." Gail's already turned from her and started striding away down the aisle towards the exit before she jolts into action. She realises her delay in answering has sent Gail off in complete the wrong direction, because really how could she not want to go on a date with the blonde, and she has to abandon the trolley to catch up with her.

"Hey, Gail, wait." She grabs her wrist and is grateful that the blonde stops and doesn't try pulling herself away. Her eyes remain downcast and she thinks there might be a trace of tears in the corner of her eyes. It reminds her again that despite the blondes attempts to hide it her world is still completely off kilter thanks to the previous days events. Holly thinks it might be a new habit she's developing when she raises her hand and plays with the roughly cut hair at the side of Gail's face until she finally lifts her eyes and looks at her. "I would love to go on a date with you."

It's a look of pure joy on Gail's face then, and she takes in every inch of it, from the sparkle in her eyes to the small dimples that appear on the sides of her cheeks when she smiles. She thinks that Gail Peck has probably ruined her for life, and really she couldn't be more happy about it.

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry, this chapter was a bit late, I got distracted and wrote a light, fluffy, happy one shot called Cold Sheets (that's a lie it's not happy at all).

Also, just an FYI, I make great scrambled eggs. That's two things you can rely on from a relationship with me, great sex and great eggs. I might join Tinder and use that...


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Ugh, this isn't the original 'next chapter', there was a whole chapter of Holly and Gail just hanging out in the apartment, but nothing actually happened... It read fine and there was nothing _wrong_ with it per se, but the story didn't progress anywhere! So I cut it :( I might post it as an extra or something when I've finished.

Also, funny story, remember that cold I had the other week? Well it never really went away and now I've got pneumonia! Just in time for Christmas... As you can imagine I've been feeling a bit shite, so I haven't really been in the mood for writing much. I was on some silly sized antibiotics though, which despite being ridiculously awkward to swallow, have definitely started making it easier to breathe and function as a human being again! Hopefully in the new year I can get back to doing weekly chapters.

* * *

It's silly, and if it was anyone else Gail would be the first to call them something starting with the word stupid, because there's been _less_ people in the precinct before, so it can't possibly sound quieter because three people are on medical leave. But it is. She can still hear sirens and there's still people talking as she walks down the halls, but it feels like the volume in the whole building has been turned down.

The locker room is the same, it's like the building knows something happened, and she's just about ready to ask Frank to let her see the councilor again, because she's pretty sure this is the beginning of insanity. Gail throws her bag onto the bench and watches Andy jump at the sound of it, because she refuses to use her voice when scaring someone with a loud noise will get their attention all the same.

The brunette waves at her distractedly and mutters out a quick hello before continuing to rummage through her locker. Gail doesn't move, instead she waits for a few moments before Andy's head snaps back up. "Your hair!"

"Do you take this long to notice things at crime scenes?" Whatever the brunette was looking for lies forgotten as she walks over and raises her hand to touch the front of her fringe.

"Wha-" Gail lightly slaps hands away as she smiles up at her. "It looks good."

She makes a sound of agreement and picks up her bag, opening it to empty the clean clothes into her locker. "What are you doing in today anyway, shouldn't you be off making McSwarek babies with Swarek?"

"What? Me and Sam aren't-"

"How is he?" She cuts the brunette off and she almost wishes she hadn't asked the question, she knows Andy's trying to hide it, but she spots the slight tremble in her lower lip before she starts talking again.

"Bad, but they said he made it through the worst part, now he just needs to lay around for a few weeks and you know Sam, never likes to stand still let alone lay still." The smile that Andy flashes at her doesn't quite make it up to her eyes, and even though she quickly diverts them away, she still catches the light shine of tears in them. "What about you? I heard about you and Holly Stewart, is it true?"

"Yep."

"Is that all I'm getting?"

"Yep."

"Has it been going on long?" She thinks about the question.

"Nope." Trying to explain that yes it had been going on a long time, but not actually going on, wasn't a conversation she wanted to have without a cup of coffee, or another half bottle of Bourbon. She knows it only _really_ started two days ago, so no it hasn't been going on long. On the other hand, if she was being truthful, the realisation that she liked Holly had been building since the 'kiss' at the wedding, so yes it had been going on a long time.

They change in silence together and it gets Gail, in a way that she would never admit, that Andy changes in front of her in the same way she did before she knew about Holly. She thinks about saying something before they leave towards the break room for coffee, she doesn't though, she knows herself well enough to know the thank you would be lost somewhere in a string of sarcasm.

They're about to walk through the break door when Andy grabs her and pushes her against the wall.

"The others are in there, do you want me to grab you a coffee?"

"Or you could just let me through the door to get my own coffee?"

"Yeah, sure, I just, I didn't know if you wanted to, _engage_ with everyone today." The look on Andy's face is one of pure sincerity, but there isn't really a day when she _does _want to engage with everyone so early.

"Andy, thank you for taking it upon yourself to be my own little personal God fairy, but I'm perfectly fine."

"Really? You just look a bit upset."

"It's before eight o'clock, I always look upset at this time, especially when there's someone holding me against a wall so close to the coffee."

Gail watches as Andy processes the information and she finally lets go of her, brushing the imaginary dirt off her arms. "Right, yeah that's true, you can go get the coffee now."

"Gail, you cut your hair." She hadn't even technically made it through the door when Nick calls out to her prompting everyone in the room to turn around to look at her. She thinks maybe sending Andy in to get the coffee would have been the better option.

"Yeah, I saw a picture of Ellen DeGeneres and thought, hey why not." She tries to sound as bored as possible, because she just _knows_ everyone is making their own private judgment about what the short hair means, when truthfully it just means she drank too much.

"Got a bit drunk and emotional?" Nick's smiling up at her, and she wishes she had anything but a ceramic cup in her hand to throw at him.

"Shut up Nicholas." She feels the side of the coffee pot and quickly pours the still warm liquid into her cup.

It's Chris who speaks next, she hadn't even realised he was in the room, but it takes her back when she sees how tired he looks. "Well I like it, it's like you had it at the academy."

Gail's about to respond to him, maybe berate him about not sleeping when Traci interrupts from the corridor. "What is? Oh wow, Gail, rocking the new look."

She stares at her for a few moments, and she wonders if she's about to ask about Holly, but she turns away and addresses the whole room instead. "We've got an ops meeting in five minutes guys." The room fills with grumbles and Traci raises her arms in surrender. "I know, I know, but the sooner you get in there, the sooner we can all leave."

It only takes a couple of minutes for everyone to file out the room and she waits until it's just her and Andy left before topping up her coffee again. "See nothing to worry about."

"I wasn't, I wasn't worried." And she wasn't, not really, she just didn't _want_ to talk about Holly in front of twenty people.

"Yeah sure," She starts when Andy's hand reaches out to grab her arm. "Look no one cares Gail, and if they do, tell us and we'll," She pauses and pulls her face into an entirely Andy like grimace. "I don't know, kill them or something."

"I'm already filled with confidence." The brunette rolls her eyes and starts walking towards the exit.

The feel of her phone vibrating in her pocket stops her from following, she's about to hit 'End Call' before noticing Holly's caller ID. "I'll catch up in a sec." She waves the phone in Andy's direction before pushing it against her ear.

"Hi."

"Hey, I've just got the shifts through for next week, I'm off from Friday afternoon for the weekend, think you can swing it?" Gail lets out a sigh, because Friday afternoon, then a whole weekend with Holly is something that can't come quick enough.

"Maybe, they haven't released them here yet, I'll give you a call later when they let me know."

"How is it over there anyway, everything ok?"

"It's quiet. They all noticed my hair, I think they're all taking it as confirmation that I'm shaking up with you." There's a light laugh from the other end of the phone, and it makes her feel an odd pride to know she's the cause of it.

"I think I need to take some of the blame for it really."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I should have explained the whole short hair thing, isn't a mandatory requirement." Holly's laughter bubbles up from down the phone again and she can't help smiling at the sound of it.

* * *

Gail pushes the door to the house open. Dov's car had been sat on the drive again, meaning he was either home now or had been home whilst she'd been at work.

"Dov! Hey gerbil are you here?" There's no reply, and she figures he must be spending the night at the hospital again. She wonders when they'll finally kick him out properly and make him spend the night away from Chloe. She also wonders how long she can put them off, because listening to Dov drag on all night about his rights as her partner and how not being allowed to stay with Chloe was violating them would be enough for her to put him in hospital.

Gail flicks the lights to her room on a throws the bag of washing to the bottom of her bed. The subtle vibration in her pocket reminding her that Holly had called whilst she was driving home and she perches on the edge of the bed before hitting redial.

The phone connects after the third ring and the first thing Gail hears is Holly's heavy breathing. She can't even stutter out a 'Hello', with every exhale there's a light groan and she can already feel a warmth pooling between her legs.

"Ho- Holly?"

"Gail?" It comes out on what sounds like a moan and she has to grasp at the blanket underneath her to stop her hand from flicking open the button of her jeans.

"Holly, what are you doing?" Her voice rushes out and she's pretty sure it's gone up a couple of octaves.

"Sorry," There's a whirling noise in the background and another loud groan from the brunette. It's too much for her then, she lets go of the blanket and manipulates the fastening of her jeans, pushing her hand underneath both layers. "I'm on the treadmill at the gym, I don't like running in the snow, what's up?"

Her hand freezes.

"I thought you were-" She cuts herself off, because there's no way she's admitting to Holly that she thought she had answered the phone whilst getting herself off and that she was about to start doing same.

"You thought I was what?" There's a pause and she tries to think of an excuse, but the cloud of lust from listening to Holly groaning makes it impossible. "Oh!" It's a sound of recognition and she wishes she'd never even called to begin with. "You thought I was... "

"Yeah well, you were very gaspy, what did you expect me to think?"

"What would you have done if I was?" She suddenly becomes very aware that her hand is still resting against the warm skin underneath her jeans and she can't help her mind flashing to what Holly would look like with her hands down her own jeans, laying back on her bed...

"I er," She can hear Holly laughing on the other end of the phone and feels her face flush in embarrassment. "I can do next Friday."

She can still hear the laughter in her voice when she answers. "Great, I'll pick you up at six."

"Great, I'm going to go, I've got some stuff I need to do."

"Yeah, I can imagine." The tone of Holly's voice sounds like it's dropped and she can still hear her slightly laboured breathing.

"Right, I, I'll speak to you tomorrow yeah?"

"Of course, have a good evening Gail."

"Yeah, enjoy your indoor running." She almost slams the phone into the side of her head when she hangs up, because 'enjoy your indoor running' has to be a new low she's fallen to in her inability to act like a functional human being around Holly.

She flops back onto the bed and lets out an involuntary gasp when the pads of her fingers accidentally drag across the now wet sensitive flesh underneath her jeans, her hand still buried beneath the fabric. It comes back to her again then, the sound of Holly groaning down the phone at her, the heavy panting and she can't help the swirling motion her fingers begin making. Her eyes close as she starts to build a rhythm, jolts of pleasure starting to pulse through her as the sound of her own soft groaning and heavy breathing fills the silence of the room.

* * *

**A/N:** Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, enjoy the holidays to those that don't! Remember to stay safe, avoid unhelpful relatives and drink plenty of water before going to bed if you've been on the ol' mulled wine all day.

I'll be back in the new year, hopefully with clearer lungs and new chapters :)


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**: I had to pop into hospital at the beginning of the year, the lungs went a bit "you don't actually need to breathe" and I was all "yes I do please." So... Didn't really write anything whilst that was happening. I had some antibiotics and God knows what pumped straight into my arm though, and that seems to have worked. Only a little cough remains... And I have to go back to work now I'm better, n'awwwwww. Thank you for the follows and reviews in my absence.

Anyway, story time, and it's DATE NIGHT!

* * *

"So, where are we going?" Gail watches the lights of another truck pass the car window.

"It's still a surprise." She turns to face a smiling Holly, her eyes still on the road. The brunette had decided to organise the whole evening, with the only instructions she had been willing to give being just a simple text saying 'Wear casual clothes, we'll save the suave dresses for date number two'.

She was sure she recognised the route they were taking, but the low light outside made it difficult to tell. As the scenery continued to pass she let her mind drift back to Holly picking her up and the feel of her lips against hers for the first time in a week. Each passing moment had helped destroy any semblance of control that she had been trying to maintain. In her weak defense Holly hadn't resisted when she started pulling on the front of her coat. Holly also hadn't resisted when she started pulling her back into the house and towards her bedroom, because ever since hearing Holly groan down the phone at her she'd been desperate to hear it again without the static. Then Chris appeared, silently trying to move past the two of them in the doorway, and instead almost causing Holly to knock herself out when she quickly pulled away in surprise at someone brushing past her. The side of her neck still had a pleasant burn to it where Holly's lips and teeth had busied themselves and she self consciously pulls at the scarf covering the little red bites.

It's a passing neon sign that distracts her attention, the bright letters of "Bating Cages Next Left" piercing through the darkness.

"We're going to the bating cages?"

"It sucks when you're girlfriend's a police officer, you're too observant."

"Holly, it was literally a neon sign, either date someone who's blind or use a blindfold." Holly's hand comes to rest high on her thigh and she feels the pressure of it squeezing lightly.

"Blindfold huh? We can use one if you want to." A shiver travels straight down her spine and her eyes lock onto Holly's lips as the bottom one tucks itself between her teeth.

"I think I'd prefer it if you just concentrated on driving."

Her face flushes with embarrassment when Holly laughs gently. "Sure thing Gail."

She has to look away from Holly then, mainly to stop herself from grabbing the wheel of the car to jerk it to the side of the road so she can kiss Holly properly.

* * *

Holly's hand slips into hers when she draws level as they walk towards the counter to pay for the cage, and even through the material of her gloves she can feel her warmth. She's not a hand holding person, not with any of her boyfriends or even when she was a child with her parents, but it feels like this might be something that Holly needs to prove to herself that this is more than just friends hanging out, so she indulges her. There's a teenager sat behind the counter, reading a magazine, unaware of their approach.

"Hi can we book a cage for an hour?" The boy visibly jumps, his hand coming to rest on his chest.

"I'm sorry ma'am, all the cages are full."

"Oh." Holly pushes the money back into her pocket.

"The guy in cage four comes here every Friday, he always leaves around half seven, I can hold it for you if you like?" Holly looks at her like she's not sure what to do, so she replies for her.

"Yeah it's fine we'll take it. We'll grab some food first."

"Great, I'll come find you once we've reset. Enjoy your evening." Holly doesn't look like she's about to move so Gail thanks him for her and reaches out for the brunettes hand again, pulling her back towards the direction of the diner.

Holly stays silent as they walk past the cages, and only mutters a quiet thank you when she opens the door for her. It's busy inside, with only three left and they pick a booth at the side away from the prying eyes of the other customers.

"I'm really sorry Gail, I didn't realise it got _this_ packed on a Friday." Gail can't help reaching across the table to squeeze Holly's hand gently, letting their glove free hands twine together.

"Where else would the local singles go? A bar? No, obviously _this_ is the place to be if you're single on a Friday." The forlorn look disappears from the brunettes face and she smiles slightly. "Maybe my mum should have sent me here when she was trying to set me up." She lets her eyes follow a staggering man, red sauce smeared over the front of his too short shirt and she hears Holly finally laugh from the seat opposite.

"What then made me steal you away from one of these strong handsome men? It would have been like taking candy from a baby. Plus you were the one coming onto to me, so..." The brunette lets her sentence trail off, and Gail opens her mouth in shock.

"I'm sorry, I was the one coming onto you?" Her spare hand points a finger at herself.

"Totally, remember the wedding when you dragged me into a closet and kissed me?"

"Ok, that's an outright lie." Holly's about to reply to her when the waiter draws level with their table, pulling out a notepad.

"What can I get you ladies?" Gail's about to ask for more time, because she hasn't even looked at the menu when Holly answers for her.

"Can we grab two burgers, one basket of fries and a couple of beers please?"

"Sure thing, order should be with you in ten." He walks away and shouts their order through the open kitchen window.

"Hmmm, already ordering for me huh?" She opens one of the small menus and looks through the list of food, quickly realising that burger and fries would have been her pick anyway.

"And what would you have had?"

Gail purposefully puts her hand in front of her mouth to muffle the sound. "A burger, fries and a beer."

A silence falls between them, and it's not awkward, at least not for her, but she wonders if maybe now their dating they should be talking more. "So... This is a date."

"Yeah, it is." Holly nods her head from the other side of the table and they both fall into silence again.

"Does it feel weird?" The brunettes brow furrows, her head tipping to the side and she's instantly reminded of a puppy _and_ she instantly realises that calling their first date weird might not have been the best move. "Like a good weird. Like a... I don't even know what I'm saying."

"I don't know, it's odd not pretending to like 'like' you, I mean I can touch you now without worrying about." As if to prove her point she squeezes Gail's hand again, her thumb brushing across the skin on the back of it. "I can kiss you when I want to now which feels good." She brings their linked hands up to her mouth and places a sift kiss on her knuckles. "Kissing you earlier felt really good."

"Yeah?" She knows there's probably got a distant look in her eyes when she remembers how intense their kisses were becoming before Chris interrupted them. "We should probably practice it more though."

"Oh really?" Holly's mouth pulls into a half smile and Gail bites her lip at the sight of it.

"Two beers?" A different waiter stands at the end of their table, two bottles of beer resting on a tray in his hands.

"Yeah, thanks." Holly smiles up at him and takes the two bottles, placing one in front of Gail and taking a sip from the other. "So, I've never actually asked, why did you become a police officer?"

Gail starts at the sudden question and she thinks about lying, maybe making a joke about getting to wear a uniform. After everything Holly did for her after the hospital though and after _promising_ herself she would become someone that Holly deserves she thinks she at least owes her this truth.

"It was a family thing you know?" She knows that she's let her face convey the weight of the statement from the little 'oh' shape Holly's mouth makes.

"Oh, is it what you want to do?" There's a crease of concern in Holly's brow.

"Yeah, it wasn't at first, when your mums the superintendent, your dad's an inspector and your brothers some super detective there's a lot of pressure." The brunettes hand reaches across the table again and squeezes hers. "I guess I was always scared I wouldn't make it and if I did make it everyone would think it was because of them."

"And now?"

"And now I realise I don't have to be a detective, or even the best cop in the precinct, I just need to be a good cop."

"You are." Holly's hand squeezes hers again.

"What?"

"A good cop. I've seen you working Gail, I've seen the people you help."

"What about you? Why dead people?"

"I figured I couldn't do too much permanent damage if they were already dead." Holly smiles across at her, and she's glad she's lightening the mood again, because maybe lying and telling Holly she was only in it for the uniform would have kept the tone better. "I never told anyone at college why, but really, it's because I really liked decomposition, and I know it's a bit weird, but it's a really fascinating subject. I did some of my medical training on a body farm the University of Tenesseee owns, and it's incredible what they do down there. I almost took the job they offered me straight out of college." She thinks that the brunette might be joking, but there's a sparkle of _excitement_ in her eyes.

"Holly. That's _really_ weird."

"Weird? That's rich coming from you."

"Hey!"

It continues like that, the flirting, and she's not afraid to call it that now. There's a fine line between friendly banter and flirting and it's one she _knows_ her and Holly crossed every time they were together as 'friends'. The teenager from the counter comes to find them an hour later, after they've finished eating and drunk another bottle of beer each, and leads them to the cages, taking Holly's money for their hour on the way.

"Try to actually hit the ball more than once this time." Holly smiles at her as she puts on her helmet.

"Well I don't miss balls any more, so that shouldn't be a problem." She waggles her eyebrows at Holly and the brunette has to grab onto the side of the cage as she laughs.

Invariably she misses all but four of the balls that are fired at her, and she worries that Holly might not be able to drive home when she almost starts hyperventilating from laughing so much.

* * *

"I can't believe." Holly bites down on her bottom lip lightly pulling it towards her before letting it fall away, her tongue darting out to brush over it briefly. "We're making out." Her lips are on hers again, cutting herself off _again_ and she's not sure why she's trying to finish her sentence. "In a car." She returns the favour to the brunette and pulls on her lip with her teeth causing a light moan to rumble out of her. "We're not teenagers."

"But getting out means I have to stop kissing you." She leans in again and places a brief peck on Holly's reddening lips. "And I did say we had to practice more."

Gail feels rather than sees Holly smiling as she moves her lips against hers again, and she lets her hands trail up the brunettes arms and across her chest until their bunching the fabric under the collar of her shirt.

They had only driven five minutes down the road when Holly had turned off and taken them to a view overlooking the city. It was beautiful she was sure, but the second Holly had put the car into park, she found herself grabbing the brunettes collar and pulling her into a kiss that quickly escalated into another full blown make out session. Apparently the pair of them _were_ regressing back to their teenage years, because the last time she had gone at someone in a car like this had been in high school.

It's Holly pulling away to look down that pulls her attention to her hands and how they've subconsciously started playing with the top button on her shirt. Holly's about to say something, at least she thinks she is, but she doesn't want to hear it. Quickly she buries her face into the side of Holly's neck and starts lightly nipping against the sensitive skin and all the brunette does is grumble out a moan and thread her hands into her hair, holding her in place.

She doesn't know when she became a breast woman, but she's sure it traces back to the first time she saw Holly in one of her half unbuttoned shirts. The final button on the brunettes shirt pops open and her bra clad breasts are suddenly in full view and she wants nothing more than to remove the final piece of fabric.

"Gail, honey." It's like her vision is blurred when she lifts her head, and she just _knows_ her eyes have gone half lidded and dilated in arousal. "As much as I'm enjoying this we have to stop."

"Huh? What?" There's a blush covering the brunettes face, and she panics that maybe _she's_ taken things too far between them, and it's a sudden drop of guilt in her stomach that she's never felt before.

"I'm pretty sure if we get arrested for indecent exposure, you're never going to live it down."

"What?" Holly points out the front of the windshield, and Gail suddenly realises her blush wasn't from their make out session, but the old couple sitting on a bench opposite the car, their eyes wide with shock and all she can do is laugh as Holly hastily starts rebuttoning her shirt.

* * *

**A/N**: Also for anyone that was reading it... I updated my Skins fanfic.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**: Did everyone have a good Valentines? I got flowers from a guy who conveniently likes to not hear all the conversations we have about me being gay. Apparently I don't look "that" gay, whatever that means... Also I had a dream about toast girl the other night, she was moving in with me... I miss toast girl :(

Anyway, short setup chapter is short, thank you for the follows and reviews!

* * *

Gail's back feels warm against her front. It's early and Holly knows the blonde won't be awake for at least another couple of hours, so she revels in being able to watch her sleep peacefully. A light sigh falls from the blondes lips and she pushes her body back into hers further. The simple action makes her smile and she tightens her hold around Gail's body in response, prompting another content sleepy sigh.

They had come back to hers after their date, then drunk their way through the new bottle of bourbon she had bought to replace the one Gail had finished the week before. She'd offered to call the blonde a cab, because despite _another_ heavy make out session on her couch she knew her first time with Gail shouldn't and wouldn't be when they were both too drunk to walk five feet without stumbling. Instead the blonde had dragged them both upstairs and promptly passed out in the middle of the bed.

Things were becoming intense between the two of them, and it surprised her that most of it was initiated from the blonde. She had to bite her lip at the memory of Gail unbuttoning her shirt in the front of her car the previous night, because she really was throwing herself into the whole lesbian thing with wild abandon, and if that meant she spent a lot of time kissing her and trying to undress her she wasn't about to start complaining.

"Mmmmm, how long have you been awake." Gail's voice shocks her, and she smiles at the early morning husk it has.

"Not long, I didn't think you'd be awake for a while yet." The blonde lets out a grunt.

"Your hand woke me up." She's about to question what she means when she realises at some point she had subconsciously moved her hand under Gail's borrowed shirt, her hand tracing patterns over the bare skin.

Holly smiles and mumbles an apology, settling her head back on the pillow. It's the subtle movement of Gail breathing beneath her hand and the light smell of the blondes shampoo that lulls her back to sleep.

* * *

"Do you want to go to dinner tonight?" Holly smiles at the question. Gail had been sat at the kitchen counter reading the same newspaper page for ten minutes whilst she made breakfast, clearly mulling over the question the whole time rather than reading. She turns to face her, leaning against the opposite counter, watching her roll the corner of the newspaper, she wonders if she even realises that she's doing it.

"Date two already?"

"It doesn't have to be a date, we used to have dinner together before, it can just be you know, dinner, if you want-" The blonde stumbles over her words quickly and Holly can tell she's about to try and brush the whole thing off.

"Gail, honey, I'd love to go to dinner with you, on a date, tonight." It strikes her then that someone could be as confident and brave as Gail in public, yet so nervous and unsure in private. It feels like a gift in a way, and she wonders who else has been allowed to see the blonde drop her guard so far. Her mind drifts back to the day they met, and how the blonde confessed she was like a cat in a tree. She thinks it's an analogy works well for Gail, because she puffs herself up, makes a lot of noise and pretends not to be hurt, when behind it all she's just small and vulnerable.

"What?" She realises Gail must have seen the studying look on her face.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about cats."

"Is that what I've got to look forwards to? As I mature into a fully fledged lesbian will I start looking off into the distance thinking about cats and plaid?" She throws a towel from the counter at a laughing Gail before pulling out her phone to look up restaurants.

* * *

When Holly had dropped a sweatpants clad Gail back at her house that afternoon she never could have imagined the woman she would find at the restaurant four hours later. She could still feel the residual embarrassment at the memory of walking into someone else's table and spilling their wine over the floor as she stared at Gail. The blonde had chosen to wear the tightest black dress she had ever seen, with the front dipping down dangerously low and she found herself wishing she had worn something more than her leather trousers and loose shirt.

The blonde let out a light cough from across the table and she quickly diverts her eyes away from the low cut at the front of Gail's dress, _again_. She can't help internally berating herself, because there had been a lot of men that she had slammed for looking at her chest and now she's doing the exact same thing to the blonde. In her weak defense, she knew what was underneath that dress, and she was sure Gail had worn it knowing she wouldn't be able to stop looking at her.

"You know oysters are aphrodisiacs." She points down to the oysters on her plate and she's not sure why she's mentioned it, but Gail just looks up from her starter and smirks at her.

"Like you need anything to get you going around me, or do I need to wear a more revealing dress?" Holly almost drops her knife. "Something wrong _honey_, you should probably eat up before they get cold."

All she can do is nod and follow Gail's instructions and she's thankful when the conversation returns to it's usual pattern. She tells Gail about her parents and how they met, tells her stories of college, and at Gail's prompting she tells her about how the big 'gay realisation' as she phrased it happened. In return Gail tells her about how her and Steve grew up, and she makes a mental note to ask Traci if dating Steve is just as weird as dating Gail is sometimes.

Their mains arrive shortly after, and she manages to keep it together enough to not mention that the avocado in her salad is also an aphrodisiac, because Gail was entirely right, in that dress Holly didn't need any help. There's a tension between them as they eat, the type that makes every beat of her heart feel pronounced and every brush of Gail's foot up her leg feel like it's going to be the end of her. A part of her is surprised that it's Gail taking the lead in this _again_, and that every time she tries to slow things down for the blondes sake it's her who's pushing forwards.

They both order deserts when the waiter comes back and she knows Gail is watching her when she lifts the first spoon of ice cream to her mouth, so she decides to play with it. She knows the moan she lets out when the ice cream meets her tongue is bordering on pornographic, but she needs a way to get back at Gail for her earlier comment and for wearing that damn dress. She lets her eyes flutter closed as she lightly hums around the spoon, and the mango ice cream is actually really good, so it's not like she has too fake how much she's enjoying it.

She pulls the spoon out and licks at it, then almost chokes on the ice cream when she opens her eyes. Gail stares directly into hers, and she's never been particularly aroused by people eating food before, but it's the look of intent in Gail's eyes when she takes one of the whole strawberries from her cheesecake between her lips and gently bites into it, her tongue coming out to lick away the juices that cling to her lips. Holly almost wishes she had said no to desert, and she has to quickly wipe at the corner of her mouth as the melting ice cream starts to pool out the side.

"Mmmm, maybe those oysters were a bad idea, you look on edge Holly."

"Gail," Her voice is breathless and she knows Gail must hear the notes of arousal in it, her foot carelessly rising up her leg again. "Are you trying to kill me?" The blonde just smiles at her and bites into another strawberry, the juice coating her lips again and Holly has to seriously consider the implications of just pinning Gail to the table and licking the strawberry off her lips herself.

* * *

Holly's not sure how they make it back to her place without the car ending up in a ditch, because Gail's hand had been intent on causing either a traffic accident or a brain aneurysm with the way it kept skirting up her inner thigh. The first thing she does once Gail opens the front door, with the front door key she had borrowed the week before, that Holly didn't have the higher brain function to mention, is make a beeline for the kitchen.

"Do you want a drink?" She has a glass in her hand already, and it's shaking slightly in nerves or arousal, she can't be sure which. Gail's hand drags across her stomach and she can feel her breath on the back of her neck. It makes her breath catch in her throat when she turns around to face the blonde, her pupils dilated and her lip caught between her lips.

"No, not tonight." There's a look in Gail's eyes that tells her everything she needs to know and she puts the glass back on the counter behind her. The way Gail had been goading her all night had her hoping, but she didn't want to push.

"Are you sure? We don't have to rush this." Her voice is small and hushed, and despite being completely alone it feels like if she raises her voice any louder the moment might end.

Gail's voice is just as hushed when she replies, her hand coming round the back of her head to tangle in her hair. "Holly. I want you, and I know you want me, and I know we've both wanted this for a long time, so don't make me beg."

She smiles and starts to lean forwards, feeling Gail's breath on her lips. "As if you would ever beg."

"Well. I might have said please."

* * *

**A/N**: 'Warning', next time... SEX.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**: This is the sex. Hands on keyboards at all times.

MSMR - Dark Doo Wop

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It's either nerves or excitement, Gail's not sure which, but her hands are shaking as she follows Holly up the stairs. She can almost hear the sound of her breathing echoing off the walls, and she tries to take a deep breath because this was _her_ idea.

Waking up to the brunette wrapped around her, their legs intertwined, her hot breath spilling over her neck, it had set her on edge for the whole day. Once Holly had dropped her back at her apartment she'd spent an hour just sat on her bed, trying to decide if it was time, and trying to decide if it was stupid to put this much emotion into what was about to happen. It was just sex. But then with Holly it was never really 'just' anything, everything always came with so much emotion that it scared her just how much Holly made her feel in such a short amount of time.

It was the 'what was about to happen' that confused her as well, because she knew what girls did together, sort of, and she didn't know why, but it was less about what she was going to feel and more about what _Holly_ was going to feel. The look Holly had given her when she had seen the dress was enough to cement her conviction though, because if she had to spend another night just thinking about the brunette she was going to combust.

Gail takes in another calming breath when Holly stops at the door to the bedroom, opening it to let Gail in and closing it behind them. She hears the light switch behind her being clicked and the warm glow of Holly's lights fill the room. It had been less than 24 hours since she'd been in there, but it feels like a different kind of intimate now.

She doesn't turn to face the brunette, but she can feel the heat of her body standing inches from her back, her breath caressing the bare skin of her back. It feels like minutes pass, both of them breathing heavy before Holly's fingers start brushing down her back and she feels the zip of her dress being pulled down.

"Are you sure?" A dazed feeling has settled over her and it takes a second for Gail's now lust filled mind to comprehend what Holly's asking. She doesn't answer, not verbally anyway, instead she pulls the straps of her dress off her arms and lets the material pool at her feet.

The feel of her skin against Holly's shirt when she pulls her around into a kiss isn't enough, she wants to feel the warmth of her skin against hers, so she starts fumbling with the buttons, her breath getting sharper with each one that pops open. As soon as the last one is tugged free of its hole Holly slides the shirt off and Gail moans, because the feel of her bare skin against her own is just so much _more_ than she was expecting.

Gail's only semi aware of what Holly's hands are doing, but when the brunette steps back to put some space between them her breath catches in her throat. The brunette bends down to remove her trousers from her legs fully and Gail marvels at the sight of them. Neither of them move, and she just looks at the brunette, takes in the small flat of her stomach and the smoothness of her legs and she almost has to close her eyes when she thinks that any moment now she'll be touching them. Eventually her eyes drag up to Holly's face and she realises she's doing the same thing, her own eyes wondering over her body.

She decides to take the lead, which considering she doesn't know what the hell she's going to do is a big step, but she reaches behind her back and flicks open her bra anyway, letting it fall onto the small pile of clothes between them. The pink of Holly's tongue catches her attention as it brushes across her lips and the small gesture causes her to clench unexpectedly, and her legs go weak, because she hasn't been paying attention to just how _wet _she's become. Holly stares down at her chest, and she's about to say something, maybe, about the brunette hurrying it along and taking off her own bra, because she just needs to see and she's too nervous to do it herself.

It could be Holly who moves first, or it could be her, but their bodies crash together somewhere in the middle, and it's so hard she's surprised they haven't ended up winding themselves. The kiss is almost violent and she revels in the groan that comes from Holly when she tugs her lower lip with her teeth. It's Gail's turn to groan when Holly's lips leave hers to start leaving a hot train down her neck, nipping lightly and she can feel her nipples hardening against Holly's chest. It's brave of her she thinks, or maybe she's just too turned onto care, when she reaches up and starts palming Holly's breasts through her bra, her hands cupping them and her thumbs brushing up over the hardened peaks inside. She thinks it could be turning into a competition to see who can make the other groan the loudest, because Holly's hands are suddenly all over her chest in reply, and it's just making her so shockingly _wet_ at the feel of it.

Holly finally discards her bra, and Gail wants nothing more than to pull away and look at her, but they're back to kissing and she's not sure which is more important. The kisses continue, the intensity growing and she knows both of them are going to have bruises in the morning.

There's a gentle push on her waste, and she realises Holly is gently trying to manoeuvre them towards the bed, so she lets her slowly guide her. They have to break apart briefly so she can shuffle up the bed, her head sinking into the pillow as Holly climbs on top of her, her long legs tangling with her own, the sight of her bare breasts causing her hips to buck subconsciously. The kissing starts again, and she's not sure if it's because their laying down, or if being able to touch so much skin has taken the edge off, but it's slower.

She can feel the heat of Holly's clothed centre on her thigh, and she wants to touch her, she want to hear Holly moaning her name the way she'd imagined it, but she just doesn't know exactly _what_ it is she needs to do to make that happen. Pleasure starts to coil in her stomach as Holly's fingers come up to trace around Gail's ever hardening nipples. Her body stiffens slightly and it surprises her when Holly pulls away from her lips, her brow furrowed in concern, because she was hoping that she wouldn't notice.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Holly removes her fingers from Gail's nipples, and she almost whimpers at the loss of contact. "We can stop, don't feel like you have to do this Gail." Which is a ridiculous statement really, because Holly is half naked on top of her, her body won't let her not do this.

"No I just, I don't-" She swallows, because God it feels embarrassing to admit. "I don't really know what to do."

"Oh," Holly light brushes the ends of hair on her forehead. "What do you think you do?"

"What I do to myself, probably, but I don't know, more?"

"Show me."

"Holly," She feels her face flush with embarrassment, because she knows what Holly is asking her to do. "I- I cant."

"Yes, you can." Holly's hand slowly moves to cover hers trailing it down her body until it meets the band of her underwear. "Show me what you do to yourself when you think of me, because you've touched yourself because of me haven't you?"

It's a complete turn in dominance and she thinks this could be Holly's revenge for her teasing earlier in the evening, but she doesn't care, because it feels too good to think of anything but what Holly is doing to her. The brunettes mouth latches onto the side of her neck, sucking harshly and her answer spills over her lips on the back of a moan. "Yesssss."

It's the look of pure want in Holly's eyes at her confession when she pulls back that causes her hand to slip underneath the fabric. At least that's what she tells herself, because right now it feels like she has no control over anything, least of all her vocal cords that let out a deep groan when she finds the wetness that she knew had pooled between her legs. The pleasure starts to spike through her as her fingers instantly find her clit and start moving over it in a familiar pattern.

She opens her eyes and finds Holly's trained on the movement of her hand under the fabric, and she didn't know being watched so intently would cause such a clench of excitement in her stomach, but it has.

Gail lets out a groan when Holly's hand pulls at her wrist, but it turns into a gasp when she starts dragging her wet fingers down her own stomach before she pushes them into her own underwear. The wetness of Holly shocks her, but it doesn't stop her fingers from beginning to move in clumsy circles searching for the place that will make Holly gasp.

"Hey, slow down, just," Gail stops moving and gently probes her finger further up, "Oh God, yeah, right there." Her sentence is followed by a guttural groan and Gail realises she's somehow found the right spot.

She takes it slower then, watching Holly's brow furrow above her as she gently swirls her fingers, but she needs _more_ and she thinks Holly does too. The constraint of Holly's underwear means there's not enough room or freedom for her to do what she has planned next. The brunette has her eyes closed, but they fly open in surprise when Gail flips them over and removes her fingers.

"Wha- Are you ok?" She just hums in response and hooks her thumbs into the top of Holly's underwear and starts pushing the black lacy material down her thighs. She wasn't prepared for the sight of it then, the actual sight of Holly wet and naked beneath her and she's surprised when she feels another gush of wetness in her own underwear.

Holly's stomach muscles clench underneath her wet fingers as she drags them down towards where she needs them again, her back arching off the bed as she trails them past her clit, the pads of her fingers deliberately pushing down over it. The brunette lowers her own hand to meet hers and helps guide her to her entrance, manipulating her fingers so there's two of them resting just inside. Gail's not sure if she should be embarrassed that she's having to help her so much, but part of her just finds it so _hot_ to have Holly showing her just what she wants that she almost wants to feign inexperience for her to ask for more.

Gail's breathing is coming in short pants, because it's only the tips of her fingers, but she can feel the warmth enveloping them. Holly moves her hand away and rests it on her side and Gail has to bury her face in Holly's neck for a moment, because this is all just _too_ much in the best possible way.

"Gail," Holly takes a shuddering breath and she feels her chest against her own, "_Please_."

She moves her fingers deeper until they're fully inside and Holly lets out a deep moan. The clenching around her fingers makes her stop, leaving her fingers buried to the hilt, because she never expected it to feel like this, and she doesn't really want to move, she just wants to keep her fingers still and keep feeling it, but for this to work she knows she needs to start moving again. Slowly she moves the two digits back out again, before pushing them back in and she starts a rhythm in time with her breathing, in and out, in and out, and it's startling how turned on it's making her. She can hear the gentle wet sound of her fingers moving inside Holly mixing with the sound of their heavy breathing and it just adds to everything she's feeling.

"I'm not going to break, you can go harder." Gail leans down to suck hard on her collar bone, and she feels the brunettes body arching into her again. "That's not what I-" Gail doesn't give her the chance to finish as she increases the pressure of her hand causing Holly to let out a loud moan, which she's _sure_ is a good thing.

"Yeah, I know."

The moan was good, but she still not sure if what she's doing is completely right and she thinks maybe she should be doing more, but Holly's eyes are closed, her head pushing further back into the pillow exposing the length of her neck and Gail can't resist it. She can feel the vibration of Holly's moans in her throat as she kisses towards her ear, lightly pulling the lobe between her teeth.

Holly's hand moves just above where her hand is and her fingers start making tight circles around her own clit, and _God_ if it's not the hottest thing she's ever seen. She hadn't realised it until Holly's spare hand comes up to grip her arse that she had been moving her hips above her, and she thinks she almost dies when she pushes her down onto her thigh, because it's the friction she's been craving since she started touching Holly.

Her movements start growing in confidence when she feels Holly clenching harder and more erratically around her fingers, she realises she must be close, but she doesn't want this to end, ever. Holly's hand starts to speed up, the little circles getting more off time and Gail responds by curving the ends of her fingers inside her and it's all it takes.

Holly pulls her down into a sloppy kiss when she comes, gasping out her name between breaths and Gail doesn't know what to concentrate on, the taste of Holly's lips, the sound of her name being gasped breathlessly or the feel of Holly clenching so _hard_ around her fingers. She decides to be greedy and just take it all in, every part of it and she has to stop moving her own hips, because just feeling Holly has brought her too close to the edge.

Eventually Holly's hand grips onto her wrist again to stop her movement, and she gently moves them out of her. She looks down and sees them covered in everything that's Holly and she doesn't know why wants to taste them, but it feels more like a need. The taste is unexpected, she's not sure what it was she was expecting, but she closes her eyes and hums around her fingers as it settles over her tongue.

"God Gail." The brunette sounds breathless and Gail opens her eyes again to meet the lust filled orbs looking back at her. Holly pulls at her wrist to remove her fingers from her mouth and then kisses her, she wonders if the moan Holly lets out when their lips meet is because she's tasting herself.

"I want to taste you." It takes a few moments to figure out what Holly means, she's already been flipped on her back and Holly is already kissing just above the waistband of her underwear before it clicks.

She knows it's going to be over embarrassingly quickly, but she doesn't care because Holly is dragging her underwear down her body and she's placing the sweetest kisses around her inner thighs. It's not like when anyone else she's slept with, Holly doesn't dive straight in and start thrashing her tongue, instead she drags her tongue slowly from the bottom of her slit to the top, placing a light kiss around her clit when she reaches the top. Then she repeats the same movement, again and again, and Gail's close to begging by the time she finally relents and spends more than a second touching her clit.

By the time Holly pushes a single finger inside her she's already lost the power of speech, and really all she wants to say is 'more' and 'please', but every time she tries it just comes out as an incoherent whimper. She tries again to ask for more, and she actually _feels_ Holly smiling against her, because even though it just came out as another garbled whimper the brunette understands and pushes another finger inside.

One of her hands quickly ends up pinching at her own nipple causing spikes of pleasure to travel down her body and the other buries itself in Holly's thick hair pulling her closer. She was right when she thought it wouldn't take long, because it's been a matter of minutes of Holly touching her properly before she feels the familiar coiling of her stomach, and it's just so _intense_, she doesn't think it's built so high before.

She thinks she might have managed to splutter out Holly's name as her head leaves the pillow her eyes staring down at her and every muscle in her body contracts at once at the sight of her staring back.

The release of her orgasm leaves her seeing stars, the pleasure shooting out into every nerve ending, leaving her head pushed back into the pillow, her heels digging into Holly's back and her hands gripping at the bed sheets, twisting them between her fists. She's glad that at some point during Holly's assault on her she lost the ability to speak properly, because she's incredibly aware that three little words almost spill out her mouth as Holly continues moving against her. It feels like it goes on for hours, wave after wave with the brunette helping her to ride it out, but eventually she's aware of Holly's placing light kisses around her thighs before moving back above her. She keeps her eyes closed as she tries to compose herself. The last twinges of pleasure are still clenching through her when she opens her eyes.

"Hey, welcome back." Holly's hair is sticking out at all angles, and she looks so damn smug that Gail almost rolls her eyes until she catches sight of the wetness around her mouth. She can't resist pulling Holly down into a kiss, the taste of herself mingles with the taste of Holly and she lets out a moan from deep in her throat. It's Holly who pulls away first, her fingers brushing through the front of her hair again.

"God, is it always like that?"

"Yeah, I think it is if you find the right person." Holly's fingers slowly trail down her face and neck until their tracing one of her hardened nipples.

"Hmmm," Gail closes her eyes at the sensation, because they've only just finished, but she wants to start all over again. "We should probably try it again, just to make sure we did it right."

"Yeah?" Holly's already moving to straddle her, her lips encasing one nipple, whilst her hand pinches at the other one.

"Yeah." She lets out a groan when her teeth lightly grazes the sensitive flesh. "We should probably try it a couple of more times at least, just to be sure."

* * *

**A/N**: Are we all still alive?

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN YOU TOAST GIRL, YOU HEAR ME? THIS COULD HAVE BEEN YOU!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**: So... I found out someone close to me was dying, then they did die two months later, hence the lack of chapters. I have been writing though, just a completely different story to this one... So there's that to look forwards to.

Also, in other news, their death made me panic over my own mortality and now I'm going to America in June (namely Arizona and New York), on my own, for two weeks... Because that felt like a natural reaction... AH!

* * *

"Morning beautiful." Holly's breath tickles over the back of her neck and Gail lets out a content sigh at the feel of it before rolling over, burying her face into the space under the brunettes chin.

"Mmmm, it's early."

"Do you want some breakfast?" Her stomach twists at the mention of food and she's suddenly aware just how hungry she is.

"I am feeling strangely hungry this morning." From her position against Holly's neck she feels the light rumble of her laugh more than she hears it.

"Really? I can't think why." She pulls back slightly then, pressing a a light kiss to Holly's lips, both of them letting out a heavy breath at the contact.

"Me neither, I did have the most vivid dream though." She's smirking against Holly's lips again and the brunettes pushing against her more firmly.

"Oh? And what happened?" The question is just a whisper and she can feel the smile on her lips as they kiss again.

"The usual, just some endless mountain hiking, pretty boring really." Suddenly she's on her back with the brunette straddling her hips, her hands crawling up her sides causing her body to spasm underneath her as she laughs. "Hey! Holly, stop!"

The brunettes fingers stop their movements and they stare at each other for a few moments, their breaths coming in short pants at the sudden burst of activity. It's her stomach _again_ that interrupts them and really she's going to have to remember to eat before they go to sleep in the future, because this is the second morning her rumbling stomach has ruined a moment.

"Breakfast?" She nods slightly and then has to grasp the bed sheets between her fingers, because Holly is getting out of the bed and she's still naked, and just the sight of her is igniting all the feelings she had the night before. The muscles in the brunettes back ripple as she stretches her arms above her head, and Gail's not sure if Holly's incredibly aware or completely oblivious to the effect her body is having on her, but she gets her answer when she turn back around and there's a smirk already pulling at the corner of her mouth. "You doing ok there Gail?"

"Yeah, your hair's messy that's all." The lie is unconvincing, and she knows that, because she's not looking at Holly's hair, or even her face. Instead her eyes are practically glued to her bare chest, watching as her breasts move in time with her steady breathing, and really she's not sure how she missed all the signs that she was gay because the sight of Holly's breasts is setting off all kinds of fireworks inside her.

Holly's still smiling at her when she bends down to start rummaging through the draws at the side of the bed, pulling out a pair of pyjama bottoms and t-shirt for them each. "Get dressed, I'll see you downstairs in a bit. I'll make sure to sort my hair out before you get down, wouldn't want it distracting you."

"You know it's traditional to bring your date breakfast in bed." The brunette has already left the room by the time she pulls her head through the t-shirt and she can hear her laughing from down the hall.

"We're lesbians Gail, haven't you heard, we're completely untraditional."

There's already a cup of coffee on the counter waiting for her when she makes it downstairs, and true to her word Holly's hair is sitting straighter on her head.

"So what's the plan for today?" The brunette turns to face her, her fingers dragging across the work surface as she walks to stand behind her, her arms instantly wrapping around her waist.

"I was thinking breakfast," She leans her head to the side to grant Holly easier access as she places a light kiss underneath her ear. "Then a shower," Holly's voice is only a light whisper in her ear and she lets her head fall forwards as she starts leaving a trail of kisses around the back of the neck until she reaches the other side. "Then maybe going back to bed," A light groan catches in her throat as Holly lightly nips at her ear before moving away and Gail physically shivers at the loss of contact as she makes her way back around the counter. "Just to catch up on some sleep obviously."

"Hmmm do you need some help with those last two?" Gail can feel herself grinning at the other woman as she smiles back from the other side of the kitchen.

"Well I did sleep well last night, so maybe we should follow the same pattern, see if it works again. You know from a purely scientific point of view."

"Oh really? And is this going to end up in one of your articles? 'Sex and Sleeping Are The Two Linked?'" Holly lets out a laugh and picks up her glass of juice from the side.

What Gail's expecting to hear is Holly's playful reply, what she's not expecting is the sound of Holly's glass smashing on the floor. It's a strange sensation then, as if her body is all around her and she's trapped within it completely out of control, and that includes the control of her eyes as they instantly fall to the broken shards. It's the only thing she can see, she knows Holly is moving around in her peripheral and she's not sure if she's saying something to her, because there's nothing but the ringing of the glass smashing, the ringing of a gun firing.

It's ridiculous, and she _knows_ that what she's about to do is going to send all kinds of mixed messages to Holly, but she does it anyway. She runs.

The door slams behind her, Holly's trainers fitting loosely to her feet and she doubts Holly has even had the chance to leave the kitchen before she's running down the pathway. The snow crunches underfoot and Gail thinks maybe she should be proud when she manages to run full speed to the end of the road without slipping once, but the cold is whipping at her face and it's the stinging that makes her realise she's crying. The air in her lungs starts to burn, she needs to stop, but at the same time she needs to get away and that's how she finds herself sat in the empty playground sat on a frozen swings at seven o'clock in the morning.

The city is quiet around her and she looks down at the clothes she's wearing, their Holly's and they're too thin to be out in the early morning weather, the wind cutting straight through them. She needs to go back, if only to stop herself from dying of hypothermia.

"Gail, what the hell are you doing?" She almost falls off the swing she turns so quickly. Holly stands behind her panting, the air in front of her misting up with each heaving breath. And of course Holly chased after her, it's _Holly_, she was never not going to come running after her and she feels all the more foolish for it.

"I- I didn't know what to do, so I," she can already feel her breathing starting to pick up, and she has no idea how to explain something she doesn't understand herself, so she tries to break it down to it's simplest parts. "It was the glass." She sighs internally, because it's not even half of an explanation.

"What?"

"I ran away because of the glass, which is stupid, and I know it's weird, but I just-" Her breathing is getting faster, and before she can even blink Holly's moving in front of her and pushing a hand lightly onto her chest.

"Honey," She continues to let her hand rest gently and Gail breaths in deeply, her mind focusing on the contact. "Calm down."

They remain silent when Holly pulls her to her feet and leads her back towards the house, the front door hangs wide open and the police officer in her wants to immediately berate the brunette for not locking it, but the guilt settles in her stomach instead.

She does lock the door once their back inside, pulling the chain across the lock and Gail wonders if it's more to keep her in than other people out. The silence stretches on and Holly sits her down on the sofa firmly, draping a blanket over her shoulders before leaving her alone for a few minutes. When she returns it's with her coffee and Gail feels guilty again, because their morning should have been so different after the night they had and instead she ruined it.

"Now, would you like to explain what the hell that was?"

"When," She looks down at the floor and takes another deep breath before looking up and continuing. "When we were shot at, it went through the car window, there was glass and," It's sounding more ridiculous, because this is not the first time she's been shot at or the first time she's seen someone else get shot at, so she tells Holly this, because she needs someone to help her make sense of it. "This isn't the first time I've been shot at Holly, I don't understand."

"You almost _died_ Gail." It's stated so bluntly, so matter of a factly, but the brunette's missing the point, because she knows she could have died, it's what happens every time they go out in their uniform. As much as it is for protection, at the same time it makes them a _target_.

"We were fine, neither of us-"

"Gail a man shot at you through the window of your car, two of your colleagues, two of your _friends,_ were shot at, one of them was seriously wounded, then another one of your friends got kidnapped, then _another_ one your friends got shot in a place you're meant to feel safe." There's a pause in her speech and Gail has to look down at the floor again to try and control her breathing again. "People you love were almost killed Gail."

The tears are already stinging at her eyes again, and she curses the fact she's still a wreck about this, everyone is going to be fine, so she should be fine too.

"You should have told someone about this sweetie." It sets her off, and she doesn't know why, because all Holly is trying to do is help.

"I know ok Holly? I get it. I messed up." She regrets it instantly, and Holly comes to kneel down in front of her.

"Gail." It's soft, and it's just her name, but it's Holly and it's never just anything with her, so she pushes her face into her hands and lets out a quite sob.

"What am I even doing? We had sex last night Holly."

"I was acutely aware of that, yes." She moves her hands down and she's just staring up at her with her infuriatingly beautiful half smile and everything's already feeling lighter.

"And now I'm getting angry at you and you're just trying to help and God..." She sniffles back and really she wonders if she should be more concerned that her nose is running and that her eyes are surely blood shot when it's only a couple of weeks into their relationship, and really she should be holding on to some level of class until they've at least passed the one month mark. "I'm a mess."

"Yeah, a pretty hot one though." She's smiling at her again and all she can do is laugh, until the sound starts to catch in her throat and she's crying again. She's a sobbing mess, and Holly just sits next to her, pulling her body into hers as she shakes uncontrollably like it's the most natural thing in the world.

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**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews, if anyone is about in Phoenix on June 12th/13th (or even Page, Sedona or Flagstaff earlier in the week) send me a PM... We can bond over food and drinkies ~


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**: Rookie Blue is back! AHhhh..hhh. hh... I'm not actually looking forwards to it? I'm really worried they're going to knob the whole thing up even more...

Anyway thanks for the reviews, you're all lovely, and I'm sure if I could hug you all, you would all smell glorious. This chapters more a set up chapter for... Well you'll see what for and then you can all be devastated whilst I live it up in 'Merica.

* * *

What sounds like a content sigh falls from the blonde head laying in Holly's lap, her feet stretching out across the sofa as they sit it silence. The short strands of Gail's fringe bush against the tip of her thumb as she traces it across the subtle frown lines on her forehead.

"Hey, you doing ok?" There's no reaction and she stills her hand, they had been in the same position for at least an hour and she wonders if Gail fell asleep.

"Hmmm, I feel like an idiot." There's still a hoarse tone in her voice from her early crying and Holly knows it's not appropriate, but a jolt of excitement goes through her at the sound of it.

"Nothing new then." Gail's eyes finally blink open again, her hand coming up to lightly slap her across the arm. "Do you still want some breakfast?"

"Yeah," despite her affirmation the blonde makes no effort to move from her lap, instead her eyes just fall shut again and she moves her hand from Gail's forehead to start tracing her thumb across her cheeks instead. "I promise not to run away this time."

She knows that Gail doesn't mean it in any way but self deprecation, but the memory of her running out of the door causes a fresh wave of hurt to wash through her. It scares her more than she would ever admit to the blonde, and she knows logically she actually played no real part in the reason for her running this time, but it still scares her that one day Gail will be running out of the door because of her. She loves her and she thinks that's where the problem could be. She's still not entirely sure when the line between wanting to sleep with Gail and actually falling for her was crossed, but she's brave enough to admit in her head that it _has_ been. She's falling in love with Gail Peck, and it scares her that she needs to make sure the blonde doesn't find out, not yet, not when one wrong word could have her fleeing out the door and her life entirely.

"Do you want pancakes?" There's a slight lump in her throat when she talks and she can feel the heaviness of tears waiting to spill from her eyes, and she's relieved that Gail keeps her eyes shuts when she shakes her head from side to side.

"No, you don't have to, toast is fine." _That_ catches her attention and she quickly blinks back the tears that had started to form, because Gail 'pancakes are a staple breakfast/lunch/dinner food' Peck is turning down freely offered pancakes.

"Honey," leaning down Holly gently lets her lips press a light kiss to her forehead. "I'm offering you pancakes."

"I know, I just," her eyes open again, and Holly wonders if maybe she should pull back a bit, because her head is still hovering just above the blondes, but she takes the chance study the blondes eyes closely. "Do you think I'm a mean person?" That does make her pull back slightly, and she can feel the crease in her brow as Gail's eyes just make her look so _vulnerable_ and she doesn't understand how Gail can't know that anyone even remotely close to her can see straight through her cutting comments to the loving woman underneath.

"This has suddenly become very deep for a conversation about pancakes." She lets her thumb smooth out the crease on Gail's own forehead, lowering her hand to catch the single tear that drips down the side of her face. "And no, I don't think you're a mean person."

The room falls silent again and she can almost see the thoughts in Gail's eyes as they dart between hers and she wonders what it is the blonde isn't telling her.

"Were you serious about pancakes?" The blondes eyes shine with unshed tears and she wants to push her to talk about it, to tell her what else is wrong, but she doesn't want to scare her. A part of her just wishes this could be as simple as it was before Gail ran away from her, because now they're both scared about something unsaid and neither of them is going to admit it to the other.

"Yeah I was." Holly dips her head again to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Then, can I please have pancakes?" She moves to the other cheek and presses another light kiss to her skin.

"Yes, you may." A final kiss is pressed to Gail's forehead before she sits up, pulling Gail off her lap and helping her shuffle round to sit next to her.

The room falls into silence again, and she tries to stand up to start on the pancakes when Gail pulls her back down, her arms wrapping around her neck, her face burying out of sight into her neck.

"Thank you." And she's not sure why, but she thinks it sounds like a 'sorry' to.

* * *

"This is nice." The warm water continues to cascade around them and she murmurs her response into the back of Gail's neck, her arms wrapping around her stomach.

"Nicer than the last time we tried to shower together."

"The last time we showered together," the blonde reaches down for one of her arms, intertwining their fingers together before pulling it up to place a light kiss to her knuckles. "You went Notebook on me."

Holly laughs, and remembers that first shower, and the pain in the ass it had been to try and drag her soaking clothes off herself _and_ off an inebriated Gail. "You'd make a beautiful Ryan Gosling."

"Is it because of the hair?"

"Mhmmm."

The blonde turns around in her arms, her own coming up to wrap around her back pulling their bodies together. Holly lets out an appreciative moan when the soft skin of Gail's breasts push into her own, and she can feel the blondes nipples hardening. They stay like that for what feels like hours, until Gail finally lifts one of her hands to cup the side of her face before bringing their lips together.

"You're very beautiful." It's barely above a whisper, and over the sound of the shower she struggles to hear her, but she does clearly feel the intent of Gail's hand as it starts to trace down her stomach. Holly's hand automatically flies out to the tiles next to her as the blondes hand continues down lower, stopping briefly to circle her belly button and she hasn't even touched her properly yet, but her knees already feel like their about to buckle.

"Gail..." There was a whole reply planned, but it's cut off by the gasp that falls from her lips when Gail's hand is suddenly cupping her. There's a wetness between her legs and she just _knows_ that Gail knows it has nothing to do with the water around them, and everything to do with the fingers that are now swirling around experimentally.

She thinks about lowering her hand, moving Gail's fingers to exactly where she needs them, but before she can even properly process that thought the blonde easily slides two fingers inside her.

"Kiss me." Gail's lips are on hers instantly, roughly biting at her bottom lip causing a groan that seems to echo around the bathroom to erupt from her mouth as she starts pumping inside her.

She can feel the blonde moving her thumb round, and she's desperate for her to hit her clit properly, and she's about to help, because she gets it, they've only had sex a few time, Gail's only had sex with a woman a few times, but she doesn't need to. The thought briefly crosses her mind that she might need to install hand rails in the shower, because there's literally nothing to hold onto and her knees are going weak at the sensation of Gail's fingers and thumb working her, and she can already tell shower sex is something Gail is going to excel at. Something between a gasp and a groan spills out of her, and usually she would be embarrassed about just how loud it was.

"Shhh, I've got you," Gail moves her spare hand around her back, pulling her body close as she starts to fall apart, and all Holly can do is hang onto her for dear life.

* * *

If there's one thing that Holly's happy to discover about Gail in the past 24 hours, it's when Gail is learning something new, she likes to practice again and again, and _again_, and Holly is incredible grateful that she is currently trying to perfect the art of having sex with another woman. Their shower had inevitably run on too long, both of them eventually stepping out into the sauna her bathroom had turned into with crinkled skin. That had led to Gail offering to help dry her hair, which had ended with her being pushed back onto the bed and she's struggling to remember a time she's ever slept with someone so many times in such a short space of time.

She sort of gets it though, Gail's irresistible urge to touch her, she still remembers the first time she had slept with a girl in college, it was as amazing as it was awkward, but they had barely been able to stay in the same room as each other for five minutes before ripping their clothes of each other for the following two weeks. Massie. She had been blonde too, but with the greenest eyes she had ever seen, a smile creeps across her face and she wonders where she is now, whether she ever managed to move to Europe like she wanted to back then.

Their break up had been amicable, their lives moving in two different directions, to places that would leave them too far apart. It still took her friends the best part of six months of badgering before she let them set her up with someone else though, and she realises with everything happening in her life, with _Gail_ happening she hasn't seen them in months. As the years from college grew more distant it became more difficult to line up their schedules, but they still found the time to hassle her about not having a girlfriend, so she thinks that maybe it's time to show them she can function ok on her own without them trying to set her up with a string of women.

Gail shuffles in her arms, her back pushing back into her as she watches the TV, their legs intertwined at the bottom of the sofa.

"How would you feel about meeting a few of my friends?" The blonde jerks in response.

"Your friends?" She sounds hesitant, and Holly can't really blame her.

"Yeah, I mean, I see your friends all the time, literally, every week one of them turns up at my lab with a dead body." The arm she has slung over Gail's waist pulls her in closer, and she presses a light kiss to the back of her neck. "Or sometimes just body parts if someones having a bad week."

"That's true."

She pulls back from the blondes neck, resting her head back onto the arm of the sofa. "I think you should re-evaluate your friendship choices, maybe see if mine are a better fit..."

A laugh bubbles from Gail's throat, and it's one of the few times she's heard it that day. "Ok."

"Ok you'll come?"

"Yeah, I'll come."

"Great, they'll take a couple of weeks to sort their lives out enough to meet, I think one of them might be in the Bahamas actually..." She lets her voice trail off and tries to remember exactly where they all are right now.

"Well in the mean time you should meet my girlfriend instead." There's suddenly a flirty tone in Gail's voice and Holly just _knows_ where this conversation is now going.

"Oh? And what's she like?"

"Oh you know, sort of clever, enjoys poking around in dead people, doesn't believe a shirt should be buttoned more than half way..."

"Maybe you should introduce us, she sounds hot."

"So hot, I'll let you in on a secret as well." The blonde turns in her arms, repositioning herself until Holly can feel her breath on her neck. "She really likes it when you kiss her just here." A light kiss drops onto the underside of her jaw, and a light groan follows her next breath.

"Mmm, you should demonstrate that a bit more, just so I know for sure where it is." Holly smiles and brings her hand up to push on the back of Gail's head, coaxing her closer to the sensitive skin.

"How about I show you some other things she likes as well." Gail's hand starts to trail back down her body and she can feel her smiling into the kisses she's pressing against her jaw again, and she truly is very thankful that Gail is such a thorough learner.

* * *

**A/N**: Dun dun dun, the date of doom is now on the horizon... Less that a week until I'm in America! I doubt I'll be posting anything else before I leave, so in the words of Greg Laswell "_Off I go, where I fall is where I la-aaaaand_" (where I land hopefully being New York and then Phoenix, weeeeeeeeeee.)


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: I left the country for two weeks. Not much can happen in two weeks right? Wrong. Toast Girl and her sister can leave the country for three months on a last minute bloody holiday, that's what can happen. MY ALMOST LOVE LIFE IS A DISASTER.

Also, I have another cold (I spend half my life with a cold, and the other half worrying that I'm developing one), and I can't hear anything out my left ear and my eye keeps leaking. DISASTER.

In better news, I have returned (NOT A DISASTER), hello, here's the next chapter, thank you for the reviews, follows and favs.

* * *

The one thing Gail hates about being a police officer, the one thing she wishes she never had to do again, is the endless stream of paper work she has to fill in. There's five more reports that she has to write up before she can go out on duty and she eyes the pile at the end of her desk, wishing it to just disappear.

She glares over at Dov as he smugly closes another case file. "You know, the best way to get through paper work, is to do the paper work."

"Thank you for your wise words Yoda." She throws the pen she had been chewing at him, smiling at the disgusted sound he makes when the wet end hits him in the face. "Shouldn't there be rookies around to do this for us?"

"If only, until Frank's replacement comes in, no more rookies." The pen comes flying back at her, hitting her square in the chest.

They lapse into silence again and she stares down at the words on the report in front of her, rereading the same sentence again, and again, and _again_, before giving up completely. She watches as Dov continues to scribble his pen across his next report. "Hey, how's Chloe doing?"

His head snaps up, and she sees the confusion plastered all over his face. "Bored, she complains that she doesn't get enough visitors. Erm, thanks for asking."

"Oh." Gail thinks it over quickly, visiting Chloe will distract her from her paper work for an hour and it's a _nice_ thing to do, which is something she's still trying to improve on, for Holly's sake as well as her own. "I'm going to see her."

The size Dov's eyes expand to is almost comical, as is the way his pen falls out of his hand. "You are?"

"Yes." She leans back into her seat, her hands folding behind her head.

"Yes?"

"Yes, I thought it would be nice." Dov's eyes blink rapidly, and she almost feels offended that he seems so shocked at her for doing something nice, which is when it really hits her, people are always surprised when she does something nice.

"You thought it would be nice?" He's still looking at her in disbelief, and it irks her.

"Is this a conversation? Yes, I'm going to visit her, to be nice. In fact," She stands up from desk, pulling her phone out her pocket, wiggling it in Dov's direction. "I'm going to make arrangements now."

"Stop trying to avoid your reports Peck!" She ignores him as she walks away, already pushing the speed dial for Holly's number before she gets into the break room.

Holly answers, before the end of the first ring and there's a _tone_ in her voice, she can't quite explain what it is, but it's there. "Gail, I was just about to call you."

"Hi," She can hear a kettle boiling in the background. "How's your day off?"

"Great, decided to do a bit of cleaning. Quick question, why the hell are the remains of your ponytail in a draw in my bathroom?" She can't help smiling and she struggles not to laugh, because in truth she only had a vague recollection of storing it in Holly's bathroom, and she wasn't sure if it had actually happened.

"Oh you know, safe keeping." She hears Holly let out a puff of air on the other end of phone.

"Gail, it's been in there weeks!" Holly hardly pauses for breath, and she can hear her splitting into two different threads of conversation again, and Gail wonders if the brunette is even aware that she does it.

She's still grinning from ear to ear when she interrupts the flow of the brunette. "Hey, listen, do you think you could pick me up at lunch time? I need to visit someone in the hospital."

There's a brief pause, and when Holly doesn't respond straight away a sudden flash of worry goes through her that maybe Holly is truly angry at her. "Yeah, sure, is half one okay?"

"Yeah, that would be great," A thought strikes her then, that if she's going to visit Chloe then should probably take something with her. "Hey, actually, could you pick me up from Joey's? It's florist, just down the road."

* * *

Holly's car is already outside waiting for her by the time she exits Joey's and she wonders if she'll ever not break out into the most uncontrollable smile when she sees the brunette. Carefully she opens the door and slides into the seat, cautious of the plants in her hand. As soon as she turns to face Holly her hands are on the side of her face bringing their lips together, and she wonders just how long Holly's been waiting to do that. It carries on longer than it should for a simple hello and Gail can't help letting out a sigh against her lips, because God it still feels good that she can do that whenever she wants now.

Eventually she pulls away and she can see Holly pouting at the loss of contact.

"Hi," She gives in to the pouting and drops a playful kiss onto her nose. "Thanks for picking me up." Holly leans into her again, giving her one final kiss and she tries to chase her lips when she pulls away.

"No problem." There's a pause, and Gail looks expectantly at Holly only to find her gaze fixed the plant pots in her lap. "Gail, honey."

"Hmmm?" Holly's eyes come up to meet hers again, and she tries to keep her expression a picture of innocence.

"Most people bring flowers when they visit someone in hospital."

"Oh, one of these might flower." She lifts the bigger plant pot higher to make it easier for them to look at.

"You bought a cactus and mini desert garden."

Gail looks at the little collection of four cactus's again, and smiles at the decorative gravel sprinkled over the top of them and she pokes at the tiny balloon on a stick that's stuck in the middle of them. "And a Bambi balloon. Oh and this one." She lifts the other pot off her lap. "Is for Sam, obviously."

"Obviously?" Holly's eyes stare at the lone round cactus with her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, I think it represents Sam pretty well."

"You know," She leans forwards, careful of the cactus's that are back in her lap, and quickly pecks her lips in a short kiss. "Sometimes I forget how weird you are."

Gail smiles out the window as Holly buckles herself in again and starts the car. "Do I even need to ask what I'm getting for my birthday next week?"

"Well sex _was_ at the top of the list." Holly lets out a loud laugh before pulling into the traffic towards the hospital.

They've been driving in a comfortable silence with only the radio playing when Holly suddenly speaks again. "Oh, I got you a present by the way."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, for finally visiting your friends, it's in the glove compartment." She leans forwards, pulling back the handle to pop it open, but all she can see inside is a glasses case. "That's the one, open it."

She pops open the case and looks at Holly. "It's my hair."

"Yeah, I kept a lock of it though, so I can keep a piece of you with me all the time." She briefly takes her eyes of the road to wink at her and Gail has to fight the urge to lightly slap her in the face with the left over hair,but she has to be _nice_ now and slapping her girlfriend with an old ponytail, is probably not going to win her any points.

She can't resist making a dig at her though. "I'm dating a creep, I knew it."

"Coming from the woman who cut off half her hair in my bathroom and then hid it in there!"

* * *

The traffic to the hospital ends up being heavier than either Holly or her were expecting for a Wednesday afternoon and by the time she reaches the reception she realises the visit is going to be more fleeting than she wanted. The nurses direct her down the hall to Chloe's room, and she's glad the room is empty except for Chloe asleep in her hospital bed and she feels a pang of guilt for not visiting her or Sam before.

Gail silently sets the cactus garden down on the table next to her bed and sits on the chair.

"Chloe?" The girls eyes remain closed and she briefly thinks about lightly nudging the girl awake, but leans back in the chair instead.

"I can't believe you almost died." The words sound like they echo around the room and she lets out a heavy breath as it feels like just admitting it out loud has lifted a load of her shoulders. She sniffles back her tears, because she's already cried to Holly enough about this. She sits there in the silence of the room, just watching Chloe and the minutes ticking past on the clock, and she really does feel guilty for not coming to see them, but it just felt so hard to do. "You, Sam and Oliver. I thought you were all going to die."

"God, I don't even know why I'm talking to you." She leans forwards in her chair, tracing the bandage on Chloe's neck with her fingers. "You're asleep for a start."

The touch seems to register in Chloe's subconscious, because her head slowly turns towards her, her eyes sleepily blinking open.

"Did I miss you saying anything nice to me?" She smiles at Chloe's first words. "Oh no, I did, didn't I?"

"I said I preferred it when you were asleep, you don't-"

Chloe's eyes drift away from hers, her eyes locking onto the balloon on the table next to her. "You got me a balloon?!" Some of the hair around her face falls across her eyes, and Gail almost laughs at how surprised she looks to see it there.

"Chloe, sweetie," She lifts her hand and moves the hair that Chloe is now trying to blow away out of her face. "Are you still on a lot of pain medication?"

"I am on _so_ much, I moved my neck too much, and some of the stitches went pew pew pew, and it hurt, _so_ much, but then they gave me the merpine." Chloe stops herself, and Gail watches as her eyes flicker from side to side, trying to figure out the right word. "The merphy, the morphon."

It's like watching a wounded animal and Gail interrupts her before she hurts herself even more. "The morphine?"

"You're so clever Gail, they gave me the merriophine and now I feel _so_ good, like," She looks off into the distance and Gail wonders if she's forgotten she's even there. "Like a cloud."

The clock next to Chloe's bed catches her attention and she lets out a sigh. "Well, some of us have jobs to maintain, so, I need go."

"Oh, but I only just woke up." Chloe's arms cross over her chest and she pouts up at her, and God Gail's never going to let the other woman live this down.

"I-" She swallows, and she knows she's going to regret it, but the pressing thought that she needs to start being a _nicer_ person isn't leaving her alone. "I'm off in a couple of days, I'll come by for longer."

It's almost worth it for the look of pure excitement on Chloe's face, and she can't remember _anyone_ looking so excited by the prospect of a visit from her. "Make sure you wake me up!" She makes a noise of agreement as she picks up Sam's cactus before she forgets it. "I miss our bonding Gail."

She's fairly sure they never bonded, ever. "Sure thing Price."

The other woman waves at her excitedly from her bed as she leaves the room, and she quickly makes her way down the corridor into Sam's room.

"Hey Swarek," She doesn't have time to sit with him, and she quickly places the cactus on the table next to his bed as he folds up his newspaper. "I bought you a cactus, get better soon."

"What?" She catches a glimpse of his confusion as she turns straight around and walks right back out the room. "You're really weird! You know that Peck?"

She finds Holly leaning against her car in the car park, putting her phone back in her pocket and she tilts her head to the side as she approaches, because she's sure Holly had more buttons done up on her shirt when she left her.

"Have you undone more buttons on your shirt?"

"What?" The brunette looks down at herself, quickly doing up one of the buttons "No."

"Yeah, incredibly convincing, now get in the car before the rest mysteriously fall open on their own, I don't want to arrest you for indecent exposure." Holly opens her car door for her, and she's not entirely sure why she blushes at the action.

Holly makes a comment about the time as she gets in the car, quickly putting it into drive. "How did it go?"

"Good, she was happy to see me, which was odd." They have to stop to let an ambulance in, and knows she's not going to make it back to the precinct before the end of her lunch break.

"Why would it be odd?" To her credit, Holly sounds genuinely confused, and she has to fight the urge to bite back with a simple 'why do you think?'.

"You know I'm not a people person right? You have noticed that by now."

"That doesn't mean your friends don't like seeing you Gail, speaking of which, I got a call from my friend whilst you were in the hospital." She almost groans out loud, because still can't believe she actually agreed to meeting them.

"You still want me to meet them?"

Holly quickly glances at her, and she sees the flash of worry on her face. "Yeah, I do, do _you_ still want to?"

"Yeah, of course, when are we doing it?" She holds her breath at Holly's answer, because she's so not ready to meet them yet, but it's something that Holly wants her to do, and if it will make her happy, she's not going to say no it.

"Ah, that's the problem, she's not in the Bahamas, she's traveling around Europe for the next three weeks." A feeling of relief washes over her, because it gives her more time to get rid of the gnawing of doubt about their relationship, it gives her more time to convince them that she's a good enough person for Holly. It gives her more time to convince _herself_ that she's a good enough person for Holly. Gail smiles over at the brunette, and swallows the lump in her throat, because she's going to become a better person for Holly, even if it kills her.

* * *

**A/N**: Self doubting Gail is self doubting, poor little peanut, unfortunately this will now be a reoccurring theme for a little while :(

Pssssssssst I started a Clexa AU and I got a Tumblr, AmyBot3000, isn't that exciting? You know what else is exciting? I might not have been posting You Are Still Insane, but I have now written the outline (and for some, big chunks of the main content) for all the remaining chapters... AH! So with that done I should be able to return to a more regular schedule. *squeak*

(Also thanks to the guest reviewer for the time period between 413 and 503, I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was!)


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**: This week my mum came back from Portugal and gave me an orange. Thanks for the follows, favourites, reviews and Debby the bestest guest reviewer in the world.

FF .net is a tart... My line breaks disappear if I only have one line of text... This is me making it two lines... I can't be the only person this happens to! *insert rage*

* * *

Holly's not entirely sure when it started happening, or exactly what it was that _was_ happening, but there was something different about Gail. The first time she actually noticed it was two nights after taking Gail to see Chloe at the hospital. A drunk man, complete with an eye patch, had hit on her, she was sure there was plenty of pirate themed material Gail could have used to tear him a new one, but instead she had _apologised_ and calmly explained Holly was her girlfriend. Then there was the breakfast in bed the next morning, which she had made unprompted, then _fed_ to her, unprompted.

The more she thinks about it, in the confines of her office instead of filling in the form in front of her, the more she thinks that maybe Gail had been slowly changing ever since they left the hospital all those weeks ago. She lets out a sigh before biting on the end of her pen, it wasn't a bad change, but it wasn't a change that she thought was necessary and she was starting to miss Gail's casual insults towards everything.

A loud knock emanates from the door behind her and she quickly pulls the pen out of her mouth, checking that she hadn't chewed right through to the ink before twirling the chair around.

"Good morning." She looks up to see Gail standing in the doorway, two polystyrene cups held together in a cardboard tray in her hand. It had only been a few hours since they had woken up tangled in Holly's bed sheets and she smiles at the memory of Gail gently kissing her awake.

"Hey."

"I bought you tea." Gail lifts the cups in the air, before walking into the room and placing it on the desk in front of her, taking out her own coffee and dropping a light kiss to the top of her head.

Along the outside Holly spots the black scribble of a Barista and she lifts it to her eye line when she realises it doesn't say 'Holly' and instantly smirks at the words she finds there instead. "Worlds best girlfriend huh?"

"Oh, sorry that's my cup." Gail reaches out and takes the cup from her, before placing the other cup in her hand.

This time she does laugh when she reads the inscription. "Best girlfriend of the worlds best girlfriend." She takes a sip of the warm liquid, sighing at the taste of just the right mix of milk and sugar. "I'm impressed you actually got them to write that."

The blonde points towards her badge, a grin breaking out across her face. "The badge has it's perks."

"Pretty sure that's an abuse of power." All it takes is a pout of her lips and Gail's leaning down to gently kiss her. It's always difficult for her not to get lost in the feel of the other woman's lips, but the loud ringing of the phone in the office next to her lab reminds her of where they are, and she can't help the groan of displeasure when she pulls away from the blonde. "Not that I don't love your visits, but why are you here?"

"Oh, I forgot, I also bought you this." Holly thinks maybe she should be embarrassed that she was so distracted by the prospect of tea that she missed the see through evidence bag in Gail's other hand.

She takes another sip from her tea before rummaging through the stacks of paper in front of her for a clean evidence form. "Most people get chocolates for their birthday."

"Your birthday isn't until the weekend." Holly smiles and starts filling in the details. "_And_ I bought you a severed hand Holly, don't even pretend you're not excited about that."

"That," She turns back around, her pen pointing at the blonde as she dangles the hand in the air and tries to make her voice as accusational as possible. "Is entirely unprofessional." The stern look on her face only lasts a few second before she has to turn away from the blonde again. "From a scientific point of view though, the analysis will be most interesting."

"Yeah, that's just nerd for excited."

* * *

The first thing Holly notices when she pulls up to Gail's house that weekend is the lack of cars parked outside and she eyes up the empty driveway briefly before driving up onto it. She quickly slips the car into park, not bothering to lock the door as she quickly gets out and jogs up to the front door.

Gail opens on the third hard knock. "Hi."

"Am I okay to park there?"

"Huh?" Gail looks over Holly's shoulder smiling. "Yeah it's fine."

The car beeps behind her as she presses the button on her key fob, the doors locking shut and she moves in closer to Gail, pressing a light kiss against her lips. "So, just the two of us huh?"

"Yeah." Gail reaches forwards, pulling on the lapels of her coat until she's being moved through the door with Gail's lips attaching themselves to hers as she pulls her over the threshold.

The feel of the blondes tongue slipping against her lower lip distracts her completely and Holly can't help letting out a startled grunt when her back collides with the wall next to the door. Somewhere between Gail lightly nipping at her lip and discretely sliding her coat off she shuts the door, and Holly's completely stunned when she pulls away, leaving her leaning against the wall as she walks down the hallway away from her. There's no way the swinging of Gail's hips is anything but purposeful and she has to bite her lip at the sight.

It takes Holly a few moments to be sure that she can stand properly before she can push away from the wall to follow the blonde into the living room. She can see the smirk on Gail's face as she stands on the other side of the couch, remote in hand as she flicks through the channels.

"Dov is staying with Chloe and Chris has a shift." Gail pauses and Holly watches as she throws the remote onto the seat, her brow creasing together and she can hear the concern leaking into her voice. "_Again_."

The distance between them suddenly feels too far and she moves around the sofa until she's in front of the blonde. "Are you worried?"

Holly pulls the blondes hands into her own, and Gail looks down at the contact letting out an almost inaudible sigh. "No." She looks up at her again. "Maybe."

Gail lets out another sigh and smiles up at her. "I'm sure he's fine, today is about you, not my potentially over working room mate."

Before Holly has the chance to respond, Gail's already leaning into her again, their hands still interlocked as she kisses her. Another deep groan, louder than the startled one she let out during their time against the wall erupts from her throat and she hopes that Gail has a lot more of this planned for her birthday.

It's over far too soon, and Holly desperately tries to chase Gail's lips to continue the kiss, but she's already disentangling their fingers. "Happy Birthday Holly."

She pouts when Gail moves away from her again, walking towards the kitchen this time, and it really isn't fair, because it's her birthday, so she thinks they should definitely be kissing more. Pout still firmly on her face she follows the blonde again, watching her from the kitchen door as she searches through one of the draws, eventually pulling out a pile of take out menus.

As Gail searches through the menus, throwing some of them onto the floor and the rest onto the counter in front of her a silver bowl in the corner of the room catches Holly's attention. "Gail?"

"Yeah?" Her voice sounds distant as she reads through the back of one of the brightly coloured pieces of paper.

"Why is there a dog bowl on your floor?" This time she does look up, before turning around and smiling at the empty water bowl on the floor.

"Oh yeah, I was puppy sitting."

Gail's attention focuses back on the menu in front of her, missing the look of disbelief that Holly's sure is plastered across her face. "You were what?"

"The neighbours went out last night, so I offered to puppy sit for them." The blonde sounds completely nonchalant and Holly starts to wonder if she's fallen into a parallel universe.

"Right." Gail walks past her, picking up the house phone in the living room and she's only vaguely aware of her ordering their takeaway.

The change in Gail's behaviour strikes her again and her mind toys with the idea that maybe the blonde is doing all these nice things for _her_. She feels an uncertain nervousness stirring in her, and she tries to wrack her memory for anything she might have said or done to trigger Gail's sudden self awareness. Then again, since they had officially become a couple Gail had definitely been happier, she was sure that she caught her smiling from a far more times than she ever used to when they were just friends, so maybe Gail was just different because she was happy.

After the third irate "number eleven" from Gail, Holly realises that whoever is on the other end of the phone isn't understanding the blonde, and she watches as the blonde tries to keep her cool, repeating the menu number another five times before it seems to be understood. Pushing the thoughts of Gail transformation to the back of her mind she takes a seat on the couch, reaching out to pull on the blondes legs until she collapses onto her lap. Smiling Holly buries her face into the side of her neck, breathing in the fresh scent of Gail's perfume as she tries to explain through increasingly gritted teeth that she wants item 56 not five of option six.

It's a whole ten minutes later that Gail finally hangs up, sliding her whole body backwards to lay on the sofa. "He wasn't even Chinese, he was Canadian, and I have no idea what's going to turn up or if it's going to turn up at all." Holly smiles as Gail's brow furrowed together, "I think he might have been high."

Holly can feel her body rippling with laughter, and she takes the phone out of Gail's hand, placing it on the table in front of the sofa before moving her body to lay above the blonde. The soft material of the sofa presses into her arm as she holds her weight up on one arm, the other tracing lazy patterns on the other woman's side.

"Are you sure this is okay?" It surprises Holly to hear Gail sounding so nervous and she can't help tilting her head to the side in question, because she's not sure what about this wouldn't be okay. "It's your birthday, and we're staying in to _possibly_ eat bad take out and watch a movie."

She quickly leans down and kisses the blonde, her hand splaying out under the arch of the Gail's back, before pulling back to look in her eyes. "It's not okay, it's perfect."

"Oh God, you are a total sap, you're lucky it's you birthday." Moving one of the hands that had found its place against her hips, Gail starts to wriggle her phone out of her pocket, typing a few things onto the screen once it's free before turning her attention back to her. "What's your favourite film? I'll check if it's on Netflix."

Holly smiles then, because she remembers the one film Gail truly despises, remembers her cursing at the TV weeks ago when it came up on the schedule and she decides to test just how far she can push Gail's new niceness towards everything. "Titanic"

"I-" Holly watches Gail stop herself short and she can see her physically struggling not to say anything about her film choice. "Sure I'll check if it's on there."

It's almost embarrassing how loud she laughs, her whole body rocking at the sound of Gail's tight strained voice telling her she would check if her most hated movie was available for them to watch.

"Now," Lifting her hand from the now confused Gail's side she takes her phone, dropping it on the floor next to them. "As it's my birthday I get to decide what to do right?"

Gail nods wordlessly as Holly starts popping buttons on her shirt, slowly revealing Gail's creamy white skin and dark black bra, the contrast of the two making her audibly swallow. "Wanna make out for a bit?"

"What are you, 14?" There's a tone of snark in Gail's voice and Holly smiles, because she's glad that the other women is relaxed enough to slip into the old habit, but she doesn't miss the look of regret in Gail's eyes.

She chooses to ignore it though, instead she leans down to press some kisses to the underside of Gail's jaw, because the food will be with them soon and as far as she's concerned they're wasting precious make out time. "With what I was hoping to do tonight, I should hope not." It's the last thing she says before connecting her lips with Gail's again.

* * *

The pictures moving on the TV screen have absolutely no meaning to Holly, and she can't remember if this was the film they had started watching after they had finished their take out or if the next film was playing on it's own. In her defense, it's proving harder than she could ever imagine to concentrate on TV screens and movies when Gail's currently kneeling on the floor in front of her with her tongue thrashing against her. In fact, with her legs hooked over the blondes shoulders, her pants still dangling from one ankle and her back arching at an angle that she thinks in any other circumstance would be painful, she's struggling to even remember to breathe. Her shirt still hangs open, her bra pushed up over her breast and she can just about see the darkening marks around them where Gail had paid particular attention to them on the way down her body and she feels the needs to rip them both off, because everything just feels so _hot_.

After a particularly hard such against her clit, that has her digging her nails into the back of Gail's head, she feels the blondes tongue moving lower until it's flicking against her fluttering opening. She's not sure if it's because it's her birthday, or because Gail feels the need to be exceedingly nice recently, and truthfully she doesn't care, because she doesn't have to even ask before that tongue is sliding inside of her. She really wishes she could have more than one birthday if this was going to happen on every one.

Another moan tears from her throat as Gail drags her tongue across the top of her walls, before pulling out completely and flicking across her aching clit again and again and _again_. The pattern repeats itself, ten strokes inside, then ten strokes across the sensitive bundle of nerves, and she never realised counting to ten could be so hot.

It's not long before Gail replaces the tongue inside her with her fingers and suddenly her tongue is making uncontrolled and uncountable strokes across her. The combination of curling fingers, making gentle come hither motions against her flexing walls, and a firm tongue circling her twitching clit has her hurtling towards her first orgasm and she knows there's no way she's going to have enough control to hold it back, even for a second.

"Gail, oh God, I'm gonna-" The sudden suction against her clit has her torso almost bolting off the sofa, her legs falling off the blondes shoulders as she finds herself sitting upright. Holly's hands tangle in the soft strands at the back of Gail's head and she stares down at the juncture of her legs to see those bright blue eyes starting up at her and it's too much.

Every muscle in her stomach clenches at once and she can't hold her body up right when the first clench of release against Gail's fingers punches through her. It feels like her orgasm drags on for hours, her mouth letting out uncontrollable whimpers and moans of Gail's name and she doesn't budge through the whole thing, her lips and fingers slowly working her down until Holly's whole body feels heavy with sated need.

Holly lets out another whimper as Gail slowly kisses her way back up her pliant body, the blondes legs straddling over her hips and her teeth briefly biting around a still sensitive nipple.

"God." She was aiming for something more, but she's still panting too much to be able to say anything more cohesive and she can only hum in contentment as Gail softly kisses her lips, the taste of herself smeared all over them.

"So," Gail waits for her eyes to flicker open again before she continues. "That was okay?"

The look of pure adoration on Gail's face has her fighting her own tongue not to let slip those three big words and she closes her eyes. "Ha," She lets out a breathy sigh and tries to move her legs, only for them to flop open again, the muscles still feeling like jelly. "Give me five minutes and I'll show you exactly how 'okay' I thought that was."

* * *

**A/N**: So there we go, Holly has noticed the change in Gail (dun dun duuuuun), the smut was unplanned, originally they were just watching the movie, but Doo Wop shuffled on my iTunes... One thing I've literally only just noticed, I don't put any curse words in my Rookie Blue fics, only in the authors notes... Finally Tumblr is still a thing I'm sort of doing, AmyBot3000, go go go!


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**: This chapter isn't meant to be here... This was meant to include the Webisode with Oliver, but reading the story back, it feels like it might be picking up the pace a bit too quickly in the past few chapters? I think the problem is that I've written the ending (dun dun dun), so now I have all the main plot points and the ending in sight, I'm losing focus on the bits in between.

Anyway, I think I'm going to slow it down with two or three more chapters before the Webisode chapter, and drag some minor plot points into those chapters instead. It's going to mean changing some of the planned story, but I think it might work for the better. Good move? Bad move? Drop me a review/PM/message on tumblr if you have thoughts and feelings on this, it really would help to get a readers perspective on it as well.

* * *

The subtle blue flickering of the ocean from the TV screen attached to Gail's wall shone out across her bedroom, and Gail couldn't help admiring the way the light highlighted the profile of Holly's face as she lay half propped up on the pillows next to her. It was slightly odd, in the best possible way, to see her here in her bed.

After they had both, literally, finished on the couch they had moved into the bedroom, with Holly diligently picking up the few discarded items of clothes, because really they were embarrassingly still wearing a lot of them. It was a slow process of undressing each other then, light kisses pressed to each newly exposed piece of flesh until they crawled into bed together. Holly had flicked on the TV almost instantly and settled on an ocean documentary, muting the volume, so they could lay there watching it in silence.

The thought of the little potted cactus sat in the living room suddenly hits her. "I didn't give you your birthday present."

Breaking her eye contact with the TV, Holly slowly looked towards her, smiling lazily. "You mean what happened in the living room wasn't my birthday present."

"Okay, so I've give you _part_ of your birthday present."

"Where is it?"

"Living room." She can barely contain the laugh that sneaks into her voice as she moves to get out of the bed to retrieve Holly's present from the place they had spent the best part of an hour having sex. Really, it's not her fault she forgot about it, not with Holly and her inappropriately buttoned shirt distracting her.

"No." The whining noise Holly's voice makes is particularly pathetic, and Gail hardly manages to pull back the covers when Holly's arms snake around her bare stomach pulling her back into her body. "Stay in bed and watch this documentary with me."

Struggling to move in Holly's tight grasp, she eventually turns to face her. "Without the volume?"

"I can tell you all the facts you need to know, like that there, the clown fish." Gail turns back towards the screen and nods at the sight of the little orange and white fish. "It's a hermaphroditic."

Nodding at the new knowledge she rests her head on her open palm, looking down at the brunettes face as she continues to stare at the images on the screen. "So is this what you do? Lure girls into bed then make them watch sea life documentaries in silence, then seduce them with your fish knowledge?"

"Mmmm." Turning back towards her, Holly leans up and kisses her once before pulling away and looking back at the screen. "Works every time. That's a parrot fish, it eats coral then essentially defecates sand."

"Wow, this is the best post-sex talk I've ever had."

Holly reaches her hand out, pulling on Gail's elbow until she drops her head back onto the pillow and pushes forwards until she's on top of her. The long strands of her hair tickle at her neck as she starts whispering into her ear "And at night, to hide from predators." The groan Holly releases into her ear is far too over exaggerated and a stark contrast to the gentle nip she gives her neck. "It makes a mucus bubble around itself."

A disgusted laugh bubbles out of her and she pushes at Holly until she moves off of her. "This might have been why you were single when you met me."

"No, that was fate." The corners of Holly's mouth pull down in a slight pout that only makes Gail smile wider. "No one appreciates good fish facts."

She could almost laugh at how wistful the brunette sounds. "Tell me more."

One of Holly's eyebrows quirks at her in question. "Is there a fetish you want to tell me about?"

"Noooo." Gail lets the word drag out. "I just like listening to you talk."

"And you said I was the sap." A light kiss is placed against her nose and Gail scrunches her face up at it. "Fine, that." Still smiling Holly points back towards the screen and the image of a huge silver fish. "That is a sun fish, or the mola mola, it's the heaviest bony fish in the ocean."

"Biggest fish in the ocean not quite as disgusting as the parrot fish."

"No, heaviest, the _biggest_ fish." Holly links their hands together and brings it up to kiss at the knuckles. "Is the whale shark. Tell me something?"

Sometimes Gail wonders if Holly realises how much she truly appreciates the quiet moments they share when it's just the two of them. The differences between what they find interesting is startling, and Gail knows that on paper it really shouldn't be working so well between them, but listening to Holly talk is quickly becoming one of her favourite things to do, and Holly apparently feels the same way about her.

"Guns."

"I know about guns, I see a lot of people who have been on the wrong end of them." Gail rolls her eyes, because of course the brunette knows about all the technical details of how far away a gun was fired, it's caliber, at what angle the shooter was standing, but she doesn't know the _stories_.

"No, you know about gun shots." This time it's Gail rolling on top of Holly, holding herself up with her elbows. "I'm talking about gun stories."

"There's a distinction?"

"Definitely." The tone of her voice gets lower as she tries to mimic the sultry sound Holly had tried to use on her earlier. "50 cent was shot nine times," She can already feel the tremble of Holly's chest as she tries not to laugh when she ever so lightly bites down on her ear lobe. "And survived."

It's apparently the last thing Holly needed for her to crack, because she ends up laughing so hard that Gail has to roll off her.

"Not really doing it for me."

"No?"

"No, if it ever comes up on a trivia night I'll be even more eternally grateful for having you in my life." Rolling onto her side Holly gently kisses her nose again, before rolling over onto her back and settling on the pillow to watch the screen again.

"How about if I repeat some fish facts?" Holly's barely gives her a reaction, but Gail reaches out with the hand that isn't holding her head up to brush a circle around her nipple anyway.

The surprised groan from Holly makes her smile, and she can already feel the shift in tension within the room as the small bud hardens at the attention. "As longs as you don't stop doing that I don't care."

"You know I never realised I was a boob girl until I met you."

"Uh huh." The distracted tone in her voice tells her that Holly isn't really concentrating on what she's say at all, and she doesn't really care, not with the light moaning noises Holly is making every time she pinches at the sensitive peak.

"I thought everyone got that weird tingly feeling when they saw them." Lowering her head Gail starts to press light kisses to the flesh around her nipple.

"Yeah," A loud groan erupts from Holly when she finally sucks on the peak of her breast, and she's glad that Chris and Dov are still out, because tonight Holly apparently has no control over her volume. "Girls who are into girls generally do."

Reaching out with her now free hand Gail starts massaging the brunettes other breast, the nipple already hard from the attention being lavished on the other. After a few more moments of tweaking the flesh to make it match the straining tip being held in her mouth she lets her hands shift down the flat of Holly's stomach, stopping at the expanse of skin between her jerking hips.

"Hey." She waits for Holly's heavy lidded eyes to fully open before continuing. "Tell me more fish facts."

"_Seriously?_"

"Yeah," She drops another kiss next to her nipple and she feels Holly's strong inhale at the feel of it. "Tell me a fact and I'll lower my hand." To prove her point Gail gently scraps her nails across the surface between her hip bones, feeling the goose bumps they leave in their wake.

It doesn't surprise her when Holly's voice comes out strained and quick. "The praying mantis peacock shrimp isn't a praying mantis, peacock or a shrimp." A grateful whine sounds from Holly as she lets her hand sink lower resting against the brunettes clit with only the slightest pressure.

"Another."

"The Coelacanth disappeared from the fossil record-" The slightly harder press of Gail's finger makes Holly gasp, and her eyes snap shut. "60-" Gail teases out another gasp as she starts to suck on her nipple again. "66 million years ago, until they found it in South Africa-" She's surprised that Holly is managing to continue and starts to lightly swirl her fingers against her hardening clit. "In the 1930's."

It's lost in Holly's light gasping, but Gail can't help smiling with pride as she bites gently at the tendon in Holly's neck, when she's sure she hears a whined 'thank you' when the pace picks up slightly. "You want me to go inside?"

Holly practically hisses her answer. "Yes."

"Then tell me another fact." This time the groan Holly lets out is one of frustration.

"Otoliths-" To reward her for playing along Gail quickly dips her finger inside once, before pulling back out again.

"Otoliths?"

"They're in fish ears-" Once again she interrupts Holly by pushing her finger inside to the first knuckle before holding it there to let Holly finish, her hips squirming at the feeling. "They have rings like trees-"

"So you can tell their age." Holly nods her head vigorously and Gail continues to gently finger her with a single digit, and she _knows_ Holly wants more from the way her mouth keeps falling open.

"More- I-" Gail smirks as Holly's throat bobs, her speech coming out quickly before Gail can interrupt her. "The Greenland shark can live for 200 years." A grin breaks out across her face as finally Holly catches onto the game their playing and she pushes another finger in, slowly moving it along side the other.

Despite the sudden throb between her own legs at the sight of Holly's hand moving towards the little bundle of nerves above Gail's hand, she quickly pulls her hand out from between Holly's legs to capture it and pin it to the pillow next to her head. The brunette opens her eyes in protest and literally _whines_ at the sudden lose of contact and Gail can't help feeling slightly bad for moving away so quickly.

"You know what you need to do." Holly's hips practically jump off the bed when she returns her hand to it's previous position, two fingers sliding straight inside her again to continue their earlier rhythm.

"The Blue Whale is the biggest animal-" The sharp inhales of Holly's breathing starts to get shorter, and she has to pause briefly to let out another moan. "To have ever lived." Gail lets her thumb lightly brush her over sensitive clit once before moving away and removing a finger.

"Blue whales aren't fish." She's being mean, and slightly pedantic, and she knows from the complete blackness of Holly's eyes when she opens them again that it's the best kind of mean.

"Neither's a preying mantis shrimp." Holly's voice is breathless, but still defiant and Gail decides to show her how serious she can play the game that they're apparently playing.

"Oh?" Slowly she starts removing her other finger, pulling it out to the first knuckle before Holly's eyes widen in panic.

"No, no, no, please Gail." The skin on Holly's knuckles goes almost completely white as she grips onto the pillow and bed spread and her eyes look up at her with absolute desperation. "The stone fish, it's the most venomous, the Lions Mane jellyfish has the longest tentacles, the-" Gail doesn't give her the chance to finish as she pushes a second and third finger inside Holly's slick folds and starts rubbing her clit with renewed vigour.

This time she does hear Holly's thank you's mixed in with the increasing moans and it really doesn't take very long at all after that for the walls around her fingers to start pulsing as Holly's orgasm rocks through her.

There's a light sheen of sweat over the brunettes body, and her voice comes out slightly slurred from the exhaustion. "I can't believe I just came by telling you fish facts."

"Wanna get me off whilst I tell you about murders?" She's fairly sure from the look Holly gives her that if she wasn't so worn out she would have hit her with one of the pillows that was still being lightly gripped by her hand.

* * *

"So how does this work, it's your birthday weekend, but you're making _me_ dinner." It was afternoon by the time they managed to untangle from each other, and the first thing Holly had proclaimed was that they needed to go shopping, so she could cook dinner for her.

"Because, I want to say thank you for yesterday." Holly smiles over at her, tying the tiny plastic bag of loose carrots in her hand.

"We had dinner, barely watched Netflix then had sex." She tilts her head to the side as she remembers just how active their night had ended up being and she can see Holly's smirk at her statement as she throws the bag into the cart. "_A lot_ of sex."

They slowly start moving alongside the aisles again, Holly's eyes scanning the signs above each one they wheel past before tuning down one. "I spent the day with my hands inside of dead people-"

"Gah, Holly, I don't want to know where your hands go during the day." And really she actually means it, because she's seen some of the things that end up in Holly's lab and her stomach turns at the thought of it.

"So dinner, Netflix and sex was the perfect birthday. Even if you didn't give me a present." Gail lightly slaps a hand across her eyes.

"It's still in the living room." When she moves her hand away she notices a little girl with tied back brown hair at the end of the aisle, a shop assistant kneeling in front of her. She immediately recognises the patterns her hands are making. "We can get it on the way back to yours..." She trails off as the girl keeps covering her ears, her little blue dress shaking as the shake of her head moves her whole body and even from her position half way up the aisle she can see the tears spilling freely down her face causing her heart to stutter.

"I'll be back in two seconds." She doesn't wait for Holly to respond before she's walking away from her and towards the little girl. "Hey! Hey," She quickly kneels down next to the shop assistant moving the girls attention to herself. Her hands move automatically and Gail points towards her before twisting her two index fingers towards each other. "Are you hurt?"

"Oh, she's deaf." The shop assistant stands up, and she can see Holly and the cart pulling up next to her.

The girl shakes her head and Gail follows the movement of her hands as she indicates she can't find her mum, saying the girls words out loud for the benefit of the shop assistant and Holly. She quickly asks if her mum can hear and the girl nods, wiping her nose across the back of her sleeve as her tears stop falling. Pausing she quickly iterates through the signs she knows before piecing together a sentence to tell her they're going to put a call out on the loud speaker for her mum to meet her at the front desk.

"Okay sweetie." Lifting both hands up, she makes the simple movements to ask for her name, "What's your name?"

The little girl nods, spelling out her name as Clara. "Hi Clara, I'm Gail." Gail does the same, spelling out each letter of her name, until she holds the closing shape of an L as she points towards Holly, "And this is Holly." Her hands follow the alphabet for Holly's name as well, and on the last letter Cara's hand comes up to hold hers. Lifting her spare hand to her head she splays it slightly and pulls it away and together. "Let's go."

Some of her brown locks fall over her face, and Gail quickly sweeps them back behind her ear. What happens next is unexpected, and it takes her breath away as Clara's arms circle around her neck instead. "Okay, carrying it is then." She knows the girl can't hear her, but she says in anyway and gently stands, adjusting the girls weight until she's sitting on the jut of her hip.

The way Holly looks at her from the other side of the cart is in complete wonderment, and Gail realises this is the first time she's seen her around children. Gail doesn't really hold it against her, the amount of disdain she holds for most things in life would make it easy for anyone to assume she didn't like kids, when it was just the opposite.

Giving the brunette a small smile she turns away and follows the shop assistant the short distance from the aisle to the customer service desk, and Gail lifts Clara to sit on the wooden surface as his words echo out across the store. The tears in the little girls eyes are barely contained and Gail tries to distract her, her hand gripping into a loose fist twice at her face before pointing towards Clara to ask her age. In return she holds up all five fingers on her hand and half a finger on the other.

Looking up at her with wide eyes, she asks, with her hands moving unsure, if Gail is a teacher, and she laughs, because there's liking children, then there's having the patience to _work_ with children. Softly she shakes her head and makes the letter C with her whole hand, tapping it to her chest twice, police, and smiles as the little girls mouth drops open in childish awe and it reminds her again that no matter how many things she can't stand in this world, children will never be one of them. She's about to ask another question, at least Gail thinks she is, but her eyes are suddenly looking over her shoulder, her eyes brightening in recognition and her thumb comes up under her chin, the rest of her hand splayed and Gail quickly turns around, spotting the woman jogging towards them. Gently lifting the girl off the counter she places her on the floor and watches as she runs towards her mum, her arms latching around her neck as she rises to her feet.

The sight stirs something in her, that maybe one day that could be her, maybe with Holly by her side, their own child running towards them with such unashamed happiness. It was the amazing thing about children, they could always give you such unconditional love, and when she turned to face Holly she could see the same longing in her eyes as she watched the scene in front of her. Gail smiled as she focused her attention back towards Clara, and her mum looked up towards her, eyes brimming with tears. It was with a final watery smile that she brought her palm to her face and drew it away, mouthing the word 'Thank you', before turning away still holding Clara in her arms, and the girl waved towards them from over her shoulder as she walked away.

"Wow." Holly's voice brings her attention back, and she's barely managed to turn her head when the brunette plants a small slow kiss, on her lips. It lasts seconds, and when Holly pulls away her eyes filled with amazement. "You're incredible."

Gail can feel the blush flaring up across her cheeks, and she moves to push the cart back towards the aisle they had come from. "It was just a bit of sign language Holly."

The brunette stops her, grabbing onto her arm and shaking her head, and Gail marvels at the look of awe that's still in her eyes. "No, it wasn't. I didn't even know you could sign." Gail nods slowly, because it had never really come up, and she's fairly sure some of the people she works with _every day_ had no idea. "Could you teach me some?"

The smile that pulls across her face is uncontrollable, because Nick had always told her how amazing it was she could do it, Chris had told her it was 'cool', but neither of them, or anyone else she had dated had ever taken the time to learn it. It makes sense though, that it would be Holly, the woman who was changing her whole outlook on life that would buck the trend. She brings her hands up, and signs the words as she says them. "Yeah, of course."

* * *

**A/N**: Fish smut... Didn't see that one coming, I think it's a bad sign that I can't even watch Blue Planet without pining for a girlfriend any more. Apologies if I got any of the few bits of sign language wrong, let me know if I did and I'll correct it.

Thanks for the review on the last chapter you glorious flower petals.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N**: Shorter than the recent chapters have been... But it does shuffle the story along ever so slightly.

I spelt bolognese a total of five different ways in the original draft of this chapter... You might also notice that the word bolognese does in fact only appear five times... Then my spell check didn't know how to spell it and kept changing it to Bologna, which is where bolognese originates, but that's not the point. What a wild ride.

* * *

"Why does your door always stick." Gail shunts her shoulder into the wood again, sighing in relief when it finally gives way. The brief trip to the grocery store had quickly turned into Holly doing her whole weekly grocery shop, which had left both of them with three bags of shopping dangling off their arms. Technically they could have taken multiple trips, practically it was too cold to be outside more than two minutes before freezing to the pavement.

"I think the better question," A small huff comes from the brunette as she follows behind Gail, both struggling through the door with the full bags. "Is why do you still have my spare keys?"

"I like the keyring." It's not necessarily a lie, she did like the little zombie hanging off the end of it. She still remembered Holly giving them to her in the hospital car park weeks before, and she cringed at the memory of where Holly told her the keys had been.

Not trusting her arms to be able to lift the weight of the bags again Gail waits for Holly to shuffle through the door before kicking it shut with her foot.

"Then take it off and give my key back." Letting out one final huff Holly lifts the bags onto the counter top. The brunette turns to face her again, holding out her hand in expectation and Gail ignores it, placing her own bags onto the surface and pocketing the key again instead.

Pulling out the packet of pasta resting on the top of the bag she waves it towards the smirking brunette. "Need any help unpacking?"

"No." Holly places her hands on her shoulders and Gail lets her turn her body around and then follows the gentle push away from the kitchen until she's standing in front of the couch. "Sit. Stay."

"I'm not a dog." Following Holly's instruction anyway, she turns and drops down onto the couch.

"No you're an adorable little kitten up a tree remember?" Before walking away Holly leans down and presses a quick kiss to the end of her nose and she scrunches up her face at it. Apparently nose kissing was a new habit of Holly's.

"Holly!" Moving back into view the brunette raises her eyebrows at her. "We forgot to pick up your present."

* * *

"So why did you learn?" After leaving her on the couch Holly had spent the last hour silently cooking in the kitchen and Gail couldn't help breathing in the scent of fresh bolognese that had been drifting through the house.

"Huh?"

Holly took a step back from her position over the stove, smiling at her over the counter. "Sign language, was it a police training thing?"

Slowly Gail extracts herself from the seat, her eyes seeking out Holly's to make sure she was _allowed_ to get up, before walking to lean over the counter. "No I knew it before I became a rookie."

"Then why?" Holly turns back to the stove, lifting the spoon she was using the stir the bolognese for Gail to taste. At this point in their relationship she had given up on being embarrassed about the noises she makes around Holly, the sound of her moaning around a mouthful of possibly the best bolognese she can remember tasting being one of them. "Is it ok? I've never made it without tomatoes before."

Nodding, she closes her eyes at the taste of the sauce. "I haven't eaten bolognese since I was a kid."

Becoming allergic to tomatoes probably came in at the top of the list of all the bad things that had happened in Gail's life. She had never told Holly, but bolognese had been her favourite food as a kid, she still remembered her dad standing in the kitchen with a towel slung over his shoulder as he made it. Then completely out of the blue during her teenage years she had become completely intolerant to them.

"Holly Stewart. Did you learn this recipe just for me?"

The brunette just smirks back at her, placing the spoon back in the pan, before leaning forwards to gently place a kiss against her lips. "Well, I wasn't going to make this for anyone else was I. So why did you learn it?"

"There was a girl in my high school, Wendy, and she was weird, like leagues above you and me kinds of weird." Smiling, she thinks back to her time at high school, ironically the same year she had become allergic to tomatoes was the same year she met Wendy for the first time. "Naturally she was a flame, I was the moth."

"Gail was I not your first girl crush." With one hand still stirring, she watches Holly bring her other hand to her chest, her mouth falling open in mocked shock.

"No apparently not." Really looking back on it, it suddenly made sense that the reason she felt so strongly about being _friends_ with Wendy, was that she was actually crushing on the other girl. "Anyway she was deaf, I wanted to be friends with her, so I taught myself to sign." It had also been her uncontrollable compulsion to go completely against the grain that had made her want to be friends with Wendy. Being in high school was tough for everyone, having something so distinctly different about her had made it all the more difficult for Wendy to fit in. Being friends with the hard assed Gail Peck, with her popular footballer brother, had deflected all the attention off of her.

"Did you guys keep in contact?" Holly turns back to the stove in front of her, clicking off the dials.

"Ugh, for a little while when she was at college, then." The truth is, Gail's really isn't sure why they lost contact, it had been fine at first, with emails every week, until eventually they drifted into nothing. "Life just got in the way I suppose."

Pausing from looking through the cupboards, Holly briefly turns back towards her raising her eyebrows. "She get a boyfriend?"

"Yeah... I..." The realisation hits her like a slap in the face. "Oh God I stopped talking to her because I was jealous."

"Oh my God Gail, you really were in complete denial." She can hear the laughter in Holly's voice as she pulls the plates out the cupboard.

"I had no idea!" She covers her face in embarrassment, because really what the hell was she thinking all those years ago.

"Like none at all?" Behind the joking, she can hear the curiosity in Holly's voice and she realises that whilst she had made comments in the past, she never actually talked about how she came to realise that her sexuality wasn't predominantly heterosexual.

"No, I mean, I always felt, attracted?" It's not the word she's looking for, it wasn't attracted as such, it was more complicated than that. Looking away from the brunette she gazes down at her hands, wishing the right word into existence on the counter top. "Not attracted, but...Captivated?"

"It's okay, I get it." Holly's hands are suddenly covering hers and she looks up to see the warm brown eyes, and she realises that she really _does_ get it.

"Anyway, I always felt _something_ different towards _certain_ girls."

"But you never acted on it?" The hands covering hers let go, and the brunette goes back to dishing up the pasta.

"No, I mean I've kissed a few girl before, who hasn't in their early twenty's? I just never _realised_ what I was feeling you know?" She hears Holly's hum of understanding.

"Yeah, I mean it took me actually kissing a girl, in front of my college boyfriend to realise."

"Classy." The laughter threatens to bubble out of her throat, because she knows there's a story there.

"Yeah, there's nothing classy about spin the bottle." This time Gail does laugh.

"So that's how you figured out you were gay? Spin the bottle?" She can't help the disbelief slipping into her tone.

"Actually one of my friends worked it out first," Holly drops the spoon back in the pan, before turning around and pushing the plate of pasta in front of her. "Spin the bottle just helped things along."

"Maybe that's all I would have needed." The brunette turns back around, opening the draw to pull out the cutlery.

"Spin the bottle?"

What she had really needed was a friend. Wendy was probably the closest she had gotten to a best friend when she was a teenager, and Andy had probably fallen into that category when she was an adult, but _really_ she had never had anyone best friends levels of close. Not until Holly. "Yeah, spin the bottle..."

* * *

**A/N**: Holly's story about her realising she was a massive gay is something I wrote in a little story called Suddenly I See, it's technically a prequel to the You Are Insane series.

As always, thank you for the follows, favourites and especially the reviews, they mean a lot :)


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N**: Had a bit of a real life disaster, so that's why everything is a week later than planned. I've also been binging Sons of Anarchy which has not helped...

As always thank you for the follows/favs and especially the reviews.

* * *

"Jesus Christ Holly." The sound of another breakfast glass smashing against the floor continues to ring through her ears and Gail leans her elbows on the counter as she rubs at her temples to try and stop the now impending headache, her heart still fluttering in panic. Monday mornings were terrible, Monday mornings where her girlfriend had apparently developed the inability to hold a glass were even worse.

"You okay?" Looking up from the counter Gail sees the worry pinching at Holly's brow and she realises that her girlfriend hasn't moved since the glass dropped, her body frozen, her arm still outstretched and it suddenly hits her that Holly is waiting to see if she's about to flee.

"Yeah, I am slightly worried that you have to handle _evidence_ with those hands Holly." Finally the brunette unfreezes, a smile breaking across her face as she shakes her head and kneels down to start picking up the shards at her feet.

"This is why I have odd glasses, one from every set always seems to survive though." Gail laughs at the other woman's confession, standing from her sit to grab the paper towels on the side to press against the growing puddle of orange on the floor.

"You know, this is getting incredibly domestic of us, when do I move in?" The sound of laughter practically barks out of Holly from her crouched position opposite her as she finishes picking up the last of the glass and Gail holds out her hand to help the other woman to her feet.

"Well you have got the key to my house..." The glass clatters into the bin, followed by the towels in her hand and Gail's about to turn away to go back to her perch on the counter when Holly kisses her gently. The brunettes hands cup her face and Gail can't help letting out a moan at the feel of her lips moving against her own. The passage of time seems to lose it's meaning to her, and Gail's not sure how long they stand there for, just kissing in Holly's kitchen as if they have all the time in the world, and she lets herself get lost in the warm pressure of Holly's body against her. Eventually she pulls back letting her forehead rest again Holly's humming in contentment.

"You have work soon." Holly's reminder at her impending morning a the precinct makes her groan, because after a weekend spent wrapped up in Holly the last thing she wants to do is go back to work. With one last peck of her lips Holly pulls away fully and goes back to making breakfast, leaving her to sit back at the counter and watch.

Sometimes in the smaller moments a part of Gail just wanted to blurt out to the brunette that she loved her, moments like this one with the sun shining through the kitchen window catching on Holly's long brown hair as she poured pancake mixture into the pan, her voice brokenly singing along with a song she barely knew on the radio. The bigger part of Gail told her that when she admitted to Holly just how much she felt, just how strong the love she had for her was it should be somewhere special. The batting cages was the first place she realised Holly's presence in her life was something different to everyone elses, it was also where they had their first date, so it felt like the obvious choice. But then maybe she was over thinking it all, maybe she should just blurt it out to Holly when it felt right.

The brunette turned to her smiling as she slipped a pancake onto the plate in front of her, and seeing that smile and her deep brown eyes crinkled in joy was something Gail realised wanted to see everyday. Maybe she would move in with Holly Stewart soon, and finally start a permanent life with her.

* * *

"We are going to be starting a nightly rotation, each night two of you will be watching the target, at the end of the week we will be bringing in suspects." Inspector Jarvis held up his hand, trying to quiet the grumblings coming from the room around her. "We need a 100% success on this, no screw ups."

There was no point arguing, even if Gail wanted to, but stake outs always were always terrible. For a start sitting around for hours on end waiting for _something_ to happen was the most mind numbing experience she could think of. Then inevitable something always went wrong, which would mean a sudden call, probably in the early hours of the morning for all of them to descend on the target. "Now, onto some good news-"

Gail almost squeaks in shock when the door behind her flies open, and she quickly twists her body round to see Oliver standing in the doorway "I'm back!"

"Oliver!" There isn't a force in the world strong enough to stop her from running over to him, and she throws her arms around his neck.

"It's good to be back Peck." His voice mumbles into her neck and she pulls back smiling. "You wanna ride with me tonight?"

"Actually," Jarvis' voice interrupts them, "I was just about to give out assignments." Gail doesn't turn back to face Oliver, but she can sense the expression on Oliver's face from the changes in expression on Jarvis' own. "I- I suppose I can swap Diaz and Peck." And to be honest Gail thinks it's a good idea, not just so she can spend sometime with Oliver, but Chris has been looking increasingly stretched too thin, and maybe taking a night off to sleep would do him good.

"That's the spirit!" Oliver's hand slaps onto her shoulder and Jarvis dismisses them all. Dov leans against the table next to her, and they both watch silently as everyone greets Oliver again and it hits her again just how close they came to losing him. He only turns back to them again when the room finally empties leaving the three of them alone.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were coming back?" Gail smiles again as he makes his way back towards them again.

"And miss that look of surprise darling?"

He throws his around her shoulder, pulling her into his side briefly before holding out his hand to shake Dov's. "Epstein, how's young Chloe, still doing good?"

Their hands clasp together and Gail creases her brow at the odd strain to Dov's smile. "Yeah, getting better by the day. You should go see her again."

"I dunno man, the last time I went to see her she almost died." Oliver apparently didn't notice it though.

"Speaking of dying." Dov leans in closer and drops his voice, but it's still loud enough for Gail to hear and she knows that really he isn't making any effort to hide it. "I think Gail is, she's being nice to everyone."

"Nice?" Oliver turns back to face her, one of his eyebrow raising in disbelief. "Peck you're being nice now?"

"I've always been nice." She can feel the pout on her face, the shock in Oliver's voice just reiterates her feelings though. People don't think she's nice, and Holly deserves so much more than that. "You should go see Chloe, even I've been, twice." Seeing Chloe on her day off like she had promised her had been good, surprisingly so. Chloe had spoken, literally non-stop and Gail could probably count the amount of words she had managed to get into the conversation on her hands. It was refreshing though, to see someone so unashamedly happy, so naturally _nice _to everyone.

"We," Oliver lets the word drag out as he picks up the assignment Jarvis had left on the table. "Will talk about this more at 9pm sharp, for now, go home Peck, sleep, eat something nutritious, it's going to be a long night."

* * *

Gail hadn't gone straight home like instructed, instead she had gone shopping to pick up some plastic cups and then driven straight to Holly's, letting herself into the house so she could stash them in her cupboards. Holly had already text her hours ago to tell her she was going to bed, so she knew the surprise was still laying in wait in her cupboards.

"What time is it?" Gail starts rummaging through her bag, looking for the extra candy she knows she stashed inside.

"It's a little after three." Oliver's reply sounds distracted and she almost lets out an audible sigh, because Holly had a late start that day, so she still wouldn't be up for another four hours at least. "You know what I was thinking about?" She feels Oliver's fingers making a grab for the hat on her head again, and she quickly brushes them off. Ever since she put it on three hours ago he had been subtly trying to steal it off her. "I was thinking about the last time we were in a car together, someone was shooting at us, you remember that?" And really, she's not sure how could ever forget that.

"But you know what I remember?" Gail reaches out for his hand and holds it in her own. "Is that, we're all here. It's okay, and that's all that matters." Since the morning she ran away from Holly she had been thinking more about that day and what could have happened. It had taken another conversation with Holly, one that was remarkably similar to the one she was having with Oliver for her to finally accept that what _could_ have happened didn't really matter, because it _hadn't_ happened.

"Alright, we're all okay, like Chloe, watching her die in front of my eyes., for two minutes anyway. _That_, was a really quiet two minutes." He's baiting her, Gail's sure of it, but she resists making a comment choosing to crunch another piece of candy off the necklace around her neck instead. "Well anyway, made a guy think."

"She's such a sweet person." It's true, and normally she would never admit it, but this is what she has to do now, this is the new _nicer_ Gail Peck who says nice things about her friends to her other friends. Who doesn't say that she almost wanted to push a spoonful of Jello into the woman's mouth to slow the conversation down.

"What?" She keeps her eyes on the tiny candy in her hand, but she can hear the confusion in his voice. "Oh we got something at the door. Movement, right there." He points towards the screen and she leans over him looking at the tiny image of a man at the door of the building they're watching.

"A very handsome individual." Gail bites her tongue, fighting back the insult that almost follows. "God, he must be going through such a rough time."

"Yeah, really rough time." Suddenly Oliver grabs the hat off her head, and it takes everything Gail has to stop herself from just grabbing it back out of his hands.

Instead she busies her hand by flattening down the hair that's probably already stuck to her head from being hidden under a hat for hours. "May I please have my hat back Oliver."

"No you may please not have your hat back. And you know what, I'll tell you why, because you're driving me bonkers, this whole shift I don't know what's going on with you." She refuses to look at him, and chooses to stare down at her necklace again, picking the next tiny candy to bite off. "Where's my petulant Peck?"

"Oh God." She whispers it, and she _knows_ he isn't going to let it go. Since Dov had told him about her 'niceness' earlier in the day he had been goading her, trying to trip her up into saying or doing something the old Gail Peck would have done. It feels hot suddenly, and she strips off her jacket if only to distract herself and calm herself down. "What if I told you I was turning over a new leaf?"

"Why you gotta do that?" The answer is a simple one, it's because Holly deserves so much more than an inconsiderate asshole like her. "Oh I know what's happening. It's been a rough few weeks, but you can't just go changing who you are."

"What if I told you I sometimes don't like who I am?" Gail bites nervously at the candy, it was more honest than she was intending, but she knows Oliver would see through anything but the truth.

He turns back to face her again, and there's a sympathetic twinge to his voice, but it's not something she want to hear. "Gail..."

"Holly's not going to wanna be with a jerk Oliver."

"You are not a jerk these are jerks." Turning back away from her he points towards the screen and pokes at the little images on the screen with his finger. "Jerk, jerk, jerk." This time when he turns back to face her she meets his eyes for the first time in the conversation. "You, your relationship with the universe, with the cosmos. Your healthy disrespect for _everything_. That's what makes you one in a million, truly." The words chip at her, because it's true and she wants to believe it, she truly does. "What is it, what did you call Holly the first time you met her? Tell me."

That first time her and Holly met is still etched in her memory, and if it wasn't so creepily down the side of an embankment in the woods she might have even considered _that_ to be the perfect place to finally tell Holly how she truly feels about her, because she knows whatever happens between them in the future she would never forget that first meeting. "Lunchbox."

Oliver clicks his fingers. "See, that's Gail Peck" He turns back around, apparently happy with his progress and takes a sip out of the cup he had been keeping on the dash.

"Oliver what's in that stuff?" Whatever it is stinks and if she's honest it had been throwing her off all night.

"This is er, this is a kale concoction of kale." She scrunches her face, because it's just so un-Oliver it's unbelievable.

"Oh God, come on man take the bloody candy-" She tries to hand it to him, to make him eat the food that she's sure is a hundred times better for him than _kale_ could ever be.

"I'm not doing that man."

"I'm not going to tell Celery."

"Celery always knows. She always knows." He still refuses to take the candy out of her hand, and Gail knows she should contain it, the insult that is on the tip of her tongue, but she can't.

"I'm sorry, weren't you all like, bearded man and divorced when you met her?"

"Yeah, now I'm on the programme man." Yeah the programme to insanity. "Walking towards my future."

"No you walked the halls like you hadn't bathed in weeks and you smelt like canned meat Oliver." It feels good, it feels really good to be letting it flow after biting her tongue and refusing to be even the slightest bit mean to anyone over the past couple of weeks.

"That is gross, that is gross and offensive and slightly inaccurate and you know, you just crossed the line." Guilt instantly swells in her, which is new.

"I'm sorry." Even to her own ears it sounds meek and pathetic, and completely outside the range of the old Gail Peck's emotional spectrum.

"Geez." She's about to apologise again when Oliver is suddenly turning back around and grabbing on to her. "And I love it, it's Gail Peck, and that is who _you_ are!"

She brushes him off, sweeping his hands away. "Okay, alright."

"There doesn't that feel good?"

"Yes." Being so nice to everyone really has been the most tiring thing she's ever had to do. The need to change still gnaws at her, but he's right, she can't change the fabric of who she is, not when _that_ is precisely the person that Holly fell for to begin with. When they first met she'd called her Lunchbox, then she had been down right sarcastic to her every step building up to their relationship, yet Holly had never called her out on it, never said she _didn't_ like it. If anything Holly had matched her step for step on the sarcasm front.

He fist pumps, and Gail doesn't restrain herself from rolling her eyes. "Yes, here, give me the candy, give me the necklace, give me your jewellery lady." She slides the chain of candy over her head and hands it to him. "Thank you, come to post, I'm going to slide over there to take a break." Gail shifts around him until their positions are reversed. "Hey settle in. Now what do you see?"

She doesn't even hesitate this time when she looks at the grainy exchange taking place on the screen. "Losers."

"What they doing?" One of them is a regular down the station, and she recognises the ridiculous hat on the man next to him, plaid and stripe were two different patterns, and in her book shouldn't be coexisting on the same item of clothing. The other man she didn't recognise.

"They're... Local losers, meeting with out of town losers, making one big giant loser pie." She thinks maybe she should use the word loser more often, because it really does sum up the losers on the screen pretty well.

Oliver asks her another question and she knows that he's just goading her on again and time she doesn't try and go against it. "What you going to do?"

"I'm going to arrest these losers." Oliver crunches a sweet behind and everything feels slightly better again, and he winks, handing her back the necklace as if it's a badge of honour. "They're losers."

"Arrest them we will darling! Just another two hours of footage and they can do just that." He smiles around another mouthful of candy. "Say, you going to see Holly after this? Have a bit of breakfast? A bit loooove?"

Her eyes roll back up into her head again. "You're unbearable. Yes, I'm taking her breakfast."

The hand that was dipped in the bag of candy slaps to his chest. "D'awww, is that not just the sweetest thing, I might take Celery some."

She smiles around the candy clenched between her teeth. "Yeah, there's a shop round the corner from here actually."

"Yeah?"

"Hmmm, farm shop, you can buy yourself some breakfast hay." Laughter bubbles up her throat as she ducks under the candy Oliver tries to throw at her head.

"The things we do for love huh Peck." She turns back to watch Oliver rummaging through the bag in his hand and just gently hums in agreement.

* * *

**A/N**: Just to save you going back to read it, in the story prior to this one (You Are Insane), when Holly takes Gail to the batting cages Gail has a mini epiphany at the end of the chapter that she isn't scared of how much she already trusts Holly. Hence the "it was the first place she realised Holly's presence in her life was something different to everyone else's" bit.

Now we're back in the territory of the show I've done a quick count of where I'm planning to put the chapter splits and by my calculations we are now into the final ten chapters... AHH!


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**: So... Rookie Blue has been cancelled... I think we all saw that coming didn't we? Still a shame though, no more Gail/Holly blessing our screens. This will continue though, because I'm still denying season six happened, it's all sunshine and gay police officers in You Are (Still) Insane land ;)

Well... It's all sunshine for _now_ anyway...

(**EDIT**: Changed Holly's exes from mortician and English major to doctor and Science major. The guest reviewer was right, they were odd choices, even though they're not profoundly important, I probably should have given them a bit more thought!)

* * *

Holly stirs slowly to the feel of soft lips gently kissing along the edge of her jaw. "Wake up loser, I bought you breakfast."

"Gail?" More kisses are sloppily pressed down the side of her neck, and she lets out a deep sigh of contentment. Relaxing into the feel of Gail's lips it takes a moment for her mind to gradually unravel the fact that when she went to sleep she was most definitely alone and Gail had been out on shift. "How did you-"

Holly doesn't get to finish her question, the blondes lips pressing against her own cutting her off. It barely last a second before Gail's pulling back and lazily smiling down at her. "I broke in."

Groaning she throws her arm over her eyes to block out the light creeping through the curtains. "Give me back my key." It isn't a serious statement, truthfully she doesn't mind that the other woman had chosen to keep it.

"_No_." Gail's lips return to the underside of her jaw, lightly nipping at the sensitive skin and her hand starts to sneak up her shirt.

"I thought you said-" Apparently Gail doesn't want to listen to her talking, and she's cut off again by another kiss being pressed against her lips. Holly almost gets lost in the sensation of it, but the blondes body shifting on top of her jerks her out her stupor and she pushes against the other woman's shoulders until she breaks the kiss. "I thought you said you had bought me breakfast?"

"I did, it's downstairs." Gail goes to move her head down again, but Holly continues to lightly push at her shoulders.

"Great." Holly sits up, forcing the other woman to shift off her as she moves her body up against the headboard. She watches with amusement as Gail drops herself face first onto the mattress, burying her face in the pillow. Raising her hand into the air she lets it drop down onto Gail's ass, and the blonde lets out a squeak in reply. "Get up."

Her head doesn't move from the pillow and all Holly hears is her name being groaned out through the thick fabric. It's adorable really, after spending the night working it would have been perfectly understandable if Gail had gone straight home and passed out. Instead she was here, on her bed, trying to make out with her despite being half asleep.

"You want me to bring breakfast up here?" This time Gail doesn't verbally answer her, instead her head just moves against the pillow in what Holly presumes is a nod. She stifles a yawn as she stares down at the blonde now laying fully clothed on top of her bed, watching as her breathing starts to even out to the point that Holly wonders if she's fallen asleep. "How has this ended up with me bringing _you_ breakfast in bed."

Gail's whole body jerks, and Holly realises she had been at least half asleep. She turns her head on the pillow, keeping her eyes closed. "Because you're a loser."

"Oh, I'm a loser huh?"

Gail nods, burying her face back into the pillow, and Holly barely hears her voice through the fabric. "Definitely."

"And what does that make you for dating a loser?"

"Charitable." A laugh erupts from her throat and she traces her fingers down the shirt covering Gail's back, swirling patterns around her spine. She's not sure what happened, or if maybe Gail's just tired and forgot that was trying to be ultra nice, but she's glad to see Gail is back to being more like herself.

"You going to sleep here whilst I'm at work?" Gail shifts again, tucking her arms under her body as she turns her head to face her, one eyes cracking open.

"Mmmm, that okay?"

"More than okay, just leave my house key on the counter when you leave." Holly leans down to kiss her cheek, and she feels the side of Gail's face pulling up into a smile.

"I don't have it." She sounds half asleep again, and Holly realises there's no point bringing the breakfast upstairs, because she's fairly sure the blonde will be asleep in minutes.

"Liar." It's still early, and she has half an hour before she needs to start getting ready for work, so she lets Gail snuggle into the side of her leg, her hands gently stroking through the short locks of her hair as the other woman drifts off to sleep.

* * *

Watching the whirling machine opposite her Holly lets out an impatient sigh, her hands picking at the pastry in front of her. The lab had been quiet all day, which technically was a good thing, a slow lab day usually meant a slow crime day. But it also meant she had nothing else to do but wait for the blood results currently spinning around in the machine in front of her to finish.

Letting out another sigh she let her mind drift back to the morning. After she was sure Gail had fallen completely asleep she had gently extracted herself from the bed, making her way downstairs to investigate exactly what it was the blonde had bought her.

There had been a brown paper bag waiting for her on the kitchen counter, and Gail's coat had lain slung across the back of the sofa, her shoes, clearly kicked off at the bottom of the stairs, laying haphazardly across the floor. She'd ignored the blondes strewn clothing, opting to open the bag and she smiles at the memory of the ridiculous amount of croissants and pastries stuffed inside. She's not sure if Gail genuinely meant to buy that many, or if in her half awake state she'd accidentally purchased half the bakery. Either way it meant the pair of them could potentially live off a diet of pastry for the next week.

It had been three croissants later when she discovered the other surprise Gail had left in her kitchen. Even hours later she's still not sure when Gail had the time to do it, but some time between breakfast the day before and her stumbling back into Holly's house she had managed to replace all her glasses with plastic beakers. After the initial shock had warn off, she did contemplate _stealing_ her own key back before she could come home to find Gail's adopted them a dog without telling her.

The buzzer on the machine opposite her pulls her from her thoughts, and she quickly slides her phone out her lab coat pocket, checking to see if Gail had text her back yet. The last thing Holly had heard from Gail was a muffled 'I'll text you later' from under the duvet the blonde had cocooned herself in whilst she had been in the shower.

As if sensing it's freedom from her pocket the phone in her hand started vibrating and she smiled at the name flashing across it.

"Lisa, you're back!" Emails and Skype were fine, and it wasn't like they hadn't spoken to each other every other day like they usually did, but it was good to know she was back home again.

"Just flew in this morning, what's this Rachel tells me about you having a new toy?" It shouldn't surprise her after all this time that Lisa didn't hang around for pleasantries. One thing she learnt very early on in their friendship was that subtle and Lisa did not go together well. If she wanted a conversation to head in a certain direction Lisa wasted no time and just shoe horned the subject straight into the conversation no matter what the current topic was.

Leaning back into her chair Holly crosses her free arm across her body. "Am I the only thing you two talk about?"

"Ha, don't flatter yourself Stewart, we sometimes talk about hockey."

A genuine laugh escapes her and Holly takes a moment to recover before trying to correct her on her earlier comment. "And she is _not_ a new toy Lisa, she's my girlfriend."

"Uh huh, and you want us to give her the once over?" If Lisa could see her she would roll her eyes at her, because she really did not need their approval on Gail.

"Jesus, did they forget to put you in first class."

This time it's Lisa who laughs, and she can practically feel the sarcasm dripping off her response. "No, but there was a screaming child, so I'm feeling a little ansty."

"And I do _not_ want you to give her the once over, I want you to meet her and _get along_." Things didn't normally go too badly when she introduced other people to Rachel and Lisa, but Gail was different. In truth she had never dated anyone like Gail before. A microbiologist, a doctor and a Science major had been her three major girlfriends in the past, so suddenly dating a police officer was going to throw the pair of them off.

"Well," She can hear pages turning in the background. "I've got no free dates this week, but I can free up sometime next week?" She smiles, because it's close, and she hasn't seen the pair of them in person forever. Between Lisa's trip abroad and Rachel's two month residency in San Francisco they hadn't had a night out together in _months_.

"Next week will be good."

She can just make out the scratch of a pen in the background. "Then I'll speak to Rachel and let you know when we're both free, hopefully Friday though?"

"Friday would be wonderful. Gail's really great Lisa, you two are going to love her." Lisa makes a sound of agreement, and Holly hooks the phone between her ear and shoulder as she starts to regale her with the tale of her flight home. She hasn't mentioned to either Lisa or Rachel what it is Gail does for a living and in that moment as Lisa tells her about the 'chump of a security guard' she feels guilty, because she's _not_ ashamed of what Gail does, but it doesn't stop her worrying about the judgement she knows Lisa and Rachel are going to make based on it.

* * *

**A/N**: Not making any promises... BUT! I'm going to try and start posting this weekly again instead of bi-weekly.

Thanks for taking the time to review last chapter. Also I'm on the tumblr under AmyBot3000, there's some Gail/Holly ficlets on there that I haven't posted here. That's right I'm cheating on FF. net... The shame.


	19. Chapter 19

A**/N**: I've been looking at the Rookie Blue scripts online and the website I'm using has a yellow background, my eyes are burning, seriously, this is not the late 90's, stop lurid website backgrounds 2k15.

I'm really not sure what the timing is between episode two and three... On the one hand Chris has been planning Fite Nite for months... Sam/Chloe have just gotten out of hospital... But Duncan doesn't appear to have been there more than a couple of weeks... But... WHAT. I'm going with a two week-ish gap between episodes two and three, that's my final offer...

* * *

It's two days after what Holly has provisionally named 'Croissantgate' that the sound of her ringing phone wakes her up. Blindly she gropes for it on her night stand, squinting at the screen until she recognises Gail's name.

"Gail it's two in the morning." Her voice croaks with sleep, and she leans up to take a sip of the water that had been sat next to her phone. The other end of the line remains silent, and Holly begins to wonder if maybe Gail had called her by mistake.

"Oh." The silence drags on for a few more moments. "I thought it said 20, not 2, Holly I think my alarm clock's broken." There's a slight slur to Gail's panicked voice, and Holly can tell that her earlier promise that she would only have two beers had fallen through, most likely within an hour of her being out. Apparently the late night operation the blonde had been a part of earlier in the week had ended early _and_ successfully, which according to Gail was such a rarity that it deserved mid week drinks as a celebration.

"And _I_ think you're a bit drunk Gail."

"You know what? There's no real evidence to say that's true, just cercum- cercam? Just not real evidence." Holly thinks that maybe she should be more annoyed than she actually is at Gail waking her up so late, but then the blonde lets out the most adorable giggle she's possibly _ever_ heard. "Want to have phone sex?"

"No," Holly rolls her eyes, because she's fairly sure Gail is going to struggle holding a simple conversation, so phone sex is definitely off the cards. "Consider that your punishment for calling me so late." Rolling over she closes her eyes and listens as the other woman lets out a deep groan of disappointment.

"I'm kinda tired anyway. Are you missing me yet? You haven't seen me in forever." The last word drags on, and Holly smiles because forever has actually been one day.

"Gail, honey, we sometimes spend multiple nights apart." In truth Holly's surprised that Gail hasn't just come over and let herself into her house again. She had even left an extra glass of water on Gail's side of the bed just in case.

"Well I missed you." Holly laughs, and she thinks that maybe she should get Gail drunk more often, as long as there were no scissors in sight, so she could gush her feelings some more. The other benefit of a slightly tipsy Gail was how increasingly _handsy_ she became, and she wishes Gail had held back just a little on the drinking, because they _could_ have been having perfectly good phone sex right now.

"Then yes, I missed you too." A noise of what she assumes is contentment comes from Gail's end of the phone.

"Oliver's been made Staff Sargent." The sudden change in topic jolts her, and she realises that they might finally be onto the real reason Gail was calling her so late.

"That's good? Right?"

"Yeah, I mean it'll be better than Jarvis, but." Another frustrated groan comes from Gail. "Ugh, it's just change you know?"

"Change might be good." Her reply is soft, and she wonders exactly what it is about Oliver being promoted has Gail so worried.

The blonde doesn't reply for a few moments, and Holly listens to the sound of her breathing, trying to distinguish if she had fallen asleep on her. "The new rookie starts tomorrow." Holly knows Gail is purposefully changing the subject of the conversation, and she pushes down the urge to pursue the topic.

"Gail." There's a tone of warning in her voice.

"What?"

"Play nice."

Gail lets out a heavy puff of air, and she smiles, because since taking the shift with Oliver Gail had almost completely reverted back to her incessant disdain for everything. "_I,_ am always a delight to new people."

"The first think you ever said to me was an insult Gail. In fact every other thing you said to me the first time we met was an insult." Holly thinks back and she definitely remembers the blonde insinuating that she was a nerd _and_ that she smelt.

"And now look where we are, having phone sex at two o'clock in the morning."

"Sweetie, this isn't how phone sex works."

"But I'm all wet-" Holly's mouth falls open, because apparently drunk two o'clock in the morning Gail has no filter. "No wait, I just spilt my water all over me." Gail lets out another giggle, and Holly isn't going to let her forget this call any time soon.

"Oh," The memory of her conversation with Lisa hits Holly suddenly and she presses the heel of her palm to her head for forgetting. "Speaking of new people, I spoke to Lisa the other day, are you free next Friday for drinks?"

Gail hesitates for a moment before answering her, and Holly can hear the sharp inhale on the other end of the phone. "Yeah of course, can we do it at the Penny?"

"Sure, beats the wine bars Rachel likes to drag us to I suppose."

"Ugh wine, I don't like it." The other woman's voice whines through the phone, and Holly can tell from her increasing slur that she's about to fall asleep.

"I know honey, are you about to fall asleep?"

"Yes." Holly can almost hear the pout that she imagines is gracing the blondes features.

"Okay, then I'll remind you of this conversation in the morning." And she smiles, because she plans on reiterating certain parts of the conversation more than once. "Sweet dreams Gail."

"I'm going to dream of you." The slur to Gail's voice becomes even more pronounced.

"Uh huh."

"And hitting little balls with spank paddles." The phone goes dead before Holly can reply, and she just stares at it in confusion for a few moments before placing it back on the night stand. Her girlfriend really was the oddest person she had ever met.

* * *

"Holly?" She recognises the woman standing in the doorway of her lab as one of the officers from the crime scene she visited that morning, she was also one of Gail's closer friends if she remembered her correctly.

"Yeah, Andy right?"

"The one and only." Turning out into the corridor she doesn't hear the content of what she's saying, but she catches the angry tone to it. When Andy steps out the of way another officer from the crime scene comes to stand in the doorway.

"Hi, I'm Duncan, the new rookie." He steps into the room and holds out his hand for her to shake and the room falls into an uncomfortable silence when he steps back again, the three of them standing awkwardly in the middle of the lab.

"Is there something I can do for you both?"

"Yes, there is, isn't there _Duncan_." She looks over at Andy and the woman's eyes are practically shooting daggers at the back of the new rookies head.

"Right, yeah, I-" Duncan raises his hand and scratches at the back of his head. "It's my first day, I didn't realise I wasn't meant to touch it, and McNally said-"

"_Duncan_." The word is practically forced out through Andy's teeth.

"I touched the golf club, and I'm you know-" He looks back at Andy, and Holly really shouldn't be noticing how attractive Gail's friends look when they're angry, but she has. "Fine, I'm sorry I wasted your time by contaminating the evidence."

It _was_ his first day, and despite wanting to ask him what the hell they were teaching at the academy these days, or if he skipped the day that mentioned the importance of evidence in convictions, she just smiles at him reassuringly. "The case was still solved right? Don't worry about it too much."

"See, she's not even mad." Duncan turns back to Andy, and she wonders how long they spent arguing outside the lab before she had forced him into the building.

"That's because she's dating Gail." Andy waves her hand in her direction, and Holly isn't sure she can describe the strangely warm feeling she has at one of Gail's friends referring to her as the blonde's girlfriend. "She must have the patience of a saint."

"Wow, the blonde one, Peck?" The look on Duncan's face is one of absolute awe. "That's hot." Andy saves her the trouble of responding by slapping him across the arm with the back of her hand.

"Ow." He rubs dramatically at the patch on his arm. "Say, this a pretty awesome lab, are you like in charge here?"

"Pretty much." Duncan starts walking around the room, and Holly watches his movements carefully as Andy comes to stand next to her.

"Look, I'm sorry as well, I should have kept a closer eye on him." Her voice is quiet enough for Duncan not to hear her.

Holly consciously lowers her own voice to the same volume. "It's no problem, I wasn't even the one who did the prints. Perks of delegation."

"Oh awesome, it's a Babe Ruth card, man these cards are _expensive_." Holly's eyes widen in horror as he starts pulling back the evidence strip to open the bag that she had missed him picking up.

Andy beats her to the reprimand. "Hey!" She's quickly over the other side of the room, whipping the bag out of his hands before any damage can be done and Holly lets out a sigh of relief as Andy hands it back to her. "Seriously? You were going to touch evidence, _again_?"

"But that's a really cool card, I didn't even know it was evidence." Holly's mouth falls open in shock.

"It's in a evidence bag!" Andy's voice sounds completely exasperated.

"Oh, that's what they look like? I'll make a note of it boss." He ends his sentence with a wink, and Holly's not entirely sure his taking what happened half as seriously as he should be.

Shaking her head, Holly quickly glances down at the card the new officer had been so interested in. "It's a fake anyway."

"What? No way, how can you even tell." He walks over to her, looking down at the bag in her hand curiously.

"See here," She brings the evidence bag closer to their faces, and points to the black line around the side of the card. "The line on the original cards is 1.5 mm, this one is much closer to say 2 maybe even 2.5." Looking up Holly spots Andy crossing her arms across her chest, her eyebrows rising and she lets out an awkward cough. "But that's not the point." Turning back around to face Duncan, she steps back when she realises how close they've become. "Crime scene and lab rule number one. Don't touch anything. Ever."

* * *

Holly doesn't look up from the fridge when the front door opens, and she can hear Gail huffing as she strips off her jacket. "Hi."

"Hey," The blonde walks straight into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around her from behind and Holly can feel her resting her head against her back. "I heard you worked with Traci today?"

"Yeah, she needed a quick autopsy." Pulling two beers and some chicken out the fridge she turns in Gail's arms, kissing her quickly before handing Gail the unopened bottles.

They move around the kitchen silently, Gail opening the beers whilst she starts cutting the chicken into strips.

"So, your new rookie came into the lab for the first time today." Handing Gail a pepper, Holly watches her frown at it for a couple of seconds before pulling a knife out the stand.

"Gerald?"

"I'm sure he was called Duncan?"

The knife clunks against the cutting board, and Holly flinches at the deep gauge Gail leaves behind. "Are you sure? I've been calling him Gerald."

She decides to forgo the name, but she's positive Duncan had introduced himself as... Duncan. "He almost contaminated some evidence."

"I heard." Gail shacks her head. "Standards are dropping, I can't believe we hired a rookie who likes golf."

Holly laughs. "Not the golf club, in the lab he almost opened a sealed evidence bag, that had the evidence I needed to get finger prints off, whilst apologising to me for contaminating evidence with his finger prints." She turns to face the blonde, her brow creased in what Holly thinks might be concern.

"Andy never mentioned it." Gail looks thoughtful for a moment. "It doesn't matter, it'll be fight night soon, maybe it'll help realign the gene that makes him stupid." Holly bumps her shoulder into Gail's in warning, but laughs anyway, as she cuts the last of the meat.

"A. That's not how genes work."

"Whatever nerd." She doesn't need to look at the blonde to know that an eye roll accompanied that statement.

"And B. What's fight night?" This time she does turn back around and Gail just stares at her with her eyes wide and mouth dropped open in shock.

"_What's Fite Nite_?" Holly looks at her expectantly. "Seriously, standards are dropping everywhere. We put the rookies in the ring and make them fight, Fite Nite." Gail says it as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"What? Why?"

"Bragging rights." She scoffs as if that answer should have been incredibly obvious as well and Holly looks at her completely horrified. "Come on, don't tell me you don't haze your new lab assistants."

It's true, they did, but it just didn't involve them fighting it out in a ring for their entertainment. "Did you ever..."

"Oh God no, we left if to Traci."

"No way."

"Yes way, I've still got the photos on my phone. God, she was so pissed at Jerry, I'm pretty sure that's the only reason she won." Holly looks at Gail curiously, because it's not the first times she's mentioned Jerry's name.

"Gail." The blonde hums and doesn't look up from the counter. "Who's Jerry?"

The knife slams into the board again and Gail's whole body seems to tense. "He, erm, he." Holly watches as Gail swallows, and she reaches out to touch her arm, her hand squeezing gently. "He was Traci's fiancée." Holly doesn't miss the past tense and watches as Gail swallows again. There a light tremble to the arm underneath her hand and Holly can see the tensing of the other woman's jaw. "He died whilst saving me."

"Gail..." She stops herself from saying sorry, and restrains herself from asking what happened.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom, can you finish the pepper." The blonde presses the half cut pepper into her hand before practically sprinting out the room and Holly just watches helplessly whilst she runs up the stairs and out of sight.

* * *

**A/N**: Look at that, managed to post a weekly chapter, awesome. Thanks for the follows and reviews on the last chapter. I think I mentioned it in the earlier AN's, but I will be doing the break up drinks, then the story is going to divert away from the canon ever so slightly, I won't be including the adoption story line (not fully anyway) or anything season six related.

In other news I booked my new tattoos, yeeeeeee.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**: I was debating about where to put the 'Jerry story' chronologically or whether to even mention it at all and just assume Gail had already told Holly (like one of you lovely Guests headcanoned)... In the end I decided to included it!

Cheers to the guests who pointed me in the direction of the five weeks, I had rewatched episode three before firming up the writing on the previous chapter, but hadn't got around to rewatching four. Thankfully my timings still sort of line up!

* * *

The cool of the bathroom mirror presses against Gail's forehead and she lets out a heavy breath, the last rivets of water she had splashed on her face slowly trickling down her skin. She really hadn't meant to leave, but the shock of Holly outright asking her about Jerry had apparently flipped the flee switch in her. Blue eyes stare back at her in the mirror, a slight puffiness around them, but she refused to let any tears fall, she would never give Ross Perik the pleasure of making her cry again.

There have been times where she almost offhandedly told Holly about Jerry. Frank and Noelle's wedding had been the first time, she remembered sitting next to her, watching Traci and wondering how she felt to be standing there and not in the middle of the isle like she was meant to be. In the end every time she had either decided it wasn't the _right_ time to tell her, or that there really wasn't any point, because in her eyes it wouldn't change anything with Holly, it wouldn't give her some sudden insight into Gail's life.

The sound of knocking on the door pulls her attention away from her own reflection. "Hey Gail." Picking up the towel next to the sink she quickly dries her face and waits for Holly to continue. "Have you cut your hair again?"

She lets out a strained laugh and walks towards the door. "No." Sniffing one last time, and taking one more deep breath to compose herself she opens it, finding a concerned looking Holly standing away from it.

"Hey." Holly doesn't move closer to her, standing on the other side of the hallway, her back practically against the wall.

"Hey."

"Sorry, I wanted to give you longer, but dinner's ready..." She awkwardly points towards the stairs, and Gail smiles, trying to put the brunette at ease.

"And you didn't want to leave me too long in case I found where you'd hidden the scissors?" Out of curiosity she had opened the draw where she had seen Holly stash the scissors weeks earlier, only to find that the brunette had moved them.

"Well, that as well." Holly's mouth pulls up into a half smile, and Gail steps forwards, wrapping her arms around the brunettes waist and burying her head under her chin. Warm arms wind around her back and she relaxes as one of Holly's hands starts stroking the short strands of hair on the back of her head. Gail wonders if it's less of a comforting touch for Holly, and more just to check to that she hadn't hacked anything off the back.

"Sorry for running out on you again." Her voice muffles almost inaudibly into Holly's chest.

The arms around her tighten in reply, and she feels a light kiss on the top of her head before Holly pulls away. "Come on."

The stir fry sits waiting for them on the small table in Holly's living room, the two opened bottles of beer sitting next to them and her stomach growls in hunger at the smell of it. The silence they eat in on couch isn't the comfortable one she's used to with Holly, and Gail catches her out the corner of her eye pushing the last remnants of food around the plate in thought, paying no attention to whatever documentary she had left running on the TV.

"You can ask about it, if you want to." The fork ceases it's movement, and Holly turns to look at her.

"No. I mean I want to know, it's human nature that I'm curious, but I'm not going to ask something you're not comfortable with Gail." If the tone of Holly's voice hadn't been so serious she would have held her breath and waited for Holly to start talking about humans and their natural curiosity. She still remembers the time an off handed comment about jealousy had seen Holly going into a half hour lecture about the human psyche in relation to envy.

In all honesty, it wasn't that she was _uncomfortable_ talking about Jerry, it just felt like an old wound that she had already healed, and it scared her that talking about it would just reopen it. It was another reason she had never told Holly about him before.

"Holly-" She's cut off before she can even begin to formulate words out of her thoughts.

"Sometimes we have things in life that happen to us that," She pauses briefly, her eyes searching Gail's face for the right word. "_Change_ who we are. It doesn't mean we have to talk about them, but if you do want to, then you know, you can tell me." Holly's hand cups her face lightly, and Gail pushes herself into the contact, closing her eyes briefly at the comforting touch.

"Some girls went missing a few years ago." Holly lowers her hand from Gail's face, taking her plate out of her hand and placing it back onto the small table before turning her attention back to her. "They were all young, blonde, I had to go undercover, see if we could flush the guy out you know?"

Holly nods her head in understanding and Gail thinks back to that night at the hotel. "We thought the case was a bust, then," Gail has to pause to swallow back the lump in her throat at the vague, broken memories of what happened in Andy's apartment that night. "He followed me up to Andy's apartment, knocked me out." Before she realises what's happening, her hand subconsciously raises to her face, her fingers tracing the almost invisible scar above her eyebrow.

"He took me back to his house." She can see the questioning look on Holly's face, and she quickly puts her mind to rest before she can ask the question Gail knows is on the tip of her tongue. "He didn't, he didn't _rape_ me, nothing like that."

There's a sudden spark of recognition in Holly's eyes, and Gail reels in shock at her next words. "Dr Perik?"

"Yeah, how did you..."

"I worked the case, I had no idea it was you though..." The sentence trails off and Gail watches as Holly visibly processes the information. All those years ago Holly was helping to find her and she had no idea. She wonders if the brunette ever really thought about who it was back then, if she maybe even heard her name. "Jerry... Detective Barber?"

"Yeah, that was him." The word 'was' feels like it burns on her tongue, even now after all the time that had passed it still felt foreign saying it. "He died saving me from him."

"You know it wasn't you're fault right?" Gail nods her head, because even through she _had_ blamed herself at first, Traci had reaffirmed it enough for her to believe it wasn't. Meeting Dr Perik again when his copycat appeared had surprisingly helped reaffirm that understanding even more.

"Yeah, I know, the blaming myself, that wasn't really the worst of it, I mean you've met Traci right?" Holly nods her head vigorously. "She wouldn't let me believe it was my fault, it was one of the first things she said to me afterwards." She hesitates for a moment, wondering if she should reveal the next part to Holly. She had kept it quiet from everyone else, even from Nick. "For a while all I could think about was that it should have been me and not him."

"Gail..."

"No, not in a, I want to be dead kind of way. I just thought I paled to him in significance." Gail can tell Holly is about to interrupt her and quickly carrier on. "Iit wasn't just about us losing a friend, Traci lost her fiancée, her son Leo lost someone who was becoming such a _big_ part of his life, his mom lost her only son." The tears burn at her eyes again. "Me? I was just the mean, underachieving beat cop daughter who had no permanent ties. It just didn't seem fair that it was him and not me."

"God Gail, I had no idea."

"I'm fine with it now, it's just, that sort of thing sticks with you." It's almost the truth. Gail doesn't tell Holly that sometimes she stills wakes up in the night, breathing heavy, and sweat sticking to her with the wisps of a dream still at the forefront of her mind. Dreams about not being able to move or see. She doesn't tell Holly that small dark places remind her of being thrown in the boot of a car, that even waking up with the duvet over head can be enough to freak her out. She doesn't tell Holly that sometimes, in her darker moments, she wonders if it was some cosmic mistake that Jerry died and not her.

* * *

Holly takes her slowly that night, kissing every inch of her skin as if it's the last time.

Gail's not sure how long the brunettes fingers have been slowly pumping in and out of her, but the muscles in her stomach are starting to ache with the uncontrollable rolling of her hips. It's as they give an exceptionally strong buck that one of Holly's arms presses down across her hip bones, stopping her from moving as the brunettes tongue delicately winds it's way through her folds and up to her clit. The sensation has her gasping and she buries her hands in Holly's dishevelled hair, on the brink of begging her to just speed up.

It's when she's almost there, almost at the crest of an orgasm that she knows is possibly going to be the most mind blowing experience in her existence that Holly pulls away. Her tongue leaving her completely, and her teeth biting gently at her inner thigh.

"No, Holly, _please_, I'm-" A sound she's never heard before practically screeches out of her mouth when Holly sucks harshly at the tiny bundle of nerves again, her back arching her entire torso off the bed and her head pushing back into the pillows at the shock of pleasure. Holly calms her back down, gently blowing on the tormented flesh before kissing her way up her body, her fingers still lazily moving inside of her.

The brunette only starts moving her thumb back against her clit, back to building her up the edge again, once they're face to face. She doesn't lean down to kiss her, or say a single word, instead she just watches. If it was anyone else Gail knows that she would look away, she knows that she would suddenly become hyper aware of the contortions of pleasure on her face, but with Holly she just lets herself feel it.

How the other woman is managing to keep her arm moving at such a slow but constant pace is beyond her, and Gail feels the tips of her fingers dragging against her, eliciting another broken moan from her. She's exhausted, and she hasn't even been able to touch Holly yet, every time she tried the brunette had just pinned her arms to the pillows, stopping her in her tracks.

Her eyes continue to burn into hers, and she knows Holly can tell she's close again by the way she speeds up the patterns on her clit. There's an intensity that she's never felt between them before, their eyes still locked together as Holly presses her fingers as deep as possible, the ends curling inside her making her hands grasp desperately at the pillow next to her head.

Then it happens, her orgasm rushes through her, it had been building for an age, but it still manages to take her completely off guard. Her hips continue their uncontrollable grind, and her fingers reach up to grip onto Holly's back, desperately pulling the woman down on top of her, to _feel_ all of her against her heated flesh.

The orgasm continues to pulse through her in excruciating waves, and she can't remember ever coming for this long before. The fingers inside her finally stop their incessant curling, but she continues to clench around them in weaker pulses until Holly finally looks away, burying her face into the side of Gail's neck. Gail can't hear the words she's muttering against her skin, the words lost in the static of her mind.

* * *

**A/N**: The smut train has left the station. Next chapter... FITE NITE. Three weeks posting in a row, I think that counts as being on a roll? Anyway whilst I was stuck in traffic last week I thought up a new subplot, so there's now an extra chapter. It involves Holly's friend Rachel, that's all the spoilers you're going to get. I also thought of a 'nice' smut scenario which will be getting it's own one shot in the next week or so, it involves one of Gail's 'inconsistent' reports, that's all the spoilers you're going to get on that one.

Thank you for the continued support by the way, I'm glad people are still interested in reading :)


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N**: Ah! Couple of days late, blame bonfire night. Also I got hit in the face by a leaf, that was pretty distressing. There will still be a chapter this coming weekend.

Oh no... It's here. It's Fite Nite Part 1/3.

* * *

"So, Fite Nite tonight." Gail lets out a sigh as Dov practically _beams_ at her from the drivers seat. She could tell this conversation had been coming all week and she wonders if he conspired with Oliver to get her trapped in a car to have it. "Are you bringing Holly?"

"What?" She screws up her face and tries to look as disgusted as possible at the prospect. "No, watching two grown men fight isn't her thing."

"Oh, and what _is_ her thing?" Dov looks at her with his eyebrows raised, and she knows he's just challenging her into revealing more about Holly.

Not watching grown men fight is the easy answer, and Gail Peck is probably the truthful answer. Instead she sticks with the 'professional' answer. "Dead bodies."

"I'm just saying," He carries on as if she hadn't said anything, and Gail finds it slightly horrifying that Dov might be becoming immune to her barbs. "Might be nice to bring her with you, show her the dirty underbelly of police work."

"Yeah, I'm not going." It's the first time she's told him that she's not going, and Gail rolls her eyes at his expression of shock.

"What-" The ringing of her phone interrupts him and she would quite happily kiss Holly in front of everyone from 15 division for calling her at that exact moment.

The phones at her ear before Dov can carry on, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly, before he turns back to the road. "Hey."

"Good morning." It shouldn't be possible, but Gail's certain she can hear the smile in Holly's voice.

"Of course it's good, you're talking to me." If Gail had heard anyone else make that comment on phone, she would have taken it off them and snapped it in half, because that was entirely to sappy. Holly's laugh from the other end of the line makes it worth it though. "You doing okay?"

"Hmmm yeah, I'm fine, I just spoke to Lisa and she's still free for tonight, you still good?" Anxiety whirls in her stomach for possible the thousandth time at the prospect of meeting Holly's friends.

"Yep, I'm still free." If Dov hadn't been in the car, not so subtly eavesdropping on the conversation, she would have dropped her head onto the dashboard, because even she can hear the nerves in her voice

"Gail you sound nervous or excited, I can't see your face so I'm not sure which..."

"Yeah, no, of course I'm really excited." And by excited she really means nervous to the point of nausea.

"You'll all get on great Gail, anyway I've got to go."

"Okay, I'm going to meet you at the Penny tonight probably around..." Hopefully if they get the loot and leave she can be finished by six and she doesn't want to be sat around worrying and twisting herself into knots for any longer than she has to. "Seven o'clock?"

"Perfect, I finish at five today." She knows Holly's also being hopeful, because if her case load for the past week was anything to go by the Gail wouldn't be surprised if she forgets to leave the lab till gone eight again.

"I'll call you after shift then." If anything to make sure Holly actually leaves her shift.

"Yes mum, have a good day Gail."

"Okay, you too."

"U2? Yeah I love U2." She _knows_ that Holly's only quoting one of the Friends episodes she made her watch a couple of nights ago, but her stomach still flutters at her words as she laughs anyway. "I'll see you later Gail."

"Bye." She hangs up, a smile still stretching across her face at the memory of them curled up on Holly's couch together, with a bag of cheese puffs nestled between them as they binged through half a season. It quickly fades when Dov gives her a pointed look. "What?"

"I can't believe you're not going to Fite Nite." Gail looks away from him again, because she knew getting in this car with him was going to end like this. "I mean how's Duncan going to feel when he looks out into the crowd and doesn't see your, pale, pale face cheering him on." One pale was plenty, and she's about to comment on the fact that really, Dov isn't the pinnacle of sun kissed beauty, but she has a more pressing concern. Who the hell is Duncan.

She manages to slip just the right amount of indignation in her tone. "Who is Duncan?"

"The new rookie."

"Oh," Holly had told her the same thing after his first day, and Gail already knows that she's never going to admit to the brunette that she was right. "I've been calling him Gerald."

"What about Chris? Chris has been planning this event for months, he's going to be heartbroken if you don't show up." To be pulling out the Chris card so early could only mean that he has no other arguments, and Gail almost sighs in relief.

"He's your son Dov, why don't you just console him."

"Nice Gail, nice." It's his own fault really, and she's fairly sure within 24 hours of ratting her out to Oliver for being _nice_ he started regretting it.

That innate _niceness_ still bites at her though, because even though she wasn't going for a complete personality reboot any more, she still wants to be a nicer person for Holly _and_ herself. So she caves. "I can't go to fight night tonight, because I'm seeing Holly tonight at the Penny and I'm-" She hopes the anxiety she's feeling doesn't creep into her next words. "Meeting her friends for the first time."

"At the Penny? On your turf, smart move." The subject of her meeting Holly's friends is apparently a lot more interesting to Dov than the subject of her attending Fite Nite and she makes a slight sound of agreement. She knows he's probably going to start a long speech about it and starts to consciously block out the conversation. "You'll be less nervous." That immediately brings her waning attention back, because the only person who was meant to know she was nervous was herself.

"I'm not nervous."

"Well you should be you make a terrible first impression." He's said that before, and no she doesn't, she makes a memorable first impression. "Plus your ambiguous sexuality might make them think you're not serious about Holly, just a thought."

"Yeah I know, you've clearly been giving this a lot of thought." And now by default, she's going to be giving it a lot of thought. Since dating Holly people had asked, and her usual answer was to tell them to work it out for themselves. Maybe she should have outright told anyone who asked that, yes, Gail Peck was a bona fide lesbian. Maybe she should have bought a pride flag decal for her locker...

"I think about you two all the time." Her attention snaps back to Dov again, and she pins him with what she hopes is her best Gail Peck glare. "That came out wrong."

"You came out wrong."

* * *

This was an entirely bad idea, and Gail knew it could possibly blow any chance she had of finishing by six. She also knew this could blow any chance she had of Oliver ever trusting her again. Yet here she was, walking across a frozen parking lot with bolt cutters in her hand about to break into an abandoned warehouse. It was completely off task, the leads Dov was making them chase down had _nothing_ to do with the operation they were meant to be working on.

The instructions had been simple. Go to the address on the list. Collect the items on the list. Bring the loot back to 15 division. Simple. Except so far going to the address on the list was the only instruction her and Dov had managed to follow and even that had taken a call to Oliver to sort out whatever ego contest Dov and Wes were having.

"So, what are you guys doing tonight? Dinner? Drinks? 'Rodeo Girls' marathon?" She's fairly sure nobody is going to blame her if she hits Dov across the back of the head with the bolt cutters.

"Oh, good. We're talking about this again." Thankfully he remains silent as he places the chain blocking the door into the cutters and she pushes her whole body into the handle until the metal snaps in two.

The door swings open and she flicks on her torch before walking into the building with Dov. It's quiet and dark, and she prays the building is completely empty with absolutely no leads so they can just go back to the precinct and admit to Oliver that they have no loot to add to fifteen divisions total.

"Not that it's any of my business," Apparently Dov still hasn't finished getting whatever his current fascination is about her love life out of his system, and she wishes he would just stop talking so they could search the building in peace. "But if you suddenly started dating a guy who'd only ever dated other guys, you know, I'd be worried he wasn't serious about you. You know, that he was just trying you on." She elbows him, because she doesn't need to hear this again. The fact that Holly's friends and by extension _Holly_ might think she's not serious about the brunette had already been spinning around her head all day. "Super-unfortunate choice of words."

It really is none of his business, but she wants to set him straight anyway. "Look, I'm really serious about Holly, and I kind of think the only person that needs to know that _is_ Holly."

"You really like her?" The question catches her off guard.

Gail thinks about not saying anything, just ignoring him and letting the conversation drop. Or asking him how his relationship with Chloe is going, because watching them interact earlier in the week had been _painful_. At the same time she knows Dov is only asking her these questions because he's her friend, and friends spoke to each other about important things like this. Important things like Holly. "Yes."

"'Cause you never talk about her." Which isn't a fair assessment, because she never really talks about any of her relationships.

"Okay, well she's great. I mean, she's, like the smartest person I've ever met, in a kind of sexy-librarian sort of way, which who knew that's that's my thing?" Gail never really had a thing for glasses, but Holly in glasses with her complete inability to fully button a shirt was apparently a look she was very much into. "But we don't really have anything in common, but it actually gives us a lot more to talk about. And we don't even fight, which is that's new for me. It's just different. _I'm_ different." It's a thought that's crossed her mind more than once. In none of her past relationships has she felt the urge to change and be a better person. With Holly it was different, Holly made her _want_ to be a better person. "I'm better, maybe."

The look Dov gives her is entirely unsubtle, and she pushes into him again. "Shut up. Let's just search this creep hole and get out of here before one of us gets hepatitis."

They push through the plastic curtain together and freeze at the sight in front of them. The gun is out of her holster in seconds, and she isn't going to have to worry about Oliver not trusting her again, because she's fairly sure he's going to kill the pair of them.

* * *

Oliver had hidden his annoyance with the pair of them well, and she thinks that maybe he gets it now. He's always going to be their friend, and he's _always_ going to care about them, but being the Staff Sargent meant there would be an unspoken gap between them all now.

Her thoughts about Oliver were a welcome break from the sickening worry about Holly and her friends, and with her hair still damp Gail quickly dresses in the empty locker room. She had spoken to the brunette as soon as the clock hit six to remind her that she was meant to have finished an hour earlier, and she wasn't surprised to hear her cursing from the other end of the phone as she scrambled out of the lab.

Sitting down on the bench in front of the lockers Gail lets out a heavy sigh and tries to relax, because if she carries on at her current pace she was going to end up getting to The Penny half an hour early.

If anything she wishes she could be running late, because all the pause in getting ready does is give her time to think about her conversation with Dov. Again. It's stupid, or at least that's what Gail keeps telling herself, because there's no way Holly doesn't know that she's serious about her. There can't possibly be any doubt in Holly's mind that Gail really, _really_ likes her. That Gail loves her.

She's sure Holly feels the same way as well. There's no way the brunette could look at her the way she does and not feel the same way. It was inconceivable that anything else could be true.

Then the thought that had been plaguing her all day rises to the surface again. Holly knew how stunted she could be when expressing herself. So if Holly _did_ feel the same way, why hadn't she already told her?

* * *

**A/N**: In case it totally wasn't obvious, the next chapter is the drinks, prepare your hearts.

Thanks for the continuing support, it's pretty awesome :)


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N**: Fite Nite 2/3

Angst with a capital A.

* * *

Every time the door to the bar opens Gail can feel her spine going rigid and her hands gripping onto the edge of the table. The nerves from the locker room had increased tenfold whilst walking to the bar, and with every new patron who enters, the urge to just bolt from the bar and make up an emergency excuse to Holly for skipping out increases.

The door opens again, and she wants to vomit, because it's Holly, which means her friends will be right behind her. Except the door closes before anyone else can come in, and the brunette stops still, searching the bar for her. As soon as she spots her, Holly smiles and starts to weave her way past the crowd gathered around the door to get to her table.

"Hey." She doesn't sit down, just stands next to her stool and kisses her quickly on the lips.

"Hey." Gail looks back at the door again. "Where are your friends?"

"I told them to meet us at half past." Her brow creases in confusion, because it's not like Holly couldn't have told her on the phone when she was in the locker room that the time had changed. "You know, give us a few minutes together first."

There's a smile instantly stretching across her face, and she leans up again, meeting Holly in the middle for another chaste kiss. "Well that's adorable."

"I know right?" Gail grins at her again and Holly points down at the almost empty glass in front of her. "You want another?"

Nodding her head, she watches Holly turn away towards the bar, smiling as the barman greets her by name. Before meeting Gail the brunette had never drank at the Penny more than twice, opting for the bar closer to the lab building instead. Now after shift it wasn't unusual to meet Holly at the Penny before heading out.

Holly's back with the drinks in minutes, and she slides Gail's in front of her before jumping up onto the empty seat next to her. "So how was your day?"

"Terrible." The alcohol burns her throat as she takes a sip out of the glass. "We accidentally busted an organised crime ring."

"Wow." Holly takes a sip from her own drink, nodding her head thoughtfully. "I can see why that might be considered terrible."

"Yeah, apparently only the organised crime _unit_ is allowed to solve organised crime." She takes another sip of her drink. "Losers."

Holly laughs before looking around the bar. "Okay, did you ban everyone from coming here tonight? I don't see a single police officer."

"Fite Nite," She explains. "They're all drinking free beer and watching grown men fight like children." And truthfully it's exactly where she would rather be, because her eyes are still darting to the door every time it opens and even with Holly sat next to her she still feels too nervous to be doing this.

Holly scoffs at her. "Right, because Traci's face looked exactly like a child's fight."

"So," The door opens again, and she lets out a sigh of relief when it's just a man that comes in. "Tell me about your friends, any rules?"

"Yeah, be yourself and _don't_ mention Borneo." It's not an answers she's expecting and she frowns in confusion.

"What?"

"Rachel, she went to Borneo a couple of years back for some charity gig and she's been obsessed with palm oil and orangutans ever since."

"Okay, no Borneo and palm oil."

Holly nods, before smiling at her. "Also say hello."

"What?" Once again Gail finds herself frowning in confusion.

"They're here."

* * *

Gail knows she's only just met the woman, but she's fairly certain she hates Lisa. How and why Holly's friends with her is completely out of her comprehension, and it's absolutely maddening that as Holly's 'BFF' she's going to have to see her and pretend to like her for possibly the rest of her life.

"So, what sort of," Holly's mentioned them all sharing classes at college and how they all went on to work in hospitals briefly, so she figures they both practice medicine in some form. "Uh, medicine do you guys practice?"

"Oh, Lisa is doing her residency in plastics," Gail tries to keep the look of surprise off her face, and quickly closes her mouth as she looks towards the other woman. "And Rachel is at the CF clinic at St. Pat's."

"Oh, wow." Working in medicine had a lot of intense roles, but working with cystic fibrosis patients must have been up there as one of the most intense.

"CF I mean, that's Cystic fibrosis." Holly's explanation isn't meant to be patronizing, and Gail knew that, but it didn't mean it didn't feel like it was.

"Yeah, I know. I know," The brunette looks away from her, and Gail knows she's probably just as nervous as she is about getting along with her friends, and that she was just trying to help her. "I was going to say that's very heavy."

"Yeah, well, saving lives generally is. Not that Holly would know." Gail _prays_ this is part of an inside joke, because she could really do without being kicked out of her favourite bar for defending Holly's honour.

"Oh, two drinks, and already with the lecture." Holly's smiling, but Gail wonders how many times she must have heard the jibe from the other woman.

"I find it interesting that Holly was at the top of our class," Gail feels the tiny tug at the corner of her lips, because _of course_ Holly was at the top of her class, and she knows it was years ago when Holly graduated, but she still feels proud of her for it. "And yet chooses to spend her career poking at dead people."

"Mmhmm, as opposed to saving the world one boob job at a time?" It's fairly PG compared to what Gail thinks she should have replied with, but this is _Holly's_ friend, so she's not about to start telling her how she should be treating them.

"I'm a woman who likes a perfect pair of breasts. Sue me." Both Rachel and Holly laugh, but Gail can't find it in herself to even smile, because this really is the most obnoxious person she has ever met.

"Fair enough." There's still a smile on Holly's face and she _really _doesn't understand how she's put up with this since college.

Rachel jumps into the conversation before Lisa can continue, and Gail is silently thankful at the change it topic. "So, tell us about your job Gail."

"I'm a cop." The nod and look of genuine curiosity Rachel gives her is surprising, and Gail can't quite align how Lisa even became part of this group. "It's pretty straightforward."

"That's not true. You have tons of crazy stories." Holly nudges into slightly.

"Uh, hold on. We need another round first." Holding up her near empty glass Rachel hops off her seat.

Gail has to restrain the smile on her face when Lisa also gets up. "I'll buy." And it's the least she can do in Gail's eyes for being such an ass all night.

"Thank you." They're barely out of ear shot when Holly turns back to face her. "So, how you doing?"

"I'm having fun." It's an automatic response, and she hopes Holly is tipsy enough to miss how strained her smile it.

"Yeah?" Holly sounds so unbelievably happy that Gail doesn't have the heart to tell her that actually, no, she's having a terrible time.

"Yeah."

"Okay." Then Holly's leaning in, and her mind completely blanks out like it usually does when Holly kisses her for the first time in what feel like ages.

She can't help smiling, unsure if the tingle in her lips is from kissing Holly or the alcohol she's been drinking. "Now I'm having more fun."

"Good. I really want you to like them. They're practically family. I mean, we've been inseparable since college-" Holly's rambling again, and Gail cuts her off, because they've only got so long until her friends come back and continue ruining her night.

"All right." There's only meant to be one kiss, just to silence Holly, but she can't help dipping forwards again, especially when Holly lets out a sinful moan from the back of her throat.

Gail's about to deepen the kiss further when Lisa stays true to form and interrupts them. "Oh, God. Get a room. Drinks are coming."

They both sit down back at the table, and it's a few moments of silence later that Holly gently knocks into the side of her. "Go. It's you."

"What?" She panics, because she's not sure what the hell it is she's meant to be doing.

"The story." Holly practically whispers it, and she flushes with embarrassment when Rachel laughs,

"Oh, they want a story. Uh, okay, um, One time, my partner got stabbed by a homeless man and almost bled to death in my arms in an abandoned factory." She keeps her face straight, watching as the laughter drains from both Rachel and Lisa's faces. She's also fairly sure Holly visibly pales, and she realises she's never actually told her about Chris being stabbed when they were still Rookies. "But he's still alive, so I, too, am in the business of saving lives."

* * *

It's not that she actually needed to pee, it's just that she couldn't stand being sat next to Lisa for a second longer and not end up wasting a perfectly good drink by 'spilling' it over her face. Holly's friends were intense. Lisa was outstandingly rude and hostile and even though she didn't think it was possible Rachel was leagues ahead of Holly in intelligence. They were the sorts of people that Gail would never have been exposed to if it hadn't been for her relationship with the brunette.

Drying her hands she stares at her face in the mirror, she knows she can do this. And she repeats it a few time in her head, because she's Gail Peck, and Gail Peck can sit and pretend to be pleasant to Holly's ass hole friend if it made Holly happy. With one last calming breath she walks out of the restroom, and spots only Rachel sitting at their table, and a part of her is relieved, because at least she could see herself getting on with her.

Then she sees Holly and Lisa at the bar, their backs to her, and her ears prickle at the small snippet of conversation she hears, a sickening feeling settling in her stomach.

Slowly she moves through the crowd, straining to overhear what Lisa is saying. "-you're a doctor. And Gail she's lovely," Gail misses what she's saying at the sound of someone elses conversation, and she steps even closer. "-sweetie, she's a beat cop." It's like her worst nightmare is coming true as she listens to Lisa give voice to her worst fear.

"So?"

"So you're out of her league." It's something she's been worrying about more and more as the night went on, but she knows it's not true, she _knows _that Holly couldn't see it that way.

"Oh." She waits for Holly to defend her, to say _something_.

"Look, I get it. You want something that's uncomplicated and simple."

"I'm having fun. Don't worry about it." Gail knew that in the future when she looked back on this night she would be able to pin point the exact moment her heart broke.

"Okay, well, have your fun, but, I mean, get out before she gets hurt." The tears burn in her eyes, and it's too late, she's in too deep for this not to hurt now.

"No one's gonna get hurt." At least, _Holly_ isn't going to get hurt, because this had all just been fun to her. A game. Make poor closed off Gail open up and then rip out her heart when she was bored. It didn't line up with anything she knew about Holly, but the Holly she knew would never be friends with someone like Lisa. Maybe she never actually knew Holly Stewart at all.

"Well, we'll see." Holly turns around and almost collides straight into her. The hurt on her face is showing and she knows it from the itching of tears in her eyes to the quivering of her mouth. It's obvious to the brunette as well and she quickly looks between her and Lisa, the cogs turning in her brain as she works out the she had heard everything.

"Excuse me." Gail walks away, because she can't do this, she can't look into Holly's eyes and not cry.

"No, wait." The tables right in front of her and she picks up her coat without acknowledging Rachel, intent on making it out the building and away from Holly as quickly as possible. "Where are you going? Come on."

Holly's still following her though, and it boils over, the sadness and hurt quickly shifting gear into anger, because how dare Holly let this happen. "Hey, you know, is that what you think? Do you think that I'm uneducated? Do you think I'm a blue-collar and I'm out of your league?"

"No, I never said that."

"Would you like to know what I think?" And she's _done_ playing to Holly's happiness by pretending she could actually like Lisa. "I think that botched boob job that you call a best friend, I think she's an idiot. And I'd rather tase myself in the eye than spend another minute with either of you."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know, you're a doctor, why don't you just figure it out?" There's a sheen of wetness to Holly's eyes, and Gail think she might actually be upset by this. "Hey. Don't look so upset. We're just having fun, right?"

"Gail." Holly sounds completely devastated, but she keeps walking, pushing out the exit and onto the street without looking back.

As she walks she tries to steady her expression, to blink back the tears that keep threatening to over spill. Going home and getting horrifically drunk was at the top of her list of things to do, because it was over. The woman who she was slowly giving _everything _to was only doing this whilst it was _fun_.

The phone in her pocket vibrates, and she pulls it out expecting to see Holly's name, ready to delete the message without reading it, but it's Dov's name that flashes back at her.

**Dov**: Final offer, Duncan's totally going to lose, want a lift there?

* * *

The apartment's dark when Gail opens the door and she heads straight to the kitchen without turning on the lights.

Fite Nite had been the brief relief she needed, even if watching Nick get his teeth almost handed to him wasn't half as satisfying as she thought it would have been. It _was _satisfying to hand the obnoxious cop that had been with Wes earlier the glass of kosher wine she had already spat out though. She left after Nick's fight, the complete lack of alcohol that wasn't kosher wine didn't make it a conducive place to stay.

Pulling open the cupboards, she uses the subtle glow of the moon coming through the window to pick out a bottle, immediately uncapping it to take a gulp.

It tastes familiar, and Gail quickly flicks on the light switch and stares down at the bottle in her hand. Her eyes begin to burn again when she realises it's the same Bourbon she drank at Holly's all that time ago and she launches it across the room. The sound of breaking glass immediately causes her heart to stutter and her first thought is to call Holly.

She looks at the wet stain on the wall and follows it down to the small table, her breath catching when she sees the cactus she had never given Holly for her birthday spilling out across the surface. Even as she cleans up the mess, throwing the cactus and broken glass into the bin all she can think about is Holly.

Tonight wasn't meant to have ended like this, and Gail rubs the back of her hand against her eyes as fresh tears collect on them. It all leads back to Holly, and it hasn't even been two hours since Gail left the bar, but she's already sick of how much it _hurts_ to think about her.

* * *

**A/N**: Next chapter is the last Fite Nite chapter, it's from Holly's POV. Busy weekend next week though (tattoos, drinking and nursing home visits), so it might not be up till the Monday or Tuesday. Reviews are appreciated, and as always thanks for sticking with me.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N**: My cat licked one my new tattoo's... I think that means he likes it (also ew)... The dog on the other hand just licked the cat when I tried to show him... I don't know what that means...

Hearts at the ready, it's Fite Nite Part 3/3

* * *

The combination of shock and alcohol is clouding everything around her, and all Holly can feel is the water pooling in the corner of her eyes and the constricting pain in her chest. Gail's walking away from her, and she can't move. Her body remaining frozen as she watches the door slowly close behind the blonde and her breath catches in her throat when it finally closes completely.

The bar around her sounds quieter than it did a few minutes earlier, back when everything was fine and Gail wasn't breaking up with her, and Holly quickly realises people are not so subtly staring at her. It's for the best that she can't move, at least she thinks it is, because she's far closer to drunk than she is sober, and she can't trust herself not to say something that's just going to make this all so much worse.

"Okay when I said you weren't going to last long, I meant more than five minutes." Holly's head snaps back around to their table and she looks at Lisa reclining back in her seat with a smile across her face. Rachel's face falls in shock, and if her emotions weren't spinning around inside her so much Holly imagines her own face would have the same expression.

"Seriously?" Stepping closer to the table again Holly downs one of the drinks in her hands.

"What?" Lisa arches an eyebrow at her and Holly can feel the mix of emotions inside her settling on anger. Slamming the glass down on the table she watches as Lisa and Rachel visibly jump. "Oh come on, you weren't actually serious about her were you?"

"Exactly what part of tonight made you think I wasn't serious about her Lisa?" She worries that the glass in her hand is going to shatter under the pressure of her hand, and she loosens her grip when she feels Rachel prying it out of her fingers.

"Guys..." Rachel looks at her pleadingly, but Holly doesn't care if they're in the middle of a bar, and if people are already staring at her after Gail walked out. She downs the second drink and slams the glass down with equal force as the first.

"No, I really want to hear this one."

"Oh I don't know, how about the part where _you_ said _you_ were just have fun." The devastating part is that she's _right_, all she had to do was say something, anything to defend Gail, but instead she rolled over again.

It didn't used to be like this, Holly's sure of it, but at some point for the sake of their friendship she gave up arguing back. It hadn't really mattered before, she could handle the jibes about her career choice, she could ignore the unfounded judgements the other woman made on strangers, and she could disregard Lisa's more ridiculous opinions on politics that she would force on her and Rachel. This was too much though, because Holly knew this wasn't just a kink in the road for her and Gail, she knew that what happened tonight was potentially the end of them.

The pain in her chest returns and she can feel the wetness in her eyes again.

"What the hell did you expect me to say? Disagree with you and have to listen to a point by point character assassination of my girlfriend? You'd clearly made your mind up about her." Holly wavers on her feet slightly, it's a weak defence, and she hardly believes it herself.

"Yes." Lisa takes a sip from the drink in front of her. "And clearly I was right, do you see Gail here?" She looks around the table before pointing towards the door. "Did you miss the part where she walked out on you?"

"Lisa!" Rachel interjects for her and quickly grips onto Holly's arm when she jerks forwards, effectively stopping her from stepping around Lisa's side of the table as her anger flares again.

"Because of you!" Even to her own ears her voice sounds shrill and Holly can see the barman out the corner of her eye, getting ready to intervene as she becomes more and more conscious of the people looking at them.

"Please. Me? Scaring off the big scary cop, pfft." Taking another sip of her drink Lisa relaxes back into her seat again as if she hadn't just potentially destroyed the most important thing in Holly's life. "If she can't handle a bit of light ribbing, it was never going to work out."

"You're unbelievable." Rachel's voice sounds far calmer than Holly thinks she actually is.

"Uh huh, and it's why you love me." The other woman smiles at them both and Holly's teeth practically grind together when she quickly changes the subject.

She doesn't hear anything Lisa says as she continues to talk, because truthfully Holly hasn't heard anything leave Lisa's mouth worth listening to in years. "You know what I'm done." Pulling her arm out of Rachel's loose grip she grabs her coat off the back of her chair.

"What?" Lisa has a look of genuine confusion across her face and Holly can't understand how she could still be so completely oblivious to what she had done.

"It's not one of the reason I," She lifts her hands, and quotes with her fingers. "'Love you' Lisa. It's one of the things I put up with, and you know what? Gail was right, you're an idiot and I'd rather tase _myself_ in the eye than spend any more of my time with you."

"Okay, pms-ing much?"

Holly swallows back all the retorts she wants to scream at the other woman, and continues quickly pulling on her coat. "Rachel, make sure she gets home."

She's intent on on leaving, but Rachel grabs hold of her arm again before she can get more than a step away from the table. "Holly, please."

"Don't worry, she'll be back as soon as she gets under someone else and gets over whatever _that_ was." A part of her wishes she hadn't drunk the two drinks she brought back from the bar, because throwing them over Lisa would have been infinitely more satisfying than the quick burn they had given her.

"Lisa, make your own way home." Rachel's voice clips with anger, and she feels a spark of solidarity with the other woman. Pushing her by the arm Rachel picks up her own coat and leads her outside, leaving a shocked Lisa behind them. The cold instantly bites at the exposed parts of her skin and Holly waits for Rachel to pull her coat on before walking out onto the street. "Holly, where are you going?"

She turns back around, and she can see the concern on Rachel's face. It's not Rachel's fault and truthfully it isn't all Lisa's fault either, because Holly knows that when it comes down to it, it was _her_ who should have defended Gail. "I just need to clear my head, figure out what to do to fix this. I meant what I said, in there, I'm done with Lisa, Rachel. She can't help herself from dragging me down, from dragging both of us down, it's pathological-"

"Holly, hey, hey." Without realising it her breathing had picked up, and Holly tries to relax herself as Rachel rubs at her arms. "You okay?"

Shaking her head she could feel a tear escape down her cheek. "No." Rachel doesn't hesitate to pull Holly to her, and she buries her face into the side of her neck as more tears escape down her face. "Oh God, I think it might really be over." The muffled words burn in her throat as she says them, because the way Gail had said goodbye felt so final. "What did I do?"

"Hey, Holly no, you can't blame yourself for this." Pulling herself away Rachel's dark eyes stare into hers. "Lisa was right- No wait, Gail didn't have to walk out, she could have let you explain."

Holly knows that Rachel is just trying to protect her, but she can't help trying to protect Gail in return. "She was just scared."

"Of what?"

Taking a shaky breath Holly looks up at the dark sky above her. "I don't know."

* * *

After five unanswered calls and twenty unanswered messages, Holly had pushed her phone into her pocket and refused to look it. Instead she tried to focus on the uncountable rounds of baseballs she had been religiously hitting. Three empty bottles of beer sat next to her abandoned jacket and she quickly finished the bottle in her hand before the next wave could fire towards her.

Coming to the bating cages after a night of drinking wasn't the safest thing she had ever done, and Holly thought it was nothing short of a miracle that she hadn't been hit by any of the balls yet. Even if the incessant throb in her chest felt like every single one _had_ hit her square in the ribs, because with every unanswered call and message it was becoming terrifyingly more clear to her that it really was over.

The tears sting at her eyes again, and Holly blinks them back, willing her mind concentrate on the machine in front of her. It stays unresponsive though, and against her will her mind starts to drift back to Gail again, and all the things she could have done differently, of all the scenarios that could have played out if she had just stood up to Lisa instead of telling her what she wanted to hear.

She wishes the machine would hurry up and send the next flurry of balls her way, because she didn't want to think about this right now. The machine continues to sit idle though and Holly's grip on the bat increases and she's about to throw it at the contraption, because it's just her luck to choose the one that stops working.

A quiet feminine cough interrupts her plans to destroy it and she pivots around. "You okay?" The woman behind her has her dark hair pulled up on top of her head, a smile pulling up over her high cheek bones.

"No, bad break up, I think, I'm not sure yet and the machine is broken." Holly grimaces, because she can hear the obvious slur in her voice.

"Ah, that explains it, come on, I'll buy you a drink." Without waiting for her she picks up Holly's coat and empty bottles.

Dropping her bat on the floor, Holly stalks towards her, because she really doesn't want to deal with this tonight. "I'm sorry, but did you miss the breakup part?"

"No, but that guy paid to use the cage for half and hour and I think he's too terrified to ask you to move." Turning around Holly spots the lanky man standing on the other side of the metal fence and her face instantly flushes with embarrassment.

"Right." Silently she walks behind the woman, keeping her eyes fixed to the floor as they pass the man who was trying to get into the cage.

The woman takes her to the diner at the end of the cages, the same one she had taken Gail to on their first date, and her chest constricts at the thought. It's empty, and her heart clenches again as she walks past the empty booth her and Gail had sat in before placing her coat on the front counter.

"Another beer good for you..." The sentence drags on and it takes Holly a few second to realise she's waiting for her name.

"Holly and yeah sure." Climbing onto the stool, she grips onto the surface in front of her as she sways and watches in shock as the woman walks behind the counter.

"Lindsey, and I work here, they asked me to get you out the cage." Smiling Lindsey opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle, uncapping it before giving it to Holly. She doesn't waste any time, because between not drinking and not hitting baseballs her thoughts were lingering on Gail too much.

"Whoa there tiger." Dropping the bottle away, Holly swallows the mouthful of beer. "So what did he do?"

"She." Lindsey nods her head and starts to wipe down the counter in front of her. "She was meeting my friends for the first time. One of them made some comments." From her tone alone she knows the other woman will understand, at least Holly hopes she will, because she doesn't want to relive that part of the night again yet. "I didn't correct her and so she left."

"So just go see her and say sorry."

"It's not that simple."

"Pretty sure it is."

"Not when it's Gail. This, tonight," The thoughts start to spill out of her uncontrollably and unhindered thanks to the alcohol that's swimming through her system. "It was just a excuse, every time something uncomfortable happens she just-" Holly stares at the bottle in her hands for a few moments trying to think of the right words before she looks back up at the brunette. "_Shuts down_ and literally runs away."

"So what _are_ you going to do?"

"I don't know." Despite herself, Holly digs her phone out her pocket again and frowns when the only message she sees is from Rachel. "She's not answering my messages."

"And if Gail?" Holly nods her head. "If Gail did the same to you, would you be answering your phone?"

The question catches her off guard, and she's not sure if it's the alcohol that does it, but she feels irrationally angry at the other woman for asking it. "If the positions were reversed I wouldn't have run off to begin with."

"Right," She doesn't sound convinced and Holly's about to argue back when she looks down at her watch. "Listen, my shift finishes in twenty, finish your beer and I'll drop you back home."

Holly straightens up so quickly she almost falls of the back of the stool, because the thought of going home with someone who wasn't Gail was a horrifying suggestion. "I'm not sure that's a good idea..." Lindsey laughs at her response and it's the strangest reaction Holly's ever had to turning someone down.

"Babe, the whole glasses thing, very attractive, the whole in the middle of a maybe maybe not breakup? Not so much." For the second time in minutes Holly feels her face flush with embarrassment and it was a wonder to her that the other woman wasn't offended that she kept accusing her of hitting on her. "It's that or I call you a cab, because we also close in twenty and you're not driving anywhere in that state."

"A cab would be great please." Lindsey picks up the phone from behind the counter and asks her for her address, booking the cab for her before leaving her alone at the counter to clean the tables around them.

The more she thinks about it, the more Holly realises what she had said to Lindsey had been true. Gail leaving her because of what she overheard was just an excuse for her to runaway from her own feelings and insecurities. Even if she had stood up to Lisa, it would have been something else that made the blonde run away from her again, something else to give her an excuse to sabotage what they had.

The best way to get a cat out of a tree was to leave it there and let it climb down on its own. Going to see Gail was the simplest solution, but Holly knew it would only push the blonde further away, and she let out a toneless laugh, because going to see Gail would effectively push the cat further up the tree. Fresh tears start to spill down her face, because Holly knew it was up to Gail now and all she could do was wait and hope the blonde found a way down to her on her own.

* * *

**A/N:** So... Fite Nite has happened. Now story wise, I'm following the rest of season five, but Holly and Gail are going to be crossing paths rather than just not seeing each other for weeks like on the show.

Thanks for the follow/favs and especially the reviews on the last chapter, you champions! I like reading other peoples thoughts and feelings, so with that in mind, why do you think Holly and Lisa were friends? Personally I had a friend similar to Lisa, we were 'friends' at school, but only because we shared loads of classes and had the same mutual friends. It took another friends boyfriend pointing out that every time me and the other three BFF's went out with her at least one of us would end up having an argument with her to realise that actually, we had nothing in common and she was a complete bitch, so now we haven't spoken in five years and we're all the happier for it!


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N**: Thank you to everyone who shared they're thoughts on the last chapter, they were really interesting to read, especially Lisa fangirl's. I've never thought about it from that POV before, so thank you for sharing! Holly and Rachel have a little talk about her relationship with Gail in a future chapter, so I'll pop some of my thoughts about Holly's previous relationships in there to try and explore why Lisa was assuming Holly would end up hurting Gail.

Also sorry to the anon who thanked me for posting quickly, and then there was a massive delay, it was a coincidence, I promise! If you've been following me on tumblr then you'll know I've been having problems with this bloody chapter, it's had the most rewrites out of anything I've done before.

* * *

The incessant humming and leg tapping from the passenger seat of the squad car had started to grate on Gail's nerves within seconds of the car journey starting. Chris had been practically bouncing off the inside of car since pulling out of the station car park, and if Gail didn't know him better she would swear he had taken something more than just coffee.

"Looks like the hamster's spinning a little fast today."

"Hmm?" The humming stops abruptly as Chris turns to look at her with wide eyes.

"Yeah, exactly. How many of those have you had?" She nods her head towards the cup in his hand, her brow creasing slightly, because even though she knew she had been caught up in everything Holly, she had still noticed how odd Chris's behaviour had been recently.

"Like two, three. I don't know. I had kind of a late night last night, if you know what I'm saying." Gail knew exactly what he's trying to say, and she grimaces.

"Ew. All right, you've met somebody." In her opinion the conversation is already too long and she wants it to stop now.

"Yeah, I figure I got to get back on that horse, you know? No matter how many times it bucks you off," A laugh bubbles up from inside her despite her best efforts to keep in down. "You just got to stay on it."

"Please, can you just can you stop?" Her mouth pulls up into a smile anyway and she shakes her head, because this is exactly the drunken advice she had heard from him before. Except that had been after three double rum and cokes, not three cups of coffee. "Can you just shut your face?"

"Maybe you should try it. You know, might help you get over Holly." It feels like he's thrown a bucket of ice water over her and Gail can feel her smile dropping.

"I don't need to get over Holly." More to the point she didn't _want_ to get over Holly. It had been almost two weeks since they had seen each other and a week since Holly had last tried to contact her and despite her best attempts not to think about her, Gail had given up on trying to pretend that she didn't miss the brunette.

"Oh, I thought you guys broke up."

Gail's not sure why it makes her bristle so much, but there's something about other people acknowledging her and Holly's relationship status, or lack there of, that makes her feel like she needs to defend herself. "No. I just don't talk to her any more."

"I wish I could be more like you."

Gail turns to smile at him, watching as he takes another sip from his coffee cup. "That goes without saying."

"I mean, you're just, it's like you're, like cold, you know? But I mean, you know, in a good way. You know, you never get too wrapped up in anything." It's not true, and she doesn't understand how Chris _doesn't_ understand that it's the exact opposite. She feels too much. Holly makes her feel too much. "If something doesn't work out, no big deal. Onto the next one. Is that, like a lesbian thing?"

"Yeah. You know what? I do think it's a lesbian thing. I do." Turning the wheel of the car slightly she braces herself as the front wheel dips into a pot hole near the centre of the road, smiling when it has the desired effect. Coffee spills straight out of Chris's cup and onto him, soaking the material of his jacket. "Oh, God! That was a pothole. Just kind of came out of nowhere."

He glares at her for a moment before pulling open the glove box and rummaging through it. "Really? Nice Gail, real nice."

"Maybe it's a woman thing you know? Terrible drivers?" Chris doesn't look up when he finds the tissues he's apparently looking for, ignoring her as he pulls one of them free of the pack to pat down his coat with.

"No, I am not falling into that. You know, you were much nicer when you were with Holly." This times it's Gail that turns her head to glare at him, and he quickly raises the hand that isn't holding his cup into the air in surrender. "Sorry, when you were still talking to Holly."

"We ran out of things to talk about."

"How can you-" Gail cuts him off, because she really does not want to be having this conversation whilst trapped in the car with no place to run.

"Can you just go back to humming? Or just dangle your head out the window so I can't hear you?" They stare at each other briefly, and Gail can tell that he's not happy with the brush off.

He's about to say something, his face turning stern as he draws in a breath and Gail's sure it's going to be entirely off the mark. "Look-"

The static of the radio quickly cuts him off, and she grabs the receiver before he can continue, confirming their position and arrival time as she flicks on the sirens. She knows Chris means well, and that he doesn't really mean to pry, but she doesn't want to _think_ about Holly, let alone talk about their apparently failed relationship with him or anyone.

She hates that she still can't stop thinking about the brunette, and she wishes that she could just turn off the heart stopping pain she feels when she remembers that this is for the best. Their worlds were too different, and Holly would tire of her when she stopped having fun, and Gail hates that despite how many times she tells herself that it's for the best, she still can't believe it.

* * *

The tissue in her hand is quickly turning into the same saturated shade of red as the other five in the bucket at her feet when Gail gives up trying to wipe the blood away. She lets out a sigh of frustration, because if the building wasn't so damn cold she would have taken the jacket off already. There's no doubt in her mind that anything but dry cleaning is going to get the stain out, and she's not going to stand around inside this hell hole of a building covered in blood for a second longer than she has to.

Walking back down the hall, Gail tries to keep her face as neutral as possible. It's not like she hasn't been in that situation before. Sophie isn't the first person she's found with a gun shout wound. There's been more than one call out that's ended with her pressing her hands against somebody to stop them from bleeding. When she was a rookie _Chris_ had almost bled out in front of her and at least this time she knew help was coming, so she's not sure why she feels as emotionally off kilter as she does now.

Taking one last swipe at the blood on her jacket she steps into the laundry room. Chris is staring down at the floor and she's surprised to find him looking so much calmer than before. With the frenzied buzz of energy he had been emitting all morning she had almost expected to find him lifting the washing machines away from the wall for the crime scene photographers to capture every detail.

"That woman bled all over me." The sight of Sophie gripping onto her jacket flashes across the back of her eye lids, and Gail quickly blinks the unexpected images away.

"Just got off the phone with the hospital. She lost a lot of blood and her heart rate was really low, but they managed to stabilize her."

"Well, good. Maybe she could pay for my dry cleaning bill." She doesn't mean for it to come across as blasais as she knows it sounded, because she does care and she is glad the woman is going to pull through. But this stomach churning _feeling_ that she can't put a name to, the feeling that's telling her something is _wrong_ doesn't sit comfortably with her, and she can't seem to shake it.

"I started asking around, and nobody seems to know her. Super says he doesn't even remember a Sophie. You sure she didn't give you a last name?"

"We didn't exactly have time for girl talk, Diaz."

"Well, he also said there's a lot of people in and out of here, and sometimes it takes a while for the paperwork to catch up."

"Great, so you're gonna have to knock on every single door until you find somebody that does know her." She starts to walk away from him, because she's not sure if it's the light smell of iron that's coming from her jacket that's starting to make her feel nauseous, or if it's the awkward feeling that something's wrong that's twisting her stomach.

"Whoa. Me?" Chris looks at her in confusion.

She's not sure how she manages to not roll her eyes when she turns back to fully face him, indicating with her hands to the blood that's still fresh on her jacket. "I have to go back to the station and get cleaned up, Diaz."

There's barely enough time for her to get two steps away from the door when Chris calls out her name. Walking back into the doorway she stares at him expectantly. "You did good today."

"Yeah. I know." This time when she walks away he doesn't call her back and she heads straight to the elevator.

Hitting the call button Gail lets out a sigh as she waits, listening to the squeaking of the metal cart on the other side of the doors as it slowly slides down to the fourth floor. The doors ping open moments later and she feels relief wash over her when she finds no one else already inside. It smells, the sharp tang of urine and cigarettes making her recoil as the doors shut, but she's glad for the solitude.

No one else interrupts her as she walks out the building, and she quickly thanks the officer that lifts the tape for her before making a beeline for her car.

"Gail!" Without permission, her eyes close and Gail sucks in a deep breath, because it's been almost two weeks since she last heard Holly's voice. "Are you okay?" Opening her eyes again she turns around to face the brunette, watching as her brown eyes busy themselves looking at the blood on her jacket.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Avoiding the brunettes gaze Gail concentrates her eyes on the building behind her. Today isn't the day she wanted to see Holly again, not when her emotions were already rattling from her run in with Sophie, and she wishes that she had just continued walking and avoided this.

"You're covered in blood." Gail thinks it might be a subconscious action when Holly reaches out to brush her hand against the wet fabric of her coat, and she quickly steps back from her hands. The urge to apologise rushes through her at the hurt that flashes across Holly's face and she has to fight it back down.

"If it was mine do you think I'd be standing here?" The words are harsher than Gail intends, and this time the look of hurt on Holly's face lingers as she drops her gaze away from her eyes.

"Right." Holly stiffens and Gail can see her knuckles turning white in their tight grip on the case in her hands. "Of course."

The silence drags on between them, and Gail coughs, desperate to get away from the situation that's currently happening between them. "I have to go."

"Gail," Holly sounds completely exhausted, and Gail understands how she feels. "Can we talk please?"

Taking a step back from the brunette she gestures down to her blood covered clothes. "Can we _not_ do this right now?" Gail instantly regrets sounding so harsh again, and she doesn't understand why she can't just _stop,_ because she knows she's being childish and completely sabotaging any hope of getting back together with the brunette. She swallows back the apology that threatens to spill from her lips, because this _isn't_ all her fault, this is Holly's fault as well and beyond calling her the brunette hadn't made any attempt to actually see her. "The laundry rooms on the fourth floor."

She's turning away from the other woman when her sharp voice makes Gail turn back around. "So that's it?"

"What?" Gail knows exactly what she's referring to.

Holly just shakes her head, looking down at her feet again before looking back at her, her brown eyes harder than Gail's ever seen them before. "Nothing. See you around Gail." This time it's Holly walking away from her and Gail wants to say something, to say sorry, to let Holly explain, but instead she just watches as she ducks under the tape and walks into the building without looking back.

* * *

Going back to the station and getting rid of her jacket hadn't done anything to help her. Gail knew it was normal to be thinking about Sophie, it was her _job_ to be thinking about her and trying to figure out who she was so they could find her next of kin, so they could find _anyone_ that knew her.

Ducking under the tape to the laundry room Gail flicks the lights on. The smell of cleaning fluid still clung to the air, and she could see the damp patch where Sophie's blood had stained the floor just hours before.

Gail swallows back the lump in her throat at the memory of Sophie holding onto the front of her jacket. Chris had already told her it was a haemorrhage that killed her, but part of her just couldn't understand how it could happen, because she was stable and Gail had told her it would be okay.

Holly would be able to tell her what happened, _how_ it could have happened, and for possibly the tenth time since hearing about Sophie's death she has the stop herself from reaching into her pocket and calling her.

Eventually they would find out who Sophie was, Gail knows that, they had a name, they knew she lived in the building, but she couldn't leave it.

In truth it scares her to think that one day it could be her. After she's managed to push everyone close to her away she could die and no one would know, no one would care. She can feel the slight quiver in her lip as she shines the light from her torch underneath the washing machine, searching for the slightest gleam of metal.

A smile breaks across her face when she spots them, and she quickly grabs her baton, angling just right to flick the keys across the floor and into her hands. It's as Gail picks them up, flipping them over to look for a room number when she spots movement out the corner of her eye. She's about tell whoever it is to get the hell out when she turns and realises it's just a little girl standing in the doorway. She feels her posture soften. "Oh, sweetie, sorry. You shouldn't be in here right now."

"I'm looking for my mum. She wasn't home when I got back from Ella's..."

"Sweetie, is your-," Her lips quivering again, and she can feel the tears in the corners of her eyes. "Is your mum Sophie?"

"No." Relief instantly washes over her, because for a horrifying moment she thought the worst had happened. It doesn't last though, because the little girls next words cut her in two. "Her name's Treena. I'm Sophie. Why? Do you know where she is?"

Her heart breaks and selfishly she doesn't know if the tears that pool in her eyes are for this little girl or herself.

* * *

**A/N**: The original draft had every scene from the episode, and it wasn't necessarily bad, but it was very... boring almost? It felt like it was just a translation of what was happening on the screen in written form. Any way, I decided to only keep the scenes that I had added things to, which is why Gail finding Sophie's mum and Gail talking to Chris at the station was cut. That's probably more reasoning than you were interested in. Well done if you made it this far into the A/N!

Next chapter is more Gail, and a bit of Sophie and Gail bonding. Adorbs.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N**: Christmas happened! I hope you all had a wonderful day. In case you missed it, I posted a fic over on my tumblr for the secret Santa, it's called "Ho Ho Hosiery" which I thought was witty as fuck.

The story doesn't move forwards too much in this chapter, but it felt important for Gail's development to include it. It sets a couple of things up for the later chapters as well. To help redirect the story (and because I'm refusing to finish season six) I've done some reworking on Sophie's character. I don't think I've taken her too off track, and I don't think it's really noticeable in this chapter, but if she seems OOC, that's the reason!

* * *

"Are you okay?" Sophie's face reflects the confusion in her voice and Gail has to look away from her when she feels a tear slips down her cheek.

"Oh sweetie." Quickly she swipes at her cheek, and looks back at the little girl. "You're Sophie?"

"Yeah," Her head nods harshly. "Do you know where my mum is?" This time her voice is harsher, and Gail can hear the panic starting to seep into it.

Tears start to cloud her vision again and she's not going to do this here, not in the laundry room where she had held her injured mother just hours earlier. "Sophie, which apartment do you live in?"

"Three hundred and twelve, but she's not there." Gail knows she's not there and she _knows_ that she will never be there again.

"That's okay, sweetie, that's okay, can you take me there?" Standing up, she brushes at the thin layer of dust that's collected on her pants before holding out her hand for Sophie to take. She needs to get her out of this room before anyone else can walk in and let slip about what had happened there earlier.

Instead of taking her hand the little girl just looks at her suspiciously and takes a small step back. "Are you really a police officer?" She doesn't trust her and Gail thinks that maybe she's right not to, because she told her mother she would be _okay_ and now she's dead.

Swallowing back the new rush of emotion Gail pulls her badge from her pocket and squats down in front of Sophie. "This is my badge."

"Wow," She doesn't resist when Sophie takes it, her small hands brushing over the cool metal and her dark eyes widening in wonder. A smile breaks out across her face and Gail almost has to look away, because she's about to hear the worst news of her short life and it scares her to think that this child in front of her might never feel this child like happiness again. Death had a way of making kids grow up too quickly, she had seen the result hundreds of times in the cells at the precinct. "It's really gold looking. Do you know what the symbol for gold is?"

The question catches her off guard and she feels her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "The symbol?"

"It's AU, I've been learning all of them. Well I've been learning ten of them." Sophie smiles at her again, and it's so bright and Gail feels sick, because all this child like wonder is about to be ripped away from her. "Come on, I'll show you the picture I drew of the frogs." Keeping her badge held in one of her hands Sophie reaches out with her free one and grips onto Gail's own.

"Okay," Taking a deep breath she stands up again. "Okay."

Sophie tugs on her hand again, and Gail quickly follows after her, just barely remembering to duck under the plastic tape across the door. Selfishly she's glad to be out of the laundry room and away from the tangy scent of cleaning fluid, because it's going to be difficult enough to tell Sophie what's happened without being in the room it happened in.

Sophie takes her up the stairs, and Gail doesn't even think to complain, her thoughts swirling with what she's about to do. When they stop in front of the door, she doesn't even think twice when she reaches out with the key she found in the laundry room.

"Did my mum give you her keys?" It's entirely impossible, but it feels like her blood freezes and her heart stops pumping.

She doesn't know what to say, because her mum was _dead_ by the time she found them. Without looking down at her Gail nods her head, refusing to vocalise her lie. As soon as the doors open Sophie's pushing past her and running down the hall.

It takes a few moments for her to move, because it feels like her throat is closing up. Maybe telling Sophie in the laundry room would have been better, because telling her here, in her home feels so much worse.

Pictures of Sophie and her mum line the wall, both of them beaming at the camera and Gail notices the lack of a father figure in any photo, the lack of anyone but her and her mother. She doesn't know their story, she doesn't know where Sophie and her mum came from before being forced into this building, but she just _knows_ it's only them. Sophie's family was her mother, and now she's going to be entirely alone.

"Sophie?" Gail somehow manages to keep the overwhelming feeling of panic that's washing over her from her voice, but her feet stay stuck in the hallway, refusing to violate any more of Sophie's home.

"Yeah!" Her voice calls out from inside the apartment and Gail slowly starts backing out.

"I just need to make a phone call, I'll be just outside the door okay?" She's already on the other side of the door way, hands fumbling in her pockets for her phone.

"Okay!"

Pulling the door shut behind her she dials Oliver's number, tapping her foot impatiently as it continues to ring. "Come on, come on, come on."

"Peck, where are you?"

"I found Sophie." It rushes out and she has to pull in a sharp breath as her breathing starts to run away from her control.

"The woman in the hospital?" Oliver sounds confused, and she shakes her head to try and clear her rushing thoughts.

"Her daughter is Sophie." She hopes that he understands, because she's not sure she can articulate exactly what it is she needs to say.

"Oh darling..."

"I'm at the apartment building with her now." Her voice sounds to breathy, and she has to try harder than normal to inhale another breath to try and alleviate the pressure in her lungs. "She's just a kid Oliver, I can't," Her breath starts coming in staggered gasps and the last time she felt like this Holly had been there to help her down, but she was gone now, like Sophie's mum was gone. "I _can't_-"

"Okay, Gail, darling, I need to you listen to me." She knows he can't see her, but she nods her head anyway, her body leaning against the closed door behind her for support. "What you're going to do is take a breath okay?" It's shaky and it still feels like her chest is going to crush in on itself, but she can feel the tightness loosening. "And another one." She does as instructed, pulling in another breath and holding it, before exhaling as slowly as possible.

Oliver gives her a few moments of just breathing, and she barely registers the comforting words from the other end of the phone as she tries to relax. "You okay darling?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." A stray tear falls down her cheek and she quickly swipes it away, because now isn't the time for them.

"I'm going to put in a call, and someone's going to come and help okay? This isn't something you have to do." She hears him, barely and she still feels like it's her responsibility to tell Sophie, but she knows she has to do it right. The thought makes her stomach lurch, because there couldn't possibly be a right way to do this. She realises she's spaced out when she hears Oliver's worried voice from the other end of the phone. "Gail?"

"Huh? What?"

"What's the apartment number, they should be with you in ten minutes?"

"312, can you ask them to knock first?" It's a pointless instruction, she knows they wouldn't just going to walk straight in, but she needs the reassurance, she needs to know.

"Sure thing darling." He says his goodbyes, checking one last time that she's okay to go back in there, but really what choice did she have. It takes another minute of slowly breathing before Gail can reach out for the door again, gently pushing it shut behind her. This time she refuses to look at the photos on the wall, because she can already feel another round of tears gathering in her eyes, and she _can't_ do this in front of Sophie.

Gail finds Sophie in the main room of the apartment, her little body squashed between the couch and coffee table as she scribbles on the paper in front of her. She watches her, happily humming to herself as she works, and it's like a sickening count down as she waits for the door to knock behind her. The minutes drag on, and she knows she can't just stand there.

"Hi." Sophie barely even glances up from her scribbling, and Gail looks over her shoulder, smiling at the picture of frogs and tadpoles that she's drawing.

"Do you like science?" The couch groans underneath her as she perches on the edge, her hand moving against her will to tuck a loose piece of hair back behind Sophie's ear.

"Mhhmm. It's my favourite, when I grow up I'm going to be a scientist." Sophie turns back to face her and gives her possibly the brightest, _happiest_ smile she's ever seen.

"Yeah?" Her lip trembles again, and she quickly bites into it, praying the brief flash of pain it causes will be distraction enough from the new threat of tears.

"Mum says I'll make a good scientist, because I ask too many questions." The way she says, Gail just she knows it's always something said with endearment, and she hopes Sophie can hold onto those memories. She hopes that Sophie never forgets that the last thing her mum wanted was to make sure Sophie was okay.

The little girl looks at her expectantly as her mouth opens, but her voice catches on the lump in her throat. Swallowing it back Gail tries to smile as reassuringly as possible. "I know a scientist."

"Really?" The revelation has Sophie scrambling to sit in front of her, her little legs crossing as she waits for Gail to continue.

"Yeah, she works in a lab, and she wears these really dorky glasses and a white coat," Sophie giggles at her description, her hands coming up to cover her mouth. "That makes her a real scientist."

"Wow," There's such childish wonder in that one word, and it's then that Gail decides that she'll do everything she can to make sure Sophie never loses that. Even if it means adopting Sophie herself, she'll do it if it means she never tires of all the childish joy there was for her to find in the world.

"Her name is Holly and she's," The most beautiful person she's ever seen, the most intelligent person that she's ever spoken to, the person she's loved the most. Looking down at the floor Gail tries to straighten her thoughts, because bringing Holly up was a mistake. "She's the smartest person I know."

"Mum said if I was really good then Santa would bring me a microscope this year." A knock at the door interrupts them before Gail can fully process her words, before they can cut into her heart like she knows they will later. "Mum?!"

Gail doesn't answer, she can't, so she just stands and walks past her towards the door. Oliver's voice runs through her head, telling her to breathe, and she takes a moment to compose herself before turning the handle. The woman on the other side of the door smiles at her warmly, they had met before, another case, another parentless child and Gail briefly wonders how she does this everyday. The officer next to her tells her his name, but she's not listening, and just gestures back into the apartment.

"She's in the living room." They both nod solemnly and Gail thinks about just leaving, just running back to her car and letting out all the tears that have been collecting since Sophie walked into the laundry room. She thinks that maybe if she just got in her car and drove to Holly everything would all be okay again. She owes Sophie's mum this though, because she told her she would be okay, so it's with a final deep breath that she leads them into the living room.

"Sophie?" Her bright eyes look up at her from her seat on the floor before looking around Gail body to wave at the two new people in her apartment. "This is Tara, she's here about your mother."

* * *

**A/N**: I have absolutely no idea how the police would handle a situation like this one, so I'm just guessing there's a special selection of officer who are trained in it? Also... Just a reminder... Even though Gail's willing to go as far as adopting Sophie if it means she's going to be happy... I'm not going down the adoption route.

I like to think this chapter and the next are the low point of the fic, now Gail's hit it she can start building herself back up again. Before we see that though, the next chapter is from Holly's POV. It's time to see where she's at with the breakup... And you're going to hate it in the best possible way ;)


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N**: Made the terrible mistake of day time drinking... Then night time drinking... It's been a rough day.

As always, thanks for the reviews, I love it when someone new starts reading the story and starts leaving sporadic reviews (*cough* David12leca), it's great to watch.

* * *

It's not like they could completely avoid each other. Holly knew that seeing Gail whilst working would be inevitable, but it didn't mean she couldn't try to actively avoid it.

The original plan, that had started out as a drunken conversation with Lindsey, had been different. Holly wanted to just carry on as usual. If she was called out to a scene with Gail she was going to be professional and she was going to slowly work at getting Gail to talk to her scene by scene. Except. The incident at the apartment complex the week before had _hurt_, far more than Holly had ever expected. Being shot down so harshly after giving Gail her space for two weeks was agonising.

In truth she had been struggling to separate the hurt from the low burning anger she was feeling towards the blonde, because she had accepted that what she said to Lisa was wrong, she _wanted_ to apologise to Gail, to explain what had happened, but the blonde was still too intent on making it as difficult as possible. If more space was what Gail needed, then space is what she would give her, even if that space was becoming less about Gail and more about herself.

Avoiding her had worked for a full five days after, but there were always days like today, when four members of her lab were off sick and the other two were already out, which meant she was the only one who could attend crime scenes left in department.

She's rummaging through the boot of her car, trying to think of the best way to avoid Gail in a tiny apartment when Traci's voice interrupts her. "Holly, hi."

"Hey," Pushing the last of the gloves into the side of her bag she slams the boot shut. "I hear you have a body?"

"We do," Without asking the other woman picks up the smaller of her two bags and indicates towards the building. "It's an old one, I'm hoping it's just a simple OD, I'm meant to be taking Leo to the cinema tonight."

"You're son right?"

"The one and only." Traci smiles at her as she holds the door open. "Gail's up there by the way." Her foot is already on the first step of the stairwell and Holly freezes looking back at the other woman.

"I-" Traci barely lets her start before she's holding her hand up to stop her talking.

"You don't need to say anything, I just thought you should know." Nodding her understanding Holly turns back to the stairs. "Fifth floor, fourth door down."

Traci starts running off information to her as they climb and Holly's sure it's more for the detectives benefit than her own. Gail had once told her about how Steve would sit her down and throw the facts of a case at her, not because he wanted her to solve it for him, but to try and unravel it outside his own head.

The familiar smell of decay starts to hit her as she walks into the the narrow hallway of the fifth floor. "You weren't joking about it being an old one."

"Oh, trust me, it gets _so_ much better inside." Traci's grimacing, and it doesn't matter how many times she smells it, the tangy scent of a decomposing corpse still makes her scrunch up her face. The police officers and the pungent smell both tell her which apartment the body's is in.

It's as she passes the kitchen that she spots Gail and she can't help her step faltering. She only pauses briefly, her eyes quickly taking in the other woman's sad features as she stares into space before moving away and into the bedroom.

"Did she find him?" Holly knows Traci will know exactly who she means.

"Yeah, neighbours were complaining about the smell, so her and Epstein came to check it out." Even though she tries to restrain it, the concern she has for Gail must be entirely too readable on her face, because Traci is suddenly stepping far too close and lowering her voice. "Hey, this isn't the first dead body Gail's found, and it won't be that last." Traci gives her arm a quick squeeze before stepping back again and giving her the room to work.

"Right." She has to remind herself that she's _angry_ at Gail now, and excusing herself to the kitchen to check on the blonde isn't the behaviour of an angry person. Taking in the body in front of her she can see the reason for Traci's diagnosis. The man's head lays resting on his pillow, the bed around him stained with his own bodily fluid and his arm dangle awkwardly off the bed. The needle and and rubber tubing that was probably wrapped around his arm moments before his death lay discarded on the floor. "We won't know for sure till we get him back to the lab, but yeah, I think you're right about the overdose." Snapping a glove onto her hand she leans down and gently tries to move his arm, retracting it as soon as the flesh moves unbidden underneath her fingertip. "God, he must have been here for a month, at least, was the heating on?"

"Yeah, I had the landlord turn it off." With her hand over her mouth, Holly watches as Traci swallows back. "I didn't think it was helping with the evidence preservation."

"He has no family." Gail's voice shocks her and she almost stabs her foot on the needle on the floor when she stands up too quickly. "He's a foster kid." She's not looking at her or Traci, and Holly follows her eye line to the body behind her.

"You got a name?" Traci moves between Gail and the body, effectively cutting off the sight of him and it seems to snap the blonde out of her stupor.

"Yeah, yeah of course." Looking down at the notebook she begins to read off the details and Holly can't help noticing the slight shake to her hands. "Sam Finch, 19, landlord says he was a month ahead on rent, he kept to himself, they don't remember anyone coming over or trying to get in the past month," She looks up again, her eyes training on the body behind Traci. "It was just him here." It comes out as barely a whisper and Holly feels her brow furrowing in concern.

Turning back towards the body Traci pauses and lets out a huff of weak laughter. Holly watches her as she pulls out one of the gloves from her kit, and picks up a small clear plastic baggie from the bed side table. "Would you look at that, sugar skull." Holly doesn't know what the significance is, but Gail seems to pale at the sight of it.

"I'm going to head back to the station, I-" She can tell Gail's nervous about something, panicked about something, and she recognises the expression on her face. It's the same expression she saw seconds before Gail ran out the house after their first night together, the same expression she wore when Holly asked her about Jerry. "I'm going to head back, paper work."

She's bolting out of the room before either of them can say anything to her.

"Okay, even for Gail that was weird." Traci shakes her head as she says it, before turning back towards her. "I don't think she even realised you were here."

"Yeah, that was more unusual than usual, is she doing okay?" They definitely were not the words of an angry person, but Holly couldn't find it in herself to care, because this was _Gail_ and it didn't matter how angry or hurt the blonde had made her feel she couldn't just turn off the switch that made her care for her.

"No idea, she's been off ever since the Jameson case, I figured it was just some stuff she had going on with you."

* * *

Seeing Gail again riled up more emotion and concern in her than Holly cared to admit, and if it wasn't for Rachel asking to meet her at the new bar in town then she would have been drinking at home alone anyway.

Gail had made it perfectly clear she didn't want to talk, but seeing her at the crime scene, looking so _unlike_ herself had infuriatingly been at the forefront of her mind for the rest of the day. Even whilst pushing herself onto the bar stool she catches herself wondering if she should just call Gail and check if she's okay.

"Hey stranger." The voice of the bartender sounds familiar and her mouth almost drops open in shock when she looks up.

"Lindsey?!"

"Holly are you following me from job to job? I also teach yoga if you want to watch that." There's an undeniably flirty tone to the other woman's voice, and Holly nods her head when she indicates to the bottle of beer in her hand.

There's two ways she could handle this. The first option is the easiest, and it's what she's been doing since she met Lindsey a couple of weeks prior, ignore it. Lindsey had made it clear on all her subsequent visits to the batting cages that she was interested in Holly. From her subtle conversation drops about having _ex_-girlfriends to the absolutely unsubtle night three days ago when she had left her palm lingering on her cheek after moving a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

The second option is the scariest, because she could flirt back. It's not that Lindsey isn't attractive, her dark brown eyes and mocha skin, the small dimples that appeared on her face when she smiled. Holly might have been hung up on Gail, but it didn't mean she could recognise the beauty of the other woman.

Being hung up on Gail was exactly the problem though, because all it took was seeing Gail look slightly upset for her to completely forget that she was meant to be angry at her. It's a slightly horrifying thought, but she can't help wondering if Lisa was right, maybe getting under someone else _would_ help.

"And if I am?" Holly flirts back and takes a sip out of the bottle, pushing her money across the bar. Things could be simple with Lindsey, no strings, just fun, no second guessing everything she said in case it sent her bolting.

Lindsey smiles back her and pulls a napkin out from the behind the bar. "Then it's a good thing I put my number on your napkin." Lifting up her bottle of beer she slowly slides it underneath, and Holly can't help smiling back.

"I thought you didn't find maybe maybe not breakups attractive?" It's one of the few things she remembers about that first embarrassing conversation, that and accusing her of coming onto her twice in the space of five minutes.

"And is it still a maybe maybe not?"

"It's definitely a not." The words burn in her throat, but somehow she manages to school her features into one of calm. It doesn't feel right saying it, but if it really is over between her and Gail, then she'll need to take the step eventually anyway. Because eventually she won't be the one who has to worry about the blonde, who has to call her to find out why her hands were shaking so much as she read that kids name out-

"Then I find you very attractive." Lindsey interrupts her thoughts, smiling at her again as her eyes drop not so subtly to the opened buttons on her shirt. Holly's about to reply, to keep her mind focused on what's happening in front of her and not what happened earlier in the day when she feels a hand gently gripping against her shoulder.

"Hey you." Rachel's sliding her arm around her neck and pulling her into a hug before she can introduce her to Lindsey.

"Rachel, hi." As she hugs her back she notices Lindsey standing awkwardly in front of them, her eyes nervously flitting between them. Pulling away Holly smiles at them both. "Lindsey this is my _friend_ Rachel, Rachel this is my favourite bar tender come batting cage employee Lindsey."

Rachel's eyebrows raise. "Right, well it's nice to meet you Lindsey."

"Another beer?" Lindsey's pointing towards Holly's bottle, already moving backwards to give them space.

"That would be great." A curt smile pulls at Rachel's lips and they wait in silence. She's going to be lectured, Holly can tell already.

Lindsey's back moments later, sliding the second beer onto the bar in front of her and Rachel only offers a short "Thanks." before she's moving away from them and towards the empty booths at the side of the room.

"So," Taking a nervous sip from her beer she tries to gauge the other woman's reaction as she pays for the drink. "Technically I came to meet her."

"It's cool." Holly lets out a breath of relief, and she realises her earlier assessment was right. If this was Gail, if Gail had met Rachel the same way then there's no doubt in her mind that the blonde would have run off into the distance before she even had the chance to introduce them. This _could_ be simple. "Text me later?"

"Yeah, sure thing." Picking up the napkin and folding it into her pocket she gives Lindsey a final smile before following after her friend.

"Holly-" She's barely even made it into the booth and she quickly cuts Rachel off.

"Don't Rachel, it's harmless."

"It's not harmless when people are going to get hurt." There's a serious tone in her voice, and Holly watches as she crosses her arms across her chest, her eyebrow raising in challenge.

"No one is going to get hurt," She takes another sip of her beer, trying to act as casual as possible. "You know, you sound like Lisa right?"

"So that bar tender isn't a rebound?" Rachel complete ignores her jibe and Holly tries not to look guilty, because Lindsey is _not_ a rebound, she's a casual step away from Gail, and that's what she needs.

"I can do casual Rachel. I've done it plenty of times."

"And does she," Rachel points towards the bar, and Holly wishes she hadn't, because she knows that Lindsey's probably carefully watching them, "Know that's all this is going to be."

"Rach, it's really _not _been a good day, so can you just stop." They both freeze, staring at each other, and Holly almost lets out a sigh of relief when Rachel visibly backs down and leans into the cushions of the booth.

"Just, just be careful with her, and with Gail okay? I liked her." Her voice sounds calmer and Holly lets out a smile at her confession.

"You liked Gail?"

"She was." Rachel takes a sip from her own beer, waving her hand as she thinks of the correct word. "She was spunky. And oddly suited you."

"Spunky? God, no, Gail, she's obnoxious, and she's rude, and she doesn't have any respect for anything and she's," Her breath catches in her throat, and Holly's not sure why there are tears building in her eyes. "She's so _kind_, and she likes to pretend that nothing touches her, but she feels so much and-"

"Holly." Rachel's hand grips onto her own and Holly realises there's a tear running down her cheek. Quickly she wipes at her face, looking towards the wall to hide it from the rest of the bar. It's over as quickly as it started and she swallows back the emotion as she reminds herself that she's angry and angry people don't start weeping over all the things they miss about someone.

"Look, the reason I asked you out tonight is, well if things don't work out between you and Gail, someone I met in San Francisco sent me this today." Holly watches her rummage through her purse until she hands Holly a copy of an email. "You don't have to reply straight away, but think about it okay? This is an amazing job offer Holly."

It takes a couple of minutes for her to read it, then read it again, her mouth opening and closing in shock, because she never expected to be offered an opportunity like this. "Rachel, I can't just move to San Francisco."

She starts to read the email again, and Rachel reaches out to her hand, lowering the paper to make her look up at her again. "It's a great lab Holly, they have top of the range _everything_ and_ you'll_ be running your own department." Smiling Rachel lets go of her hand to lean back in the seat again. "Plus it's San Francisco, home of the gays."

Holly laughs before becoming somber again, because this opportunity would open a whole new set of doors in her career, but it would also mean closing doors in her personal life. "And if things _do_ work out with Gail?" It feels strange voicing it, and she feels a wash of guilt, because she had literally minutes ago been defending her decision to move on with Lindsey.

Rachel's expression reflects her own and her teeth worry at her lip for a moment before she replies. "Then you'll have a decision to make."

The paper in her hand suddenly feels too heavy and as Holly looks down at it again she feels her heart sink.

* * *

**A/N**: Cue complaints about Holly and Lindsey in 3... 2... 1. We'll have more Holly angsting over San Fran and life in general soon. The next chapter (potentially the next two) are Gail based, then we're back to some good ol' Golly interaction.

Oh yeah, and in case you missed it, I mentioned Rachel's time in San Francisco at the end of chapter 18 ;)


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N**: Time line wise... I'm at a loss about how many days/week are passing between episodes, so I might be slightly off canon, sorry about that.

Thanks for all the follows and reviews, it's always a lovely thing to wake up to.

* * *

When Gail walks back into the bedroom he's in the same position she found him in, and she stares at his body, barely focusing on Traci as she speaks to the woman next to her.

It's not the first overdose, or even the worst overdose that Gail's been to, but seeing that kid, reading his history... The thought of it sends another shiver through her body. The chords of his story were too similar to Sophie's own situation and it's suddenly all Gail can think about. She had heard nothing about the girl since watching her walk out the door with the case worker the week before and she _craved _to know that she was okay, because what if this was Sophie one day? The little girl who's bright future was snatched from her by the accidental shooting of her mother, bouncing from foster home to foster home, her mind and life becoming more and more troubled until she was laying dead.

"He has no family, he's a foster kid." She's not sure why that's the line she opens with, but it starts echoing though her head. Sophie is exactly the same, she has no family, she's just another foster kid waiting for the system to chew her up now.

"You got a name?" Traci moves in the way of the body and Gail blinks in surprise. In truth she hadn't even been sure that she had said anything out loud.

"Yeah, yeah of course." Gail scrambles for her notebook, her hands shaking as she looks down at the words she barely remembers writing. "Sam Finch, 19, landlord says he was a month ahead on rent, he kept to himself, they don't remember anyone coming over or trying to get in the past month, it was just him here." Her voice catches, because she almost said _she_ and Gail looks at Sam's lifeless body again.

Traci laughs and Gail's eyes snap to the baggie she's gently waving in her hand. "Would you look at that, sugar skull."

There's an excuse spilling past her lips, possibly about paper work, and it's not until she's back in the car with her hands gripping onto the steering wheel that her breathing finally starts to slow again.

Ever since the Jameson case Gail couldn't help feeling like her world was slowly falling apart. She couldn't get it out of her head. Not the sight of Treena looking up at her, her eyes wide and her voice pleading with her to save her and definitely not the sight of Sophie looking at her with big brown eyes full of tears as Tara told her that her mum was gone. The way Sophie cried was stuck on repeat, she hadn't screamed, she hadn't said _anything_, she just quietly wept and held onto her hand with more strength than she ever expected of an 8 year old.

Everything was reminding her of the case, even a simple street drugs bust almost had her in tears, because the woman they arrested was called Sophia, and she didn't understand why she couldn't get it out of her head.

* * *

Gail's in the middle of filling out her credit card details when Traci steps up behind her. "You know Holly was at the crime scene earlier right?"

"What?" She quickly closes the web page, spinning on her chair to face her.

"Holly, she was in the bedroom..." The only memory she has of that room is the body on the bed and the overwhelming need to run away. "Paper work huh?"

"I- What? This?" Gail points behind her and shakes her head. "No, nope, it's just a bit of Internet shopping, I finished it." Turning around she picks up the still incomplete witness reports for Treena's shooting. "You know, I've been busy."

"Right." Crossing her arms Traci sits on the desk opposite her. "Are you doing okay Gail?"

The question catches her off guard. "Mhmm, I'm fine." Even to her it sounds far too forced to be believed.

"Right," Gail watches as Traci's eyebrows rise in disbelief. "And bailing out on the crime scene earlier? That was you being fine as well?"

There's a reason Traci became a detective and Gail's fully aware that she's not going to let her wriggle out of this without answering. "It was just seeing Holly..." She patters out when she sees Traci's eyebrows raising even further.

"You didn't even know she was there Gail..." The conversation feels a lot more like an interrogation, and she's about to point that out when she hears Oliver's voice shouting out over the bustle of the room.

"Peck!"

She's not sure where her brother is, but she hears Steve shouting back before she can. "Yeah!"

"Not you, other Peck!"

Rolling her eyes, she waves at him from the seat that she knows is in his eye line. "Yeah!"

"My office." He doesn't wait for a response, and walks straight back into the glass enclosed room without another word.

"I've gotta go." She can't look Traci in the eyes as she quickly scrambles out her seat and past her.

"This." She's barely made it through the door when Oliver indicates to the paperwork scattered across his desk. "Is the Jameson murder case." Looking down at the pile Gail can see at least three other cases mixed in with it, but she knows that's not the point.

"Uh huh."

"Do you know what's missing from this case file?"

"My witness statements."

He clicks his fingers. "That's right Peck, you're witness statements. Where are they?"

"I- I've been working on them, I just got called out earlier before I could finish them, then yesterday I had to help out with that sting..." He raises a single eyebrow. "And I'm going to finish it up as a top priority."

"That, is the correct answer." She nods her head and he's already looking away from her and at one of the reports scattered on the desk. "Now go, finish them off, give them to me and I'll close the case."

"Right." It's a dismissal, but Gail can't turn away yet, she wants to tell him what's happening.

Oliver looks at her expectantly when she doesn't immediately move, and it's almost out, she can _feel _the words burning in her throat, but she shakes her head at the last moment and just gives him a tight lipped smile before walking away again.

* * *

Two weeks later and things still weren't getting better. Gail knew Oliver was losing his patience with her, and that she had run out of excuses not to write the statements, but every time she tried her hands started to shake too much and she would spend the whole attempt reminding herself to breathe.

To add to everything that was the Jameson case she wasn't sure if Holly avoiding her was helping or making things worse. She'd heard one the technicians at another scene, apparently 'Dr Stewart' was refusing to leave the lab. A part of her just wanted Holly to turn up so she could just _make_ everything okay again. The other part of her was still a complete mess of emotion about whether she blamed herself or Holly more for the distance between them.

The change in her was obvious, even Gail could accept that, because Gail Peck did not give people gifts for no reason, yet that was exactly what she had been doing. Trawling the Internet for things that she could never need, for things she didn't even really _want_ was doing nothing but cripple her credit card statement. It was a distraction at best, and she knew putting off writing the Jameson report and putting off dealing with the minefield of emotion that had been creeping up on her since finding Sophie and losing Holly wasn't healthy.

It most definitely did not help that people were starting to notice. Or that the sweatshirt she's ordered was at least two sizes to small.

As Chloe finally pulls the constricting item free of her head all Gail can do is repeat the reminder in her mind to breathe. It's been a long time since her last claustrophobia induced panic attack and she's not about to have her first one in months in front of the Disney princess. Gail's still panting when she tells the other woman to keep the sweater, her breath and calm slowly returning to normal.

"Are you okay? Because you keep, you know, buying all this crap and then just giving it away." She's not at all surprised by Chloe's question. She had been catching her watching her all day. Everyone else had just taken what she had given them with a weary hand, but no questions and the urge to just open up is instant, because she knows this constant scream of emotion in the back of her head can't go on.

"This is Staff Sergeant Shaw. Put your clothes on. I'm coming in there after Peck." And of course Oliver isn't going to let this go, and of course even following her into the locker rooms for the damn report isn't off limits to him. Quickly she grabs hold of the blue shawl she'd bought for no reason other than the fact if sort of matched her eyes and drapes it over her head. It's as he walks in the room that she picks up the antler candle holder that she had actually bought for herself, for some God forsaken reason as a last hope distraction.

"Jameson murders. Where's your report?" Chloe's already backing out the room as Oliver brushes straight past her, and Gail can _hear_ the command in his voice.

"Uh, yeah, I'm- I'm working on it, Oliver."

"You keep saying that." Chloe pauses in the doorway briefly, and for a second Gail thinks she's about to interrupt them, before she leaves completely.

"'Cause it's true." Pulling out the candle holder from her shawl she hands it to Oliver. "I got this for you."

He takes it straight out her hand, and even though she knows it was in vain, she was still hoping it would distract him from talking about the case. "A woman was shot and killed."

"I know." The woman was called Treena, and like Sophie's name it's burned into her memory.

"She left a little girl behind."

The tears are already starting to cloud her vision, because it wasn't just a little girl, it was _Sophie_. "I know."

"I cannot close that case without your witness reports."

"I know."

"Yeah." He finally looks away from her, and Gail wishes the old Oliver would come back, the one that would have been the first to ask her what was really wrong. "You have an hour." He's already out the room before she can even think of an excuse to argue back with.

Turning to the mirror Gail stares at herself. She's still the same person she was before meeting Sophie, Gail knows it's not possible to fundamentally _change_ in such a short period of time, but everything feels different now. Maybe it wasn't just Sophie, maybe it was Holly, maybe it was just _her_ growing up.

The report needs to be written, she's put it off too long and she leans her head against the mirror as she feels her stomach churn with the sickening thought of writing about what she saw.

* * *

Closure is what she should be feeling. The report was written, it was ready to go, it was committed to paper, and now all she needed to do was hand it to Oliver and everything would be over. Sophie and Treena would never have to cross her thoughts again. She could _finally_ move on from it.

Except now it's done it doesn't feel like closure and it doesn't feel like she's ready to move on.

The fresh coffee still swirls in her cup and Gail tucks the report back under her arm, because now she needs to give it to Oliver and in all honesty she's not sure she can face him. A part of her hopes that he's still searching the precinct for her so she can just put it on her desk, hide for another half hour, then leave before he can see her.

"Hey you. I never properly thanked you for this." It's too late though, and Oliver's already entering the kitchen and walking towards her with the ridiculous candle stick holder.

"Uh, look, I know I've been slacking. Here's the Jameson report. I finally finished it." She hands it to him, quickly making a break for the exit so she can at least carry out the second part of her plan and hide for the rest of her shift.

"Okay. Come and sit down. We're gonna chat for a bit." Part two of her plan apparently wasn't going to happen either, and Gail feels more nervous than she's will to admit when she follows Oliver to the couch.

He lets her sit down before he starts talking again, and she really can't remember a time when _Oliver_ made her feel so anxious. "The last little while, it's that's not like you." Her teeth bite at the inside of her cheek, because she doesn't want to feel this weak in front of someone she respects so much. Without any real control over it Gail feels her head nodding slightly and Oliver nods back. "Is it Holly?"

"You heard, great." And of course Oliver's heard, everyone seemed to have noticed that something had happened between them, so she shouldn't really be surprised.

"I'm sorry that that didn't work out."

"Yeah, who knows? I don't know. Maybe it will." It's not the truth though, because Gail _knows_ that they've both left it too long and that she can't just go back to Holly now and everything be okay. Maybe if Sophie had never happened she would have gone to see her, maybe she would have been even further in her denial that what happened wasn't just Holly's fault. "I guess that's part of it"

"Okay, what's the other part?" It's the way he says in that makes her feel like the old Oliver again, and she points down at the report that sits between them.

"It's- It's this. Some woman who got shot in the laundry room."

"It's the little girl?" Oliver apparently sees straight to the problem, and she has no idea how he just _knows _half the things he does.

"Her name is Sophie, and she's 8 years old. And when she gets to know you, she just has the most incredible smile." Oliver smiles at her and makes no indication for her to stop, and truthfully she doesn't want to. The flood gates were open and Gail couldn't stop the spill of words from coming out. "She's just so open to the world, and then, well, what does the world do? It goes in and does this to her, and now she doesn't have a family and she's all alone. And I don't really know what's, um. I don't know why I can't get this one out of my head, and I know that we've been through worse cases. I mean, we all have." Her own case, the one that left Jerry dead instantly flashes through her mind, because despite the long term effects of it, it didn't break her down as much as this one had. "I don't really know what it is about this one."

"It got you. That's all. It is the worst for you." It makes sense and she has to blink hard to stop a tear escaping. "And now, I'm sorry, but everything is gonna hurt a little bit more. And that's okay. That's how it's supposed to be. That's good, except for the hurting part. That bites."

The tears are still collecting in her eyes when Gail takes in a heavy breath, the tension leaving her body with every word Oliver says, because she didn't realise how much she needed someone to validate what she was feeling. "But it's, it's good. If you ever need anything, anything at all." He gestures towards himself and Gail can sense the turn in the conversation.

"Like weapons?"

"Yeah. Or shoes, right?" She quickly wipes at a stray tear, and Gail knows it's more about the relief she's feeling. "You want to shop? Listen, you got it, okay? For real." He struggles with the words briefly and when he next speaks it takes everything in her to stop herself from completely breaking down in tears. "I'm still your friend, Gail."

She doesn't even hesitate to lean her body towards his, her arms wrapping around his neck as she hugs him. "Hey, it's okay, kiddo. It's okay." The last person she hugged was Sophie, and without even thinking about it her hands tighten on the fabric of his shirt at the thought of her.

The hug drags on, and Gail's not entirely sure how long they stay like that, but by the time she pulls back her eyes are clear of tears. "Have you seen her since?" Oliver starts to twist the report in his hands as he watches for her reaction.

"No, I think we're both avoiding each other now." Raising her hands she rubs them over her face, because even to her own ears it sounds childish.

"I meant Sophie."

"Oh right," The tears that had disappeared whilst hugging him burn at her eyes again and she tries to blink them back. "No, I know where she is, but, I mean, what would I even _say_ to her Oliver?"

"You'll know," Gail looks at him in disbelief, because she barely knows what to say to him about it and it's not like she could just turn up and _see_ Sophie. "You will. Hey, come with me." Oliver stands before she can answer and she really has no choice than to follow him out the room, and towards his office.

When they make it inside, she doesn't sit down and watches him curiously as he starts moving the paperwork on his desk. When he apparently gives up searching through the piles of paper he starts slamming the draw from side to side and she raises her eyebrow as he curses at it. "God, Chloe made it seem so much easier."

With a final tug the draw almost comes out the desk and he rummages through it for a moment before pulling a folder out."Anyway, that," He pauses as he holds it out for her to take. "That is part of the Jameson case file."

"Okay..." It's too thin to be the whole thing, and she opens it out of curiosity. A photo of Sophie is the first things Gail sees and she looks back at Oliver in confusion.

"It's Sophie's statement, I thought you should read it."

It's only short, and she's not sure it really adds anything to the case other than Sophie leaving in the morning and her mum not being home when she came back. The last paragraph has tears gathering in her eyes again though, because it's about _her_. "The nice cop lady Gail?"

"She thinks very highly of you, we all think highly of you Gail."

"Is she," Closing the folder she bites down on her lip. "Is she doing okay?"

"Sophie, yeah, yeah I spoke to her case worker yesterday." Gail has to suppress the urge to ask Oliver if _she_ can speak to her case worker. "She's settling in well with the other kids, and she's been asking about you."

"Me?"

"You should go see her." Gail can feel her eyes widening in surprise, because she wasn't expecting Oliver to tell her that, and she didn't think it was something she would even be allowed to do. "It might help and I think she'd like it."

She answers quickly, because she wants to see Sophie, she wants to see with her own eyes that she's doing okay. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I mean yeah, yes I'll go. Is tomorrow after shift okay?" Oliver smiles at her, and Gail's face flushes with embarrassment when she realises how over keen she's being.

"I'm sure it will be, I'll give them a call." A smile pulls across her face and her body practically hums with excitement, because she's going to see Sophie tomorrow.

The past three weeks had been hell. Her thoughts were constantly on the little girl, worried if she was okay, worried if she was _going_ to be okay, worried for her future and for the first time in weeks, possibly since her and Holly had broken up, it felt like things might finally be getting better.

* * *

**A/N**: You almost didn't get a chapter this week, blame Making A Murderer and The Jinx...

Just an FYI, I'm skipping the next episode. I was originally going to include it, but I didn't think it really added much to _this_ story and I didn't really want to just translate an episode into written form. Instead I'm adding two new chapters in its place, both are 'original' chapters, one from Gail's POV and one from Holly's POV. Both with Traci being the glorious mother hen of the Gail/Holly shippers.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N**: So you know when I said this next chapter was from Gail's POV? I lied. Even before finishing Gail's chapter it was obvious that it made far more sense to have Holly's POV first.

And so the story continues, thanks for the continued support.

* * *

"She's looking better." Traci's standing too close to her and Holly almost rolls back into her feet when she turns around.

"Who?"

It's not like she needs the clarification, because she already knows there's only one person Traci could possibly be referring to. "Gail is."

"Right." She takes a deep breath and turns back to the metal pipe in front of her again. "That's good, but it's also not really my concern any more." The tone of her voice is harsher than she intends, and Holly knows it's not fair to take her frustration out on the other the other woman. "Sorry."

"Sore nerve, it's fine." There's a lightness to her voice that lets Holly know she's not as offended at her outburst as she has the right to be.

She tries to concentrate on the print in front of her again, lightly dusting the rest of the pipe to try and pick up any of its clearer accomplices. It's only when she catches Traci's reflection in the plastic strip she places over the single partial fingerprint that she realises the other woman is back to standing too close again.

Traci's chin almost comes down on her shoulder as she leans in closer. "How's it looking?"

"There's a partial on there, I'm not sure you're going to get any hits off it though." Lifting the strip of plastic off the metal she carefully shows it to Traci.

"Well every little helps." Squinting closer she hears the other woman let out a sigh. "Although I'm not sure _that_ little is going to help."

Even looking at it with her naked eyes Holly can tell there's not enough detail. Despite missing the base of the pipe, whoever wiped it down had done a good job. "Do you want me to run it? With this little detail it's either going to throw up nothing or way too much."

"Yeah, put it through, see what we get," Picking up the pipe Holly drops it into the unsealed evidence bag Traci holds out to her. "Never know, we might get lucky."

She nods her head, and looks at the fingerprint again. "I think you might end up getting _too_ lucky, I can see this pinging up hundreds of matches."

"We had some other leads to run down. Lets hope one of those pans out." Holly hums in agreement, and watches as Traci quickly fills in the hand over forms on her desk.

With one final signature she stands up straight, and Holly tries to restrain herself, she truly does, but her curiosity gets the better of her. "Do you know what happened?" She rushes it out, half hoping that Traci wouldn't hear and would carry on out the room.

"With the pipe?" A look of confusion passes over the other woman's face and Holly shakes her head.

"No, with-" She pauses, because she could quite easily say it doesn't matter. There's still opportunity to not ask about Gail, because she meant what she said to Traci. Gail wasn't her responsibility any more. Except she can practically _feel_ the urge to ask burning it her throat. "With Gail."

From the knowing smile that spreads over Traci's face Holly has to wonder how much she's having to restrain herself from making a dig at her. Letting out a sigh Traci leans back against the desk, and Holly feels her stomach clench, because that means she's intending to stay. "It was a case, wrong place, wrong time. For her and the victim." Holly wants to ask her more, she wants to know what the case was, why Gail was so upset by it. "You should talk to her."

Holly scoffs at her suggestion, because she wasn't going to put herself through that again. "Yeah, I already tried that."

"You're going to have to talk one day-" The sound of Traci's phone beeping from her pocket interrupts her and she lets out a mumble of dissatisfaction when she reads the message. "Damn it."

Quickly Holly tries to steer Traci's concentration onto the message on her phone and away from her and Gail's talking stalemate. "Bad news?"

"One of those leads sort of panned out." Pocketing her phone again she starts to push the paper work back into the folder.

"That's normally good right?"

"Yeah, normally the main lead doesn't end up dead though." She likes Traci. At least, she likes Traci when she's not trying to get her to open up about Gail. From all the times she's now worked with the other woman Holly knows she's professional, she knows what questions to ask her _and_ she's respectful of her crime scenes, so it's without hesitation that she offers to go along with her.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Traci laughs and shakes her head. "Only if you fancy exhuming a grave site, cancer, three years ago." Holly relaxes back into her chair again as Traci hands her the folder. "Thanks for your help Holly."

This time Traci does leave her, and part of her is relieved that she isn't going to try and convince her to talk to Gail again. The other part of her still craves to know exactly what it was about the case that had upset her so much.

Dropping her head into her hands, Holly lets out a frustrated sigh, because even without seeing the blonde, she's still etched on her mind. It's been weeks and Gail's made no move towards reconciliation. Even if her mind _was_ distracted by the case, it wasn't any more, but she was still being frozen out.

She's not sure why it crosses her mind, but she looks down at her locked desk draw and turns the key in the lock. The job offer for San Francisco was still sitting in there and it's with shaking hands that she pulls it out.

Since Rachel had given it to her she had read it everyday, picking apart the proposal line by line and weighing the pros and cons of leaving. The money was good, the location was great, all the research she had done told her it was the right choice.

It wasn't just her professional life that would benefit either. Personally, staying in Toronto wasn't helping her. Stringing Lindsey along wasn't helping her. Everywhere Holly looked there were reminders of Gail. The job was too close, and there was no way she could keep hiding out in the lab just to avoid her.

It's then that she makes a decision. All the time there was a chance of reconciling with Gail she had put it off, but Holly knew now that it was time. Clicking the lock on her office door she dials the number Rachel had scribbled at the bottom of the page.

The phone only rings twice before the professional voice of who Holly assumes is his sectary answers. "Hello Dr Brackman's office, how can I help you today?"

"Hi, I'm Dr Holly Stewart, I think Dr Brackman's expecting my call." There's a slight shake to her voice, and Holly hopes it steadies quickly.

"Oh Dr Stewart, hello. I'll put you straight through." There's a click from the other end of the phone and the sound of Tchaikovsky starts to drift through the speaker. The music starts to build and she thinks about hanging up and pretending the call had never happened.

"Dr Stewart, how wonderful to hear from you, I was beginning to think you wouldn't call." Her heart pounds in her chest at the sound of his voice, and even though the music has stopped she can still hear it building in her head.

Swallowing back her nerves, she apologises, because she really should have called him earlier to tell him she was at least thinking about the position. "Sorry, I needed to think about your offer-"

"Hmmm, of course, of course," He cuts her off before she can finish, his voice full of understanding. "This is a big decision to make, but I hope you don't mind me asking straight off the mark, but what _did_ you decide Dr Stewart?"

Holly knows there will be plenty of time to pull out before she leaves, and it's not even guaranteed that she'll get the position, so it's with a deep breath she replies. "I would like to apply for the position."

* * *

"So when do you leave?" Lindsey smiles at her from across the table, and Holly swallows the food in her mouth. After finishing her conversation with Dr Brackman the first thing she had done was invite Lindsey out to dinner.

"Three days."

"And you'll definitely be back?" She takes a bite of her own food and Holly raises her eyebrow.

"Yeah, something about visa's and illegal immigration if I stay?" Lindsey laughs around her mouthful of food and they continue eating in silence.

It was a restaurant that Holly had never been to with Gail, and she chastises herself for thinking about the blonde again. She would blame Traci for bringing up the blonde for her minds current preoccupation, but truthfully whenever she was with Lindsey it didn't take long for her thoughts to start straying, to start _comparing_ the two of them.

"So, I was thinking today..." Lindsey's voice trails off and Holly reaches for her wine as she waits for her to continue. "Your ex Gail," Her hand freezes on her glass and Holly tries to keep her face as natural as possible when she looks up at Lindsey. "She's a police officer right?"

"Yeah..." Holly takes a sip of the drink, her mind racing to figure out where Lindsey was trying to take the conversation.

"So that means you sometimes work together?" She wonders how long the other woman has actually been mulling that fact over, and she's sure it wasn't just that day it had crossed her mind.

"We don't- I mean, we're sometimes at the same crime scenes, sometimes she has to drop evidence off at the lab..."

"Have you seen her recently?" The other woman's green eyes hold hers in a steely gaze, and Holly knows this conversation has the potential to blow up in her face with one wrong word.

"Not for a couple of weeks, look Lindsey, I can't exactly avoid her." She doesn't mention that avoiding her is exactly what she has been trying to do. "It's really not that big of a deal."

"Mmmm," Lifting up her own wine glass Lindsey takes a sip. "It's not."

"But?"

"But if you moved to San Francisco you wouldn't have to avoid her." Somehow she manages to maintain her composure, only having to briefly drop her head, because she has no idea how Lindsey has managed to work it out.

"That's not the reason I'm going to San Francisco Lindsey." Holly hopes the other woman is just fishing, just trying to throw her off into slipping up and admitting the blonde is still playing a bigger part in her life than she's willing to consciously admit.

"Yeah," Lindsey nods her head slowly. "But it's part of it right?"

She wants to make a point, and she's not sure how to do it with words that aren't going to sound like lies. Pressing her hand onto the table Holly leans over and takes Lindsey's chin with her spare hand, pulling her mouth towards her own. Kissing someone so aggressively in the middle of a crowded restaurant isn't the sort of thing she usually does, but Lindsey quickly relaxes into the kiss.

It doesn't last long, seconds at best, and Holly pulls away, just enough to speak. "Gail has nothing to do with this."

Lindsey smiles and her and Holly sits back onto her seat. "You're very good at that." A tension that she wasn't even aware of relaxes from her shoulders as Lindsey seems to accept her statement.

She didn't have work the next day, and she knew Lindsey didn't have a shift that night. She could do this, she _wanted _to do this. She has to remind herself again that her and Gail were _over_, so sleeping with Lindsey shouldn't feel like a betrayal. "Do you want to come back to mine after dinner? I can show you what else I'm good at?"

The first thing she imagines isn't about what's going to happen after dinner. Instead Gail's reaction is the first thing that springs to mind, the way she would have undoubtedly thrown her head back and laughed at her attempt of seduction. She would sip her wine and probably sit back in her seat swirling it whilst mocking her. "_Yeah? Like inflating your own ego? Maybe showing me how well you can blow your own trumpet._"

Lindsey doesn't react like that though, and it only serves to remind her of the distinct differences between the pair of them. "I think we should skip dessert."

* * *

**A/N**: I didn't really fancy writing Holly/Lindsey sex, and I didn't think anyone would really miss that!

Next chapter is the last solo Gail chapter, then we're back to Gail/Holly chapters for the final arc of the fic.


	29. Chapter It's An AN

Chapter 28 was posted today, but I've had a couple of reviews and a couple of PM's basically conveying a similar message, so I'm about to do something that I've never wanted to do... It's not a chapter... It's a long authors note. Noooo. This is the point in the story I thought was going to prove unpopular though!

Let's start with one little thing: We know hardly anything about Holly. We can all have the head canons we want, but _really_ we know next to nothing about her other than the fact she's snarky, she likes Gail and she doesn't understand how shirt buttons work. I'm being sarky, but you get the point...

We do know that the night after a date in season four she kisses Gail (albeit she had just been shot at), we also know that she dropped her 'girlfriend' like a hot potato and went back to Gail at the end of season five (am I the only one that thought that was really fucking harsh of her?), and as someones recently pointed out to me during the break up scene Lisa kind of references Holly's past history with girls. And I'm sorry, I _love_ Holly, I really do, but she's not going to be perfect and I do think she's a bit of a ladies lady.

Like I've said, the show didn't really give us much Holly to go on, but two things we know for certain are that during the breakup she takes a job in San Fran and picks up a new girlfriend, which to me seems like the actions of someone trying to convince themselves that they're moving on. That's what I'm trying to do with Lindsey at the moment, Holly knows she's not over Gail and she knows to an extent that she's stringing Lindsey along, but she's still trying to go through the motions of a relationship, which includes having sex. I mean I've been there before, I've sort of known that I was just using the other person as a stop gap to get over someone else, but at the same time I've managed to convince myself that they're not a rebound. Looking back on it I could see what a tit I'd been to them and really regretted it, but at the time I was too busy trying to convince myself that it was a legit relationship.

You're right though, Lindsey is a rebound, and despite what Holly likes to think, she's being an ass and Lindsey definitely deserves better! Rachel calls her out for it in chapter 26, but Holly doesn't want to listen. You should be pissed at Holly, she's making terrible life choices, and all because she's refusing to just talk to Gail!

That brings me onto the other little snippet of information we get. Holly tried _calling._ There's no mention of her actually trying to _see_ Gail, which considering her history of just showing up at Gail's workplace is important. I'm not sure how the show wanted to portray it, because Holly randomly turning up at the last minute of season five was just so odd and rushed and it felt really terrible story wise and Debby (my love) you're right, it was a really odd portrayal that didn't seem to match up.

For this fic Holly has already tried to talk to Gail in person and she got shot down, then the second time Holly sees Gail after the breakup she's completely blanked. You have to remember, Holly doesn't know about Sophie, all she knows is there was a case that was distracting and upsetting Gail, and even now when the case is over and she's 'better', she still doesn't want to talk to her. Basically, Holly's feeling hurt, and she's angry at Gail for just walking away, and she's scared that if she tries to talk to Gail in person again, she's just going to get hurt again, so she's avoiding it and hiding in her lab and pretending she's moving on instead.

Now, lets be very clear, at this point in the story line the main problem with both Holly and Gail is that they're both being stubborn asses. Neither of them is willing to give any ground and be the first to talk and neither of them is particularly 'in the right' anymore.

Anyway, this has been excessively long, but I do hope you choose to stick with the story. I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to say that once we're over the hurdle that's episode seven Holly does stop being such a tit and they do finally start sorting their shit out. That's essentially what the final arc is.

I hope it explains a bit and apologies if I'm not quite conveying everything a clearly as I should be. If there is anything that doesn't make sense, or that you think is really OOC, then do call me out on it. I might agree with you!

Feel free to ask questions on tumblr as well, I'm under AmyBot3000, and I answer quicker on there than here.

(I might swallow this into the next chapter, or I might leave it here, I'm not sure yet.)


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N**: It's the last 'stand alone' chapter. After going for Holly's POV first I had to switch some things around, but it still sets up the same bits and bobs for the future. Next chapter is basically complete, I was umming and ahhing about combining the two into a mega chapter, but I think they work better separately.

As long as nothing kicks off at work it should be up on Wednesday.

* * *

"So you're looking better than last time." Traci's voice suddenly sounds from behind her and Gail feels her whole body jump in shock.

Looking down at the dead body wedged between two trash cans in front of her, she's positive she's looked better than standing over a corpse in an alleyway. "What?"

"The last time we were around an OD you freaked out on me." A cough catches in her throat and Gail glares at Traci as she inspects the man in front of them. "We never did finish that conversation."

"Oh look, there's somewhere else to stand that's not here." Before Traci can potentially embarrass her further, or remind her that she managed to complete blank Holly at the crime scene, she's walking towards the end of the alleyway. Sam is still on the other side of the tape, apparently content to be standing in the cold with a coffee in one hand and a doughnut in the other. "Do you actually need us all here or..."

"Nah, head back." He doesn't stop chewing whilst replying, and she's well aware that it's a habit they both share, but she wishes he wouldn't. "Unless you wanna stay and wait for your lab buddy?"

"She's not my lab buddy-"

"Oh, right sorry, partner?" He swallows his mouthful of doughnut, his eyebrows creasing at the expression on her face as he tries another word. "Significant other?"

Rolling her eyes, she ducks under the tape he's holding up for her. "None of the above, I'm leaving."

"Oh, you're still avoiding each other, Andy mentioned it." Sam winks at her, and she quickly rips off a piece of the doughnut in his hand before she starts walking towards your car without responding. "Hey!"

The comments about her and Holly had been incessant. Her hopes of keeping their break up under the radar of the rumor mill had been entirely unsuccessful. It didn't help that during the early stages of the break up she had been too distracted by the Jameson case to shut it down.

Since speaking to Oliver, _and _checking on Sophie things had been easier for her to deflect again though. And at least, she wasn't freaking out every time anything even remotely related to Sophie and her mother came up. Freaking out over anything remotely Holly related was still an entirely different story though.

"Hey Gail, before you go." Traci calls out to her before she's even made it half way to the car and Gail thinks about carrying on and pretending she hasn't heard her. Against her better judgement she turns around and feels her whole body deflate when she sees the evidence bag in Traci's hand. She knows exactly where this is going.

"Traci no." She takes a step backwards as Traci ducks under the tape.

"Traci yes," Handing her the bag, Gail pouts at the little white bag of powder inside. "Take that to the lab for me please."

"I hate you." It's unfair that they were both rookies together and now she has to take instructions from the other woman.

"See you later Gail, say hi to Holly for me." If Traci hadn't technically been her superior she would have thrown the piece of doughnut in her hand, and potentially Sam's coffee, straight at her.

* * *

"Gail." Traci looks far too hopeful when she walks back into the station, her hands practically wringing in excitement.

"She's in San Fransisco." The other woman's expression immediately falls, completely giving away her intentions and Gail wonders if she had been standing waiting for her in the hallway since getting back from the alleyway.

It had taken her fifteen minutes to work up enough nerve to enter the lab. To her credit she had started to plan a speech to apologise to Holly for ignoring her at the crime scene, to maybe even tell her about Sophie. She had also completely depleted the battery on the key chain attached to Holly's front door key, the little zombie repeating his phrase until the noise garbled into nothing. It was still sat in her pocket now, and Gail _knew _she should have given it back by now, but it was difficult to do when she was trying to avoid a confrontation with it's owner. Mailing it back to Holly was an entirely valid option that Gail refused to admit she had thought of.

In the end her speech building had all been for nothing. When she reached Holly's lab, her heart palpitating wildly, there was someone else sat at her desk. Gail had felt her stomach clench at the immediate thought of Holly having left, because surely _someone _would have told her. It was only slightly placating when the short haired woman had told her Holly had left for a trip to San Francisco that morning.

"Who?" Traci follows her as she walks straight past her and towards her desk.

"Holly." She didn't believe for a second that Traci didn't know who she was talking about.

"Why is she in San Francisco?" Dropping into her seat, Gail shrugs her shoulders and starts searching her desk for the paper work she had been trying to complete before leaving for the crime scene that morning.

"I don't know, holiday? Gay pride? A super gross corpse?"

"She didn't mention it the other day..." Traci sits herself in the seat opposite her and trails off, leaving Gail to look at her expectantly, because she hadn't mentioned seeing Holly before. "She was helping out with the Hollis case."

"Well it's where she is, so you can _stop_ trying to send me to lab." She abandons her quest for the paperwork and crosses her arms across her chest, waiting for Traci to challenge her.

"I was _not_ trying to send you to the lab."

Her eyebrow raises on its own accord. "Yeah, you were."

Traci looks away from her and starts to thumb through the file sitting on the desk in front of her. "I didn't try, I actually _did_ send you to the lab."

"Oh there she is, hey Peck, come here." Oliver's voice saves Traci, because she was seconds away from throwing her stapler at her.

"Well this conversation has been nice, lets not do it again." The other woman laughs, and Gail is sure she's completely unaware of how close she just came to being impaled by office stationary.

Oliver ducks back into his office, and Gail follows him in as he starts to riffle through the ever increasing piles of paper on his desk until he finds his phone. "Hey, come here, Celery," The name drags on as he looks down at the device in his hand, flicking his finger across the screen. "She does volunteering for some children's charity, thing, I don't know, she works with kids from foster home once a week anyway."

Gail nods her head, because she's not really sure _where_ this is going, but she can guess it has something to do with Sophie. It takes him a few more moments of cursing at the screen before he hands her the phone, and she reads the overtly bright email.

"A science fair?" A feeling of happiness swells inside of her, because she could only remember off handily mentioning Sophie's love of science to him once.

"Yup, she wanted to know if you wanted tickets for you and Sophie." He smiles at her expectantly and Gail doesn't hesitate to latch her arms around his neck and pull him into a impromptu hug.

* * *

The first time she walked into the children's centre to see Sophie, Gail thought her heart was going to explode right out of her chest. She still remembered how clammy her hands were when one of the social workers asked her who she was there to see. How her vision started to speckle with black dots when they opened the door for her to play area to see Sophie.

The little girl had taken her breath away, literally, because she barrelled into her waist with such force that she almost ended up falling over backwards. Then the tears had come and Gail still felt a crushing guilt for not trying to see Sophie sooner.

Every time she had been to see her since she had greeted her the same away, minus the tears, and that afternoon had been no different. Hers ribs still ached where Sophie's head had collided with them, and she couldn't help from wincing a little as she pushed the little girl on the swings outside the centre.

"Have you seen your scientist friend?" The question catches her so off guard that her hands almost miss Sophie's back.

"Holly? No sweetie I haven't."

Sophie looks over her shoulder briefly, and Gail can see the undisguised confusion on her face. "But you're friends?"

"I-" She's not sure what to say. It's not like she can tell the little girl that Holly implied their relationship meant less to her than it did to Gail, or that she had been studiously avoiding Holly and what ever explanation the other woman wanted to offer her ever since. "We had a bit of a falling out."

"Oh." It's barely audible, but Gail can hear the disappointment in her voice. "You should apologise."

On the next swing back, Gail grabs Sophie's sides, her fingers dancing across her ribs causing the little girl to wiggle and squeal on the seat. "Oh and what makes you think it was my fault?"

"Stop!" She's still laughing, her little voice bubbling with happiness and Gail slowly relents. Sophie's still giggling slightly when she starts to push her on the swing again. "Mum said that sometimes it doesn't matter who's fault it is."

"It doesn't?"

"Nope, sometimes it just needs one of you to say sorry, then you can be friends again." She can hear the smile in Sophie's voice. It's only been a few weeks since she lost her mum, and Gail feels something akin to relief that the little girl is still happy enough to talk about her.

"Oh?" She doesn't say anything else, happy to let Sophie continue.

"Marcy scribbled in my art book and then I," She lowers her voice and Gail has to strain to hear the next part of her confession. "I pulled her hair. Even though it was her fault mum still made me say sorry, and then Marcy said sorry as well, and then we were friends again." It all comes out in a quick whispered breath and Gail can't help smiling as Sophie starts to move her legs in time with the swinging.

"This might not be as simple as that Sophie." She's not sure if Sophie heard her or not, but she continues to push her on the swing, the only noise between them being the subtle squeak of the chains. "Talking about science, there's a science fair in a couple of weeks, you wanna go?"

Sophie makes a gasping sound, and Gail quickly grasps onto the chains to stop the swing when she turns around too quickly. "Can I?!"

"Yep." She had already cleared it with the staff on the way in to see her, the only catch being Sophie had to want to go. Judging by the expression on her face, Gail knew wanting to go definitely wasn't a problem. "They'll have loads of fun games there and you can talk to some real scientists."

Sophie's jumping off the swing and throwing her arms around her waist before she knows it. She leans down, and the little girl moves her grip to her neck, repeating her thanks again and again as Gail hugs her back.

The thought of adopting Sophie crosses her mind, and it isn't surprising. She had thought about it before. There was so much she could offer her, she could give her such an unconditional love, but she knew it wasn't time, she knew she wasn't _ready_. Her handling of Holly was evidence enough of that. Maybe if they had stayed together, maybe if Gail had answered one of Holly's calls it would have all been so much different. For now though, she would offer Sophie all the happiness she possibly could.

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews/PM's/tumblr messages, there's definitely two very opposing views on how I'm handling Holly, some in agreement, some not so much. Hopefully the authors note that was chapter 29 at least helped explain why I'm personally taking Holly in the direction I am, thanks for sticking with me.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N**: It's the Izzy episode! This was a pretty Gail/Holly heavy episode (comparatively anyway), but whilst there is a lot of episode based dialogue, I've tried to expand every scene to try and make it a bit more 'original'.

Thank you again for the reviews, I really do like reading them :)

* * *

Gail's day starts to go down hill the moment she follows a garbage laden Nick and Chloe back into the station. Because she's fairly certain the only reason she ends up with Oliver's hormone ridden teenage daughter sat next to her is karma for her ducking out of helping them search though it.

It continues to go downhill when Izzy apparently translates "I need to go to the printer, stay here and touch nothing" as "Go see your father."

She's still trying to apologise to Oliver for letting her out of her sight for less than a minute, when Traci interrupts her.

"Gail take this to the morgue?" The other woman dangles an evidence bag in front of her, and Gail only takes the quickest of glances at its content. It's a finger, or a penis, she doesn't want to look again and find out.

For the past week, anything and everything that Traci could possibly need to be taken to the lab went through her. There wasn't even any guarantee that Holly was actually back in the lab yet, but still the other woman was insistent on the two of them ending up in the same room together. "Absolutely not."

"See if Holly can get a print off it." She has to resist the need to roll her eyes, because there were other officers, there was a courier that was perfectly capable of taking it for her.

"Is that a thumb?"

"It's a thumb." Reluctantly she takes the bag out of Traci's hand and looks at the crinkled digit inside. It's disgusting, and exactly the sort of thing Holly would be into.

"Great idea. Hit a drive-through on the way. Take Izzy with you." Oliver's already stuffing money into her hands before she can protest, because seeing Holly again is one thing, seeing Holly with _Izzy_ present is an entirety different, and entirely more distressing scenario. "Take it. Go. Izzy, go with her."

Izzy is apparently as reluctant to go as is Gail is to take her, and she almost wishes she would put her ski mask on and perform another 'artistic' display to avoid going. It would at least mean she could book her into the cells for disturbing the peace. Unfortunately she chooses that moment to actually do what she's told and starts to walk down the stairs towards her.

"You stay close behind me, or I'm gonna put you in the back of my squad car." There's no complaint from Oliver, so she knows she most definitely can get away with putting Izzy in the back.

Thankfully Izzy remains in a compliant mood, even if she does follow her out to the car with a pout firmly on her face. Gail truly does contemplate putting her in the back, but before she can even voice her opinion on the matter Izzy is already getting in the front seat and wrapping her belt around herself.

Gail's barely in the car herself when she spots Izzy holding onto what looks suspiciously like an evidence bag.

"Ewww, that's really gross looking." Somehow without her seeing Izzy had managed to pick the thumb out of her pocket.

"Will you put that down?"

"And it looks like a penis." A laugh bubbles out of the girls throat as she holds the thumb up to the light.

"Exactly, disgusting looking, now put it down." Gail quickly snatches it off her and stashes in the side of her door, well out of the reach of the teenager.

The car falls into silence as she drives out the car park and onto the main road. Her hopes that the _whole_ trip would be in silence however are quickly dashed by the girl next to her. "So how did you realise you were gay?" Izzy's sudden question has her hitting the brakes too hard, and the car jerks to a stop at the red light in front of them.

"What?"

"You said it was disgusting looking." She follows Izzy's pointing finger towards barely visible evidence bag.

"Okay, first of all, don't make assumptions about peoples sexuality." The light turns to green and she lets the car accelerate across the intersection. "Second of all, nobody thinks penis's look attractive."

"I dunno, that guy in the gay porno I watched the other night seemed pretty into it." This time she almost crashes the car, and even an awkward conversation with Holly was going to be better than spending any more time with Izzy.

"Oh God," She feels herself heave slightly, because she does not want to listen to Oliver's daughter talk about sex. "Just, can we not talk about your taste in porn? Sit quietly, reflect on all the bad things you've done in life."

"Like being born." She mutters it under her breath, but from the glare Izzy gives her she knows it wasn't quiet enough and as much as she loves kids she remembers now exactly how much she hates teenagers.

* * *

"So are we actually going in?" Izzy takes a loud slurp from the drink in her hands and Gail glares at her. "Because this is really boring."

"You're really boring."

Despite how many times she's been to the lab in the past week, Gail still can't bring herself to go straight in. With Izzy in the car she couldn't just stare into space for fifteen minutes trying to plan that days apology speech either, so she lets her mind drift as her fingers absently run across the screen of her phone, moving and switching the blocks of gems into rows of three.

"I'm just finishing this." And by finishing this she means getting past level one, because trying to figure out what to say to Holly was proving increasingly difficult.

Sophie. Gail knew she should definitely explain what happened with Sophie, which would let her explain why she accidentally ignored her. She _could_ apologise about what happened at the bar, but only if Izzy was nowhere near her. Then again she could always not apologies at all, she could ask Holly out so she could apologise away from Izzy.

Or. Holly might not even be back at lab after her San Francisco trip yet, and she would be worrying over nothing again.

"What are you-" Before she even realises what's happening Izzy's leaning over the centre console and getting a look at her phone. "Oh, very work efficient."

"It's a for a fraud investigation." It's not too far from the truth, because it's at that very moment that the time runs out and offers her to pay $2 for three more lives.

"Yeah, and the weed I smoked last month was a science experiment."

Gail rolls her eyes, because she doubts Izzy did anything of the sort and is just looking to get a rise out of her. "You know I'm a cop right?"

"So arrest me." She holds out her hands and pouts, and Gail considers just handcuffing Izzy to the car door so she can see Holly without her.

Except she knows Oliver would never forgive her, and probably assign her to desk duty for the rest of her life. "Get out, we're going in."

She makes Izzy walk in front of her, happy to hear the girl complain the whole walk to the lab building about how unfair she's being to her. The receptionist is the same one that had been there all week, and she directs Izzy straight to the desk.

"Officer Peck, again." Jenny smiles at her from over the counter.

"Yeah, whatever, I've got a thumb." She lifts up the evidence bag and watches as the receptionist gags at the sight of it. "We need a print."

"Dr Stewart's free, final lab on the left." Gail panics, because she _wants_ to see Holly, at least, she wanted to see her the whole time she thought it wouldn't happen.

She drops the bag onto the counter and ignores the way Jenny flinches at it. "No, Holly, Dr Stewart? This here, far too minor, I'm sure there's someone else that can look at it."

"You know Dr Stewart is one of the best we have right?" The wheels on her chair squeak slightly as she moves away from the thumb.

"Totally, but this guy." She laughs and points at the lone digit. "This guy _lost_ his thumb, he doesn't deserve the best." Izzy lets out a sigh next to her and she has to slap her hand away as she starts to poke at the bag.

"I'm not sure who else- Oh hey Rodney!" Gail recognises the man that comes over, rolling his sleeves up his arms as he approaches. "Mind looking at a thumb."

It apparently pips his interest and he holds out his hand for the bag, studying the appendage. "I'm not sure I'll be able to get a print off it..." He drifts off and Gail resists the urge to tell him that Holly would be more than capable. "Come on, we'll take a closer look downstairs."

They take the familiar route to morgue and she's sure she catches a glance of long dark hair turning through a doorway at the end of the corridor. The doorway to Holly's office and she almost carries on down the hallway.

Rodney works in silence, poking at the thumb with some tweezers, and Gail does _not_ like the sound of the sigh he lets out after a few minutes of prodding.

"The tissue's atrophied quite substantially." She has no idea what that means, and really she doesn't care, because Holly's around here somewhere and she would rather not face that in front of Izzy. At least, that's what she keeps repeating to herself. The reason she can't see Holly today is because Izzy is here and not because she's completely freaking out. "I'm gonna have to get Dr. Stewart."

Despite her protests he still leaves to get Holly, and she can already feel her palms starting to sweat. Something else strikes her attention then. It's far too quiet, so Gail knows there's something going terribly wrong behind her. Turning around, she almost screams in frustration, because _of course_ Izzy is opening up one of the morgues refrigeration doors and starting to pull out a dead body. "Hey!"

"Whoa. He's really dead." Before Izzy can do something particularly horrific like spill her drink over the man she quickly pushes the tray back behind the door. "What?"

"This is a human being. Show some respect."

"Correction he was a human being." She's not in the mood to argue with her, not with Holly on the way to see them and she shuts the door as fast as she can.

"Actually, the term "human" refers to our species in general," Gail spins on her feet so quickly she almost falls over, because it's _Holly_ standing in front of her. Holly with her lab coat, and her blue gloves, and her _glasses_ and it feels like her heart is about to explode from her chest. "So, dead or alive, he's still human. Who are you?"

Holly doesn't even so much as glance at her, but Gail can't take her eyes off her. "Uh, Izzy Shaw, teenage delinquent."

"No food or drink in the lab." This time her eyes barely pass over her, but even the brief flash of eye contact has every word she planned to say to her falling out of her mind and leaving behind an impenetrable static.

"It's, um, so good to see you." If there wasn't two other people in the room with her she would slam her head into the table, because this is their first interaction in weeks and her opening line is something as stupid as 'good to see you'. She thinks about joking with her, maybe telling her that everyone who sees the thumb thinks it's a penis. Maybe she should say where it's from, what the case is. Maybe she should tell Izzy to go sit in the car or maybe-

"So, you've got a thumb."

"Yep." She can't help it, even with the confusing swirl of emotion running through her, she can't help smiling, because it's _Holly_. "That is a thumb."

"I'll rehydrate the tissue. Any luck, there's enough left to give us that print." Holly's turning her back and walking away before Gail has the chance to decide what to say.

She feels Izzy before she hears her, her body pressing against hers and the smell of her ridiculously sweet drink invading her senses. "You two used to bone?"

"Please don't use that expression." And if she wasn't Oliver's daughter, she really would be considering putting her in one of the morgue's body draws.

"What, did it offend you?"

"No. It's just inaccurate." Izzy steps away from her, and Gail's grateful for the space, until another loud slurp interrupts the short lived silence.

"So what happened?"

"Nothing." Grabbing the drink from the girls hand she walks around the other side of the table and throws it straight into the bin.

"Did she cheat?" Izzy lets out a gasp and brings one hand to her mouth whilst she points at her with the other. "Oh my God, did _you_ cheat?"

"What?" Disgust washes over her, because even the thought of cheating on Holly makes her stomach churn. "No, no one cheated."

Before Izzy can insult her even further Holly's coming back into the room and Gail has to hold her breath as she brushes past her without a word. It's a barely there touch, and it's more of her lab coat touching her own puffed out jacket, but she still feels her body shudder. The sound of Izzy gagging comes from the other side of the table and Gail glares at her, daring her to say anything about the conversation they just had.

"Where did you get it?" Her heart thunders in her chest again, because whilst Holly might not be looking at her, or even really interacting with her, she's still _talking_ to her right now.

"Garbage."

"Ah, explains the smell at least." A smile tugs at Holly's lips, and Gail's not sure how much more her heart can take, because it's starting to ache from over exertion.

Normally Holly would explain to her what she was doing, taking her through it in excruciating detail. It doesn't happen though, silently she starts squirting the thumb with whatever was in the container she brought in with her.

"I thought this was gonna be way cooler." She's going to strangle Izzy, but then at least Holly might look at her.

"That should do it. I'll see if I can get that print." Holly's standing again, and Gail turns, watching her face as it comes within inches of hers when she brushes past again.

"Yeah, okay." Everything she had planned was falling apart, she hadn't managed to say anything of worth to the other woman.

"Can I just go wait in the car?"

She doesn't bother turning around to answer her. "No."

"I'm bored. I just want to go hang out with my dad." Izzy's complaining is the last thing she wants to hear, and she can't help snapping at her.

"Well, your dad dumped you on me, so obviously he feels a little different." It's not Izzy's fault that Holly's not talking to her, and Gail regrets lashing out at her the second she says it.

"Ugh, this is totally why she broke up with you."

This time Gail does whirl back around to face her, her eyes glaring at the teenager. "What?"

"Boo hoo," Izzy's voice goes far too high pitched, and she knows she sounds nothing like her impression. "My girlfriend won't look at me, so I'm going to be mean to my bosses daughter."

"That is _not _what's happening."

"Even I would break up with you." Gail can't help screwing up her face at the idea. "You're _way_ too immature."

* * *

Even after Rodney gave her the thumb print results, Gail still couldn't stop mulling over Izzy's words. She was an adult. A grown woman. Perfectly capable of communicating her wants and desires. Perfectly capable of not acting like an immature teenager long enough to apologise to the woman she's fairly sure she was still in love with for leaving this argument to fester for so long. Sophie was right, and Gail hates to admit it, because Sophie was a _child_, but at this point it didn't matter who apologised first, the fact was one of them had to.

"Are we leaving yet?" Izzy was still complaining as she led her back down the hallway and towards Holly's office.

"I need to say thanks to Holly, don't be rude." She hears Izzy's muttered response about her being rude to her all day, but she ignores it. She could do this, she could definitely do this, and she could see Holly through the frosted glass.

"Hey I-" Gail's heart feels like it stops in her chest, because Holly's finally looking at her. "I just wanted to say thank you for today."

"It's my job." The smile that pulls across Holly's face looks genuine, and she hates that she has to try and make the distinction now, because she used to just know that they were. It pushes her on anyway, and bolsters her courage enough to say what she needs to.

"Yeah, and if you're not busy later, I'd love to take you out maybe for a drink," Gail says it all in one breath, desperate to get it all out before she regrets everything she's saying and runs from the room. "And I don't know apologise."

"You had a chance to apologise the day after you walked out on me," This time the smile doesn't quite reach the brunettes eyes, and Gail can see the wetness building in her eyes. "Or the week after or at the crime scenes we've been to together-"

"I know. I just," And she doesn't mean to interrupt her, but it hurts seeing Holly look at her the way she is. "Just just give me a chance, - 'cause I really want to explain myself-"

"Gail," This time it's Holly interrupting her, and she can't help the warmth that spreads through her at the sound of Holly saying her name again. "I'm seeing someone."

It feels like the world stops, because she knows _this_ is her fault. She waited too long. There's a stunned silence, and Gail knows she's not quick enough to hide the hurt on her face when Holly's expression seems to soften. "I'm sorry."

"That's fine." She has to get out the room, she has to get away from the mess she's created. Izzy's gone from the corridor and she can already feel the tears burning at her eyes when she calls out the girls name.

* * *

The tears are still stinging at her eyes as Oliver walks away from her at the station. They had found Izzy, apparently she had managed to make it back to the building on her own and was hiding out outside in the car park somewhere.

At first she had tried to convince herself that the crushing feeling in her chest was because she had lost Oliver's daughter. That the tears threatening to fall were because she was worried about her. Gail knew it was a lie though, she knew the only source of her pain was herself.

She's on the way to the locker room when she spots her.

"Got your thumb." Holly smiles at her, and Gail tries to return it as best she can.

"Thank you."

"Did you find her?" The closer the brunette gets the more obvious it becomes that she's not the only one struggling to hold in her emotions.

"She's outside."

"Couldn't pay me to go back to that age." It's meant to be a joke, but it sets something off inside her.

She's not sure what tips the balance entirely. Whether it was chasing after Izzy all afternoon, or hearing Holly tell her she's seeing someone, or if it was just Holly's dumb joke. In the end it doesn't really matter to her, because she's suddenly spilling everything that had been crowding her thoughts since Izzy's outburst at her. "I still act that age. Come on. It's true. I'm an impetuous, I'm self-destructive. I'm a- I'm a brat."

"Okay, you don't have to explain." But she did, because putting off talking to Holly was why they were where they were right now.

"No, it's it's not okay, and I don't want to end up a sad, sorry woman who," The wetness in Holly's eyes looks two seconds away from spilling over completely and she lets herself pull in a calming breath. She never told Holly that she loved her, or that she was _it_ for her, but if this was her last chance to tell Holly how she felt she would take it. "Who threw away the most wonderful person she's ever met."

It's not the reaction she wants, but truthfully, she knows it's the reaction she deserves when Holly holds up the thumb for her to take. "Good night, Gail."

Holly's arms wrap around herself as she walks away, and Gail feels another pang in her chest, because she's never seen her look so small.

* * *

**A/N**: Next chapter is from Holly's POV and guest stars Sophie. It's also the beginning of what I like to call 'the redemption arc', aka 'the final arc'. The end is nigh!

I'm hoping to have it up on Sunday.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N**: Just to clear something up for the guest who left _another_ review whining about 'another' episode chapter... This fic has 31 chapters (I've excluded the A/N chapter), out of those 31 chapters only 9 have contained episode scenes, and those chapters either contained extra dialogue or extra scenes to expand the canon, so quit it.

For everyone else that reviewed... Thank you very much, personal head canons/thoughts and feelings are always welcome, I really do enjoy reading them :) Hopefully you like what I do with this chapter, there's some self reflection from Holly and the Golly story moves away from the shows canon ever so slightly, which it will now continue to do so all the way till the end.

* * *

The second the car door closes behind her Holly lets the tears fall.

Despite her best attempts to convince herself that it wasn't her place to check on Gail anymore, she had still found herself driving towards the station. It had reminded her of the first time she had ended up there, desperate to find out if Gail was okay, but this time it was to find out if she was okay after something _she_ had done.

Gail hadn't been quick enough to hide the hurt that spread across her face in the lab, even as she turned away Holly had seen the dampness collecting in her eyes. Then she ran away, and truthfully Holly was expecting the same thing when she arrived at the station. Gail would take the evidence back, they would talk, there would be a sense of closure, and then Gail would walk away, right around the point the conversation became to terrifying for her.

Except it hadn't happened that way. Everything she had wanted to say had flown out the window the moment Gail had called out her own mistakes, and it _hurt_ too much to just stand there and watch it happen. Despite the fear she could hear in Gail's voice the blonde had still pressed on, she had stood her ground. She wasn't prepared for it, so she did something that only Gail had done to her before. This time Holly had been the one running away.

* * *

Spending the day looking after the labs stall at the annual science fair hadn't exactly been in Holly's weekend plans. Then again, she didn't think falling down the stairs and breaking his arm hadn't been in Rodney's plans either.

She was enjoying it though. Seeing so many young bright minds, and listening to their excitement as she answered all their burning questions. She had spent half an hour with one girl, her parents looking increasingly apologetic as she read out all the twenty questions she had scribbled down on her clipboard.

It helped that the whole time she was explaining how microscopes worked and what they were looking at through the lenses was time spent not thinking about Gail. The blonde had been at the forefront of her mind since she had been to see her at the police station. Even Lindsey had noticed her distraction, and Holly knew it wasn't going to be long until she called her out on it. Things were already becoming strained between the two of them, no matter how much she had tried to convince herself that they weren't. Even _if_ they did make it through this rough patch that Gail had inadvertently caused, she wasn't sure their relationship would be strong enough to survive the distance that San Francisco might force between them if her application was successful.

Things would have been simpler if Gail had walked away again. Her hypothesis that Gail would forever stay stuck in a constant cycle of running away from anything difficult would have been proven. Her choice to move on with Lindsey and move to San Francisco would have been justified. But now everything was in state of disarray, because Gail _hadn't_ walked away and even if she was forced to go to the lab that day, as Holly suspected she was, it was still her choice to seek her out and try to apologise. She had been so short and angry with her all day, she had _tried_ to prove a point to Gail that she could be as obstructive as the blonde had been.

The second Gail stepped back into her office to thank her, to _offer _her apologies, that anger had given way to a crushing guilt. The hurt on Gail's face only amplifying the emotion inside her, because maybe if she waited longer she could have said yes. But that was the other side of the argument that cut at her. How long _was _she meant to have waited, because it had been _weeks _and Gail had shown no signs of wanting to talk to her or even listen to her the whole time. And despite her mixed emotions towards Gail, she _liked _Lindsey and when Gail wasn't haunting her every thought things between them were simple and easy and exactly the opposite of what her feelings towards Gail were now.

It's as the day reaches it's lunchtime lull, when she's trying to not think about what Gail said to her, that she spots a child playing with one of the microscopes she had setup, pressing her eye to it before reading the piece of paper next to it.

"Hi there." Pushing off her seat Holly walks towards the girl, smiling at her.

Dark brown eyes look up at hers in shock. "Hi."

"You like the microscopes?"

"Yeah, mum said she was going to buy me one for Christmas." Holly looks around the area for the girls mother, her brow creasing when she sees no one apparently _with_ her.

"Erm, honey," She squats down to her level and the girl looks at her with a guarded curiosity. "Where is your mum? Or your dad?" The little girl looks at her, her eyes going wide at her question and her little feet start kicking at the ground.

"They're both dead now." Holly's heart ceases working, and she watches in horror as the girls sad eyes look away from her.

"I-" It feels like she should apologise, but she's not sure if it's the right thing to do, especially with a child. Her thoughts are on the brink of cascading into chaos when she hears fast moving foot steps behind her.

"Oh God Sophie," Holly recognises the out of breath voice and she quickly stands. "Don't run off like that sweetie."

"Gail, look, the lady brought microscopes."

Holly turns around, and she imagines the expression of shock on her face matches Gail's. "Holly, I- Uh- Hi."

"Hey." She waves slightly, and it's _awkward_, and now she understands why Gail was always running away from things, because they had only said hello and it already felt excruciating.

"You're Holly?" Holly feels a tugging on her shirt sleeve and she looks down at the big expressive eyes looking up at her. "Gail's always talking about you."

She looks back at Gail and the blonde's face flushes almost completely crimson. "I do not," Their eyes make direct contact and Holly's breath catches in her throat. "I am _not_ always talking about you."

"She said you were the most intelligent person she knows." There's a slight giggle in Sophie's voice and Holly wonders if she knows how painfully embarrassing this must be for Gail.

"I hang around with police officers all day, there isn't much comparison." It's spoken though gritted teeth, and Holly can tell Gail's having to try to remain patient with the girl.

"She said you were really nice as well."

"Oh God." This time Gail's hands came up to cover her face. "Sophie-"

"Did she say sorry yet? Gail said-"

Holly takes pity on the blonde, because she's fairly sure if any more blood rushes to her face she's going to pass out. "Hey Sophie, why don't you take a look through the rest of microscopes?"

Excitement washes across Sophie's face and a smile twitches at her own lips when the girl waits for Gail's nod of permission before rushing back to the microscopes she had already been looking at.

With Sophie back at the table she turns back to Gail. "So."

"So."

"That's new." Lifting her hand Holly points in the general direction of Sophie, watching as she presses her eye to the first microscope.

"Yep, she er-" Gail looks about as uncomfortable as she's currently feeling. "She's been through a lot."

"Yeah." The conversation lulls again, and Gail stands silently, rocking on her feet slightly. "She mentioned both her parents had passed away." Holly grimaces, because it was a terrible conversation starter.

Gail nods her head as she looks towards the little girl. "Her dad was in a car wreck before she was born, her mum was," She pauses, and Holly studies her as she seems to mull over the words she wants to say. "She was shot a few weeks ago." It's the tone of her voice that catches her attention though, because she remembers the way Gail had once told her about police officers being shot at, whilst trying to hide the fact it was _her_.

"Oh." If anything Gail looks even more uncomfortable than when the conversation began. "So, it was the advice of a seven year old that made you apologise?" It's meant to be an attempt at alleviating the heaviness of the previous conversation, but she feels herself grimace again, because mocking Gail's apology _isn't_ her intent.

"She's eight and a half actually." There's an unexpected lightness to Gail's voice. "And partly. Apparently eight year olds give great advice to people acting like children."

The self deprecation doesn't sit well with her, because Gail's actions at the police station were _anything_ but childish. "I could have done with the same advice."

"Holly-" Gail's already shaking her head, presumably to try and take the complete blame again, but Holly doesn't let her continue.

"I _am_ sorry Gail." The heaviness of the apology settles between them for a few brief moments. She's about to continue, to give Gail the apology she should have given her weeks ago, instead of hiding behind the excuse of Gail not answering the phone, when the moment is interrupted by Sophie pulling on Gail's arm.

"Can we get a hot dog?" Gail blinks her eyes away from hers, looking down at a smiling Sophie.

"Hot dogs," Holly feels her mouth tug up into a smile as Gail squats down to the girls height and starts poking at her sides. "Are terrible for you, how about a nice fresh apple or a salad."

"Gail." Sophie's laughing and trying to swat Gail's hands away as she starts listing out the healthy alternatives, although Holly's not sure she should count Cheese Puffs as part of the list. Watching the pair of them hurts and warms her heart in equal measure.

"Come on then, unhealthy processed meat it is." Gail stands up pulling back at Sophie's hand when the girl starts to walk away. "What do you say?"

"Oh," It's completely unexpected, but Sophie's arms are suddenly wrapping around her waist, as best they can, as she looks up at her smiling. "Thanks Holly!"

* * *

The afternoon had been hectic. She had never spoken to so many children in such a short space of time, and mentally and physically Holly was feeling exhausted. With the rush finally over, she drops into her chair, letting out a groan as her back twinges from standing for so long.

It's a flash blonde in the distance that has her sitting up properly. From her perch she watches as Gail pushes the door open for Sophie and an idea has her jumping out of her seat.

"Hey Mark," The man sitting on the table opposite hers continues reading he book in his hands, but he makes a grunt of acknowledgement. "Can you watch the table for a sec?"

"Yup." He doesn't look up from his book, but she trusts he'll at least stop anyone running off with any of her equipment.

Ducking under the table she quickly grabs one of the spare microscopes and rushes to the exit, hoping to catch Gail before she leaves. She spots her halfway across the car park, Sophie's hand swinging in her own. "Gail!"

The blonde stops looking around until her eyes settle on her and she starts to walk over, covering the distance as quickly as possible.

"Holly, hi."

Holly smiles at her, before squatting down in front of Sophie and handing her the box in her hands. "Erm, I got this for you."

Sophie looks up at Gail, waiting for her nod of permission again before she opens it, sliding out the second box from inside. Her eyes look confused for a moment as she studies the pictures on the outside before they grow wide in recognition. "Gail! It's a microscope!" Holly smiles as Sophie gently places the box on the ground before she almost knocks her flying with the force of her hug.

Looking up past the little girls shoulder she smiles at Gail. "Hey."

"Hey." The blonde looks completely dumbfounded.

Finally Sophie lets her go and picks up the box again, and Holly stands up to her full height. "Hey..."

"You already said that." Holly smiles in recognition, because that time in the middle of the police station, when she had rushed to check on Gail, felt like a life time ago now.

"I- Yeah I did."

"Gail's taking us to get ice cream," Sophie's smiling up at them again, her hands holding the microscope box to her chest. "Can Holly come?"

"I- I don't know, sweetie." Gail stutters over her words, and Holly quickly saves her from having to let Sophie down.

"I can't." Sophie looks disappointed, and she doesn't even want to think about what she would say if she actually had the option to go and not pack up everything inside. "I need to stay here for a while yet."

"Hey Sophie," Gail squats down to her level and pulls up the zip on Sophie's coat. "Why don't you jump in the car with your microscope, I need to speak to Holly real quick okay?"

"Okay," The car closest to them flashes as Gail unlocks the doors and the little girl heads straight to it, only briefly pausing to say goodbye to Holly.

Gail waits until Sophie's fully in the car before she looks back towards her. "I- Thank you, for the microscope."

"Any time," Nervously she tucks some hair behind her ear, because it's the first time they've been alone and interruption free since the police station. "She seems like a bright girl."

"Yeah, she really is, God, she's just so." Holly watches as Gail struggles to find the right words again, her eyes starting to water. "I think she's going to be okay."

With one stray thought everything feels like it's slotting into place. It made sense. Sophie's mum had been shot recently and the only recent female shooting case she could remember that left a young girl behind was the Jameson one. She knew Gail had been at the crime scene. And she knew that something had been troubling Gail in the weeks following. "Her mum, she was the woman shot in the laundry room a few weeks ago wasn't she?"

Gail's wide eyes look up at her, and for a second Holly thinks she might try to deny it. "I, yeah, she didn't make it. It was a haemorrhage or something, I don't even know." Gail lets out a humourless laugh. "I went back to try and figure out who she was. I found Sophie there instead."

"Gail..." Her voice trails off, because she doesn't know what to say to that, and the reason for Gail's distracted behaviour in the weeks that followed started to become clearer.

"It's fine, I mean it- it _wasn't_ fine, but," Gail looks away from Holly, her eyes picking a spot in the background as she considers her words. "Things change, _I_ changed, after everything that happened between us, finding Sophie, I started to figure some things out."

"I-" This time it's Holly struggling, because she wants to pick up the conversation she owes Gail, the one that had been interrupted by Sophie. "What I said-"

"Holly!" She almost rolls her eyes, as Mark's shout interrupts them and she turns back to the building. "Some kid wants you!"

Raising her hand in acknowledgement she turns back to Gail to apologise for leaving their conversation unfinished again. "It's fine Holly," Gail's already backing away towards the car and Holly lets her go. "I'll see you around."

"Right, yeah, of course." The awkwardness returns, because the last time they said goodbye it had felt so final. "See you around Gail."

She watches Gail walk away from her again, but for the first time in weeks her heart feels lighter.

* * *

**A/N**: I don't count Holly walking away from Gail in chapter 24 as Holly physically 'running away' from her feelings (although she's been emotionally doing it since Fite Nite), I mean they _both_ wanted that conversation to be over. What I do count as 'running away' from feelings/situations is Gail in chapter 2 (well she tried to...), 3, 6, 11, 19, 22, 26 and 31... It's been building for a while! So Gail now standing there and admitting her failings to Holly instead of running the fuck away again is kinda a big deal.

Also, Holly's _finally_ acknowledging that her and Lindsey might not last and that Gail's done some growing up... Now she just needs to do something about it...


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N**: Thank you again for the reviews, you have no idea how motivating they are, so thank you so, so much.

Show wise, Exit Strategy and Moving Day were back to back, but in the interest of having a bit of Gail/Holly breathing room I'm wedging a week between the two. It doesn't affect the shows canon (that I can see), so instead of being on a Wednesday and Thursday in the same week, they're now in separate ones is all ;)

This was actually two chapters. One was meant to go up over the weekend and the other yesterday, but I've merged them together instead. The first part was a late addition to the story. Until last week I was skipping from the last chapter straight into the hospital scene, but I think you'll agree with me, it was _too_ much of a skip forwards and I felt like we needed a bit of time with Gail doing some 'self reflection' first.

* * *

Gail was equal parts proud and disappointed to see her pep talk to Andy before the weekend had been a success. The woman looked lighter again, and Gail watched her flitting about the stations kitchen as she made coffee.

It had been entertaining, and she really did enjoy being in a front row seat to witness Andy unsuccessfully struggling against everything that _made_ her Andy. Watching someone else channel a bitterness similar to the one she was feeling at Holly's new _girlfriend_ confession had also been oddly cathartic, and maybe she _had_ been guilty of living vicariously through Andy for the day.

The less entertaining part had been how oddly eye opening watching Andy had been. It was her. At least, it was a version of her that had existed not that long ago.

The whole realisation had put a downer on the event, because it was exactly the sort of behaviour she had exhibited after breaking up with Holly. She had refused to give any ground and refused to just talk to the other woman and now Holly had moved on without her.

It still stung to think about Andy's betrayal with Nick, but she was her _friend._ So she pushed her, told her to get over whatever it was that Oliver had done, because it was _Oliver_. He loved them and needed them as much as they needed him. If there was anything positive she could take from her breakup with Holly, and the mere thought there was _anything_ positive sickened her, it was that sometimes you had to get over it and _talk _before it was too late.

A muffin dropping on the table in front of her breaks her thoughts and she looks up at Andy in confusion as the other woman slides into the chair opposite her. "It's a muffin."

"Is this-" Gail holds her hand to her chest opening her mouth in mocking shock. "Is this a thank you muffin?"

"What? No." She looks away from her, aggressively stirring her coffee for a moment before looking back up. "Fine, yes, it's a thank you muffin."

"Oh God, I think I'm going to physically excrete human emotion McNally." Holding the muffin up to her eye line Gail keeps one hand pressed against her chest.

"Really?" Andy takes a sip of her coffee. "Crying over a muffin? So un-Peck like."

"No, vomiting over your niceness." She takes a bite of the muffin, purposefully keeping her mouth open as she starts to chew through her mouthful.

"Yeah, no, I never could have kept that act up," Andy grimaces as she takes another bite off the top. "You are actually disgusting."

Gail smiles back at her, mouth still full and crumbs spilling out as she speaks again. "You are so sweet McNally."

* * *

It's cold, still, and Gail shivers as she steps out the vehicle and into the tower blocks parking lot.

"Hey." Traci waves her over from her own car, and Gail reaches back into the passengers seat to pull out the two cups of coffee she had bought whilst driving over to the address Traci had given her.

"Got your coffee."

"Ooo thanks." Traci takes the extra cup out of her hand, blowing on the hot liquid as they start to walk towards the building. "Wait, are you angry with me?" She knows exactly what Traci's referring to. At least she knows that her and Steve broke up and when she badgered him about it over the weekend he wouldn't tell her why.

"I forgot to give you the 'if you hurt my brother I'll kill you' speech, so you're in the clear." The other woman still eyes the cup suspiciously and Gail rolls her eyes. "I haven't poisoned the coffee Traci."

"Really?" Gail rolls her eyes, again, and holds the door open for her.

"No, I mean I spat in it like once."

"Ugh, Gail, seriously." She's surprised the liquid doesn't end up on the floor with how quickly Traci thrusts it away from herself.

"No!" She pushes the button on the elevator and glares at Traci as she sips at her own coffee. Technically it wouldn't have been the first time if she had. She smiles at the memory of Fite Nite and the feeling of revenge after she gave the other precincts cop her backwashed kosher wine. It had ended up being the _only_ good part about that night. She pushes the button on the elevator again, waiting to hear the faint whirling of gears, or _anything_, but there's nothing but silence. "Seriously?"

"Come on Peck," Traci bumps into her shoulder lightly. "We're taking the stairs."

She pouts and looks up the stairwell. "What floor was it?"

Gail literally hears Traci swallow and her stomach drops. "Nine..."

* * *

Walking back down the steps Gail takes in a shuddering breath as she turns into the last set of stairs. Her calf muscles were burning and if she ever found the maintenance worker that had promised to have the elevator fixed in a "couple of minutes" there was going to be another homicide.

Someone had been strangled. Probably. They had had a telephone cord wrapped around their neck anyway. Someone had also been stabbed. _Maybe_. The only problem was there was no second body and Gail wasn't at all surprised to find that no one in the building had heard a thing despite the carnage that was the apartments living room.

It had been going well on the eighth floor, nearly every tenant had pretended not to be in and the ones that were in denied hearing anything. She had been finished in record time. Except, when she went back upstairs to tell Traci the other woman had just smiled at her, and a part of Gail wished that maybe she had spat in her coffee. The pathologist was here, and they needed help carrying their gear upstairs and Gail was now the most 'free' person there. Everyone else was apparently too busy to go back down nine flights of stairs and back up again.

It's as she turns the final corner that she sees Holly sitting on the bottom of the steps. Traci's smile suddenly making even more sense, because of course she was still under the misguided endeavor of try and get the pair of them to talk it out.

Seeing Holly at the weekend had been unexpected. If anything, after the other woman's revelation at the lab, and after her own confession at the station she had craved space from the brunette. Three days wasn't enough for her to even _start_ healing the ache in her chest.

Seeing Sophie's smile when Holly gave her the microscope was though.

Even if it had felt gratingly awkward and uncomfortable to see Holly, the grin that Sophie had worn across her face the whole drive to the ice cream parlour had made it worth it. The little girl was possible more enamoured by Holly than even she had been.

Gail couldn't help wondering what it was going to be like to talk to the brunette now they had both apologised. To an extent at least. Holly knew that she was sorry for that way she acted, and Gail knew the other woman was intelligent enough to have pieced the events after the Jameson case together enough to understand some of the why. And Gail knew that Holly was sorry. She wasn't entirely sure what for, whether it was what she said at the bar, or the silence after she refused to answer the phone or if it was for moving on. It had been turning through her mind after dropping Sophie off to her temporary home and the more she thought about it the more she accepted that it didn't really matter.

Their moment had passed. At least it had for Holly and Gail refused to hold that against the brunette. She had already seen the way her bitterness would have played out thanks to Andy, and she wasn't about to repeat McNally's mistakes.

She couldn't be _friends_ with Holly though, and she doubted they would ever go back to the way things were before they tried to be more. She could be professional with her though, she could talk to her at work, she could make light conversation with her, it didn't have to be painful any more.

"Hey." Holly's body jolts in shock and she's quickly turning her head from her perch on the stairs.

"Gail, hi." She doesn't move, and neither does Holly, and maybe she should start taking Sophie with her everywhere she goes to ease the strange awkwardness that had apparently settled between them.

"Yeah, the elevators not working-" Gail shakes her head, because it's not like Holly _hasn't_ noticed it isn't working. "Obviously." She coughs uncomfortably. "The maintenance guy's working on it." Gail points towards the four cases at Holly's feet, and the brunette silently hands two of them to her.

Looking back up the stairwell Gail lets her shoulders sag as she starts up the steps again. "Did you always used to take all this stuff?"

"Huh?" Holly was apparently lost in her own thoughts and she blinks up at Gail a couple of times before answering. "No, the guys forgot to bring the UV lighting up."

"Cool." Gail knew she had to be the bigger person, she had only just last week given Andy her speech about getting over whatever was bothering her and moving on. But that was before she had to walk back up _nine_ flights of very long stairs, because _someone _forgot to take their equipment up the first time.

"How's Sophie?" This time it's her caught off guard and she looks back at the brunette briefly before concentrating on the stairs in front of her.

"Yeah, Sophie's doing good." The conversation starts to lull again, and she hates that she feels the need to fill silences that used to be perfectly normal between them. "Thanks for the microscope, it meant a lot to her."

It's the truth, Sophie had excitedly read her almost the entire instruction booklet in the car. Gail had no doubt she would read the rest to her when she saw her next.

"No problem." They're only three floors up, but Gail can already hear the slight breathlessness in Holly's voice.

"How are things with you?" Gail braces herself for the answer, and she knows Holly's not insensitive enough to mention her new girlfriend, but her mind immediately shoots to the prospect any way.

"Yeah, things are good." The answer remains short and Gail can't help frowning, because she knew this was how it had to be now, but she didn't have to like it. "And you?"

"Yeah, I mean I'm climbing nine flights of stairs for the second time today, and I haven't had lunch yet-" Gail realises she's ranting, and she quickly cuts herself off, because she _can't_ do that with Holly now. "But I'm good."

"You shouldn't skip meals Gail."

"When did you go from being my ex-girlfriend to my mother?" It's light and she means in as nothing more than a joke, but she regrets the choice of words instantly and doesn't need to turn around to know the expression on Holly's face. The other woman doesn't reply and Gail speaks out tentatively. "Too soon?"

"Yeah," Her voice sounds _sad_ and Gail almost has to physically restrain herself from turning around. "Just a bit."

They make the rest of the ascent in silence and Traci doesn't even try to hide the look of disappointment on her face when they enter the apartment in the same way.

She's barely even put the cases on the floor when she calls her over to the kitchen. "Hey Peck, can you take a look at this?" Gail steps over the fallen bookshelf and follows Traci inside. "Did you two talk?"

"Traci-"

The other woman doesn't let her finish and Gail drops down onto one of the kitchen chairs. "I mean you _have_ to talk to each other at some point Gail, you work together."

"She's seeing someone."

"Oh." She can hear Traci's phone vibrating against her hip, but she makes no move to answer it. "Since when?"

Gail can't help the way her voice snaps back at her. "I don't know." It's not something she's let herself think about, because she didn't _want _to know. Letting out a sigh, she apologises, because despite how infuriating it's been to have the other woman interfere, she knows Traci has just been trying to help. "She told me when I went to the lab last week."

"God." Traci seems just as stunned as she was, and the phone starts to vibrate again. This time she doesn't ignore it, and Gail watches her as she pulls it off her belt. "I've gotta take this."

"I am sorry Gail." Traci pauses to squeeze her shoulder on the way back out the room and Gail relaxes back into the chair.

Her and Holly were talking now, and things were better between them than they had been in weeks and Gail knows she should appreciate that. The more hopeful part of her thinks that maybe this is just the first steps towards their reconciliation.

The more realistic part of her knows that this is probably it for them now. Two people who used to date having awkward conversations at work whilst one of them refuses to move on.

* * *

The myth about police officers and doughnuts was entirely true, and Gail wasn't about to share the twelve in her hand with anyone. The previous day was still pressing on her mind, and she knew technically twelve doughnuts would only leave her feeling bloated _and_ depressed at the fit of her pants, but it would be worth it for the brief reprieve from her emotions they would offer.

After she left the kitchen Holly had stayed quiet, only speaking to answer Traci's questions before leaving without saying another word to her. It was meant to be a joke, and even if she didn't really think it through,_ at all_, Gail didn't think Holly would have had such a strong reaction to it.

She's only just made it back to her car, the box balancing precariously on her hand when her phone starts to vibrate against her thigh. Delicately pushing the box onto the roof she digs the phone out and quickly presses it to her ear.

"Peck?"

"Oliver?" With the phone pressing between her head and shoulder Gail opens the door.

"Gail, hey, hi," He doesn't wait for her to respond, barrelling straight into his request as she maneuvers herself and the doughnuts into the car. "Are you near the hospital?"

"Yep." There's no way she's telling him she's outside the best doughnut shop that side of the city though, and she carefully opens the box of her precious cargo on the passenger seat.

"Can you head over there and grab a statement for me?" She wants to let out a groan, because she had wanted to just spend her shift driving around, eating doughnuts and giving people traffic tickets.

Closing the lid on the box she pulls out her notebook. "Yeah, sure, who is it?"

"Rachel Freeman, thirty five year old female, she was caught up in a home invasion this morning." Holding the pen lid in her mouth Gail quickly scribbles down the information.

"She awake?"

"Yeah, yeah, took a knock to the head, but she's being released today." She hums as she finishes off her notes, quickly recapping her pen.

"I'll head over now."

* * *

The door to Rachel's side room is already open and Gail raps her knuckles on the door to get the attention of the woman sitting in the bed. "Hi, Rachel?" The woman looks up and Gail almost rolls her eyes, because of course, out of all the Rachel's in the world it would be _this_ Rachel.

"Gail?"

"Rachel," She can't help the tight smile that pulls across her lips and she keeps her voice quiet as she mutters to herself. "Of course, Rachel as in Holly's _friend_ Rachel."

"Small world huh?" Rachel looks at her sheepishly. The car was parked right next to the entrance, and all Gail wants is to turn back around and go eat half the doughnuts that are still sat on the passenger seat.

Sighing and going against all the instincts that tell her she should probably leave Gail walks further into the room. "Are you okay?"

"Headache, I think that's to do with the lamp I took to the head." Rachel grimaces and Gail takes in the injuries on her face.

"Yeah I can see." There's a patch of gauze tapped to her temple and Gail can already a bruise appearing around her left eye. Even her limited medical knowledge she knows the patch of purpling skin is going to be huge by the morning. "Are you okay to answer some questions? We can do it later if you want."

"No it's fine, should probably get this over with as soon as possible." Gail quickly reaches out to Rachel's bag before the other woman can, moving it from the seat next to the bed to make room for herself.

"Uh right," Flipping to the page with the other woman's details she tries to school her expression to look as calm and professional as possible. It didn't matter that Rachel was Holly's friend, and even though her heart _ached_ whenever she thought of the brunette, it didn't change the fact the other woman had been attacked in her own home. "So, what happened?"

"Okay," She watches as Rachel wipes her hands on the bedding beneath her, but the smile doesn't leave her face. "I'd been working a night shift, so I was sleeping through the day, erm I think it was a crash that woke me up?" She's nervous, and Gail can hear the slight waver to her voice.

"Do you know what time it was?"

"Yeah, it was 11:17." Rachel pauses as she writes it down, waiting for her to stop before continuing. "I thought it was the shelf falling off the wall, you know? It wouldn't be the first time, I'm not the _best_ at DIY." She laughs, but it's tense, and Gail watches as she rubs her hands against the bed again. "So I went out into the living room to check nothing was broken and they clocked me with the lamp."

"They were waiting for you?"

"I think so?" There's a pause, and Gail watches her as she blinks heavily her head lightly shaking. "I remember walking out the bedroom, the next thing I saw was the lamp coming towards my face," She moves her hands as if it's her swinging the lamp, and Gail waits for her as she tries to piece the events back together again. "And the I- Then I was waking up on the floor."

"Did you see who it was? Anything at all?"

"Not really, I saw the guys wrist, he was white, and had a yin yang tattoo, just here." She points to the small patch of skin that's covered by the medical tag. "He had a black t shirt on, but I was out before I could see anything else."

"Anyone hanging around the building recently? Anyone you didn't recognise?"

"No, I mean it's a _good_ neighbourhood, I can't even remember the last time there was a break in." She's smiling at her again, but Gail can see how wet her eyes have become.

She continues with her questioning anyway, gently probing at her to get all the details possible. It's unlikely they'll catch them, and Rachel's smart enough to know that herself. Despite the increasing shiver to the other woman's voice she doesn't break, and Gail lets her take her time answering each questions as she tries to remember what the man that hit her looked like.

"Hey, Gail."

She doesn't look up as she checks through all the text in front of her. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry about what happened." She looks up from her notes in confusion, because she's not sure what part of this should make Rachel apologise. "At the drinks we had?"

"I- It doesn't really matter any more."

"Lisa was out of line," The other woman pauses briefly, waiting until Gail looks her fully in the eye. "_Holly_ was out of line."

"Look, this isn't, I-" Standing up she starts to pull her jacket back on and she _knows_ this isn't her being entirely professional, but she's not ready to start discussing her failed relationship with Holly, _with _Holly's friends. "I'm not talking about this."

"Holly and Lisa they had a _bit_ of an argument after you left, they haven't spoken since." Rachel continue anyway, and Gail pauses at her words.

"What?" The information spins around in her mind. Gail knew they were close, Holly had told her as much when she was asking her to meet up with them. "Because of me." She points towards herself.

"You were a contribution, it's been coming for a while though. There used to be four of us," Gail sits back down again, and she's not entirely sure why. "Jess was Holly's closest friend in college, but the tension between her and Lisa after college was off the charts. Anyway, after one particularly vocal argument about Jess smothering Holly with her heterosexuality." Gail raises her eyebrow and Rachel just waves her off. "She refused to come out with us any more."

"Have you never had a friend like that?" Gail shakes her head in reply, because if Holly didn't get on with Lisa, she doesn't under why she would still be friends with her. "You know, not even when you were at school? The sort of person that you're only really friends with because they happen to be around a lot?"

"I-" Gail cuts herself off, because she's suddenly very aware that she was about to open up to the woman in front of her. "Maybe, I don't know, why are we even talking about this?"

"Because she's not over you." The statement steals her breath away and for a moment everything inside her seems to freeze.

"Yeah, I'm not really sure I want to talk about this." It's a reckless hope that she doesn't want and all Gail does want right now is the leave the hospital and ask someone else to take over the case. She's already on her feet, and searching through her coat pocket for her card to give to Rachel when she turns at the sound of running footsteps outside the room.

"Rachel are you okay?" Holly comes careering around the corner and before Gail move out the way she's already crashing into her. "Gail?!"

It's impossible, but it feels like Holly's hands are burning into her arms as she pushes back from her. Her wide brown eyes stare into her own and Gail can't stop hearing Rachel's words repeating over and over again.

Holly wasn't over her.

"I think we're finished up here." Gail turns back to Rachel, and she can feel her shoulders tensing. "If there's anything else you can remember, or you need, just let me know okay?" She continues to ignore Holly, and she can almost _feel_ her eyes burning into her back as she hands Rachel her card. "Have you got somewhere to stay tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm staying with Holly." The sound of Holly's name has her shoulders tensing further, and she takes a deep breath to steady herself before turning back around.

"Hi."

"Hi." The radio on her coat crackles and she almost kisses it as a request for assistance that goes out. "Squad 19, I'm at St Michaels, ETA of around five minutes, I'll need backup over."

It's silent for a moment before the dispatchers voice comes back over the radio again. "Suspect is armed, repeat suspect is armed."

The radio crackles again, and Gail ignores the way Holly's hands have started wringing together. "Squad 19," This time it's McNally's voice that comes over the radio. "We can be with you in five Peck, stay back on Richardson and we'll hit together."

"Copy that McNally." She's already out the room and practically jogging down the hallways before she can over think what she's doing.

Holly had a new girlfriend, she _had _moved on and Gail wasn't going to start interfering with that just because one of her friends _said _she wasn't over her.

"Gail!" She's barely opened her car door when Holly's voice echoing from behind her has her turning back around.

"Holly, I've got to go."

"I know, I know, I just," She's out of breath and Gail watches her nervously push her glasses back up her face. "Thank you, for looking after Rachel." She pauses, and Gail knows it's not really what she was trying to say. "And I- About yesterday, I didn't-" Her hands wring together again and Gail wants to give her the time to get whatever it is she's trying to say out, but she needs to leave. "I didn't mean to react the way I did, I _know_ you were just joking and I- I don't know, I'm sorry?"

It feels an awful lot like the time Holly came running into the station, with a case file for cover to see her. "I- Rachel's pretty shaken up Holly, you should be with her. I've- I've got to go."

"Right." The brunette takes a step back and Gail watches as she pushes the glasses back again. "Right, just, just be careful yeah?"

"This is what we do Holly, I'll be fine." There's a pause, and she knows it's just her imagination that Holly's eyes glance down at her lips, her body still far too close to hers and she _can't_ do this right now. Without another word she quickly slides into the car.

Holly stays watching her as she backs out of her space and Gail can't help pausing to stare back for a moment before driving away.

She was just getting used to the idea that maybe her and Holly could fabricate a semblance of a professional relationship and now everything was completely twisted on its head again. There was no reason for Rachel to have lied to her, but a part of her wished she hadn't said anything at all.

Holly wasn't over her, and Gail had no idea what she was meant to do with that information.

* * *

**A/N**: One thing I'm a bit unsure of at the moment is the pacing... Does it feel too quick? The end of the fic is in sight and I'm a bit cautious of 'racing' to the end. Thoughts and feelings are always appreciated.

Also, remember way back in chapter 17 when I said there were only ten chapter remaining? That was _clearly_ an underestimate! So many parts ended up over running... But... With the posting of this chapter it appears we'll be finishing on chapter 40... So, I was only 13 chapters out! Next chapter is a Holly POV and picks up straight after this one. (Spoiler: we're three chapters away from Fragments btw)


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N**: I struggled with this one a bit, then I went through an 'omg everything I've ever written is terrible' patch, then I kept rewriting bits, then I couldn't write a single word for a week after the Clexa fallout...

But I think I'm now as content with this chapter as I'm ever going to be, so here it is.

* * *

Standing there listening to Gail's radio, listening to the voice on the other end telling her the suspect was armed had caused an incomprehensible panic to start swirling in Holly's stomach. She knew this was what Gail did, she was a _police office_r and the chances were she had been on countless calls with armed suspects.

It didn't stop the worry though, and Holly didn't think she would ever forget the fear she felt all those months ago when she found out officers from Gail's division were being shot at. When _Gail_ had been shot at. Gail wasn't hers to worry about any more though. But Gail hadn't been hers to worry about back then either.

"Gail!" Holly struggles to catch her breath as she skids to a halt in front of the hospital doors, looking around desperately until she spots the blonde.

"Holly, I've got to go."

Quickly she moves to the side of Gail's car, the blonde slowly backing away from her and Holly hurries out her words. "I know, I know, I just," She pauses, her hand automatically going to her face to push her glasses back into place. "Thank you, for looking after Rachel."

It's not what she was trying to tell her, and Holly tries to unravel her racing thoughts. "And I- About yesterday, I didn't- I didn't mean to react the way I did, I know you were just joking and I- I don't know, I'm sorry?" Holly grimaces, because it's still not the apology she means to give her, and she wishes that Gail would stop going to dangerous call outs and making her panic so much. They could have spoken about this yesterday when they were on their own and making their way up nine flights of stairs. Instead she had let her mind run away from her after Gail had nonchalantly referred to her as her _ex_ girlfriend.

"I-" The blonde looks confused, her brows pinching together, and Holly can't really blame her, because not even she really understands, or wants to acknowledge exactly why she's followed her outside. "Rachel's pretty shaken up Holly, you should be with her. I've- I've got to go."

"Right," She's right, and Holly regrets not staying in Rachel's room long enough to find out if she was okay. "Right, just, just be careful yeah?" It sounds stiff, and she wants to say so much more.

"This is what we do Holly, I'll be fine." Holly's not sure what posses her, but her eyes flicker down to Gail's lips without her permission, and she has to bite her tongue to stop herself just blurting out something ridiculous and confusing the blonde even more. Before she can possibly make a bigger fool of herself Gail gets into her car without another word and Holly stays where she is. The cold nips at her hands as she watches Gail's car disappear from the hospital parking lot and it's not until the sound of the sliding doors opening behind her that she finally looks away.

Smiling at the couple leaving she makes her way back inside and Holly can already feel her guilt rising, because she hadn't even waited to see how Rachel was before she had bolted out the room after Gail. The blonde still had the ability to make her forget everything else that was happening around her, but this was her b_est friend_ and she knew she owed her more than that.

Cautiously she knocks on the door, smiling guiltily as Rachel beckons her in. "Rachel, hey."

"I wasn't sure you were coming back." Rachel's eyebrow raises in challenge and Holly seats herself next to the bed.

"I'm sorry. I just- I, I don't know." She trails off and the other woman shakes her head lightly.

"I think you _do_ know Holly."

Before she can reply there's another knock at the door and Holly's glad for the interruption. She's not really sure how she would have responded and she only half listens as the doctor starts talking to Rachel about her concussion.

Rachel was right though, because Holly did know, and it was pointless to keep trying to deny it. She did know why she chased after Gail. She knew why she always would chase after her.

* * *

They stay silent on the drive back to her house and Holly's grateful for the time it gives her to think.

She's not over Gail. Not even close, and her hands start to tremble on the steering wheel.

It's not a surprise, and Holly knows the thought has always been there, eating away at the back of her mind. All this time with Lindsey, and all this time trying to distance herself from the blonde, had just been her trying to prove to herself that it was over between them. Truly, if it had been working then Holly knew she wouldn't be reminding herself everyday that what she was doing was working. She wouldn't still be _thinking_ about Gail everyday.

She had waited for Gail, she _had_ tried, but the blonde had made no indication that she still wanted her. Lindsey had been safe, she had liked her back and made no attempt to hide that fact. Gail hadn't even looked at her at the Sam Finch crime scene. She had just wanted someone to want her, to not walk away from her, and Lindsey had given her that.

Remembering Lindsey's happy voice from the previous night suddenly made her feel sick. They were going to dinner in just a few days, their schedules finally lining up again for the first time in a week and Holly knew she couldn't put it off. She had to breakup with her.

Then she needed to speak to Gail. The thought of it terrified her, because despite Gail's apology Holly couldn't help wondering if now the blonde knew she had been dating someone else she would turn away from her again.

"Were work okay with you leaving early?" Rachel interrupts her from her thoughts, and Holly briefly takes her eyes off the road to see her studying expression.

"I- Um. I sort of left without telling them." She laughs and Holly smiles at the sound of it. "I had to call them from the car."

Act first and think of the consequences later was her normal approach when something happened to the people she loved. She still remembered the time her dad fell over and broke his arm. It wasn't until she was half way across the country that she thought to call the lab and tell them she had left. The same thing had happened when Gail called her to the hospital when her friends had been shot.

Rachel continues their idle chatter for the rest of the journey, and Holly lets her mind drift away from Gail. There was no doubt in her mind that Rachel would eventually make her talk about it, she had seen the pointed stare she had given her just before the doctor had come into the room at the hospital.

It's not until they reach her house that Holly realises if Rachel had been knocked out so soon after waking then she probably hadn't eaten anything. "Have you eaten today?"

The other woman confirms her suspicions, shaking her head gently as she gets out the car. "No, I was meant to be cooking myself Thai tonight..."

"Thai I can't do, leftover pasta?" Rachel nods at her before leaning back onto the car door as Holly collects her bag from the boot.

Holly watches Rachel carefully as she walks up the path to the front door, happy to see no extra sway in her steps. The doctor had said she was fine, that the concussion she had was minor and apart from her headache it was unlikely she would show any other symptoms. It didn't stop her from fussing her to the sofa to sit down whilst she heated up the pasta for her though.

"I'm not sure if it was the concussion, but that was great." Rachel smiles at her as Holly takes her empty plate.

"Admit it, you like my cooking." Walking away she dumps the plates into the sink, promising herself to wash it before the sauce dries completely.

"Not after you gave me food poisoning."

"In college Rachel!" Holly drops back down onto the sofa. The other woman laughs, and Holly studies her as she leans her head back over the sofa. The bruise on her eye was slowly swelling her face, and she knew before the end of the day she would need to ice it again. "How are you feeling?"

"Headache," Rachel puts her hand up, effectively interrupting her before she could offer her any painkillers "Which is fine."

"And about what happened?" She keeps her voice as gentle as possible, back at the hospital the other woman hadn't wanted to talk about what happened, and Holly wasn't sure if she was ready to open up yet.

"It happened." Rachel lifts her head from the cushion, and it's impossible for her to miss the tears that start welling in her eyes. She shakes her head, giving her a strained smile. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Yeah sure, of course." Nodding her head Holly has more than a sneaking suspicion that she's about to be questioned about Gail, and part of her wishes she had necked some of the bourbon in the cupboard.

"Have you heard anything about San Francisco?" The question surprises her and Holly leans forwards, her elbows resting on her thighs as her fingers run at her temples. She's not sure if she would have preferred Rachel jumping straight in and asking her about Gail instead.

Closing her eyes, she focuses on the fingers rubbing against her skin as she feels the beginnings of her own headache. "Yeah, Dr Brackman called."

"Oh?" She can hear the curiosity in Rachel's voice.

"I got the job." It feels strange to say it out loud, and she opens her eyes again, looking back at Rachel's now beaming face.

"Holly!" Her eyes widen in further with excitement. "That's incredible, why didn't you tell me?"

"I- I only found out yesterday, and I-" She pauses briefly, because she hasn't said yes to him and she knows that the confession is going to open up a conversation about Gail when she admits it to the other woman. "I haven't said yes yet."

"What?"

"I told him I needed to think about it-" Rachel's cutting her off before she has the chance to finish, her leg crossing underneath herself as she leans in closer to her.

"Holly, what's there to think about?"

Holly let out a sigh, because despite applying for the job, she had never expected to actually be offered the position. Leaving for San Francisco would mean leaving her whole life behind. Her friends, her parents, Lindsey. It would mean leaving Gail behind for good. Professionally she couldn't have asked for a better offer. Personally she had thought escaping Toronto was the best for her own well being. Then Gail had to go and apologise, and had to go and give her _hope_. She had been trying to decipher what to do when Gail had found her in the stairwell the previous day.

"Gail apologised to me." Rachel looks at her expectantly, and Holly has to swallow back the lump that's suddenly appeared in her throat. "You know, about how she acted after we split up." She pauses again, lowering her hands to nervously pick at her nails. "She wanted to get back together, but I told her I was with Lindsey."

"Holly..." The sympathy in Rachel's voice is impossible to miss, and Holly smiles down at her thigh as the other woman's hand moves to squeeze it. "I thought things were going well with Lindsey?" She knows Rachel's only probing her to say how she's feeling out loud, because she _knows_ the other woman is aware of her feelings for Gail.

"I think I could love her," Looking up at Rachel, she smiles sadly. "Eventually."

The other woman seems to understand, nodding her head. "But you can't whilst you're still in love with Gail."

"I was meant to be over her." Tears are already gathering in her eyes and she quickly blinks them away. "And then I saw her again and now, I don't know, it shouldn't feel like this any more."

"Our little Holly's all grown up." Rachel's hand squeezes her thigh again and Holly can't help laughing cheerlessly.

"Hardly, God." Sniffling she shakes her head. "Is this really what _you_ want to talk about?"

"It's this or how attractive that doctor at the hospital was." This time Holly does laugh, because Rachel was well aware of what the symptoms of concussion were, and exactly what it was she needed to do about them. She hadn't let on to the doctor though, and Holly had rolled her eyes when Rachel had made him repeat his advice to her. "Holly, it's great that you're finally admitting this, but you can't," Rachel pauses, lightly tapping her fingers against Holly's knee for a few moments. "You can't put your life on hold for her and you _can't_ keep doing this to Lindsey Holly."

"I know," It's barely a whisper and she sees the disbelieving look Rachel gives her. "I_ know_, but I'm not breaking up with her over the phone Rachel." Between Lindsey's shifts at the bar and the batting cages diner, and her own shifts at the lab there had been little time to see each other. "I'm seeing her on Friday."

"And then?" She doesn't say Gail's name, but Holly knows that's exactly what she's asking.

"Then I speak to Gail-" The sound of the doorbell interrupts her.

"Were you expecting someone?" Rachel sounds as confused as she feels and Holly shakes her head.

"No." Standing she presses her eye to the peep-hole on the front door, immediately stepping back in shock. "What the hell."

"Who is it?" A hint of worry creeps into Rachel's voice, but Holly ignores it as she opens the door to see Lisa standing on the door step.

"Hi." Lisa raises her free hand, the other holding onto a gift bag with three balloons attached to it. The wind catches them slightly and Holly reads the words "Get", "Well" and "Soon" as each balloon spins. Before she can speak Lisa holds her hand out in front of her. "I know, okay, I know you don't want me here, but I heard about Rachel, is she here?"

"Yeah, she's inside." Holly leans into the door frame her mind still trying to catch up with how un-Lisa like Lisa currently looks.

"Is she _okay_?" She thinks about answering her with a short and simple 'she's fine' and shutting the door on the other woman.

"You could have just called Lisa."

"Yeah, yeah I know, I wanted," She looks lost, and Holly can't remember ever seeing Lisa look so uncomposed before. "I wanted to apologise as well."

Lisa didn't apologise. Ever. In all their years of friendship, all the times she had called her out and told her to stop acting like an ass, she had _never_ apologised afterwards. She could still just close the door, Holly knew she had the right to after everything Lisa had done, but she could be leaving soon, she could leave it too late to ever hear Lisa's apology.

"Then, why don't you come in and ask her yourself." Pushing the door fully open Holly steps away from the door frame to free the way for the other woman, because if Gail could change, if _she _could change, then who was she to deny Lisa the same chance.

* * *

**A/N**: I'm not sure you'll all agree with Holly waiting to breakup with Lindsey in person, but I'm never a fan of phone breakups, and Holly owes it to her really. That was also the last appearance of Rachel and Lisa in YA(S)I. I felt like giving Lisa the chance at redemption, whether she takes it or ends up falling into her old habits again... I'll leave it up to your imagination. Live long and prosper ladies.

Thank you for reviewing, I'm relieved the pacing isn't feeling rushed!


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N**: Turns out it was the complete opposite and Holly breaking up in person is okay with you guys! To the guest who was worried about misunderstandings... Don't! Interruptions on the other hand? You should totally worry about them ;)

This chapter picks up with Gail the day after the previous chapter, aka Moving Day.

* * *

Reluctantly Gail raises her hand to ring the doorbell of her childhood home, the small movement making her back twinge again. Going to her parents for dinner, after moving half a ton of someone elses belongings, was the exact opposite of what she wanted to be doing.

She catches Steve rocking on his feet besides her, his eyes looking down at his watch. "Right on time."

"Yeah just _watch_ that's not going to save us this _time_." Gail cringes at the words as they leave her mouth, she can't even _remember_ the last time she used a pun, let alone two in a row.

"Puns really?" He raises his eyebrows at her in disbelief. "That's a whole new level of nervous. Worried she's going to bring up Holly?" Despite the muscles in her arm protesting against it, Gail hits his arm with the back of her hand. She's about to tell him to shut up when the door opens, their mothers presence immediately halting the squabble before it can even fully begin.

"Both the prodigal children return," Gail lets out a sigh at Elaine's greeting, and she hears Steve do the same. "And both of them dateless." She's smiling at them both, and Gail has to resist rolling her eyes, because she's sure her mum 's been sitting on that jab all afternoon.

"Hi mum." Steve leans in and kisses their mothers cheek handing her a bottle of wine on the way past, and Gail quickly follows behind him.

"Where's dad?" Gail hangs her coat on the wall and looks around the hallway, waiting for their dad to walk out and greet them.

"He's going to be late home, so it's just the three of us tonight." She could have called it off, or at least postponed it and Gail really wishes she had, because she wants nothing more than to lie down and let her aching muscles relax.

Walking through to the dining room she ignores all the awkward childhood photos that are stuck to the wall. It's impossible, but every time they visit it feels like there's even _more_ of them covering the bare brick, and Gail can't even remember half of them being taken.

"Wow." Gail stops short in the doorway, staring at the food spread out along the table. There's more food than when their dad _is_ there. "Why is there so much food?" Suddenly she's nervous, because this wouldn't be the first time her mother has invited unknown guests to their dinners in an attempt to set her and Steve up with a 'suitable' partner.

"I was _hoping_ you and your brother were joking when you both said you had broken up with your _partners_." The emphasis on the word isn't missed by Gail. Elaine settles herself into her seat and Gail feels like a child again as their mum looks pointedly at both of them. "Clearly I was wrong."

"Here we go." Her brother says it so quietly she barely hears him and he steps towards the table holding his hands up in surrender. "Look mum, Gail was just scared-" Gail's mouth drops open in shock as he tries to deflect the attention away from himself.

"I was not scared," It's not quite the truth, and she's long past accepting that being with Holly _had_ scared her. "Steve was spying on Traci's ex."

Elaine doesn't need to say anything, her eyes darting between the two of them and Gail _hates_ it, because every time it makes her feel like she's twelve years old again. "I was not spying, it was intel."

"Yeah, on a case that wasn't even open." Gail winces as Elaine lets out an awkward cough.

"I did _not_ hear that." Her mums eyes drill into her and Gail feels guilty, because that's not something her mum should be hearing, especially with her position. It's also not something she should be sharing when Steve told her in confidence. "Sit."

Both of them sit in there respective seats and Gail's back protests as the high backed chair forces her posture. Silently they both reach for the food, and Gail feels her stomach twist with hunger as she starts spooning the potatoes onto her plate.

"Now, Gail," Elaine's voice interrupts her and she pauses her movements. "When are you going to apply for a detectives position?"

Gail wants to smack her head onto the table and she takes a deep breath as she tries to think of the best way to deflect the woman's attention back to Steve.

* * *

Seeing her mum the night before had been enough for Gail to not want to get out of bed that morning. She knew if it wasn't for the promise she had made Sophie to visit her she would have still been curled up in bed until at least ten minutes before her shift was due to start that afternoon.

Quietly Gail walks the familiar route through the children's centre towards the playground, pausing along the way to look at the drawings pasted along the wall. It doesn't take her long to find the one she's looking for, the one of her and Sophie on the swings and she smiles. For possibly the hundredth time Gail wishes she could whisk Sophie away to stay with her, that she could adopt the little girl as her own. Sophie's never asked, never even hinted at wanted Gail to adopt her and truthfully she's not sure how she would answer if the girl _did_ ask her.

Letting her eyes drop from the scribbled drawing Gail continues outside, instantly finding Sophie sat on the swings. Sophie waves at her from her seat, and whilst her spine is thankful, she's still disappointed that the little girl doesn't run to greet her as usual. Slowly she walks over, mindful of the wet grass beneath her feet.

"Hi." Taking a seat on the swing next to Sophie, Gail studies the sad expression on her face.

"Hi." Her little voice is smaller than its ever been and Gail can't help frowning.

"Hey," Gently moving her swing, she bumps herself into Sophie's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

She watches curiously as Sophie visibly swallows and her shoes dig into the ground. "There's a man and lady that want to adopt me."

"Oh." A cold feeling washes over her, and she knows it's _wrong_, because this is good news. It feels so _soon_ though, and she can't imagine how Sophie must feel about it. "Did you not like them?"

Sophie shakes her head, staring at the ground for a few moments before talking. "No, they were nice."

Gail lets the silence drag on, waiting for the little girl to open up to her in her own time. As her feet start to kick at the ground again Gail lightly bumps her shoulder again. "Is it your mum?"

Finally Sophie turns to look at her, and the uncertainty in her eyes in unmissable. "Kinda."

"Are you worried you'll forget about her?" It's a guess and Sophie shakes her head in response and Gail almost lets out a gasp when she sees tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"Would I have to call them mum and dad?" It feels like her heart is breaking and Gail stands up to squat in front of her.

"Oh sweetie." Reaching out she pulls the girl into a hug as she drops a kiss onto the top of her head. "You don't have to call them anything you don't want to."

"Really?" She lets Sophie pull back from her, and she looks up at her with a hopefully expression.

"Yeah, really." Grabbing her nose lightly between her thumb and finger Gail wiggles it. "Or I'll put them in jail." A smile breaks out across Sophie's face and she wriggles back until her nose is free again, finally letting out a giggle.

"Mr Healy is a doctor, and Mrs Healy works in a museum." If Sophie really did want to move into the sciences Gail knew a doctor would be a great influence. As for the museum, she can't even imagine how excited Sophie would be if Mrs Healy took her behind the scenes to see everything they kept in storage.

Standing up she walks behind Sophie and gently pushes her. "That sounds cool."

"Yeah, she said we could visit it soon." Gail smiles, at the happy lilt to the girls voice. She can still hear the worry there, and she knows Sophie isn't just worried about having to call her adoptive parents mum and dad. As pushes Sophie she looks around for her case worker, waving at her when she finally spots her. Gail's certain it's not the norm, but before she leaves for her shift she makes a mental note to ask to meet Mr and Mrs Healy, because if she can't adopt Sophie, then she wants to makes sure the best family possible does.

* * *

"Medical examiner's outside." Gail doesn't know the name of the officer that's just walked past her, but she lets out a sigh of relief and a mutter of 'finally' as she walks towards the front door. They were late, and Gail had spent too much time standing over the dead body of a stab victim because of it.

She freezes the moment she opens the door though. After spending so long _not_ seeing Holly at crime scenes, it feels like every scene she's been to since her apology to Holly has seen the brunette turning up. Gail watches her silently for a moment as the brunette leans down and sorts through one of the bags at her feet.

All she could hear in her head were Rachel's words from a couple of days prior.

Holly isn't over her. It's not that she hasn't wanted to think about what that could possibly mean for them. It's more the knowledge that even if Holly wasn't over her, she still has a girlfriend and Gail isn't going to be the one that breaks that up. It still stung to think about what happened between Andy and Nick, and even if she doesn't know who it is Holly's seeing, she knows they don't deserve to be on the end of that pain. She also knows that just because Holly isn't over her, it doesn't mean she isn't _getting_ over her.

Pushing forwards she walks to where the brunette is still squatting down. "Hey."

"Gail, hi." The first thing Gail notices is how nervous Holly looks, and she almost reaches out to grab her arm when she stands up too quickly. It's intense, the stare between them, and Gail can't help wondering if Rachel had the same conversation with Holly as well.

"Erm," Quickly she tries to rack her brains for a neutral topic. "How's Rachel, she hasn't called?"

"Yeah, yeah Rachel's doing good, her eyes pretty bruised, but she's good." There's a pause, and Gail almost wants to ask Holly if what Rachel said was true before the brunette finally continues. "She's cleaning up her apartment with Lisa-"

"Lisa?" She didn't mean to interrupt, but Rachel made it sound like they were glad to have her out of their lives. A worry starts to form in her mind, because she didn't _think_ Rachel was messing with her, she didn't seem like the type of woman that would, but if she had lied about Lisa-

"Yeah, she apologised and she bought balloons. It was weird. I was worried she was having a break down or a stroke or something." Gail laughs and relaxes slightly. She can't help thinking that this was just another reminder of how understanding Holly was and how understanding she would have been if Gail had just told her how scary she was finding their relationship "How did the, the _thing_ on Wednesday go?"

It takes a moment for her to remember what happened after the hospital that afternoon. "It was fine, no one was shot, which was, you know, good." Silence descends between them again and before she even realises it Gail moves her hand to the base of the her back, her fingers pressing against the muscles through her jacket.

"You okay?"

"Hmmm, yeah, fine, pulled a muscle moving furniture yesterday." Holly looks at her questioningly and she quickly continues. "We had to empty out an apartment complex, I helped someone move."

"Wow."

"I already regret it." A smile pulls across Holly's face. "The body, it's through here." Pointing towards the hallway, she moves to hold the door open for Holly.

Gail lets the brunette work in peace, watching her silently as she moves the body on the floor. She's not sure how long they stay like that, but before she knows it Holly's taking off her gloves and standing up again. "I think that's everything we're going to get here, we'll know more after the autopsy."

The brunette takes another couple of photos, before her eyes dart around the mess on the floor. "Are you okay with this now?" Gail's not sure what Holly's referring to and her heart stalls at the thought she could be talking about _them_. Holly looks back at her, apparently reading the confusion on her face with ease. "I mean, with the glass?"

Gail looks at the floor around them, shards of what she assumes was once a glass vase scattered across the wood. When she looks back at Holly the other woman's eyes are still staring into her own. "I'm still getting used to it, it still," She pauses and she knows that Holly understands this isn't _just_ about the glass. "It still scares me, but it's better than it was, I understand it now."

A movement on the panelling of the stair case next to them catches her attention. There's a light, and she moves forwards slightly, because the rest of the wood panelling is sealed, so there shouldn't be anything there. Pressing her finger against the panel she watches as it bends in slightly under the weight of her finger.

"Hey Gail," She hums in response, because she's only half listening as she tries to figure out where the light is coming from. "Can we- can we talk?"

Gail looks up in shock, and she's about to respond when the panelling is suddenly bursting open next to her. She doesn't have time to process the fact someone was hiding _right_ next to her for the past hour, because the man that had just pushed through the now open door under the staircase was careering towards Holly.

She's launching herself at him before he can make it even two steps towards the brunette, her body slamming into the side of his. There's a brief moment of stillness after the initial impact, and out the corner of her eye she spots his legs tangling with the dead body underneath them. The next moment she's falling, her head cracking painfully against something as they sprawl into the next room.

"Gail!" Holly sounds scared and Gail only chances a quick glance behind her to make sure the brunette is okay. She can't be sure there isn't anyone else in the room the man was hiding in and she's thankful to hear Holly shouting for help as she turns her attention back to the struggling man underneath her.

"Stay down!" Bending his arm behind his back she presses her weight onto him as she reaches for her handcuffs on autopilot. His movements are sluggish, at least she thinks they are, because her vision is already starting to swim from the impact her head took.

There's suddenly movement all around her and her head is _spinning_, but she just about recognises Dov dragging the man to his feet as she sits back on the floor.

"Gail, you're bleeding." Holly's panicked voice comes from above and Gail lifts her hand to swipe her fingers against the skin where her head throbs the most. It's wet and as she brings her hand away she sees the blood that she could now feel lightly dripping down the side of her face.

"Ow."

"Let me look." Holly's suddenly kneeling in front of her, her hands pressing against the sides of her faces as she tilts it up into the light. "Yeah, that's gonna need a couple of stitches."

Closing her eyes at the feel of Holly's skin on hers Gail lets out a heavy sigh. "There's going to be so much paper work for this."

"That's what you're worried about?" Traci's voice has her opening her eyes again, and she looks past Holly's worried face to see Traci standing over her with a towel in her hand. Gail takes it from her, resisting the urge to push it straight to the cut on her head until Holly's finished looking at it.

"It's already making my head hurt."

"No," She focuses back on Holly's face as the brunette moves her hands up her face, and Gail can barely contain a shiver at the contact. The brunettes brows knit together slightly before she continues. "I think that might have been where you hit the door frame with it."

"Oh." She winces as Holly pushes down on the skin around the cut. "Yeah, that could do it."

"Are you okay to stand up?" The second Gail nods her head she regrets it, her head pounding at the first nod forwards.

"Ow, okay, no to nodding, yes to standing up."

Holly's hand holds onto her arm and Gail rests her weight on it to help leverage herself up. They stand there for a moment, Holly's hand still holding onto her arm as she looks back at Traci. "I'll take her over to the hospital."

"Hey, no, Holly I'm fine, you have a dead body to look at..." Gail lets her voice tapper off when she sees the way Holly is staring at her, and she can't remember _ever_ seeing Holly angry, but she thinks this is close enough to it.

She tries to ignore the knowing look on Traci's face as the other woman talks to Holly. "You happy for the body to moved over to the lab?"

"Yeah, I'd just finished up, I'll get Leroy to push it through tonight." Gail feels exactly like she did the night before, and it's not fair that both her mother _and_ Holly can make her feel like a scolded child.

"Thanks Holly." Traci ducks down slightly until she's in Gail's eye line the other woman's hand gripping onto her free arm to push the towel up to her head. "I'll see you back at the station?"

"Yeah, just stop shouting at me." She winces as the material makes contact with the wound, and Gail really hopes the towel's from Traci's car and not the ridiculous house they're in.

"Headache?" Holly looks worried, and Gail's surprised she hasn't pulled out a little torch to shine in her eyes yet.

"I just hit my head on a door frame, yeah, I've got a headache." It's harsher than she intents, but Holly and Traci just smile at her anyway.

"Good luck with that." Traci points towards her as she walks away, and if it didn't feel like a Russian army was marching through her head she probably would have thrown a retort at Traci. Possibly involving her brother just to substantiate how annoying the other woman was being.

It's not just the headache that stops her, because as she goes to move she's suddenly very aware that Holly's hands are still gripping around her arm. She's also suddenly very aware that just before the door under the stair had interrupted them Holly had wanted to them to talk. Her heart stutters in her chest and Holly looks at her with worry as she stumbles forwards, because she has no idea if she's ready for the conversation they're bound to have.

* * *

**A/N**: I couldn't face watching Gail's dads scenes in season six (or any of season six again for that matter...), so rather than get him horribly OOC I cut him. Sorry Papa Peck, maybe in the next story.

The next chapter contains some of the Golly content from Exit Strategy, but I've straight up dropped the actual Exit Strategy story. Considering Chris is back from rehab, that's 28 days between Moving Day and Exit Strategy (and that's _at least,_ because I highly doubt he came out of rehab and went straight back to work without any kind of 'fit for work' assessment...) The timeline is season five is a mess... Seriously... Poor Marlo must have been pregnant for like a year before she had that child...


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N**: Ah, and when I said I'd dropped the Exit Strategy story line last chapter, what I actually meant was the Fragments story line... I got my episode titles confused!

As always, thank you so much for still reviewing this, it amazes me that people have stuck with this for so long, so thank you :)

* * *

"Aren't you meant to get preferential treatment?" Squinting her eyes Holly looks up at the hospitals admissions counter again, hoping one of the receptionist would finally sense her glaring and call Gail's name.

They had been waiting two hours, and Holly was minutes away from tapping her foot in irritation. Gail had been swept away into a side room as soon as they had entered the hospital, and Holly had assumed that Gail's uniform would mean she was about to be moved straight onto a ward to have the cut on her head stitched. Instead the blonde had emerged ten minutes later with a new bandage stuck to her forehead and a set of forms to fill in whilst they waited to be seen.

Two hours ago.

"Hmm?" Gail's eyes remain closed, her head still resting against the wall behind her. The only indication Holly had that the blonde hadn't been sleeping for the past half an hour was the tapping of her own foot.

"You know, as a police officer?"

"Probably." The doors into the waiting area open again and Gail's eyes open. Holly recognises the man that walks through them, he had been calling patients through for the past hour and she couldn't help feeling hopefully that may it was Gail's turn. "Ugh, I think I arrested his son. Or dated him. I can't remember."

There's an immediate flash of worry in Holly's mind. If Gail was having trouble with her memory then maybe she hit her head harder than Holly realised. She's about to stand up and wave down the man, possibly demand that he see Gail now when the blonde grabs onto her arm to stop her. "That was a _joke_. My memory's fine Holly."

"I didn't-"

"Yes you did." Holly's face flushes, and she's glad that Gail's already shut her eyes again. "God, I'm so bored."

"Do you know what I do when I'm bored?" Pushing her hand in her pocket, Holly pulls out her phone, ready to open Candy Crush to entertain the blonde next to her.

"Yeah, you process finger prints." Gail pulls a face, and Holly's surprised that Gail knows that about her, she can't remember even telling her that. It is an oddly calming activity though. There's a quiet simplicity that dusting for prints offers her, even if it does technically fall outside her remit as a medical examiner to take prints from anything other than a human body.

"Okay, other than the finger prints." A hum is all she gets in response, but the creasing of Gail's brow tells her the blonde is thinking of an answer.

The whole situation feels odd to her. It feels like before everything happened and Holly knows this moment might not last, that they're just in some strange hospital induced bubble that will fade away as soon as they leave again. She'll take advantage of it whilst she can though, because she _knows _they still have to talk, and she only managed to get half way through asking Gail if they could talk when they had been interrupted by the man hiding under the stairs.

When she asked Gail about the glass she hadn't expected the blonde to look at her so pointedly. Gail was scared. She was still scared and Holly wanted nothing more than to ask the blonde next to her to explain why and to tell her if there was still a chance for them to make it.

"Writing one of your articles about, what was the last one? Cardiovascular degeneration?" Holly's attention snaps back to Gail and she feels her eyes widen, because even though Gail would sit and listen to her talk about her latest research, Holly knew the blonde didn't find the subject particularly easy to follow. Really, Holly didn't think that Gail had actually listened at all. "Wait, no, was it the one about the lungs?"

"You remembered..." Holly's voice is quiet and even she can hear the awe in her tone.

Gail lets out a short laugh. "Well yeah, after the third night in a row of you talking about it, I mean seriously the word animated doesn't even half way cover how excited you were getting about it, I did some research of my own." Holly creases her brow, because whilst she can believe Gail might have actually been listening to her, she can't believe _that_. Gail blinks her eyes open again and shrugs upon seeing her expression. "Well, I read about it on Wikipedia, eventually ended up on a page about shotguns, so it was worth it."

Holly smiles, because some things about Gail apparently haven't and probably never will change.

"Gail Peck." Holly's on her feet instantly, rushing Gail to stand as well, because her name is being called and Holly doesn't want to risk anyone taking the blondes place.

She freezes as she starts to usher the blonde towards the doctor though. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

"Yeah, someone has to make sure they don't mess the stitches up." Gail shrugs her response as she walks towards the double doors that the man is holding open for them.

"Thank you." The man leads them through to the ward, and they follow in silence as he directs them through to a side room.

"A doctor will be with you in a moment." He leaves them again and Gail hops onto the bed at the side of the room.

"By the way, I stitch up dead people Gail, this-" Lifting her hand Holly indicates in the general direction of the blondes head. "Isn't quite the same thing."

Holly smiles at Gail as the other woman just cocks her head. "Tomato Potato."

A short laugh bubbles past her lips before Holly can swallow it down, and she shakes her head at the blonde. "That's literally two different things."

"Head injury Holly."

"Miss Peck I assume?" Another man is at the door, interrupting them before Holly has the chance to reply. At the nod of Gail's head he continues into the room, a silver trolley in tow behind him. "Or should I say Officer Peck?"

A smile pulls across his face, white teeth glaring out from behind the well groomed beard that adorns his face.

"Lord and saviour Peck is fine." Holly barely manages to keep a straight face as the doctor looks at Gail completely perplexed.

Despite what she's sure Gail wants her to do, Holly doesn't stand over the doctor and watch him stitch Gail's head shut. She does stay in the room though, making herself comfy in the chair in the corner watching as he washes the cut and stitches the skin back together again.

"There we go, that," Gently he applies another bandage over the top of the stitches. "Should heal up nicely. Now," He shines a light in Gail's eyes and Holly smiles as the blonde tries to flinch away from it. "Any nausea, or any headaches at all?"

"No."

"She has a headache." Gail glares at her from her seat on the bed and the doctor nods his head as he starts writing in the folder he had brought in with him.

"Take this." He tries to hand Gail the folder. "You're going to need a scan."

"What? Seriously?" Sitting on her hands Gail shuffles her body back away from the doctors outstretched hand. "Oh come on, doc, can I call you doc?"

"Actually I prefer-"

"Doc, I have been here _hours_, I am not about to drop dead, so just sign the release form thing and let me go?" Technically Holly knew Gail could walk out whenever she pleased, but she's not about to inform the blonde of that and by the look on the doctors face he wasn't either.

Taking pity on the doctor Holly stands up and takes the folder from his hand. "Second corridor on the right, all the way to the bottom, waiting room is on the left." Holly almost lets out a groan when he mentions another waiting room, because she would rather be anywhere but another waiting room. It's a Friday night though, so she can understand why they're busy, she just wishes they weren't or that Gail's uniform would get her bumped up the list at least.

"Come on." Holly takes Gail's coat from the bed and leads her out the room, following the doctors directions until they arrive in the empty waiting area.

It's then that the spell of the evening breaks, because there's a clock on the wall. There's a clock on the wall that tells her it's half an hour past the time she was meant to be meeting Lindsey at the bar.

"Oh God." The exclamation falls from her lips unbidden.

"Hmm?" She can see Gail looking at her out the corner of her eye as she continues to stare at the ticking seconds on the clock.

As the hand reaches the twelve again she quickly blinks away from the time to look at Gail.

"I've- Gail I need to go. I- There's something- I-" Despite her best attempts at getting a full explanation out Holly stutters to a stop, because how is she meant to tell Gail that she was going to meet Lindsey, to break up with her to try and salvage a relationship between the two of _them_.

"Hey, Holly, it's okay, go." She's torn, because she wants to talk to Gail, she wants to spend more time with her to try and figure out if there's anything left between them. But she _needs_ to see Lindsey, and it's not fair that she's already trying to pursue something with Gail when Lindsey sat in a bar waiting for her.

"Holly." Gail's voice breaks her thoughts, and she looks at her helplessly. "Whatever it is, go. I'll call Steve, he can pick me up."

Leaving Gail in the hospital doesn't feel right, but leaving Lindsey waiting at the bar doesn't feel right either and Holly's thoughts start racing at how she can possibly make all of this right.

"We can-" The blonde stops short, her hands fumbling over each other nervously. "What you said at the house, I would." Holly blinks a couple of times, trying to decipher what the blonde is telling her. "Talk, I would like to talk about... Everything. If you still want to?" She tacks the last part on quickly and Holly's already nodding her head.

"God, yeah, I would." Taking a deep breath Holly can already feel some of the tension leave her body already and she's only partially aware that the minutes are still ticking by as she stares at Gail.

"This is the part where you go Holly." The other woman's hand rises slightly, pointing in the direction they had just come from.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, now go before I call security."

Holly's not sure what they do now, how do they even say goodbye after spending so much time together after so much time apart. In the end Gail makes the decision for her and takes the coat that's still in Holly's grip away from her before physically turning Holly around the other way and giving her a small shunt back the way they had just come.

* * *

Holly's practically hyperventilating by the time she reaches the bar, her running feet halting outside the door as she tries to control her breathing again. She's still in the same clothes she was wearing at the hospital, and even running from the car park isn't enough to air out the clinging smell of the hospital.

She spots Lindsey at one of the tables instantly, and she quickly makes her way across the crowded room to reach her. "Oh God Lindsey, I'm so sorry."

"An hour Holly." Lindsey's arms cross and Holly doesn't sit down, her hands pulling at the sleeves of her coat as she tries to catch her breath.

"I know, I know, I was at a crime scene, it was near the end of my shift, the scene wasn't cleared properly-" Her rambling is cut off by Lindsey.

"Holly I have no idea what that means."

Taking a deep breath Holly tries to calm herself down a notch. "There was someone still there."

"What? Are you okay?" Lindsey's voice rises in panic and Holly watches as her eyes start scanning her face.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, Gail she-" Holly stops short, her eyes closing as she realises the mistake she's made.

"Gail..." The sound of completely exasperation drips into Lindsey voice, a stark contrast to the panic it held before.

Opening her eyes again Holly pushes on. "She hit her head when she tackled him." She forces herself to keep looking at Lindsey. "I, I took her to the hospital."

"And that's where you've been."

It's not a question, just a statement of fact, but Holly nods her head anyway. "I'm sorry."

"And you couldn't just call me?" Holly can already hear the unmistakable tone of anger that's started to seep into Lindsey's voice.

"I'm-"

Lindsey's cutting her off before she can continue, the anger continuing to rise. "You're sorry, I get it Holly, but if it was anyone else would _you_ have taken them?"

"I," She wants to argue back, she wants to defend herself, because before all else Gail was her friend. At least she had been, and truthfully Holly didn't have the energy to try and figure out exactly where it is her and Gail stood with each other at the moment. Potentially still being Gail's friend isn't the reason she took her to the hospital though and Holly takes in a deep breath. "No."

Silence settles between them, and Holly wants to kick herself for putting Lindsey through this. She had promised Rachel, she had promised _herself _that nobody would get hurt, that her relationship with Lindsey was just casual. Yet she's still standing here watching as tears start to gather in Lindsey's eyes.

"Why did you ask me out tonight Holly?" She sounds resigned, and Holly wants to apologise again, because she knows Lindsey's figured out what's happening.

"I haven't been fair to you..." Holly takes in a steadying breath, willing herself to continue. "I thought I could move on with you, I thought-"

"You thought you could use me to get over your ex?" The anger is back in Lindsey's voice again and Holly can't help flinching.

"No, Lindsey, that's not what happened." It's the truth, she never wanted to use Lindsey, she _wanted _to move on with her and she never wanted to hurt her. "I didn't use you Lindsey, I wanted to be with you, I wanted to move on with you, I thought I was ready to..."

The other woman visibly blinks back the tears in her eyes and Holly can feel her own eyes starting to water. "When I asked you if you were over her you said yes Holly."

"I thought I was." Her voice is quiet, and Holly's surprised Lindsey can hear it over the noise of the bar. "I tried to convince myself that I was."

Holly doesn't try to stop the other woman as she starts to put on her coat "Does she know you're leaving?"

Swallowing down the lump in her throat Holly replies quietly again. "No."

Lindsey shakes her head and Holly thinks she can hear the sound of a faint bitter laugh under her breath. "Goodbye Holly." She looks at her one final time before ducking her head and walking away from the table.

Holly knows better than to go chasing after her when she walks out the bar. She's about to leave herself when she feels her phone vibrating in her pocket and her heart almost stops when she sees the name of the person that's messaged her.

**Gail**: They let me go, thanks for staying with me

* * *

By the time Monday morning creeps up on her Holly's a nervous wreck of energy. She had spent the whole weekend going over what she wanted to say to Gail, filling up a whole notebook with notes and plans on how and when to say what.

The first step of her plan was easy. Go to the lab and pick up the case file she had been working on before she was called out on Friday. Step two was easy too, she needed to go to the station and find Gail.

It's not spontaneous like the first time, when she had panicked and rushed to the police station with a half cocked plan to make sure Gail was safe. That had been weeks ago, before she even thought there was a chance of them being together. It had an odd nostalgic feel to it though, which was exactly why Holly was choosing to do it. Except this time instead of kissing each other senseless Holly was going to invite Gail to dinner and then leave. That was step three.

Step four was the part that made her heart palpitate. _If_ Gail said yes to dinner, then step four was for them to talk. Her notes covered everything from what she was going to cook, to how many times she was going to apologise and whether she was going to tell Gail she still loved her before or after they had finished eating. They covered whether to tell her about Lindsey, and the thought made her heart ache again, because she couldn't help remembering the broken look in the other woman's eyes that she had caused.

Step one of the plan was already complete, and step two was over quicker than anticipated when Holly spots Gail as soon as she walks through the doors of the station. Quickly she hurries down the corridor after her. "Gail!"

The blonde turns to face her, and Holly can just see the bandage peaking out from under her hair. There's confusion written all over Gail's face and Holly's instantly at a loss for what to say.

"Hi." Gail speaks first and Holly quickly untangles her thoughts and remembers what she scribbled in her notebook.

_Step three: Get Gail alone and ask her to dinner. If surrounded by people, use the case report to coerce Gail into private area._

"Hi. I've got a problem with a case. It's one you worked a few months ago." It's almost word for word to what she had written down, and having read it back to herself tens of times the night before Holly's not surprised. Quickly she hands Gail the file in her hands, just as planned, acutely aware of the fact that Gail's going to notice in the next few seconds that the file has _nothing _to do with her. "You filed a report that's full of inconsistencies. Can we talk somewhere privately? How about in here?"

Holly pushes open the door next to them, thankful that it's an empty room.

"I didn't work this case. I don't even recognise-" Holly's not sure what part of her brain short circuits, and scientifically she would like to find out, because she really did intend on talking to Gail. She just needed to get her into a quiet place where they wouldn't be interrupted when she initiated step three of the plan. She's only faintly aware of the door clicking shut behind the blonde.

Why her hands are grabbing at the folder in Gail's hands and throwing it to the floor is anyone's guess. Her next actions shock her even more though, because her notes clearly said she wasn't going to kiss Gail before talking to her. So it's jarring that she's suddenly gripping onto the back of Gail's neck and pulling her body into her own.

Holly's not sure what's going through her mind, or exactly what the plan was anymore, because at the first touch of their lips, her brain short circuits all over again.

* * *

**A/N**:Went in there with the intention to talk to her... Ends up kissing her... Useless lesbian...

The canon has changed here, clearly! Whilst there's going to be some Fragments dialogue in the next chapter, parts of it are going to be slightly altered, and like I said in the previous chapter (albeit with the wrong episode name!) the actual Fragments story line has been dropped. After that the story will be heading towards its own conclusion, and not the conclusion season five offered us.

As for what that means for San Francisco and whether Holly actually is leaving... Well... Chapter 38 will reveal all ;)


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N**: Opps, bit later than planned! I started on a new Clexa fic (Holon) and got a little distracted.

Thanks for the continued support :)

(I'm posting this very quickly before I go out, if there's any horrendous mistakes send me a quick PM and I'll get them fixed up when I get home)

* * *

"How's the head?" Traci's voice makes Gail twist in her seat, and she pouts at the other woman as she rubs her fingers across the bandage.

Three stitches and no concussion, that was the official medical verdict. Just a cut that didn't even need a hospital visit was still Gail's verdict.

"I think next time I see a criminal I'll just shoot them." The other woman laughs in response, sitting down on the chair opposite her.

There's an expression on Traci's face that Gail knows all to well and Gail glares at her until the silence gets too much for her impatient mind. "Come on, ask, you look like Chloe when she's trying to keep a secret or Swarek that time he ate bad chilli."

"How did the hospital go with Holly?" Traci rushes out, a smile breaking out across her face as she leans her body closer to Gail.

Gail doesn't tell her that those hours spent in the hospital with Holly had just reminded her again of everything she had lost. Having Holly sat with her and speaking to her with no awkwardness between them... It makes her want to smile wistfully at the memory.

Instead she rolls her eyes in response. "She wants to talk."

"Gail that's great news." She replies excitedly, and Gail can't help grimacing, because she's fairly sure Traci thinks her and Holly still have hope of reconciling.

The more Gail thought about it over the weekend the more she realised that Holly was probably only interested in clearing the air between them once and for all. The signals the brunette had been giving her, Lisa telling her that Holly wasn't over her? They weren't lies, if Holly even felt a fraction of what Gail felt for her she knew the brunette was probably hanging on to some lingering feelings too. That didn't mean Holly was about to break up with her girlfriend and stop herself from getting over her though.

"Yeah, no, I dunno, she probably just wants the clear the air." Traci looks at her disbelievingly and Gail almost wants to disappear into the fabric of her seat and out of sight.

"So you're not going to do it?" Traci questions, and Gail can hear the accusation in her voice.

"I dunno, maybe? We're not ignoring each other any more, so maybe that's enough." This time the look Traci gives her alone is enough for her to continue. "Yeah, I know, I _know_ not talking was exactly the problem we had, but this is different."

Traci rolls her eyes, and Gail can feel herself pouting again, because that was her trademark response the other woman had just stolen. She continues to stare at her and Gail finally gives in. "Fine. I need to call her to get her statement later anyway. We'll arrange coffee or something, maybe softball."

Apparently satisfied with her new answer Traci stands up nodding her head. "That's a better answer, we do need her statement though, so if you could give her a call this _morning_," She over stresses the word as she starts to back away. "That would be great!"

Before Gail can stop her Traci's already striding away. The other woman was apparently still intent on setting her and Holly up. Rubbing her hands against her pants Gail grabs her cell off the desk behind her. If she's going to call Holly it's not going to be in the middle of the office where Traci might be lurking ready to overhear the conversation.

As naturally as possible she leaves the squad room, dodging around the desks to avoid anyone asking her where she might be going. She almost lets out a groan of anguish when she hears someone calling her name.

"Gail!" Gail recognises the voice though, it's one she's certain she will never forget. Swivelling around on her heal, she's just in time to see a breathless Holly practically slide around the corner. The other woman stares at her, seemingly lost for words and Gail stares right back.

"Hi." Gail says, trying to snap the distracted Holly into focus.

"Hi. I've got a problem with a case. It's one you worked a few months ago." Holly rushes out, and Gail finds a file thrust into her hand. Quickly she opens it up, all thoughts of her and Holly's imminent talk out the window as she tries to remember the report. "You filed a report that's full of inconsistencies. Can we talk somewhere privately? How about in here?"

Gail nods slightly as Holly walks into the observation room, her eyes still scanning the report Holly had given her. It's not her report, the case number isn't one she recognises, and she would _definitely _remember working a case that ended in a 75 year old man beating a burglar with his dead wife's urn."I didn't work this case. I don't even recognise-"

The case report is flying out of her hands, and before she can even look up Holly's hand is on the back of her neck and pulling her in close.

Holly's lips slam into her own, and Gail doesn't miss a beat, her lips immediately moving against Holly's in return. All thoughts of the case file leave her mind as what Gail can only describe as fireworks explode on the inside of her eyelids, because Holly just slid her tongue against her lip.

A deep moan erupts from one of their throats, and the noise starts to bring Gail out of her Holly induced haze. Her lips keep moving, her body keeps reacting to the feel of Holly against her, but what's happened suddenly hits her and she pulls away.

"Wait, wait..." Gail practically pants, and her eyes look away from Holly, not trusting herself not to just dive straight back into kissing her if she did.

Holly just kissed her. Holly Stewart. Her Holly Stewart.

"Can he see us?" Looking up Gail's body jerks in surprise when she sees the bald headed man sat in the interrogation room next to them.

"He wishes." Taking in a deep breath she finally looks back up at Holly. She almost regrets it, because she can barely see the brown of Holly's eyes behind her lust filled pupils. "What the- What the hell is going on?"

"I- I wanted to talk to you." Holly says in weak defence.

"Holly, that wasn't talking." Gail smiles at her, and Holly ducks her head as a blush spreads across her cheeks.

"I know, I know," One of Holly's hands rubs at the back of her neck. "I just, I missed you, I missed this."

"What about your _girlfriend _Holly?" She asks quietly, and her stomach churns worry.

"We broke up. I couldn't- She knew I wasn't over you." A sad smile pulls at Holly's lips, and Gail knows there's more to the story, but she doesn't push her for it.

The important thing is Holly's broken up with her girlfriend. They've broken up, and Holly isn't over Gail. Without thinking she steps forwards again, pulling Holly's face down to her own as she kisses her again. This time she knows the moan falls from her own lips as her hands tangle in long brown hair.

She lets herself get lost in the sensation of Holly kissing her, groaning as Holly runs her tongue against her own again. For weeks she's been dreaming of this moment, and Gail's not sure she'll ever be able to go so long without kissing Holly again. The way the brunette tilts her head into her own, the way her fingers gently swirl in the curls on the back of her neck, it reminds her of all those times they lost themselves in each other months ago.

Another groan erupts from her throat as she remembers what Holly had just said to her and Gail unwilling pulls away again. "Wait, wait, wait. Oh my God. Wait."

They both pant for a moment, and Holly seems to understand why she's pulled away again. "I know, I know, we need to talk, can we? Tonight? I'll make you dinner, and I've got this incredible bottle of barolo..." Holly quickly rambles off.

"I can't tonight 'cause I have a thing. I'm-" Her mind is still trying to catch up with itself, because Holly was just _kissing _her. "I'm meeting the couple that want to adopt Sophie." She explains once the cloud in her brain clears enough.

"Wow." Holly pushes at her glasses.

"Yeah."

"That's great!" Gail grimaces slightly, because she's still not sure how she feels about Sophie's now impending adoption. "That's great, right?"

"Yeah, it's, I don't know." Her voice is barely above a mumble and Gail has to look away from Holly again.

"Hey, do you," There's a brief pauses, and Gail looks up again when Holly takes her hand. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Gail doesn't answer right away, her concentration on the soft circles Holly's thumb has started tracing on the back of her hand. Misinterpreting the silence Holly quickly tries to backtrack. "I'm probably over stepping- I'm sorr-"

"No, no, no," Gail quickly cuts her off "It's not that I don't want you to, I just," Pausing she tries to think of the best way to explain it to the brunette. "I'm not sure if it's the right time."

Holly nods her head in understanding. "Too much for one night?"

"Yeah, but maybe tomorrow?" She offers instead.

"Okay. Tomorrow." A half smile pulls at Holly's mouth, before it erupts into a full grown grin as Gail smiles.

Gail's not sure how long they spend standing in front of each other, their eyes tracing each others faces, but eventually she takes a step back. "I should get back to work."

"Yeah, me to, I didn't tell anyone I was coming here." Holly says guiltily as she scrambles to push all the papers back into the report folder.

"Again, seriously?" Opening the door Gail walks back out into the hallway with Holly close behind. "They are going to fire you if you keep leaving unannounced-"

"Holly. Gail." Traci's voice comes from behind her and Gail feels her eyes widen.

Quickly turning around she doesn't miss barely restrained smirk on Traci's face. "Holly's here to give her statement, about last Friday, like you asked."

"Yep," Gail can just see Holly nodding aggressively out the corner of her eye. "Just, here for the crime, but no need to do time." Holly rhymes awkwardly.

"Lucky you were passing by." Traci holds her hand out for the case file in Holly's hand and Gail can feel herself panicking.

"Just dropping this report off, never can trust those carriers." Holly tries to evade, but Traci keeps her hand held out, and if they weren't in the middle of a police station Gail might have throttled the detective.

Without any other choice Holly hands the folder over to Traci. "Is it meant to be in this order?"

"I dropped it," Gail says quickly. "When Holly gave it to me."

"It's missing the medical examiners notes." She really is going to strangle Traci, because the other woman knows exactly why the folder is a complete mess and missing the most important part. There's no doubt in Gail's mind that the detective had been waiting in the corridor for them so she could accidentally be walking past at the same time they left the room.

"That's why Gail gave it back to me, because, I forgot the notes." Holly tries to explain anyway.

Traci smirking at them, a satisfied twinkle in her eye. "Uh huh, interview room four is free if you want to use it." She continues smiling at them as she walks away. Gail knows she can take the statement in the main pen, Holly's hardly a suspect in the case. On the other hand, Gail knows everyone is going to be staring at her if she takes Holly in there.

"This way." Gail indicates down the corridor.

"So, you actually do need to take a statement?"

"Yeah, makes sure you tell them how brave I was, they might give me a medal." Holly laughs from behind her as she opens the door for her.

"Are you not doing it?"

"Nope, I was there, you get someone else." Gail pauses in the doorway for a moment, before quickly walking into the room and letting the door shut behind her. She's well aware that Traci is probably hiding in the observation room watching them, but Gail can't stop herself from kissing Holly one final time.

Her lips move slowly, trying to memorise every part of Holly's touch.

Even though it's not close to being enough Gail pulls back first again, her whole body shivering when Holly licks tongue across her lip. "You sure you can't take the statement?"

"No. You're too distracting." Dropping her hands from the brunettes face Gail walks back towards the door. "Try to actually talk to the person taking the statement by the way, you remember how that's meant to work right?" As the door closes behind her she can hear Holly's laugh.

Walking quickly into the squad room she looks around for someone to take the interview. Traci is sat back at her desk, but there's _no way_ Gail's going to unleash her on Holly. The next person she spots is Swarek, and she realises he's perfect, because he could quite literally not care any less about her love life.

"Swarek," She hisses, trying to get his attention without actually walking into the room. "Hey, _Swarek_." Following his eye line Gail rolls her eyes, because of course he's looking at Andy. "Are you ever not concentrating on Andy?"

The man suddenly turns around, grunting at her. "Sometime I concentrate on football."

"Right, Holly's here, can you take her statement about Friday?" Gail's not sure she's ever seen Sam pout, but she's fairly sure he's current facial expression is the closest thing to it. "I'll tell you what film Andy secretly wants to see."

Finally he looks towards her and nods his head once. "Where is she?"

"Interview room four."

* * *

Gail can't help feeling nervous as she stands outside the children's centre.

When Sophie had called her at the weekend to ask her to meet the Healy's her first reaction had been to say no. Sophie had quickly become an intrinsic part of her life, and selfishly Gail couldn't help the thought that maybe after she was adopted Sophie wouldn't want her any more. She had said yes though, because really there was nothing Gail would deny the little girl.

It's not like she hadn't been planning on meeting the couple eventually, their number was still scribbled down on a piece of paper in her jacket pocket. She _had _wanted more time to prepare herself for it though.

Taking a deep breath Gail pushes open the door to the reception, smiling at the woman behind the counter.

"Here to see Sophie again?" Julie asks.

"Yeah, I'm meeting the Healy's as well? Sophie said they would be here tonight." She says, a part of her hoping that maybe they had cancelled.

"Mark and Tina! Yes, they're already here." Gail could feel her hand shaking as she signs her name into the visitors book. "They're out in the playground."

"Thanks Julie." Gail takes the badge the woman's holding out for her and tries to look as confident as possible as she walks through the corridors towards the playground.

Sophie's on the swings as usual. The only difference to every other time Gail's seen her is this time the little girl is with who Gail assumes is Mark and Tina Healy. She's smiling, which Gail can only take as a good sign, and Mark stands in front of her animatedly moving his hands as he talks with her.

It takes a few more moments, but eventually Sophie looks past him, the smile on her face growing even wider when she spots Gail. The noise of the children playing around her blocks out Sophie's voice, but Gail can see her mouth exclaiming her name as she points towards her.

Waving slightly Gail makes her way over to the three of them, bracing herself as Sophie runs from the swing to wrap her arms around Gail's waist.

"Hey you." Gail smiles.

"You came." Her voice muffles into her jacket and Gail lightly strokes her hair until Sophie pulls away again.

"Hi, Gail Peck." Holding out her hand Mark grips onto it, shaking it firmly. "You must be Mark and Tina."

"That we are, we've heard a lot about you Gail." Mark's deep voice says kindly as Gail shakes Tina's hand as well.

"Hey Sophie," Tina says, kneeling down to Sophie's level. "Do you fancy going on the slide with Mark?"

"Are you still going to be here when we get back?" Sophie asks Gail, her brown eyes big and hopeful.

"Yep, I'm not leaving until I push you on the swing." Gail says, and another wide smile breaks out across the girls face before she's dragging Mark across the playground towards the slide.

"Have a seat?" Tina indicates to the swing set and Gail nods her head as they both sit down.

"She looks really happy." Gail states, watching Sophie as she speaks to Mark next to the slide.

"Yeah, a lot of that's because of you." Tina says and Gail turns back to look at her. "So, Mark and I, we were wondering... Why did you never adopt her?"

Gail appreciates the other woman cutting straight to the topic they had clearly called her there for. She's also grateful, because Sophie already looks ready to come running back over to them at any second.

She's fairly certain that wasn't the question Tina wanted to ask though. Gail could see subtle worry in the other woman's eyes, and she knew real question was if _she_ was planning to try and adopt Sophie herself.

"It's one thing to visit Sophie here, but actually adopt her?" Gail shook her head looking at Sophie again. "God... She deserves so much from life, but I wouldn't be able to provide her with it. I don't even own my own car, or my own house. I mean she needs stability right now, and being a police officer isn't going to give her that." Gail explains mournfully.

She can see Tina nodding her head out the corner of her eye. "She was lucky to have found you Gail."

Looking towards her again Gail smiles. "I think I was the one lucky to find her. Sophie's a special girl."

Tina makes a noise of agreement and they both silently watch Sophie and Mark playing for a few moments. "Thank you, for coming here tonight, I know it must have been strange."

"Not at all, I mean you can't exactly say no to Sophie y'know?" She leaves out the fact that she was planning on calling them soon anyway, and that Sophie inviting her to the center had just sped that along. Truthfully meeting them so soon _had_ felt strange, and overwhelming and completely nerve wracking though.

"We were wondering- And you can say no, don't feel like you have to say yes," Tina stutters. "But would you still be a part of her life after we adopt her? She's very fond of you and we would like it if you could be. And after what she's been through, we know you were the officer that found her, and well, I think it would be good for Sophie if you were still around." Tina asks her and there's nothing in the world that could have stopped Gail's smile.

"Yeah, I mean yes, of course I would love to be." Gail said smiling.

"To be honest I think Mark likes the idea of Sophie being friends with a police officer as well." Tina adds rolling her eyes slightly.

Gail laughs and kicks her feet on the ground to start swinging. A tension that had started to form in her muscles the moment she had seen Sophie with the Healy's started to ease, the worry that they were going to try and cut her out of Sophie's life finally dispelled.

Kicking her feet into the floor again Gail can't help imagining if one day it would be her and Holly here, watching as their future child plays in the park with their friends.

* * *

The Healy's were nice people. Gail couldn't have disliked them, even if she wanted to. Sophie seemed happy with them to, and despite the strange bout of jealousy it had initially caused she was happy to see other people getting the girl to smile too.

Pulling out the keys for Dov's car she opens the door and slides in. She doesn't hesitate when for the first time in months she takes out her phone and dials Holly's number.

After sending Swarek in to talk to the brunette at the station she had been forced out of a call. Despite dealing with it in record time, by the time she had returned Holly had been gone and Swarek had been back to pining at Andy from across the office.

"Gail, hi." Holly answers after the first ring.

"Hi." There's a moment of silence, and despite wanting to call the brunette, now she has her Gail's not sure what to say.

She hears Holly cough awkwardly down the phone . "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's great, I just-" She stalls, licking her dry lips. "I just wanted to call."

"How did it go with the couple? Do you need me to run their DNA." Holly suggests and Gail lets herself laugh.

Resting her head into the car seat she relaxes. "No, no, they seemed like nice people. Sophie seems happy."

"Yeah?"

"Hmmm, she wants to see you again though, something to do with her microscope. If you would like to that is?" She quickly adds on the end, because despite Holly offering to come with her to see Sophie that even, she doesn't want the woman to feel forced into it.

"Yeah, of course, I can put together some slides for her." The suggestion makes Gail's heart swell, and for possibly the hundredth time since Holly left the station Gail feels completely overwhelmed at the thought of Holly being back in her life again.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Gail says.

"Yeah, tomorrow, I'll text you the time?"

"Sure yeah, I'm-" Swallowing back her nerves she quickly continues. "I'm really looking forwards to it Holly." Her voice is quiet and she worries for a moment that Holly might not have heard her.

"Me too." Holly replies and Gail feels her heart swell even further. "Goodnight Gail."

"Goodnight Holly." The other end of the phone clicks, and Gail pulls it away from her ear.

Considering where her thoughts were just 12 short hours ago Gail can't help worrying that maybe she's dreaming. In the space of a day Holly had kissed her, invited her for dinner at her house and offered to spend time with Sophie. Even if someone had asked her at the hospital on Friday if she thought it was possible she would have vehemently denied that it.

For the first time since Friday she feels herself relax at the thought of the talk her and Holly were going to be having. Gail knew this was the last shot she had at convincing Holly she had changed, that she could have a relationship with her and not freak out every time anything significant happened between them.

She was going to tell Holly everything. Why she had been so scared, what had happened with Sophie and most importantly Gail was going tell her that she was still hopelessly in love with her.

* * *

**A/N**: And that's Sophie's story line tied up... One of the only real 'regrets' I have about this fic is that I didn't expand it to the rest of the Rookie Blue verse, I kept it fairly Gail/Holly contained. That could be me projecting because I don't want the fic to end though... Three more chapters D:

Also next chapter they _finally_ have 'the talk' with no interruptions.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N**: Finally. The talk is happening. My babies (who are actually older than me) are all grown up. I'm pretty nervous about it tbh, it's been building for a while I can only hope I do the ending justice.

Thank you for the reviews. I'm glad you all approved of the subtle changes I made to the canon talk. That smirk never sat well with me either...

* * *

With the afternoon slowly dragging on Holly started to regret taking a last minute half day off from the lab. After telling Gail to be at her house at six she had immediately panicked. She knew there was still unfolded washing sat on her couch. There were dishes in the sink too. And Holly was sure she hadn't changed the sheets in the spare bedroom for over a month.

It wasn't like Gail hadn't been in her house and seen it all before, but Holly wanted everything to be perfect. It helped that concentrating on scrubbing the windows clean had quelled some of the nervous energy that had been wracking her system for the whole day.

Watching the clock Holly take a sip of the wine in her hand, hoping the light buzz of alcohol would help calm her down some more. After finally changing into a shirt and trousers for their dinner Holly had spent the whole time between cooking watching the time slowly tick by.

The doorbell ringing almost has her dropping the glass. It's Gail, there's no one else it could possibly be and Holly takes in a deep calming breath before walking towards the door.

When she pulls the door open there's a red tinge to Gail's cheeks, and a nervousness in her eyes. Letting her eyes drift down past the edge of Gail's long coat she can just see the hem of her dress and her face immediately blushes.

"Hi." Holly finally says, her eyes tearing away from the blondes legs.

Gail lifts her hand and waves slightly. "Hi."

The cold nips at Holly through her thin shirt and she's suddenly aware that she's standing in the doorway whilst Gail is still standing in the cold night. "I'm sorry, come in." Stepping aside Holly gestures into the house.

As the blonde passes her and she shuts the door Holly tries to think of the best way to greet her and it strikes her as unbelievable that for all the planning she put into the evening she hadn't thought of _that_. A kiss seemed to presumptuous, a hug would be acceptable, a hand shake definitely seemed ridiculous-

Gail makes up her mind for her, and Holly lets out a gasp of shock as the blonde buries her hand in the back of her hair to pull her down into a kiss. It's light. Nothing like the kiss they had shared the day before and Holly let herself whine softly at the soft play of Gail's lips on hers.

Slowly she pulls back from the blonde, keeping her eyes closed as she bites her lip. "I'm not used to you using the doorbell." Holly confesses.

"I wasn't sure if you'd changed the locks." Gail whispers back and Holly leans forwards to place a small peck on her lips.

"You still have it..." She says, pulling back fully to look at the other woman, her hands still resting on her hips. Gail smiles at her sheepishly and pulls out the little zombie key ring with her house key still attached from her pocket.

"Do you want it back?" Gail asks, her hand already inching towards her as if she's about to give it up.

"No," Shaking her head Holly releases Gail's hips to close her fist back around the key. "No, you should keep it." Smiling bashfully Holly steps away from her. "Come on dinners almost ready."

Holly leaves Gail in the hall way to take off her coat and quickly pours her a glass of wine, handing it to her as she walks into the kitchen. The dress she was wearing was a simple black number and Holly couldn't help the way her heart raced at the sight of it.

"Thanks." She says, leaning in to press another quickly kiss to her lips and Holly wonders briefly if every little thing is going to end in them kissing tonight.

Gail leans against the counter watching her cook and Holly can't help looking up at her every few seconds. Gail Peck is back in her kitchen. Gail Peck is back in her house.

"I'm not about to disappear you know." Gail says, a smirk pulling across her face and Holly can feel herself blushing.

"Yeah I know…. I just… I just like looking at you." And this time it's Gail's turn to blush.

"Sap." With her brow furrowed Holly can just see Gail watching her stirring the pot on the stove out the corner of her eye. "What are you cooking anyway? It smells, well like real food, which is unusual for me."

"Gail you can't keep living off fast food." Holly scolds lightly, ignoring the way the blonde rolls her eyes at her. "And it's carbonara," Lifting the spoon out of the sauce Holly walks over to the counter. "Here."

She hadn't thought it through, not in the slightest, because the second Gail's lips meet the spoon the blonde lets out a deep groan. A blush burns on Holly's cheeks. "That tastes great." She husks.

Squinting her eyes Holly pulls the spoon back. "You did that on purpose didn't you?"

"I'm an honest officer of the law, I'm legally obligated to tell the truth." Gail states innocently.

"Oh?" Raising her brow Holly crosses her arms across her chest.

Smiling Gail takes a sip of her wine. "Which is why I won't confirm _or _deny that."

Holly can't help laughing at the other woman, lightly shacking her head as she returns to the stove. "Well before I make you commit perjury do you want to sit at the table? Foods ready."

The blonde smiles at her gleefully, picking up both their glasses of wine and taking them to the table. She returns whilst Holly is plating up the pasta to retrieve the bottle. "I've got a feeling we'll need this." She mumbles just loud enough for Holly to hear and the sparks of nervousness at the talk she knows they need to have return full force.

* * *

"Mmmmm," Gail wipes her mouth on the napkin and Holly notices with pride that there's nothing left on her plate. "You should probably cook for me more often."

Wiping her own mouth Holly smirks at the blonde. "Or you could learn to cook yourself."

"You could always teach me."

Standing up Holly lifts her plate from the table. "No one has that much patience Gail."

The other woman scoffs in offence, holding her hand to her chest as Holly takes her plate away as well.

"Oh I've been meaning to ask, why were you in San Francisco the other week?" The question makes her heart freeze. "Traci sent me to lab, and you weren't there. She's obsessed with us getting back together by the way." Gail smiles at her happily from the table.

"I-" Holly bites at her lip, dropping the plates onto the counter before returning to her seat. Blue eyes look at her curiously from across the table, and Holly knows her nerves must have been visible on her face. This wasn't how she planned on telling Gail, but she knew she didn't have a choice now. "I went there for a job interview."

"Oh." Gail blinks, her mouth hanging open slightly in shock.

"Yeah, I, er. It wasn't planned... Rachel found out about the position when she was doing a residency there." The expression on Gail's face doesn't change, and Holly watches as she processes the information she just gave her.

"How, how did it go?" It was a question, but Holly knew the blonde had already worked out exactly how it went.

"I got the job." She confirms, and Gail instantly closes her eyes and ducks her head.

Minutes pass and Holly's about to ask Gail if she's okay when she finally looks up again. "I mean, wow, that's, that's great Holly." There's a light sheen of tears in Gail's eyes and Holly feels her heart stutter at the sight.

"Hey, I haven't said yes. I'm not going to say yes. I didn't," Pausing Holly tries to blink back her own tears. "I didn't think I would get it when I applied, I just wanted to get out of Toronto."

"And away from me..."

Sighing Holly picks nervously at the napkin in front of her. "Yeah."

Silence passes between them again, and Holly wants to kick herself for not being brave enough to look at the blonde. Their talk is going in completely the wrong direction and Holly couldn't remember _any _of the notes she had made. "Is it a good job?"

Holly's sure Gail knows the answer to that question too, but she nods her head regardless. "Yeah, yeah it really is."

"Then," Gail pauses, and Holly finally looks up at her again. "Then you should take it."

Her heart shatters, because that wasn't the answer she expected from the other woman. She hadn't expected her to tell her to _go_. "Gail-"

"Holly, if this," Gail says pointing between the two of them. "If this was truly over would you be hesitating?"

Holly has to look away again. "No."

"Then you should take it." Lifting her half empty glass of wine Gail drinks it all, wincing as the pulls the glass from her lips. "We're out of wine."

Gail stands leaving Holly alone at the table and all she can do is open and close her mouth in shock. Her head hurt, and her heart _hurt_, because what if this is Gail's way of breaking up with her before they were ever truly back together. Standing abruptly Holly follows the blonde to the kitchen. This whole mess was because they hadn't talked, and she was going to let the same thing happen again.

The blonde is already facing away from her and pulling another bottle of wine from a cupboards when Holly comes around the corner.

"What about us?" Holly asks, her hands nervously pulling at her shirt

Pulling the cork out of the wine Gail doesn't answer her straight away. Instead she pours herself another glass, and Holly doesn't push her, she knows that the blonde is thinking. "How long till you would have to leave?"

"Three months."

Gail takes another drink from her glass, her back to still to her and Holly starts to fidget with her shirt again. Suddenly the blonde slams the glass down and marches towards her. Desperately Holly tries to read her expression, but before she can Gail's leaning up to kiss her.

"Then we spend the next three months together." She says before kissing her again. "Every possible waking moment." Hands tangle in Holly's hair as Gail presses another gentle kiss to her lips. "So by the time you have to leave, you'll be glad for the distance."

Holly laughs gently, letting her forehead rest against Gail's as she starts to relax. "I could never get tired of being with you." This time she's the one leaning in to kiss Gail before pulling back to tuck some of her blonde locks off her face.

"Even when I'm acting like a child?" Gail asks lightly, her own fingers gently twirling the strands of hair on the back of Holly's neck.

She lets the self deprecation slide to press a kiss to the tip of Gail's nose. "Even then."

Lacing their hands together Holly tugs Gail out of the kitchen and to the couch. They stay silent for a whole, their fingers still playing over each others hands. She hadn't expected Gail to tell her to take the job. She hadn't expected herself to _consider _taking it.

"What happens afterwards? When I leave?" Holly asks, suddenly worried that three months was all Gail wanted.

"I don't know, maybe I stay here, maybe I go with you." Gail muses, and Holly can't help smiling, her tense shoulders finally starting to relax.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah I'm sure I could take a weeks holiday in San Fransisco, they owe me some time off." Holly ducks her head as she laughs lightly.

Taking a breath she become serious again and looks straight into Gail's eyes. "You could come with me you know? I _want_ you to come with me."

"I know." Gail says nodding her head gently. "I want to, God, if you'd asked me two months ago I would have said yes."

Even though the potential answer has her stomach swirling with butterflies Holly pushes Gail to continue. "And now?"

"I need to make sure Sophie's going to be okay. I need to make sure _we're_ going to be okay."

"So we wait?" Holly offers.

"We wait." Gail smiles at her, and it surprises her, but Holly actually feels _okay_ with it. "What were you," Gail pauses and Holly watches her as she looks anywhere but her. "What were you going to do if you were still with your girlfriend?"

Squeezing Gail's hand Holly waits until the blonde is looking at her again. "I'm not sure we would have made it. It was okay when it was just fun y'know? But, I don't think I wanted anything serious with her, not really."

"Did you two..." The sentence trails off, but Holly knows what she's asking.

"Yeah, we did." She answers regretfully.

"Oh, yeah I mean you were single, so I can't exactly-"

"Hey, no Gail, it was stupid, I shouldn't have done it, you have every right to be mad at me." Holly says quickly, her hands squeezing at Gail's again. "I was trying to get over you, I thought I _was_ getting over you, but I think Lindsey knew all along- and I shouldn't have done that to her, and I shouldn't have done that to _you_."

"I'm sorry Gail." Holly says, her thumbs stroking across Gail's skin. "I messed up. I was scared that my feelings would scare you off, and then when Lisa said all those things..." Tears were already gathering in her eyes and Holly desperately tried to blink them back. "I should have said something, and I'm so sorry that I didn't."

"I didn't exactly make things easy Holly." Gail confesses, and it makes her heart ache, because this wasn't the blondes fault.

"No Gail-"

"This," Gail interrupts, her free hand pointing towards the two of them. "It's not all on you Holly, I was so scared of what we could have been, of-" Sniffling Gail squeezes her hand. "Of what we still could be."

"Are we going to argue over who's more sorry?" Holly asks.

A watery laugh escapes from Gail, but Holly can see the way her lip still trembles. "Yeah, just so you know, I would win."

"Gail..." Reaching up Holly gently wipes the tear that had escaped down Gail's face. "Why were you scared?"

"Because you could have broken my heart Holly, I was-" Sniffling loudly Gail looks away from her for a moment and Holly doesn't press her to continue. It takes a few minutes before Gail's apparently calms down enough to look at her again. "It took a little eight year old girl, who's whole life had been taken from her, to make me realise I had to be brave. That I _could _be brave for you Holly. Because, I'm so in love you, and it scares me so much, but I'll be brave I will, I promise, I will, I'll-" The blonde in front of her is practically hyperventilating and Holly quickly pulls her body into her side.

"Hey, hey. Shhh it's okay." Tucking Gail's head underneath her chin Holly lets the blonde cry into her shirt. Cautiously she lets her hands trace patterns on Gail's back and her lips start to press kisses to Gail's hair line.

"I love you too." Holly whispers and she lets her own tears fall down her face. "I love you too Gail."

* * *

**A/N**: Next time on You Are (Still) Insane: It's the last chapter. AH! But! There is an epilogue, so technically it's the penultimate chapter.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N**: Here it is, the conclusion to You Are (Still) Insane. All that's left after this is the epilogue.

I'm having a lot of feelings about letting this go. A part of me wants to hold on and write so many more chapters of them being together. The bigger part of me knows it's time to wrap it up though. I'll post my full thanks at the end of the next chapter, but I wanted to take the opportunity to say it here too. Thank you everyone that's stuck with this story. Thank you for following it, thank you for the favourites. Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to review, whether it was just once, or if you kept coming back to leave more. Thank you to everyone that's messaged me here and on tumblr, it's been amazing to connect and talk with so many people about our two beautiful ladies.

Now, lets get on with it shall we.

* * *

Slowly Gail starts to blink open her eyes, her eyelashes sticking together with the remainder of her sleep. Groaning she lets her hand to rub at her face, because she definitely remembered crying before falling asleep on top of Holly. Her great big confession of love and Gail spent most of it in tears.

"Welcome back." Holly's voice rumbles from above her.

Lifting her head Gail looks up at the brunette, grimacing at the wet patch that's left behind on the woman's shoulder. "Oh God, I got snot on you." Wiping at the stain half heatedly she smiles at Holly. "How long was I out?"

"Not long," Holly says, her free hand reaching across to brush at the Gail's fringe."An hour maybe."

Gail doesn't point out that having a dead weight laying on her for an hour wasn't what Gail would count as 'not long'. She does become suddenly aware of the arm that's wrapped underneath her body though. "Can you even feel your arm?"

"Not in the slightest, please move." Holly confesses and Gail immediately lifts her body, smirking as the brunette starts to stretch out her limb.

"You could have moved it you know?" She says as Holly lets out a groan, apparently happy that the blood was rushing back into arm.

"I didn't want to wake you."

"Sap." Bringing Holly's arm down from it's stretch she gently kisses the palm of her hand.

They lay in silence for a moment and Gail can already feel herself drifting back to sleep as Holly tenderly starts stroking her fingers through her hair. "How are you feeling sweetie?" The brunette suddenly asks her, and Gail blinks her eyes open again.

"Embarrassed."

"Why?" She whispers into her hair line.

"When I was planning on telling you-" Swallowing Gail pulls back from Holly's shoulder again. "On telling you that I loved you it involved marginally less crying."

The side of Holly's mouth pulls up slightly and Gail knows she's trying not to smile. "Only marginally?"

"Mhmmm," She hums, burying her head back onto her shoulder. "I still expected you to cry."

"I meant it you know?" Holly says after a few more moments of silence.

"Hmmm?" Gail hums absent mindedly as the brunette fingers drift down to the edge of the bandage that's covering her stitches.

"I love you too." Pulling Holly's hand back into her own Gail lets her fingers trace over her knuckles for a few moments. It always surprises her how soft Holly's hands were, all Gail had to do was put on a pair of latex gloves and her hands would dry out for days. It was just another thing that made them so different from each other.

Even though she's only just got it back Gail's already knows she's going to miss moments like this when Holly leaves for San Francisco. These moments of holding her and musing about everything that makes them so different and everything that makes them so similar. And Holly will leave. Gail's already decided that. The brunettes future is too bright for her to stay behind just for her. Even though Holly leaving is completely terrifying, and when she had first told her Gail had been seconds from running out the door she knew she had to let her go. She wanted everything to work between them. She wanted to wrap her arms around Holly and tell her she was going to go with her.

It wasn't that simple anymore though.

Gail also knew moving to another country with Holly so quickly would be a mistake. Not when they had barely reconnected and the wounds of what had happened over the past few weeks were still fresh.

It wouldn't be forever though.

She would move with Holly. Gail was sure of it. Once Sophie was settled in her new home. Once her and Holly were finally at a stable point in their relationship. Once she actually had a _job _to go to in San Fransisco she would leave. She wouldn't run away from this, not now she had it back.

"I _am_ sorry Holly." Gail whispers as she remembers just how many times she had run away from the brunette already. "I kept running away from everything... I mean, I quite literally ran away at some points."

She feels the rumble of Holly's laughter in her chest. "Yeah, chasing you out into the snow wasn't a highlight of our relationship."

"I don't know, it's a story to tell the kids." Holly's body tenses, and Gail looks up, worried she's pushed too far.

There's a serious look on Holly's face, and Gail watches as her brow creases and her lip catch between her teeth. "Would you like them?"

"Kids?" The brunette nods her head. "Yeah... One day. What about you?"

Holly smiles at her, and nods her head again. "One day."

"Then we'll talk about it." It reminds Gail of something else she wanted to apologise for, before she had burst into tears. Gail takes in a shuddering breath as she threads her hand through Holly's. "I can't- I screw up, like _a lot_ Holly, you've probably noticed. I mean I'm probably going to screw up again in the next few days, possibly hours, and I can't promise I'm not going to hurt you, but I-" She pauses, and Holly squeezes her fingers. "_We _can both promise to talk about it."

Holly hums her body shifting until she can wrap her arms around Gail's back. "Never go to bed angry at each other?"

"Oh God no," Gail smiles. "We can totally do a healthy amount of being angry with each other."

"But we talk about it?"

Kissing at the space under Holly chin, Gail smiles against her skin. "Yeah. Even if it's introducing you to my mother levels of terrifying, we talk about it."

For a moment there's silence, and Gail relaxes as the brunette slowly strokes at her back. "Okay... But only because I love you."

"Well... As you love me, very much-"

Holly squeezes her gently. "I'm not sure I would say very much..."

Laughing, Gail pushes herself out of Holly's embrace until she's leaning over her. "Yeah, yeah you do." She only means it as a peck. Just a a light brush of her lips against Holly's. And it's entirely Holly's fault that she can't resist deepening it. Before Gail can even fully comprehend what's happening Holly's swiping her tongue across her bottom lip, and Gail's opening her mouth to accept it. She also doesn't mean to shift her thigh between Holly's legs, but she has.

It's Holly's deep moan that has Gail pulling away. "You distracted me." She pouts.

"Okay, that's not what happened and you know it." Holly smiles at her, and Gail holds her finger against her lips before she can lean in again. This times it's Holly who pouts. "As you were saying."

"How do you fancy getting me out of this dress." Gail husks into Holly's ear and she feels the woman underneath her shiver. Switching back to a neutral tone she pushes herself up. "Because it's really uncomfy and I only wore it because I thought it would make me look hot."

Pushing Gail further away from her Holly laughs. "You're a terrible person."

"You don't mean that."

"Yeah I do." The brunette laughs as she stands from the sofa, her back cracking as she stretches. "Come on then."

Gail's not sure why it's when Holly's leading her up the stairs that she remembers their first night together. It's similar she supposes, and she feels just a nervous as she did then. As they keep walking her heart rate picks up at the memory of what happened once they got to Holly's room.

"Gail?" Holly's voice calls from above her, her brown creasing in concern.

She's not sure how long they've been standing on the same step, but from Holly's expression she knows it was long enough to worry her. "Sorry what?"

"I said are you staying tonight?" Gail's mouth falls open at the woman's words, because combined with the thoughts she was just having it causes a sudden jolt of arousal to spike from the pit of her stomach. "That's, that sounded a lot different than I planned, I meant I set up the spare room if you want to stay."

"Right..." They've both had too much wine to drive, and truthfully she's not sure she wants to leave Holly yet. "Yeah, of course."

It shouldn't be surprising that Holly's room looks exactly the same. That it even smells the same. The light cinnamon scent that always clings to Holly despite the hours she puts in at the lab still warms the room. It feels almost like she never left.

As Holly starts to dig through the draws Gail lets herself look around the room to see if anything actually has changed. The candles are new she realises, as were the holders they sat in. She could still see the picture frame that had contained the photo of her and Holly.

Picking it up she knows her heart shouldn't hurt, that she shouldn't feel herself frown when she sees their photo is gone. Gail's about to put it down again when she spots the little slide of paper underneath the photo of Holly and Rachel. Removing the back she pulls it out and smiles at the photo that's hidden underneath. It's their photo. Holly kept their photo. Even though she had covered it up it was still there. She marvels at it again, and just like the first time Gail saw it she can't help being amazed by how beautiful Holly is.

"I take it my old college shirts are okay?" Holly calls over her shoulder and Gail quickly puts the frame down again.

"Yeah." Reaching behind her Gail tries to unhook the zip of dress as she walks back towards the brunette. The zipper doesn't move and she switches hands to try and force it out from underneath the seam of the fabric. It twists, just slightly, and Gail groans as it catches under the other side. "Could you unzip me first?"

"Is this just a seedy attempt at getting me to undress you?" Holly smirks as she walks behind her. She can feel the brunettes fingers as they fiddle with the tiny piece of metal. What she can't feel is the zip moving down the dress. "Okay, did you sew this zip into place?

It takes a few more moments of wiggling before the zip finally releases and Gail's not sure if it's her or Holly that gasps loudest. As the zip suddenly unhooks Holly's fingers end up tracing straight down her spine, causing her body to automatically arch at the sensation.

"I'm sorry..." Holly whispers, but she makes no attempt to move her fingers. Slowly she moves the rest of the zipper, and Gail can hear every single click until it gradually makes it to the bottom. She breathes in deeply when Holly's hands make their way back up to her shoulders, her fingers hooking under the straps of her dress.

Holly pauses, making no attempt to move the fabric down her arms. This isn't what Gail came to Holly's house for. It's not even what she came upstairs for. But that doesn't mean she doesn't _want_ it. Lifting her own hands she grips onto Holly's before moving them down her arms. The dress pools at her feet and Gail lets her body lean back into Holly's.

"I can stop." Holly offers as a her lips gently brush across her shoulder. "Do you want me to stop?"

Shaking her head, Gail turns around in Holly's arms. Beneath the brunette's glasses Gail can barely see the brown of her eyes. She can't help marveling at how full of desire they had already become. "No. I don't want to stop."

"You're so beautiful." Holly says. "Did I ever tell you that? I should have told you-" Gail cuts her off, her lips pressing against hers roughly and the brunette lets out a deep moan as she lets her teeth nip lightly at her bottom lip.

Remembering the poppers that ran down the middle of Holly's top instead of buttons Gail blindly grips onto each side and rips it open. "Thanks for not wearing buttons." She whispers against her lips. Both Holly's shirt and bra hit the floor in quick succession and Gail can't help stepping back to look at the brunette. "Jesus..."

"Holly Stewart actually." Gail rolls her eyes before reaching around her own back to unclasp her bra.

"Christ..." The brunette mutters to herself and Gail smiles as she leans again.

"Gail Peck actually."

Holly's trousers follow not soon after, and Gail delicately slides her glasses off her face before deepening their kiss further. It's Holly that starts to lead them back to the bed, her big brown eyes looking up at her when she sits back onto the mattress.

Everything seems to slow down again, and brunette reaches out for Gail to take her hands. When they meet Holly doesn't pull her down on top of her like Gail expects. Instead she lets their hands link together as she smiles up up at her, a look of complete awe on her face.

"I love you Gail." She whispers, and Gail can just see a light sheen of tears in her eyes.

Choosing not to answer. At least not verbally. Gail straddles her lap and tries show Holly just how much she loves her. Their lips start to dance together again, soft presses turning deeper until Holly's falling back on the bed with Gail on top of her.

Shifting her body, Holly breaks the kiss to move herself further up the bed, and Gail crawls over her until she's laying her body against hers fully. She lets her thigh slip between Holly's and she can't help gasping as the brunette lifts one of her own legs to grind between Gail's.

Gail breaks the kiss, her eyes darting across Holly's face from her kiss reddened lips to the subtle roll of her eyes as she shifts her hips down. It takes a couple of thrusts before Holly seems to catch on, and even through the thin layer of fabric Gail can feel her wetness starting to spread over her thigh with each roll of Holly's hips.

Their breaths start to come in short pants within no time, and Gail still doesn't lean down to kiss her. She hisses slightly as Holly's blunted nails dig into her hips, forcing her into a faster pace. It's going to be over ridiculously quickly, and the increasing moans from the woman underneath her tell her Holly's not going to last much longer either.

She can feel the hardness of Holly's nipples pressing against her own chest, and Gail almost stops, because she wants it all. She wants to touch and kiss all of Holly. It doesn't feel like enough, but at the same time Holly panting out her name underneath her feels entirely too much.

She's not sure if Holly was holding off, or if it was the last push she needed, but the second Gail lets out the first moan of her orgasm Holly's body starts shaking underneath her with the force of her own. They ride it out together, both of them slowing their pace to let their bodies gently rut together.

"God I've missed this." Holly murmurs as Gail falls off her and onto her back.

"Yeah? I seem to remember it with far less underwear." Gail laughs breathlessly.

With a groan Holly's rolling onto her side, and Gail lets her eyes drift down to the post orgasm blush that travels from Holly's face and all the way down her chest. Lifting her chin with the tip of her finger Holly leans down to kiss her, before pulling away to smile at her. "We should probably catch up some more then."

"Would have been hotter if that wasn't so cheesy-" Gail gasps, her head falling on to the pillow as Holly's fingers unexpectedly push inside her underwear and instantly start tracing circles around her clit.

"I thought I was the one that had the problem with talking too much."

* * *

"Are we going to tell people?" Holly asks her, her breathing finally under control after their third round, and Gail can hear the nerves in her voice.

"I'm going to tell everyone." She whispers, her own breathing still faster than normal. "Tomorrow morning we're going to walk into the precinct together and we'll tell everyone."

The brunette laughs as she curls into her side. "I have to go to work tomorrow."

Rolling her eyes Gail turns her head to smile at her. "Then the next time you come parading into the station because you want to _talk_ to me I'll tell them."

"Okay, it does not happen that often." Holly says, leaning her head on her hand to look down at her.

"Uhuh, so if I called you to say there was the flu going round you wouldn't come running into the office with a bag of oranges?"

"No." Holly says and Gail can see her chewing on her lip. "It's not though right? Because vitamin C-"

"Oh Jesus." Gail rolls her eyes and lifts herself up to quickly kiss the brunette. "There's no flu Holly."

"Right."

She almost rolls her eyes a second time, because Holly starts to chew on her lip again. "Are you going to be going out to buy orange juice before I wake up anyway?"

"You can never be too sure about these things Gail." The brunette says quickly, and Gail half expects her to get out of bed to go get her a slice of orange right then and there.

Pulling at Holly's back, she keeps tugging until the brunette's settling on top of her again. "I forgot how ridiculous you are."

"It's because I love you." Holly smiles.

A smile breaks out across her own face at hearing it again, and Gail wonders how many times her and Holly can say it before she leaves for San Francisco.

"That day in the woods wasn't the first time we'd worked together you know." Holly says suddenly, and Gail creases her brow.

"I know, you worked the Dr Perik case, I'm not really sure that counts as working together though..." Holly shakes her head.

"Nope," The end of the word pops and Holly's smiling at her again. "We'd actually been on the same crime scene before, you were just never paying attention."

"Is this part of your big confession?" Gail asks whilst raising an eyebrow. "You've been in love with me from the second you saw me?"

With Holly pressing so tightly against her she can feel her laughter as much as she can hear it. "No, I thought you were hot and ridiculously straight. I didn't even know your name."

"It's okay, I thought I was hot and straight as well."

"Maybe I was destined to fall in love with you." Holly muses out loud, and Gail can't remember the brunette being a believer in destiny and fate, _ever_.

Gail hums as she pulls Holly into a kiss anyway, and she can't help smiling into it, because she can't remember a time when she's ever felt so happy. Maybe it was fate that they met. Maybe it was just a matter of time that Gail would notice Holly at a crime scene. Maybe it was luck.

"Well that's good," She says as Holly pulls back. "Because I'm in love with you too Holly Stewart."

"Doctor." Holly deadpans from above her Gail can't help lightly hitting her arm as she laughs.

"We were having a moment." Gail smiles at her.

"I _know_, how gross." A look of disgust appears on Holly's face. "It's a good thing I love you or I'd have to kick you out."

"Oh thank God for that, because I love you to you know." Gail replies as she tangles her hands into Holly's hair. They're still laughing as they start kissing again, only managing small pecks between each bubble of laughter.

Gail doesn't know what the future's going to be for them. She doesn't know what's going to happen in three months time when Holly leaves for San Fransisco. She doesn't know if her and Holly will last forever, or if after the honey moon they'll be destined to drift apart. She doesn't know a lot of thing really. There is one thing she does know, something that she knows for certain now.

Gail Peck loves Holly Stewart and Holly Stewart loves her back.

She loves her, and somehow, that feels like enough.

* * *

**A/N**: There we go. That's how I've re-head canoned season five ending. I didn't want to give it a dead set ending, Holly and Gail still have things to work through, they still need to work through Holly's moving to San Fran and their relationship is still so fresh that they're both going to make mistakes. But... I think they're in a much more stable place, and more importantly they're actually together.

Next chapter really is the end... Most of it's written, and we find out what's happened with Gail and Holly a few years after this version of season five ended. It's happy, as the end to this always was going to be, but also because I'm not a fucking monster and I've had my fill of unhappy endings this year!


	40. Epilogue

**5 Years Later**

Gail smiles at her reflection in the mirror. It's finally here. The day she had been waiting for since Holly had fallen over and dropped the engagement ring at her feet.

It wasn't the most traditional engagement story, and since it happened Holly had been trying to convince her to change it and tell everyone that the night went off without a hitch. Gail likes it though. Even if she did have to rush Holly to hospital after she broke her arm in the fall.

San Francisco had been their home for almost four years and every time Gail looked back on her decision to move there with Holly, just a year after Holly herself had moved, she knew it had been the right one. It helped that through Holly's fathers connections they had found the most beautiful house Gail had ever seen.

That was the only downside to their relationship. Their parents. They had managed to put off the four of them meeting for almost two years. Then, apparently fed up with their daughters making no attempt to introduce them, had taken matters into their own hands and met for dinner. It had been a disaster. At least in Gail and Holly's book it had been a disaster, because it turned out their parents were four of a kind, to the point they were almost as inseparable as her and Holly.

If their parents trip to Palm Springs together had been excessive, Gail wasn't sure how she was going to describe the joint holiday they were threatening to take to Europe.

It's the knock at the door that breaks her out of her reverie, and Gail creases her brow in confusion, because Traci had been walking in and out of the room without knocking for the past hour. "What?"

The door slowly creaks open and Gail almost falls off her stool at the sight of what's standing on the other side.

Holly is beautiful. Even on her worst days, when she's huddled up in bed full of cold, she still manages to look beautiful. It's a fact that Gail has accepted, and that Holly likes to dispute, that Holly is the beautiful one in their relationship.

So it's not surprising that Gail's heart almost implodes at the sight of Holly standing in the doorway with her wedding dress on.

Everything about her has Gail forgetting how to breathe. The dress itself is perfect, and Gail can probably count on one hand the number of time Holly's worn one and each time has left her feeling completely breathless. But never like this. Even the way her dark brown hair twists intricately on her head has Gail practically whimpering. She hadn't seen her soon to be wife's dress, or even known for sure that she would be wearing one, and a part of Gail is glad she's seeing it _before_ the wedding, because she's positive she would have collapsed in the aisle.

With her eyes still tracing the strapless hem Gail finally manages to speak. "Wow."

"Yeah." Holly replies and Gail looks up at the brunettes face, her expression full of awe as Holly's eyes dart across her own dress. "I- Wow."

Suddenly Gail blinks her eyes, because she's abruptly aware that _Holly's_ in the room with her. Holly her soon to be wife. Holly who she is not married to and is most definitely not meant to be seeing ten minutes before their weeding begins. "Holly!" She gasps, quickly standing from her stool. "You're not meant to be here!"

"I know, I know," Holly's hands raise up in front of her as she walks into the room. "I mean technically the wedding is happening _now_, so I sort of am allowed to see you..." She says with her head tilting to the side slightly.

"No, no you're not. Leave now before we all get called into work, or there's an earthquake, or everything goes wrong because you've seen me before the wedding."

"You'll forgive me, look who I found." Holly turns to the door, opening her arms in presentation. Gail knows she's going to cry when they say their vows. Every time she even _thinks_ about them she gets misty eyed. What she didn't expect is to almost cry before the wedding.

"Sophie!" She's wearing a bridesmaid outfit, and Gail's torn between wanting to kill Traci and asking the woman to marry her, because Gail knows she must have been behind it.

Sophie was a teenager now. _Just_. And the girl liked to remind her and Holly of that every time she called them. Even years later Sophie still had endless optimism about _everything_ and Gail still lived in awe of the girl for managing to retain so much of it after everything that had happened. She had also retained her love for science, and Gail knew she was already considering following in Holly's footsteps.

Both her and Holly always made sure they were in Toronto for the anniversary of her mothers murder. Every year her and Sophie would spend the day together, it was a tradition that the Healy's respected and never interfered with. They had adopted another child just a month earlier, another girl that was around Sophie's age when they adopted her. Gail had been planning to traveling back there after the wedding to meet her and show Sophie all the pictures from the wedding.

"Hey Aunt Gail," Sophie beams barely managing to finish before Gail's wrapping her arms around her as tightly as possible, an uncontrollable smile bursting across her face. "I can't believe you two are finally tying the knot."

"Firstly, you're still getting taller? Stop it." Pulling away she squints her eyes at the girl. "Secondly, I didn't think you could make it..."

"I _might_ have lied, you know, to keep up the suspense." Gail knows it's not good for her dress to be hugging Sophie so close, but she does it anyway. It's only when she starts to push at her arms that Gail pulls back again. "Okay, okay, I know it's great to see me, even better than seeing Holly, but your wedding starts in like ten minutes and I need to find me my flowers." Sophie says, a smirk pulling at her lips. "See you out there! Don't do anything gross before the wedding!"

She's running out the room before either of them can say anything and Gail can feel her hands starting to sweat when she realises it's just her and Holly. Alone.

"Ready?" Holly asks, stepping closer to where Gail's standing, and she knows it's a bad idea. Her hands are already twitching, waiting to grab onto her bride to be and it really is entirely Holly's fault for looking so beautiful that she can't control herself.

"No." Gail admits.

"Me neither."

"This was terrible idea."

"You think they'll notice if we leave?" Holly asks, and Gail can just see the shake to her own hands.

Nodding her head Gail decides to stand her ground, because it really would be asking for trouble if she stepped any closer. "Yeah, I think they might. Plus our parents might try to marry each other if we leave."

"Well," It's Holly that closes the distance between them, and Gail almost shudders when she puts her hands on her hips. "How about we give it a go, and if we don't like it we can get a divorce."

"That sounds perfect." Gail teases back.

"You think your mum will be okay with that?"

"Probably not, but I was born to disappoint." Holly looks like she's about to defend her, like she _always_ does, but the smile on Gail's face is apparently enough for her to take it as the joke it is. "We can always run away with each other after the divorce."

"Have I ever told you that you're completely insane?"

"Yeah, you have," Gail whispers, finally leaning in. "A couple of times now."

"I love you." Holly's nose brushes against hers, and Gail knows all it's going to take is a small dip forwards for them to be kissing.

"Good, because I love you too." She closes the distance, and she _feels_ Holly's mouth open.

"I knew it." Traci's voice breaks them apart before their lips can touch, and when Gail looks towards the door the woman is pointing towards Holly. "You were only meant to show Sophie _where_ Gail was."

"There is a perfectly good explanation." Holly tries to explain, and Traci just raises her eyebrow, challenging the brunette to actually come up with one.

Rolling her eyes Traci fully opens the door. "Drop the bride Holly, you're needed at the alter."

Before Holly can step away completely Gail darts forwards to kiss her. "See you in a bit."

The responding smile has Gail's heart close to implosion again, and she has to sit back on her stool before her legs give out completely. It's where her dad finds her five minutes later and Gail can't remember the last time she saw tears in his eyes.

She's about to marry Holly Stewart. In just a few more minutes they're going to be wed and there's nothing in the world that Gail wants more.

Everyone stares at her as she walks down the aisle, but truthfully Gail hardly sees them. Seeing Holly before the wedding might have taken the edge off, but seeing her standing at the alter has Gail's breath catching in her throat all over again.

The ceremony itself seems to blur before Gail's eyes and despite her fears that she would spend most of it crying, she manages to hold herself together. _Just._ All she can focus on is the softness of Holly's brown eyes in front of her. Of the way her hair falls just perfectly. Of how overwhelming happy she feels in that moment.

"Do you Gail Peck, take Holly Stewart to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The man besides them asks, and it's a ridiculous question really, because there's only one possible answer she could give.

"I do."

* * *

**A/N**: Roll credits. Author: Me, Editor: Me, Still not over Toast Girl: Me. Best Person Ever: You the reader (Was that sappy enough?)

That's it! That's the end! Done, dusted, forever finished. What began in 2013 with You Are Insane has finally concluded. I hope you all enjoyed the ride, we've been through a lot together, be it Toast Girl, casual bouts of pneumonia or last minute trips to America.

I can't quite believe it's over. I feel like I've grown a lot as a writer over the course of the story, and it's strange going back to read the original You Are Insane. I know some of you didn't agree with the direction I took Holly in those break up chapters, but I hope you can understand why I did it and that in the end it paid of in bringing their story full circle.

I know we didn't get the Peckly (I'm still not giving up on that as the ship name you know...) ending that Gail deserved or even the season six any of them really deserved, but hopefully this slight deviation from the story has provided that. I'll still be writing the odd Rookie Blue story (and undoubtedly some YA(S)I-verse one shots), but I think this is my last 'long' Rookie Blue fic (dear God, over 100k words of waffle apparently). It's definitely the last 'canon' style story for Rookie Blue that tries to follow the story so closely, which totally rules out a season six version. It's pretty exhausting trying to weave a story into the shows canon and a part of me is relieved that this is finished for that very reason!

Gail and Holly will forever be one of my favourite pairings, their relationship would be just so full of sass and snark, it would be perfect. It helps that they also both finished the series alive. I still remember watching season one of Rookie Blue on Hallmark (I was sick, there's a shocker) and going "I bet Gail's gay."... AND THEN SHE WAS. Seriously though, she did hit on Traci in season one, she totally asked her out...

Thank you again, _so much,_ to everyone who followed and favourited, and a very very very special thank you to everyone that reviewed, they really do make such _huge _difference. If you want to chat I'm on tumblr under AmyBot3000 or you can send me a DM on here. You can also contact me on either of those if you want a pdf copy of this. Thank you again for taking the time to read this, I hope it's been enjoyable.

I'll see you in another story. Live long, wear a bullet proof vest (especially when you feel happy) and be the best you, you can be.


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